summary— Nothing will ever be as perfect as this. AU. SASUSAKU.
notes— I'm tired. But not tired at the same time. I have to move in a few months and I'm not excited.


The first time it happened, they were seventeen.

Naruto was having some kind of party that neither of them really wanted to be at so they stole some booze and went to her house. Her parents were conveniently out of town for a wedding and wouldn't be returning for another two days, as it kind of doubled as a college reunion for them.

They sat on her back porch, staring up at the sky in a comfortable silence with various bottles of alcohol spread out on the floor. The sky was dark but no stars were visible as a result of the bright city lights.

At some point (and neither was all that sure when), they moved away from their opposite sides of porch swing they were sitting on and met each other in the middle. Sometime after that (and neither was sure who initiated it), he was pushing her against the wall just outside her bedroom, kissing her, trying to open the door, and get her clothes off—all at one time.

When the door was finally open (courtesy of her, not him), they stumbled backwards and spun around until she pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. They continued kissing, stopping only for a moment so she could get his shirt (—her's already discarded somewhere outside the room—) off. When she unbuttoned his skinny jeans, shit hit the fan and even in their drunken haze, a voice in the back of their minds screamed about how nothing would be the same after this.

They ignored it though, thinking it'd just be more awkward if they stopped now.

They didn't talk throughout the entire thing—it didn't involve any dirty talk like her friends had talked about when discussing their sex lives or like how his douchebag friends talked to him because that was apparently just something teenage guys did. It wasn't necessarily quiet though, filled with a mixture of moans and screams (which initially freaked him the hell out and made him think he should stop until she grabbed him by the hair and brought him down to kiss her).

When it was over, they laid next to each other, awkwardly. The haziness had worn off slightly and they were both thinking the same thing, "I just slept with one of my best friends."

Eventually, she pulled her blanket up to cover her chest and turned away from him, planning on getting some sleep. He turned over on his side and stared at her with half-lidded eyes. He wanted to touch her again. He wanted to hold her or something but he wasn't that kind of person. He didn't reach out.

He stayed on his side, staring at her back until he became too tired and drifted off to sleep.

.

When he woke up the next morning, her back was pressed against his chest and his nose to her hair. His arm was draped over her waist.

.

.

The next time they saw each other was just... awkward. They had managed to avoid each other throughout the long weekend—making up excuses when their friends wanted to have some kind of group get together.

Their efforts didn't have any real purpose once Monday came around, though. They had the same first block science class and happened to be lab partners, and therefore shared a desk. They didn't really talk throughout the class and tried their hardest not to look at each other.

It ended up working out fairly well as all they were doing throughout the class was taking notes. Their attempts were ruined though when, at the end of class, they brushed hands as they were standing up. There was an obnoxious little shock when they touched, making her twitch a little bit and him quickly recoil from the sudden shock.

They stared at each other. She was the one who eventually looked away and it looked like she was blushing (which was a bit of a surprise to him because she rarely ever blushed). She composed herself after a few moments and looked back up at him, directly at his eyes with some kind of determination in her eyes.

"Do you want to come over after school?" she asked, brushing a bit of pink hair behind her shoulder only to bring it back and start twisting it around in her fingers. He blinked and his mouth went dry. She tilted her head a bit and raised an eyebrow. He could have sworn she was smirking—only slightly though, just enough to taunt him because she knew she had power over him at the moment.

He wanted to say no to her offer, just to put her in her place, but unfortunately for him, she did have power over him at the moment. "...Sure," he replied in his usual blank and monotone voice. He shrugged a bit to try and play it off and then grabbed his backpack and walked out of the room, as if nothing mildly uncomfortable had just happened.

.

Back in the science room, she collected her stuff, grinning to herself. She didn't know why she had just done that (or what she had just really), but she liked it.

.

.

He came over later and sat in her room. The sexual tension was killing both of them and she really just kind of wanted to jump on him, but she didn't want to at the same time. They were supposed to just be friends. She had never supported the whole "friends with benefits" idea because it seemed almost... shameful. She had been raised (and she knew that he had too) to not sleep with people she didn't love—she had been taught to wait and to be a good girl.

She had been taught to not make the same mistakes her mother—only sixteen years her elder—had made.

It seemed to almost hurt more not ripping his pants off though (even though they were rather hard to get off—she always said he needed to wear looser pants, but he never listened). She was hyper-aware of his every movement—the way his eyes darted around the room, eventually settling for looking at the floor, the way his body was overly tense with the awkwardness, the way he bit his lip ever so slightly, everything.

Since he was staring at the floor, he wasn't closely watching her every movement, but he was listening to every breath she took, waiting for her to say something. Anything. It didn't seem like she was going to say anything any time soon though, and he certainly wasn't because he hated initiating conversation and if he looked at her he might lose control and he hated not being in control. It was one of the few things he had in common with his father.

She figured that at some point, one of them would have to talk and that it was probably going to have to be her. She was a strong person, she could avoid attacking him. She was sure of that. Mostly sure of it anyways...

"So, um," she began, darting her eyes around the room as he looked over at her, his black eyes looking bored. She realized she had nothing to say.

Not even a minute later his lips were on hers and she was wrapping her arms around his neck and forcing her tongue down his throat. She pressed her body close to his and they fell over so they were lying on the bed.

This kiss wasn't as sloppy as the first one, but it wasn't all that perfect either. Their tongues were dancing and they were both trying to press closer together even though it wasn't really possible. He ran his fingers through her hair and then wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. Her fingers were wrapped around his hair and she was pushing his head closer to hers, refusing to let him let go.

They had to eventually break for air and they were both breathing heavy. He was still holding her in the same way only this time it seemed more relaxed and less needy.

.

He stayed there and held her in silence until he had to go home. Somehow, it wasn't all that awkward anymore.

.

.

The next day things were mostly back to order, the only thing that was different was that they sat just the tiniest bit closer to one another and "accidentally" brushed against each other more.

Nobody really seemed to notice (or if they did they didn't say anything). They had slept together, gotten rid of the sexual tension that followed, and now everything was fine.

...Until the sexual tension came back that is.

It didn't take that long. It started out normal—he went to her house so they could hang out. They talked (she talked mostly, but he said something here and there) and laughed (she laughed, he kind of got this amused expression and almost smiled) and everything was perfectly normal.

And then she tripped on something. And fell. On top of him. And in the midst of trying to catch her, he accidentally caught her ass.

It was officially awkward again.

Her jerked his hand away and coughed awkwardly as she jumped off him with her eyes wide.

"Uh... sorry," she mumbled, looking at the wall behind him.

He didn't reply, just stared out the window. His eye twitched slightly.

They fell into an awkward silence, with him sitting on her bed looking away from her and her standing in front of him, her hands clasped together and her body stiff.

Something about the whole situation pissed her off (which was most definitely not a hard thing to do). She turned and stared right at him, blushing ever so slightly because even if she was angry and was going to go off on him, it was still an awkward situation because they were friends and they had slept together and were refusing to talk about it and—it was just awkward, really.

"What the fuck," she began, glaring in his general direction but not really at him. "We're pathetic."

He turned away from the window to look at her and raised a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. (And God help her, she could jump him right then and there.) "What." It was technically a question but he said it more like a statement, like 'Tell me what you mean right now.'

"We fucked, or are you forgetting that? I mean, we never talk about it and it's like some big secret that just floats around and makes everything awkward," she replied. He twitched slightly when she brought it up because no, he hadn't forgotten—he was just trying too.

He stared at her blankly and waited for her to say something else. She rolled her eyes, "If we just ignore it, things are always going to be weird. I would like to put this behind us now, kay?"

This time, he rolled his eyes. "And what am I supposed to say about it? 'Sorry I penetrated your vagina, let's just put this behind us?'"

She groaned. "I don't know, but I'm tired of things being so... weird. It happened, okay? It just... It happened."

He didn't have anything to say to that so he didn't say anything. He just kind of stared at her with his piercing black eyes that were perfect, just like the rest of him. Everything about him made it so hard to just move past the whole ordeal because he was the kind of guy you bragged to people about, like 'Damn right I tapped that.'

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and sat down on the bed next to him. He glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe we should just have sex again," he said dryly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She stared at the floor and didn't move—he wasn't all that sure if she heard him or not.

After what seemed like hours but was actually only a few seconds, she said, "Okay."

.

After it was over, they laid there. He was holding her back against his stomach and his nose was in her hair. Everything was perfect.

.

.

They met several times after that and still, nobody suspected a thing.

Naruto had even tried to set them both up with various people but they both said no every time. She would give him a fake smile and say that she was really busy and didn't have time for that kind of thing and he would just stare blankly at the blond and, if he didn't get the hint, punch him in the gut.

They had a tendency to meet up every time he tried something like that. It became almost like a routine. A strange routine maybe, but a routine nonetheless.

The two of them never seemed to talk much during the intimate moments they shared—part of it was because she was still just the tiniest bit ashamed of the whole thing. She would have thoughts about how maybe they should just end the whole thing, but then they'd meet up to be "friendly" and all of those thoughts escaped her mind.

She didn't really want to stop.

He didn't either even though he did occasionally have his own doubts. He always hated being judged and he knew that if anyone found out what they did when they went home early from parties or hung out after school, that was exactly what they would do—judge him. He was always the slightest bit jumpy, thinking someone was going to walk in even though they normally did it when no one was home.

It always seemed to be a rather quiet experience though—she didn't scream anymore and neither of them said the others name during it. The silence was filled with only half-suppressed moans.

It was on one night when they were done and he was holding her how he usually did and she was staring up at the ceiling in silence that she spoke up. "Sasuke," she said quietly, twisting on her side until she was staring into his eyes.

"Hm?" he replied, sleepily, telling her to go on.

"What are we?" she asked and almost regretted it as soon as it left her mouth. She didn't really see any need to define their relationship.

He half-shrugged as best as he could while lying down and answered in a question, "Friends with benefits?"

"Ah," she said, turning back around and leaving it at that. The silence went from comfortable to awkward. They were quiet for a long time. "...Hey Sasuke?"

"What, Sakura?" he muttered in reply, burying his face into the crook of her neck, his lips lightly dusting over her shoulder.

"Do we have to be only that?" she asked quietly. He pulled her closer to him and didn't say anything for a while. She was beginning to think she crossed some kind of invisible line that he had drawn and not told her about.

Eventually, when she was drifting off to sleep and had nearly forgotten the question in the first place, he whispered a quiet 'no' against her neck.

.

Sakura woke up the next day with Sasuke holding her close, still asleep. She twisted around to face him and saw a ghost of a smile against his lips. It was perfect.

.

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notes— I started this last night and finished it today. I'm still tired. Review please! :)