Note: This is a songfic, which I understand is not allowed. However, the main problem with songfics, I believe, is that they use lyrics that the writer does not own. This song was written by myself, about Samara, so it could be a fic on its own if I had wanted it to be, and therefore I don't see any problem posting it.
My Life (and death)
Something inside me is hopelessly broken
I'm trying to save myself
From all the nightmares around me
Well sometimes I get mad
It doesn't mean I'm bad
I sit in the well, doing… not much. Plotting, I guess. Thinking, or trying to think, of a way out of here. But my mind is as blank as the water that surrounds me. I can't climb out, I've already tried. The cover won't budge. Why did she do this to me? Why did they all do this? Nobody has ever wanted me. I wouldn't be like this, if they'd just been kinder. I might have had problems, but… They doomed them all. None of them needed to do that. Not Evelyn, not Anna and not Rachel. They all left me. Anna wanted me. For a time. But then she got bored of me, like a child with an old toy.
They all say it's for my own good
But I don't believe them
Everything has gone so wrong
I just wanted to feel like someone loved me
It's not my fault but they can't see
The Morgan's knew there was something wrong with me right from the start, especially Richard. Daddy. He tried to make himself love me, he really did, I know. But he couldn't make himself feel something that wasn't really there. Secretly, he wanted me dead from the moment he saw me. But he didn't tell Mommy. He loved her, and he loved the horses. Even Mommy loved the horses more than me. It's not fair. Many children say those words, but they rarely have as much reason as I to say them. My life was ended. And why? Because I had power that I couldn't control. I never meant anything I did before my death. I never meant to hurt Mommy, or anyone else, not even the horses I hated so much. They took me to that place, to Eola… They said I was there because I was sick, and they would make me better. But I never believed that. I didn't sick. I was just scared in that hospital. Scared, angry, confused, sad, frustrated… So many emotions. I couldn't keep it all inside. So I killed that doctor. But I didn't mean to!
I never sleep at night or day
I'm too scared
I'm scared of the nightmares that will come
Nothing is ever what it seems
There's not a flicker of hope in my dreams
Ever since I was little I didn't sleep. Mommy told me to sometimes, she got worried. And I did manage to a few times. But I woke up quickly. I don't like sleeping. I don't have good dreams. I dream of bad things. I see them when I'm awake too, but they're not as bad. But the pictures when I'm sleeping… Mommy and Daddy both went crazy from what I showed them without meaning to. They were driven to suicide. That's just what happened when I was awake. If they could seen what I saw when I was sleeping… What would have happened then?
I'm tearing them all down to the ground
Making them bleed at my feet
So they'll pay for what they did to me
Innocents dead by my hand
Don't they know what I demand?
It didn't take that long after I'd died for me to get completely fed up. The desperation and the anger… It drove me a little insane. We're all a little insane really, but I am more than most. I couldn't just stay there any longer. I get stronger every day, even in death. The teenagers in the cabin above me… They were recording something on a videotape. And then I knew how I could get my revenge. On everyone. On the world. Even the people who did nothing to me… They're guilty of all the good they never did. No one is pure. Not pure good or pure evil. They can be closer to one or the other, but never completely.
So long ago could they have seen?
The monster I've become
A little girl, laughing, smiling
The child I never was
And never will be, because
Back when I was little, in the psychiatric ward, I wonder if they could have imagined what I would become? What if they could see me now? What would they think? They'd be scared. I know that. I've always wanted to be a normal little girl. To laugh, to smile, like everyone else. To know, but never think about, the impending doom ahead of me somewhere. Everyone must die. But I refuse to. I never even got the chance to live.
She held me tight, told me
That she loved me
I was all she ever wanted
But still she killed me
With her own two hands
And I'm left in darkness
To ponder my life
What could have been