A/N: Why are there such few stories for Abed/Annie? Anyway, I own nothing, only twist it for my merry enjoyment! Have fun!

"You know that girl in the purple dress, Jeff? She uses her left hand to eat and drink and shake hands, but when she gave you her number, she used her right hand. Do you think she might be schizophrenic and switched personalities when you started flirting with her?" Abed asked, his mechanical voice oddly soothing.

Jeff gave Abed a look. "Who cares? As long as that personality means I'm getting laid!" Since Britta had decided it would be a good idea to go to a "common bar" this New Year's Eve, all the member of the little study group were dealing with it in their own ways.

"Wouldn't you want to know if you're dealing with a psychopath?" Abed asked. "What if she seduces guys she meets at parties, takes them home, kills them, and eats their body parts?"

"What!" Jeff demanded. He felt around in his pocket and found the napkin she'd scrawled her number on. He looked at it sadly then finally crumpled it up. "Now I have to find someone else." He murmured.

"I'm just glad to help, Jeff. I like you alive." Abed flashed Jeff a thumbs up.

"Hey, man, is this what you do at a New Years party? C'mon, have a few drinks and lighten up. Find a girl!" Jeff encouraged.

Abed cocked his head to the side. "Is this a requirement of the culture? Some sort of bizarre ritual that must be followed before January 1st? Like Shirley wanting to stay home with her children to welcome in the blessing Lord has given in the form of 365 days?"

"Dude. You're making me think too much. I'm going fishing, but I would suggest you hit the bar." Jeff pointed to the opposite side of the building. He caught sight of Britta and went off without another word.

Abed stared after him, a questioning look in his eyes. He'd gotten drunk before, it wasn't a big deal, and he was actually enjoying observing the people at this bar. But maybe he should listen to Jeff. He usually had good ideas. Abed missed Troy who was sick at home with the flu. Abed didn't want to celebrate without his best friend. Maybe this would help.

Abed did make his way to the bar and asked the bartender, "A dirty martini, please."

He had no idea what it was, but he'd heard it in a movie before and decided it sounded like something a "cool" guy would order. The first sip burned his mouth and throat and spread fire in his gut. He considered giving up; but Abed didn't back out. He steeled himself and took a second gulp, finishing off the drink.

Crushing the olive between his teeth, Abed thought about what had just happened. The alcohol was surprisingly nice and he was successfully following Jeff's advice. "One more, please." He asked the bartender, liking the sudden low cadence in his voice.

And not just one, but four dirty martini's later, Abed's inhibitions (if any existed) were gone and a pleasant buzz was surrounding his mind. He also had an increasing pressure in his bladder. Abed stood and instantly felt dizzy. He held onto the bar and took several deep breaths, trying to process that he was both tipsy and aware of it.

Finally, he felt confident enough to find the single bathroom the bar had on his own. He burst in and frowned, not sure if he should trust his blurry vision. A figure in tights, a red festive skirt, and a thick sweater was leaning over the sink, splashing water on her face.


"Ugh, what?" Annie slurred, turning. "Abed! Oh, thank god it's only you. I don't want any of the other's to see me like this."

"See you like what?"

"I think I feel sick, Abed," Annie told him as she rested her head on the porcelain sink.

"I think I may have succumbed to the impressive effects of alcohol." Abed volunteered, seeing nothing embarrassing or awkward about the situation. "And I'm pretty sure I like- wait. Weren't you supposed to be with Vaughn? I thought he was back from Delaware for the holidays?"

"He was supposed to meet me at the motel across the street, and I was supposed to have sex with him. But I was really nervous so Britta made me take this spray thing that turned me on beforehand. Then Vaughn cancelled because he missed his flight and I was getting really weird-feely so I came here to find Britta and she's not here." Annie moaned finally.

"I see how that would be inconvenient for you. I think I saw Jeff heading toward her." Abed remembered. He leaned on the door and tried to think, despite the haze and muffled noises from the bar. "You should go to a hospital."

"Ew, no! I'm not going to a hospital and telling them I took horny medicine! Abed!" Annie looked horrified at the idea.

Abed help up a finger, and spoke in a voice that sounded more like recitation: "Pent up sexual frustration is best spent by masturbating and thus relieving oneself of tension." Abed glanced at her. "Annie, you should masturbate."

Annie turned as bright red as her skirt. "I'm not- I don't- Abed. Are you serious?"

"I think it would excellent for you. You're very wound up all the time anyway, aren't you? Perhaps it's something you should look into. Everyone does it. From what I've observed, Shirley doesn't have any need; Britta carries a wide variety of self-pleasuring toys; Pierce takes Viagra; and Troy does it in the shower."

"Troy WHAT?" Annie blurted.

"Yes, Annie, we live with him. We should know- I don't know how it's escaped your notice." Abed straightened up and raised an eyebrow.

"So you think I should?" Annie asked, still blushing.

"Don't you have a motel room just waiting for you?" He asked.

"Okay. I will. But I'm not going all by myself! I've never even done something like that before." She huffed, both defensive and tempted. She found the key in her skirt pocket and held it out to him. "You can wait in the bathroom or, or something! I-I don't know!" She stuttered.

"It would be my pleasure to escort you." Abed bowed, taking the key, and held out his hand.

Annie pushed off from the sink into his arms, colliding clumsily into his chest. She whiffed vodka and cologne, manly and musky. "Uh- oh- sorry!" Her voice had taken on a shrill note.

"It's okay, c'mon." He guided her out of the bathroom and into the loud bright bar. Both held onto each other, Abed to keep from falling over (perhaps one too many drinks had been consumed) and Annie for the sake of being near him.

The couple exited out into the street, the cold chilly air instantly raising goosebumps on their arms. They hurriedly crossed the abandoned street and Annie waited while Abed unlocked the door to the cheap motel, her breath visible and fast. Annie had left the warm air on and both took a sigh of relief as they escaped the cold.

Abed locked the door and inhaled a long breath. The buzz was still there, making Abed want to sit down. But when he did on the edge of the bed, Annie protested, "Hey! No, Abed, go wait in the bathroom!"

"Okay, okay!" Abed rose and stumbled to the bathroom, where he promptly lowered the toilet seat and sat down hard. "Alright now, Annie. You can do this. Take off your clothes first."

Annie gingerly took her place on the center of the queen bed. She slowly took off her shoes and rolled down her tights, her skirt the next to go, followed by the sweater. Each item was carefully folded and piled on the floor. She was left in her bra and panties, black and lace for Vaughn, purchased especially from Victoria's Secret for the occasion.

"Okay, Abed. Down to the basics."

"Basics? What bas-oh okay. Take them off, too." Abed instructed.

Even though she was alone, and knew she was alone, Annie felt odd at undressing the last bits of fabric. She dropped them lazily on the bedside and was faced with her naked body. Turned on and self-conscious, Annie waited for Abed's voice from the other side of the door.

"Now the trick, Annie, is that it takes all kinds of stimulation to get a female orgasm going. What you probably want to do first is start with your nipples. It's been proven to get the hormones flowing."

Annie's hands wandered down her breasts to the pink buds, already hard and erect from the medicine. As she rubbed and massaged herself, the tiniest of moans escaped her lips. With one hand still flicking at her nipple, Annie let the other trace down her stomach to her belly button. She ran her fingertips over her flesh, earning another moan.

"From what I hear, I think you've got that part down." Abed said, finding himself listening with extreme attention. "Okay, now direct your focus on stroking your nether regions."

"Abed, nobody says that anymore." Annie said in a high breathy voice, temporarily distracted. Then she returned to what she was doing. She rubbed her thighs, getting closer to the goal. Her breathing was getting louder and faster, mixed with soft sounds of pleasure. Annie's fingers explored and found her clit. She cried out at the first contact with her swollen lips.

Abed felt a stirring that his martini-addled brain couldn't make sense of. He looked down and announced "Good going, Annie. You're doing so well that even I'm hard."

"What?" Annie paused, her body instantly complaining. It took all her willpower to stay still.

"I have an erection. I believe this may be caused by listening to you pleasure yourself and knowing an attractive female is so close to me completely nude." Abed was trying to figure out why and what to do when Annie interrupted his thoughts.

"Abed, do you really think I'm attractive?" She called.

"Of course, it's only natural. You're the best." He said, inflection hardly changing than when he had told her what to do.

"You know what, this is ridiculous. Why don't you just come out here?" Annie could hardly believe her ears that she was inviting Abed out when she didn't have anything on. But her body ached to be touched; her mind was full of lust and passion. That was reason enough.

"You said you didn't want me." Abed reminded her.

"Oh, just get your self out here right this instant!" Annie yelled.

"Okie-doke." Abed complied, opening the door. "Whoa." He froze as his widening eyes caught sight of Annie, sprawled on her side, propped up by an elbow.

"Ready, handsome? Get over here." Annie beckoned with a finger for him to come closer.

Drawn toward her in a semi hypnotized state, Abed hardly noticed that he was unbuttoning his shirt and flinging it on her carefully arranged clothing. Annie opened her mouth to complain before remembering she really at this moment didn't care.

And then Abed was kissing her open mouth. His lips were hard and demanding against her soft ones, his tongue everywhere, teeth against flesh, surprising strength for such a slim guy.

Annie lost her mind. The desire inside her increased. Her fingers fumbled against his jeans buttons and pulled them down in a single swift move to reveal smooth brown skin. "Oh, going commando, I see." Annie was taken aback and flustered at the sudden sight. Losing her virginity had been in a dark room, and she had never seen anyone's dick before.

"C'mon, Annie, don't make it awkward." Abed ordered in a gruff way, leaning forward again to kiss down her neck. Annie's eye rolled back and she let him handle her body like a doll, pushing her back into the covers and grabbing both her wrists in one hand, the other caressing her wet pussy.

As she writhed on the bed, Annie wasn't sure how Abed had just suddenly transformed from the awkward geeky guy in the group to the experienced and commanding Casanova. He was always getting into roles, was this another one? Or was he too drunk to become a character and he was finally himself?

Whatever he was, Annie loved it. Her back arched as Abed's tongue followed a path down her jawline, nibbling on the collarbone. He continued to palm her clit and ran his fingers down her entrance, eliciting a shriek from the brunette. He played with the slit, but when Annie pressed closer for release, he forcefully pushed her back.

It was torture and romance at its finest for Annie. Then Abed's fingers were replaced by his tongue at her entrance. His nails dug into her ribs as his mouth worked her lips, the pain welcoming and beautiful. Annie breathlessly tried to word some feasible curse that would capture and satisfy this feeling, but nothing made sense.

This, being devoured by Abed, was the best thing in the entire world that had ever happened. His licking and sucking made Annie forget every other sensation in the world. Passion and want coursed through Annie and she ground herself further. Her hands caught on to his dark hair and clenched. If Abed noticed, he didn't mention it. As he hit her G-Spot, garbled sounds escaped Annie that she couldn't interpret. Neither was in their right mind.

"Abed," Annie moaned.

He looked up from between her legs, questioning.

"Fuck me? Pound me hard and cum in me, like I'm a dirty little slut- but all yours. Like you own me, because little Annie Edison has only one requested: to be fucked." Dirty-talking Annie was another new role being revealed tonight. She had learned from various pornos.

Abed let himself be pulled up to her, gazing into her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Abed, just fuck me." Annie sighed. He touched his forehead to hers reassuringly.

Carefully positioning himself, Abed gently pushed in. Annie gasped and spread her legs wider, nodding. He thrust back in, testing and slow before increasing pace.

It wasn't hard to find a comfortable rhythm, and both moved together, their gasps and synchronization becoming natural.

Abed… Abed… Abed. Annie hadn't realized she was exhaling his name with every beat of her heart; it wasn't beating anymore, it was Abeding. He was gazing intently in her eyes, and Annie couldn't describe how incredibly hot it was. That single-minded determination, now all hers.

And then with one last sharp breath, Annie reached a quivering dynamic climax, a wordless cry filling the motel room. A moment later, Abed came inside her, collapsing his body over hers. He rolled over, staring up at the ceiling, eyes wide open.

"Abed?" Annie broke the silence in a tiny Disney-princess tone.

"Annie. That was amazing. Cool cool cool." Abed's eyes wouldn't close as he continued to stare up.

"That was. I think it was the greatest thing that ever happened." She admitted, snuggling her body against his, resting her head on his clavicle where she could hear the thrumming of his heart. "Actually, Abed, I think I really like you."

"Of course you do, Annie, we're friends. And we're opposites. We were bound to end up here- in all senses of the word."


"Oh, Annie. Don't tell me you're not into bondage. I've got so much more planned for our next meeting." Abed waited until she was facing him before asking, "You didn't think this was a one-time thing, did you? It's only natural when two characters who had no intentions of hooking up finally do, they experiment and derive as much pleasure from it as possible."

"So… we're just characters then? Is that all to you?" Annie asked, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Of course not. Just because I like comparisons to media doesn't mean I can't tell them apart from real life." Abed informed her.

"So what's real life right now?"

"Right now? It's being with the girl I think I might love and asking her to do this with me again."

"Like, being his girlfriend?" Annie asked, lighting up.

"If she wants to be, I would like that." Abed smiled.


"Alright then, Anniekins, good night." Abed kissed Annie on the forehead, wrapped his arms around her, and finally closed his eyes.

Annie thought about the nickname for a moment, decided she liked it, and fell asleep on Abed's heart.

A/N: Please review! :)