A/N: So there's going to be an outpouring of stuff inspired by the latest episode. Just a forewarning. A lot of similar themes. And instances ;)
Summary: She would fade into obscurity if it would save him. She would be nothing. She wasn't a princess. She wouldn't be a queen. She wouldn't be known. She would cast herself out if it only meant he would open his eyes and the world would have him again.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. All the heartache is all GG.
"Let him live."
Blair was never a religious person. But she supposed it was right. The first and last time she had been in a chapel was because of him. And here she was kneeling before something she had never considered in believing in before. Again.
She would give anything for him. That was what really mattered.
She knew she had a fairytale and she knew she was obligated to love someone pure and sweet.
But she loved. She loved so strongly and so fiercely that knowing that something should feel right didn't mean that it was. All she knew was this strong conviction.
She couldn't convert to Catholicism for Louis.
But she would throw herself down on a cross for Chuck Bass.
The love of her life.
Louis visited her only once.
She remembered throwing her tray of food at him. The doctors had just left with news of the companion she had arrived with and his current condition. Louis seemed to know the exact time to arrive.
His insinuations about her cold heartedness and her treachery made her waste her food on him.
"You love him."
"You're not in a coma. You can't say anything."
He ducked but the hot soup scalded his cheek.
Comatose. That was what they called it. That may have been the formal term for it, but to her, it might as well have been death. He didn't look. He didn't scowl. He didn't smirk. He didn't drink, he didn't leer, he didn't scorn.
He didn't look at her in that way he did. He didn't touch her so softly like she was the lightest thing that could ever grace his life. He didn't spontaneously take her hand and kiss the top of it.
He couldn't love her baby as much as he loved her anymore.
He couldn't love anything.
He couldn't love her.
"You loved him this much the whole time. You just couldn't admit it."
Louis was right. It didn't occur to her how much more potential she had to break. She knew Chuck could break her heart, but she didn't know that this sort of pain existed.
She didn't know how much this permanent separation could end her.
"I love you. And you cared for me. But I can't be him. And that's whom you love in the entire world. And I understand."
Louis never came back after that. And she didn't want him to. She wanted to grieve in peace. She wanted to sit by Chuck's bedside and hold his hand and stroke his hair. She wished she could tell him again that he was the only thing she ever wanted again. She wanted to tell him to come back—order him, command him.
But he was just silent.
She didn't want to think of this as a death but that was how everyone was treating it.
Everyone but Lily.
But they were both feeling different things anyway. They sat with each other and cried with each other, but they both knew they were just clinging until it was clear what fate had decided one way or another.
So Blair did the one thing that she could do.
She got on her knees and she begged for anyone to hear her. She would do anything to make him live. She would condemn herself to a life of nothing if that was what it took. She wouldn't do anything. She would fade into obscurity if it would save him. She would be nothing. She wasn't a princess. She wouldn't be a queen. She wouldn't be known. She would cast herself out if it only meant he would open his eyes and the world would have him again.
"Let him live."
She placed her palms together and looked to the heavens as if it would do any good. But for the first time, she prayed. It was the only thing she had left in her.
She couldn't help but think the tragedy of the Basses. She couldn't believe that this was how the line had to end. She couldn't believe that Basses were condemned to perish in car accidents. She couldn't believe that their loved ones would be forced to watch them on life support as their essence bled away.
Maybe Lily cared for Bart. But Blair loved Chuck. She loved him with her entire soul, with her entire being.
It consumed her.
She would gladly let it for the rest of her life if he would just open his eyes.
She never knew one person could feel this much, but she did. She wanted it. She wanted his ring on her finger and his brood in her womb. She wanted forever and she wanted always but it wasn't helping now.
It wasn't a curse. He never damned her. He was everything.
But she could do nothing.
She took his hand, staring at him because she was so powerless. She stared and she cried and she writhed with pain because as much as his life was being sapped away, so was hers. He was her life. He was her reason.
They had rolled him in, blood pouring from him without cease. They loaded them onto stretchers and she reached for his hand. She couldn't remember what had happened before the crash. She couldn't even remember how they did. All she remembered were his kisses and his devotion.
They wheeled them both into the hospital side by side and Blair clutched at his hand.
It was cold.
They were separated.
They took her away as they pressed an oxygen mask to him, ripping open his shirt to take his vitals.
Maybe if she took it all back, she could fix it. She would take it all back. If she were forced to remember everything they had but have it all erased just to revive him, she would. She would look at him in his darkness, with his vows for vengeance on her best friend, blotting his bloody nose, and know that was all they could have. They could only have dark glances and shared schemes. But if that meant that he would live, she would take it.
He was the love of her life.
She could do nothing else.
But that wasn't possible.
She didn't see any of it.
Things didn't exist like that here. Things here were cold and empty and the only warmth she ever had was him. Even that was being taken away. Maybe she deserved it. But she couldn't believe that Chuck would be punished for every sin she had committed. She knew him and she knew one person never deserved to suffer so much as he had. He had suffered more than anyone should have to bear.
She wouldn't let it. She wouldn't let it happen any longer.
So she said a prayer for him. Every minute of every day she said a prayer, because if he flat lined, she would follow.
She couldn't help it. She knew that she had people-things--depending on her, but she had to follow. He wouldn't have been there if it weren't for her. She had to follow.
So she prayed.
"Please," she whispered. "Don't you leave me. Don't leave. Please come back to me. Come back. Come back. Come back."
But he was motionless. No amount of tears shed or words whispered in his ear could bring him back. There was swelling in his brain and the longer he was unconscious, the more unlikely it was that he would ever wake up.
She knew the sane thing to do was let him go. She couldn't hold on to someone who was alive, but not living. But even as she let his hand go, she couldn't. She leaned into him with a soft whisper.
"Please don't leave me."
Finally it was her saying that to him.
But seeing him like this broke her. She couldn't stand it.
She stood up from his bed, wiping fresh tears from her face and walked towards the door.
It wouldn't have been the first time she had hallucinated. There were more times than she could count that she had imagined Chuck waking up and them running off into the sunset together.
But this was different.
He wasn't immediately strong and cured. Something in that familiar, shivering inducing voice of his was hoarse. He was weak.
That was what caused her to turn around.
Dark eyes gazed up at her. They were glassy and confused, but when he looked at her, all she saw in him was recognition and love.
"Chuck?" she couldn't help but ask. As though he wasn't even really there.