Gooseman and the Three Ranger-Bears
Okay everyone. This story is inspired by Red Witch's "Fractured Fairy Tale". It's a great story - you might want to read it before reading mine, as there are a couple of references in it.
Oh yeah - i don't own the Galaxy Rangers.
It's my first Galaxy Ranger fic, but not my first fic at all. Hope you like it! Review!
"A routine patrol." Doc sighed. "Why do I get the feeling that this isn't going to be anything like routine?"
"Stop complaining." Shane told him, moving over to look at the screen. "Routine is boring."
"No. Routine is safe." Doc countered.
"So why become a Galaxy Ranger if you want safe?" Shane rolled his eyes.
"Both of you, shut it." Niko interrupted as Doc opened his mouth to reply.
"Hey, wait. You guys might want to take a look at this." Shane said, pointing at the screen. "Looks like smugglers."
"We'd better go then." Zach said, moving their ship over.
"Well, that was simple." Shane remarked, looking at the tied up smugglers in the detention cell.
"Yeah. These guys couldn't even put up much of a fight before they were caught." Doc agreed.
"What were they smuggling Niko?" Zach asked the psychic.
"Starstones. And there's something in here." Niko looked at a box. She pressed the button and the lid popped open.
There was a purple tablet lying on a bed of straw.
"A Po-Mutant artifact." Niko said. "And it's… oh great."
"What is it?" Shane moved over to look.
"It's one of those story-book things. Remember?"
"How could we forget?" Doc groaned.
"Don't touch it and we probably won't activate it." Shane advised.
"Probably?" Doc repeated.
"Probably." Shane said. "Now come on. We'd better go get them back to BETA." He gestured back to the smugglers.
"Goose's right." Zach agreed. "Let's go. And be careful not to touch the story book."
"Why do I get the feeling that somehow we're going to end up activating that thing?" Doc moaned as they moved along.
"Smugglers are in jail." Zach reported, getting back.
"Good." Doc nodded. "Still can't believe we managed to go the entire trip back without anything completely weird happening."
Shane and Niko carefully walked out, holding the box with the tablet inside. "What do we do with it?" Niko asked.
That's when it tipped over. The purple tablet fell onto the ground with a thud. A slight humming began from it.
"That's not good, is it?" Zach blinked, stepping back.
"No." Niko said.
A flash of light enveloped the rangers. They vanished, and reappeared in a cottage.
There once lived a quite content family of bears.
"Oh boy." Zach looked around. "So, what tale are we in now?"
"And what are we wearing?" Niko looked at herself. She was wearing a long, flowery dress and an apron. But the stranger thing was the two false bear ears strapped onto her head with a headband.
"Not as bad as last time." Zach said. He was wearing a long shirt, trousers, boots and the same type of bear ears. Somehow he had gotten a head taller than Niko. "Don't get what the ears are for though."
"Not bad for you, maybe." Doc protested.
He had shrunk at least two and a half feet. He was dressed in a striped shirt, trousers, overalls and the bear ears.
"Where's Goose?" Zach realised.
"He much be in another part of the tale." Niko mused.
"So, narrator." Doc looked up at the ceiling. He glanced around, registering that they were in a cottage kitchen. "What Po-Mutant story is this?"
Actually, this is one of your human stories. A male voice reverberated around them. I was sick of always telling the same few stories, you know?
"And how'd you find out one of our stories?" Niko blinked.
The internet, of course.
"Of course." Niko sighed.
How do you know about how Po-Mutants tell their stories anyway?
"We were stuck in one before." Doc shrugged. "The one about the bandit queen Kia Nie who had to rescue the swan prince."
Oh, I love that one! But again, done it too many times. So basically you know about the telepathic prompts and all that?
"Yeah, we know." Niko told the narrator.
"So what story are we in now?" Zach asked the ceiling.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.The voice proclaimed proudly.
"You gotta be kidding me." Niko groaned.
"So, I'm Papa Bear, right?" Zach asked.
"And Niko's Mama Bear, and Doc's Baby Bear, and Goose is…" Zach trailed off, realising who the only character Goose could be. "Goldilocks?"
"You've gotta be kidding me." Doc cracked up. "That's… you mean… that's just too good." He howled with laughter.
"You made Goose Goldilocks?" Niko tried to bite back laughter.
Well, he was the only one with blonde hair.
"Logical reason." Niko managed.
Doc was still laughing.
Look, can we get the story done or what?
"Yeah, sure." Zach fought to keep a straight face.
There once lived a quite content family of bear,
And a most spunky gal who had curls in her hair.
"Gal?" Zach cut in, a wide smile breaking out across his face.
Okay, point taken. Let's see…
There once lived a quite content family of bear,
And a most spunky guy who had curls in his hair.
Papa Bear was gigantic, and Mama was tall.
But the wee, Baby Bear barely made noise at all.
"He does make noise." Niko said, pointing at Doc, who was still laughing hard. "Doc, get up."
"Okay, okay." Doc stood up. "Sorry, just the image of Goose as…" He cracked up again.
"He's probably going to kill you when we get back, you know that right?" Zach looked at his team-mate.
"How's he supposed to know?" Doc asked, fighting to keep the grin off.
"We could see telepathic images of what was going on when we were last here." Niko pointed out.
"Oh, right." Doc managed to stop laughing, but he was still grinning. "Still…"
In their little old cottage, those three charming bears,
Had three couches, three soup bowls, three beds and three chairs.
Papa Bear's thing were giant, and Baby's were small.
Mama Bear liked the middle-sized stuff most of all.
"Does it have to rhyme?" Niko asked.
The version I downloaded rhymes! Deal with it!
Now, as I was saying…
Then one day Mama Bear made the porridge too hot.
"I've gotta say it, don't I?" Niko groaned.
"You are Mama Bear." Zach shrugged.
"Let's go walking." Niko sighed, rolling her eyes. "While I cool this hot-pot."
"This hot-pot?" Doc asked.
"I didn't make up the lines." Niko snapped at him. "Now come on, we're supposed to walk off."
"That I can deal with." Doc agreed, leaving the kitchen.
So the three fury bears lumbered out for a stroll.
Now we turn to a Golden Haired girl – boy, and his role.
"This is so humiliating." Shane moaned.
Just be grateful I didn't put you into a dress!
"Yeah, grateful." Shane looked down at his clothes. He was wearing a buttoned up top, neatly pressed, and crisp black pants. "Do I have to do this?"
Yes! So shut up and just go along!
Goldie chanced on Bear Cottage, and our heroine
Tried the windows, the keyhole – and then she walked in!
"This is a very stupid girl." Shane remarked as he opened the door. "I mean, she just walks into some strangers house? Why?"
Just say your lines!
"Fine." Shane blew out air in annoyance. "Oh I know that I shouldn't." Shane muttered. "But now that I'm here, No-one is home, I guess I have nothing to fear."
So she tasted the porridge of big Papa Bear.
Shane put the spoon to his mouth and swallowed it. "This is supposed to be hot?" He glanced at the sky.
Yes! Seriously, why are you lot so picky?
"Why do you think?" Shane groaned. "It's too hot – I had better beware."
Then she tried to ear Mama's, but found it too cold,
"That never made sense to me." Doc commented, looking at Goose. "I mean, they were all from the same pot. I get why the rest of the stuff's different – but why's the porridge different temperatures?"
You're not meant to be here! When did you get here?
"We didn't exactly go on a long walk." Niko shrugged. "It's kinda hard to when you're telepathically getting visions of a burglar."
I don't believe this! Out! All three of you!
"Can't I go with them?" Shane groaned.
No! You're Goldilocks! You have to eat the porridge, break a chair, fall asleep, and then run away!
"Can't we skip to the end?" Zach asked.
No! Now, everyone but Goldilocks out! And Goldilocks, taste Mama Bear's too cold porridge! Now!
"Fine." Doc groaned as the three 'bears' left.
Then she tried to eat Mama's, but found it too cold.
Till at last she found Baby's (that girl was so bold!).
Well, the girl
"Girl?" Shane protested.
I'm sorry! I downloaded one where Goldilocks was a girl!
Well, the boy took a bite, and he sat down to sup.
"Better." Shane rolled his eyes. "My, my, this one's just right. I shall eat it all up. And now she's talking to herself. This just keeps getting better and better."
Shane bit into Baby Bear's porridge. "Actually, this one's too cold. Can't I just mix it with Papa Bear's and make it hotter? I mean, that one's not boiling but this is colder than Mama Bear's."
No changing the script! Okay, stay with it!
Shane sighed. "But this chair is too big, and the other too tall." He said flatly, without emphasis.
So she – he sat in the small chair and had a small fall.
"So now it's even smaller." Shane mused. "All this work made me tired," He added tonelessly. "This is work? Really?"
Then he walked up the stairs and went straight to a bed.
"Bed and tired don't rhyme." Doc protested. "Not even close."
I thought I told you to get out and stay out! The male voice snapped.
"We'll be back any minute now." Zach pointed out. "And he's right. They don't rhyme."
Well, it's meant to be ' "All this work makes me tired," That golden girl said/Then she walked up the stairs and went straight to a bed.' But that doesn't work in a Po-Mutant story.
"Fine, whatever." Shane snapped. "The sooner this is over with, the sooner we can get out of here."
Well, she didn't like Papa or Mama Bear's bed.
So she lay down in the wee Baby Bear's bed instead.
Shane lay down in the small bed. "Actually, this is too small."
"Who cares?" Niko said. "Come on, we're back in."
When the bears found the mess in the kitchen, they knew.
Zach reluctantly picked up his porridge, careful not to touch it. Than he blinked. "Goose is right. This isn't hot."
"Captain, just say the lines." Niko sighed.
"Someone ate from my porridge!"
"Someone ate from mine too!" Niko added.
Ad when the wee Baby Bear saw his porridge all gone,
How he fussed and he fumed! Oh, that bear carried on!
"That's something that Doc can do." Shane grinned, leaning over the stair railing to look at his team-mates.
"Hey!" Doc glared at Shane.
Goldilocks! You're supposed to be asleep in bed!
"I woke up." Shane said dryly.
Go back to bed!
"Fine!" Shane rolled his eyes, walking back into the bedroom.
Papa Bear! It's your line!
"Oh, right. Sorry, missed the telepathic message." Zach rubbed his head.
"How can you miss a telepathic message?" Niko asked.
"I don't know. Maybe the narrator forgot to send it…"
I didn't forget! Now say your lines!
"Come sit, Son. It's alright." Zach said. "Wow, it's really weird for me to be calling you son."
"Not exactly a thrill for me either." Doc gave him a look.
"I think someone sat in my chair!" Zach continued, looking at Papa Bear's chair. "Wait, that doesn't rhyme either. Something else we missed?"
Yes, actually. I probably should have adjusted the lines first. It was meant to go, ' "Come sit, Son. It's alright." Said that huge Papa Bear/ then he thundered, "I think someone sat in my chair!" '.
"Good to know." Zach sighed. "I shouldn't have mentioned anything."
Mama Bear thought so too, so they all looked around.
But when Baby Bear sat, he plopped flat on the ground!
"Ow!" Doc yelped, sitting on the floor. "Why didn't Baby Bear notice before he fell on the ground? Seriously!"
He said, in his wee baby voice – though the volume increases,
Doc glared at the ceiling. "Look at my chair. Someone broke it to pieces."
Could have used some more exclamation marks, but whatever.
Well they ran to the bedroom, each bear to his bed.
"His?" Niko snapped. "That's very sexist. I mean, come on. Mama Bear was a girl! She had a bed!"
You're right. Sorry.
And when Papa saw his, he just shook that bear head.
"I know someone's been sleeping here." Zach said, sitting down on the bed. "And realistically, I can see him right there."
"And I can see you." Shane replied. "This is meant to be that time when Goldilocks wakes up? I mean, there are three bears in the same room. Who sleeps through that?"
"You've got a point." Doc agreed.
"Uh-huh." Niko agreed. "And in mine too! Do you think they're still here?"
"Yes, I do." Shane sat up. "Although I wouldn't if I were one of the bears. Why would they be?"
Baby Bear found the girl – boy in his bed, still asleep.
Doc looked at Shane. "Why hasn't anyone else found you?"
"Got me." Shane shrugged.
"Anyway – Here he is now – and still counting sheep!"
Well, when Golden-Hair heard that, he opened his eyes.
"Bout time." Shane sat up. "Seriously, why didn't she wake up before?"
"We've been through this already!" Zach rolled his eyes.
And that golden haired girl – guy was in for a surprise.
"No duh." Shane said sarcastically.
We're almost at the end – okay? Just a few more minutes!
"Good." Zach muttered, tugging on his shirt.
At the sight of the bears, Goldie turned tail and ran.
"Normally I don't run away from a fight if I can help it, but if it'll get us out of here…" Shane leaped out the window easily and landed lithely on the ground.
Goldilocks ran out the door in the original!
"You already said she went upstairs. And look, there are the stairs." Niko pointed. "Plus there are three bears in between her and the door. If she had any smarts at all, she would have gone out the window, second floor or not."
"Thought we already established she didn't have any smarts?" Doc quipped.
"She might have had some. Or at least some form of a survival instinct." Niko pointed out. "A regular little boy – or girl, as Goldilocks was – would go as far away from bears as she could. That was out the window."
Oh for the love of…
At the sight of the bears, Goldie turned tail and ran.
And the family of bears never saw her – never saw him again.
"Is it over yet?" Zach glanced at the roof.
Yes! It's over! Now you can get out!
There was a flash. Suddenly the Rangers were back in their regular clothes in the Hangar Bay at BETA.
"Well that was interesting." Niko mused.
"Yeah, fun." Shane looked down at his clothes, checking none of the Goldilocks attire had somehow stuck.
"So, when's our next routine patrol?" Zach groaned.
"Next?" Doc glanced at him. "That would imply we ever had a first."
Zach glanced at the still glowing purple tablet. "You may have a point." He admitted.
So what did you think? Review!