And finally... we give you... the final chapter of 'Prank Wars!' Its been a long ride, but we hope for those of you who are still with us, that it has been a fun one. So, without further adieu, here it is! :)
"Okay Padawans," Anakin murmured as he gathered the younglings around him in a small circle. "Well done on helping us capture the council members. Now make yourselves scarce."
A chorus of whines met the Chosen One's orders. "Really? But we were having so much fun!" Sam whined, eyes narrowing and lips curling back into a snarl of disappointment as his body weight shifted onto his left leg, almost sending him over.
Anakin nodded solemnly. "You know that the council won't let this go, Sam. Which is why I am now asking you to run and hide and not to come out until after the war is over."
"The Clone War?" Another youngling, a small male Mon Calamarian asked, looking up at him with scared, endless black eyes.
Anakin resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he shook his head and placed his hand on the padawan's shoulder. "No, young one. The Prank War."
"Oh..." The boy blushed slightly and looked down, embarrassed.
Anakin smiled warmly. "It's okay, young one. Now run, all of you." Once ushering them away and making sure they had followed his instructions by tracking their force signatures, he turned back to face Obi-Wan who, by now, had managed to stop Siri's crazy dancing.
"So... on towards the end!" Anakin announced, rubbing his palms together in glee.
"Yes... I suppose this is the breaking point. We are either kicked out of the Temple or everything goes back to normal, however unlikely that is."
Snorting, Anakin waved his former mentor's remark off nonchalantly with a flick of his wrist. "Don't be such a pessimist, master."
"He is right, Skywalker. I'm sure the Council won't look past this," Siri backed him up.
"They never do. Not even with me, the Chosen One!" He puffed his chest out heroically. 'Maybe I should just save them and leave chicken boy. He never lets me off the hook.'
Obi-Wan shook his head, "Anakin..."
"It's true though!"
"Because I destroyed the Sith by defeating Palpatine, that's why!" By now Anakin was pouting.
"Oh stop it, Anakin. They're not picking on you."
"Might be," the younger Jedi grumbled, folding his arms across his broad chest and looking away.
"I was on the bloody council. We don't sit around making fun of you... much," Obi-Wan humoured him.
Anakin's head whipped back around to face them. "WHAT!? WHAT DOES CHICKEN BOY SAY ABOUT ME!?" By now Anakin's face was radish red.
"He says that he doesn't appreciate being called 'Chicken Boy', mostly," Obi-Wan held his hand up to his mouth to cover a chortle.
"He carries that chick, Benjamin Windu with him EVERYWHERE! You're trying to teach a class lightsaber techniques and his chicken chortles whenever he walks past or comes in to check that I'm not 'trying to collapse the temple in on itself' as he puts it!"
Just then a loud bang resounded off of the door exactly where the councillors were, followed by a short and barely audible squawk from none other than the chick Benjamin Windu.
"They're coming," Siri ran forward, ready for a fight.
"Oh, no, no, no!" Obi-Wan snaked his arm around her waist and tugged her back. "I know you've got some fire in you but against NINE out of ten councillors is NOT good idea!"
Siri pouted in his arms, "I could do it..."
"You and I are a match for each other when it comes to sparring. Going toe to toe with nine councillors really isn't a spectacular idea."
"Still could do it..." She crossed her arms, still wanting to run forward.
A sharp snap hiss and the sound of a superheated laser grinding its way through the thick durasteel doors drew the three Jedi's attention. A small slit had been carved open. In the short seconds that followed, the slab was knocked down with the Force and hit the ground with a resounding thud that made the trio flinch.
Slowly and ominously, a yellow chick with a tiny red quiff revealed its head from the side of the burning hole. The trio stared, wide-eyed and open mouthed. The chick stared back with its unfathomable and endless black, beady eyes, and then... did it let out another tiny chirp.
Mace Windu walked out behind the ominous chick, the lack of amusement evident in his eyes.
"Oh, Sith spit," Anakin murmured.
The three began to slowly back away.
Obi-Wan stepped in front of them, protecting.
Raising his hands slowly, he calmly spoke to the Korun master. "Now, Mace. Don't do anything you'll regret."
The man was clearly starting to go insane, "Oh no, Obi-Wan. I'll regret nothing!"
"But we're friends. Think about what you're doing, Mace!"
"You betrayed us, Obi-Wan! You've already been counted as a traitor to the Council."
Shock flitted across Obi-Wan's face, and he practically almost staggered forward until he remembered that Mace, who was on the verge of losing his mind, was mere meters away from them. Behind a thick durasteel door, yes, but with a lightsaber still in his arsenal. "Oh, come on!"
"YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO!" Obi-Wan ran.
Mace thrust his lightsaber into the wall again, making a bigger hole for him to follow his chick.
Benjamin Windu, for a chick and a pathetic life form as Obi-Wan would say, was doing superbly well for its size as it dashed after Obi-Wan' s retreating form, chafing widely and even managing to lift himself off of the ground for a short amount of time by flapping his wings.
Mace suddenly lifted the chick with the Force, its legs kicked wildly as if it was still chasing after the other Jedi Master. "Chickeeeeeeeen..." Obi-Wan paused and looked back curiously. The chicks, as well as Mace' s gaze was centred coldly on him alone. The chick was circling slowly, increasing in speed, as Mace drew his hand and the chick back. "BOOOOOOOOOMB!"
The chick was promptly hurled towards the poor young man, who stood helplessly, like a bullet with a long and loud chirp.
Anakin jumped in front of this all, as it would be captured in slow motion and a loud, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" accompanying it for a wizard action scene.
Everything transpired slowly for Obi-Wan as he watched, helpless and powerless to do anything, as Benjamin struck Anakin right in the chest with its entire body. The great knight toppled over with a groan of despair, and Obi-Wan knelt right beside the fallen knight, grasping his organic hand tightly. "No, Anakin!"
"There's nothing you can do for me now," Anakin coughed as he gazed up at his mentor and friend through hooded lids. "It's too late. You must go on without me. Don't get captured, master!"
Obi-Wan sighed, briefly pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "Get up Anakin."
"If you don't leave me now you will be captured and facing the wrath of chicken boy!"
"You're fine, Anakin. Just stand up and start running with us. Come on."
The younger man rolled his eyes. "Ugh, fine."
They both started running in the direction of the exit.
Siri sprinted after them as the councillor's gave chase, although her blood boiled for a fight.
Just to prove to Obi-Wan that she COULD take all of them on.
"Siri! No! " Obi-Wan ran after her.
But Siri was deaf to his insistence for she turned on her heel, grabbed her lightsbaer and, after igniting it with a snap hiss, barrelled towards them.
"NO!" Obi-Wan stepped towards her but a force yanked on the back on his collar, dragging him away at a fast pace. "Anakin! What are you DOING!?"
"I think we should respect Master Siri's final wish, don't you, Obi-Wan!?"
"NO!" The Jedi Master yelled furiously.
"Master! Let her go! She's saved us all," Anakin dragged on his collar, pulling him into a run.
"It might have been a more noble one had she told me first!" Obi-Wan was stumbling on his feet to stay upright as Anakin dragged him along.
"She's going to have to survive on her own. There's nothing we can do for her."
"WHAT!? What is with you, Hero with no Fear!? Where are your daring plans!?" Obi-Wan's azure eyes were livid.
"We might be able to swing back and get her, but we need to focus on getting out of here!"
Reluctantly, Obi-Wan grunted his agreement and managed to secure his footing to run alongside Anakin, no longer being held by the scruff of his tunic.
Anakin grabbed onto Ahsoka's hand as well as he ran by, pulling her along with them.
"Where are we going, Master?"
"Anywhere away from the Council. We need to wait until the right time."
The thunderous footsteps of the council were not far behind them. Obi-Wan grimaced. So they had Siri.
Three rats left to trap.
Anakin sighed when he noticed the dead end up ahead, "To that room over there!"
Obi-Wan doubted that they could actually elude the council in there, but he didn't care. He was more than ready for the prank war to end, especially since he never really wished to join in the first place. He was forced. He would defend himself.
'Fat chance,' he thought bitterly.
"Come on! Let's go!" Anakin ushered them into the room.
"This is ridiculous," Obi-Wan muttered, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door almost casually. "We're surely going to be captured."
"Nonsense! You're only saying that because everyone has."
"Well, do you have any other elaborate plans? As you can see there is no other exit than the way we came," he gestured the entire room with his hand to emphasise his point. "And our only exit, that you have so BRILLIANTLY led us to, is now blocked by the councillor's. Any mad escape plans?"
"There's a window, isn't there? DUH!" Anakin rolled his eyes. "Force, Master. I thought you were smart."
Obi-Wan furrowed his brow, looking worried as he barricaded the door and approached them. "I knew that... I was testing you, Anakin."
Anakin stared at him blankly.
"Your observation skills are sharp, my former padawan."
"They've always been sharp. Remember Cato Neimodia?" Anakin smirked.
"I told you that Cato Neimodia DOESN'T count!"
"Of course it counts! Why wouldn't it!?" Anakin smiled wide at his Master's discomfort on the subject.
"Because I'm the master and I say that it doesn't count!" Obi-Wan crossed his arms adamantly.
"You're not my Master anymore!" Anakin pointed out.
"No, but I AM a Jedi Master, Anakin. Therefore I am a higher rank."
Anakin grumbled at the logic, walking over to the window while muttering some choice words underneath his breath.
He roughly opened the window, grumbling about how he couldn't wait to be a Jedi Master, mostly so Obi-Wan couldn't tell him what to do anymore.
"I heard that. And I'll tell you what to do no matter what age or rank you are, Anakin." Obi-Wan's lip curved into a smile.
"Sith Hells!" Anakin growled as he finally pushed the window open.
"Language!" The older Jedi chastised.
Ahsoka, with twinkling eyes, was just spectating the show going on between the two male Jedi.
"I'm a knight now! I can say what I want!" Anakin protested, looking down the view below him through the window.
"So I guess that means you can do what you want as well?" Ahsoka queried, secretly wondering how far Anakin would go to prove this.
"Yes. It does," Anakin turned around to face them before jumping out the window.
"Now how did I know he was going to do something like that?" Ahsoka asked herself absentmindedly.
"Because he's Anakin," Obi-Wan groaned, pressing a hand to his face as he stepped forwards to peek over the sill and see Anakin dangling on one of the garden walls. "I have said it before and I will say it again: I hate it when he does that! I'm taking the stairs."
"But... Master Kenobi..." Ahsoka stammered, following his movements. "There's nothing else here."
Obi-Wan shook his head, smiling wryly. "Anakin may enjoy his own adventures. But I ventured on a few of my own in my early days." As he said this he waved his open palm over the white wall next to the double doors the councillors were currently busy smashing their bodies into - why they just didn't use their lightsabers, he did not know. Perhaps all of the day's insanity and smashing into things had finally butchered all of their brain cells - and stepped under the now open archway.
The Jedi Master turned to her, looking at her expectantly. "Well? Are you coming my way or thinking of diving head first out the window as your master just did?" He raised his eyebrows as he awaited her response.
"Sometimes I wonder where Skyguy gets that cockiness from... You obviously don't have anything like that," She smiled and followed him.
Obi-Wan smiled coyly. "Of course not."
"Something tells me you were when you were younger though..." She smiled cockily and ran faster.
"Never!" He smiled as he chased her.
Anakin sighed and tapped his foot, "I'm waiting!"
Of course, the other two didn't hear him as they were making their way down the stairs INSIDE the building.
This didn't matter to the hero as he walked over to the exit, "Are you guys coming?"
Again there was no reply. "Hey! Obi-Wan? Ahsoka? OBI-WAN!? AHSOKA!?"
"Calm down, Skyguy! We're coming!" Ahsoka's voice was very faint as they were still climbing down the stairs.
Anakin's eyebrows shot up. "Why in the kirffin' Sith hells-"
"LANGUAGE!" Obi-Wan's strict voice bellowed from the staircase.
"Ouch! Master Kenobi!" Anakin imagined Ahsoka was holding her hands over her ears. He knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of that loud, authoritative tone only a few meters away.
He sighed. "Why did you take the stairs?"
"Because they are more practical than jumping out of window!" Obi-Wan justified as he made his way down the final flight.
Anakin shook his head and smiled wryly. "Now where's the fun in that?"
"Not everything has to be fun, Anakin. It's sensible and will most likely pay off in the long run."
"I live for the thrill, Master. Now come on, let's go."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and ran after his former Padawan.
"ONWARDS!" Anakin ignited his lightsaber and thrust it ahead of himself.
Obi-Wan took it from him, "We're trying to be subtle, Anakin..."
"My lightsaber!" Anakin wailed.
"You'll get over it," Obi-Wan said, not too harshly as they continued running.
Anakin tutted as they ran through the halls. "So where are we going? I'm sure the councillors will soon figure out that we are no longer in that small room," Ahsoka enquired as they turned a corner.
"Which is why time is of the essence, Ahsoka. We must hurry!" Obi-Wan ushered them down the steps outside the temple.
A loud smash resounded, halting the three renegade Jedi in their tracks and looking skywards as Mace Windu flew through the air and landed right on top of Ahsoka, pinning her semi-unconscious to the ground.
Anakin leapt into action, "NO ONE DOES THAT TO MY PADAWAN!" He charged him.
"Anakin NO! It's too late!"
Anakin could see the other Masters following Mace's lead and running forward.
"Just go! I'll be okay!" Ahsoka yelled, pushing against Mace.
"But..." Anakin stopped.
"GO!" She snapped.
Dammit, Chicken Boy!" Anakin cursed as he allowed Obi-Wan to drag him away.
Obi-Wan's plan simply to run and drag though was short lived.
Anakin ran beside him, "Whatever happens to us, I just wanted you to know something..."
Obi-Wan glanced at him quizzically. "What is it?"
"I... always hated that jasmine tea you always made!"
"DAMN IT, ANAKIN! IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!"
"IT ONLY TASTED GOOD WHEN YOU PILED TEN THOUSAND CUBES OF SUGAR IN IT!"
"DAMMIT! Sith Hells, Sith Spit, Sith Spawn, seven Tatooine Hells, Bantha Fodder-"
Anakin had actually stopped in shock at the language coming out of Obi-Wan's normally polite vocabulary.
In fact everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare at the Jedi Master in awe.
"Umm... Are you alright?" Anakin backed away a bit.
"Yes, I am fine!" He then realised everyone was staring at him agape.
"What!? I don't always have to be so formal!"
"He's finally cracked," Kit Fisto whispered.
Obi-Wan ran his hands through his hair vigorously. His azure eyes looked wild. "You know what!? Maybe I have! I give up! I surrender!" He stepped forwards, hands raised above his head.
"Master!" Anakin looked at him with wide eyes.
Obi-Wan let out an almost manic laugh as he continued to approach the councillors. "Kit thinks I've gone mad. Well, maybe I finally have. Can anyone blame me!?"
Kit stepped forward, wrapping an arm around him and helping him back over, "It's alright, Kenobi. We've got you. You'll be okay."
"I'm not mad enough that I have to go to a mental hospital!" the young Jedi Master snapped, glaring at Kit.
"I know. I know," He leaned over to Adi. "Get Master Bant down here."
Rather quickly, Bant arrived. She smiled at Obi-Wan. "Now what have you gotten yourself into this time, Obi?"
"Nothing! I'm just a little mad."
Bant shook her head. "It's off to the healers ward for you, Master Jedi."
The horror on Obi-Wan's face was evident. "NO! NOT THERE! ANYWHERE BUT THERE! SEND ME BACK IN THE GUNDARK'S NEST, PLEASE!"
"That I helped you out of!" Anakin made sure to add.
"IT'S BETTER THAN THE HEALEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!" Obi-Wan's voice steadily vanished as he was dragged away by Bant and a few of the councillor's.
Anakin stood alone, his mind racing on the possibilities of what could happen. None of them good.
After Mace handed over a bound and gagged Ahsoka, he slowly approached Anakin. Anakin gulped in fear of the imposing figure approaching him.
He was screwed.
Anakin sighed, at least he could go down like a hero. He took out his saber and held it before him, admiring the hilt before igniting the azure blade.
"Let's dance, Chicken Boy," he smirked.
Mace snarled and ignited his saber, motioning for the other masters to step back and let him deal with this.
Anakin struck first with a quick thrust of his azure blade, to which the Korun master parried, attempting to send the Jedi Knight off balance.
Anakin rebounded by jumping back.
Mace analysed the moment, looking for shatter points.
In retaliation he sent a Force push towards Anakin.
Anakin was too late to sense it and was pushed back.
Sailing just above the ground, he plunged his lightsaber into the concrete surface, slowing his drag until he came to a complete stop. Almost instantly he leapt high up in the air and back towards Mace, lightsaber angled horizontally in front of him.
"Impressive, Skywalker," Mace nodded.
"You'll find I'm full of surprises!" Snarled Anakin as he launched himself into the attack again, twirling his blade in front of him.
Mace easily dodged, flipping the young Knight up into the air with the Force and then slamming him back down into the ground.
"OW!" One side of Anakin's face was firmly planted on the ground, lightsaber deactivating and rolling from his hand. "Did you really have to be THAT violent, Chicken Boy!?"
"Yes. Yes I do," Mace was smiling. He had always wanted to do that.
"Damn it, chicken boy," Anakin grumbled.
Meanwhile with Obi-Wan...
"No! NO! NOT THIS FILM!"
There was a man dressed in a black tuxedo and dark brown hair jumping about and singing in an angelic voice... and he just happened to look A LOT like Obi-Wan!
"And you can tell everybody! That this is your song!" Bant sang along with the very well-dressed man.
"I. WON'T. LISTEN!" Obi-Wan was thrashing in his bed where they had physically strapped him down. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, BANT!?"
"You are Christian!"
"NO, I am NOT Christian!" Obi-Wan screamed, spit shooting out of his mouth at his rage and possible insanity. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi!"
"Christian... Calm down."
"OBI-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" By now the poor Jedi was trying to assert a connection to the Force to switch off the holovid as the man leaped up on top of a small dome on a gigantic elephant structure.
Bant ignored him, happily singing along.
Obi-Wan barely managed to lift his fingers from the white mattress he lay on and sent the Force towards the holovid, effectively muting the sound just as Christian sang his part again.
Bant whirled on him, her massive eyes bulging further that they looked like they were about to pop out of her head. "HOW DARE YOU MUTE CHRISTIAN!"
"Ahh!" Obi-Wan shrank away from the angry woman.
"Don't hurt me!" He yelped fearfully. "I'm a sensitive person!"
"I'm sure you are, Kenobi..." Bant glared and turned it back on.
"What would it take for you to let me out?" He tried desperately.
Bant smirked as she ticked off a list she had picked up whilst swaying from side to side to the singing man's voice. "Nice try, Kenobi."
"Honestly... I'll do anything!" He reassured.
"Anything?" Bant teased coyly, putting the list down and sauntering next to the desperate Jedi Master.
"Y-yes?" Obi-Wan's voice cracked with uncertainty.
"Hmmm..." Bant crossed her arms thoughtfully.
The next thing Obi-Wan knew, he was in a black tuxedo, his hair styled similarly to Christian, and he was standing next to Bant, dressed as Satine. Bant was dancing around elegantly, singing at the top of her voice to 'Your Song.'
She had an entire set made of a gigantic elephant and the pitch black, starless night above them. Even a holographic moon shining its silver light over them both.
Obi-Wan was slightly more reluctant.
He was also sure that the Mon Calamarian was slightly insane.
"Sing!" She ordered Obi-Wan.
"NO, NO, NO!"
"Fine!" He jumped angrily. "WE SHOULD BE LOVERS!"
Silence filled the air and Obi-Wan stared confused at the Mon Calamarian who now looked rigid with fear. Swallowing the low rumble of fear that swirled in the pit of his stomach, Obi-Wan slowly turned his head to follow his friend's line of vision...
To find Siri, in all of her golden glory, standing in the hallway with a few councillor's restraining her and looking shocked.
"Ob...Obi-Wan?" She had to make sure.
Obi-Wan's face turned cherry red. He nervously tugged on the collar of his white shirt. "Errr.."
"She made me do it!" He yelped, leaping like a schizophrenic and pointing accusingly towards Bant who removed her blonde wig shamefully.
Siri walked forward, "No one, and I mean NO ONE, dances with him but me!" She grabbed onto Obi-Wan's arms.
"Why does this sort of thing have to happen to ME!?" he whined as Siri dragged him away from the stunned group.
"That's not all they've done, Obi-Wan," Siri waved her hand before her down the hall.
Obi-Wan's eyes nearly popped out of his head at what he was seeing.
Dozens upon dozens of Moulin Rouge posters had been stapled all over the walls... ALL of them included him!
"THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!" Obi-Wan screamed, tugging at his hair viciously and scrunching his eyes shut in horror.
Mace, having dragged Anakin and Ahsoka back in, started laughing at the poor Jedi's fate.
"Unlucky, Obi-Wan! But the regal outfit looks good on you!" Anakin cheered gleefully, a massive grin slapped across his face.
Obi-Wan slowly dragged his hands through his copper hair, down his face, until his storm eyes perturbed through the gaps between his fingers.
"Master Kenobi, I didn't realise you and Satine made a film!" Ahsoka cackled wildly, her laugh echoing off of the walls and haunting Obi-Wan's hearing as Mace dragged them away, a Dark intent glistening in his equally as dark eyes.
"We didn't..." Obi-Wan groaned quietly. This was the ultimate revenge against him. He swiftly decided then that he would be a teacher's pet to the Jedi Council even further now.
Mace dragged Anakin and Ahsoka into a dark secluded room; one where there was only a small spotlight in the centre.
"Ummm... Chicken boy?" Anakin looked back at him.
But Mace slipped out through the open crevasse, the door slamming shut and submerging the two Jedi in complete darkness. Anakin and Ahsoka immediately darted towards and huddled together under the spotlight.
"Are we going to die, Skyguy?" Ahsoka looked at her master.
Anakin stared back at her with wide, fearful eyes. "I don't know, Snips. I don't know."
They both kept next to each other.
"Don't let go, Skyguy!" Ahsoka whined.
"I promise I won't!"
Suddenly the lone spotlight snapped off, submerging the two in complete darkness. The two Jedi squealed in fear, gripping each other's arms in a vice grip.
"Don't worry! I'm the hero without fear!" Anakin whispered.
"You don't sound like it in this moment, Skyguy," Ahsoka sniped.
"And that is the EXACT reason I dubbed you Snips!" Anakin hissed.
"And why is that?"
"Because you're so snippy!"
Without warning another light snapped to life, making both revered Jedi squeal in fright, clutching together to one another.
Under the shroud of the light, strapped to a chair was a tall, leith boy with scruffy brunette hair. Upon lifting his head two dazzling sapphire eyes sparkled dimly.
"Lux!?" Ahsoka cried, confused as to why the boy was even here in the first place.
At that moment three more lights flickered to life presenting an annoyed looking Kit Fisto, (after the whole incident of Anakin making a scene when spotting him and Aayla together) Mace Windu, glaring daggers at Anakin as if they would genuinely shoot from his eyes towards the younger Jedi, and a nervous looking Shaak Ti who glanced at Mace, ready to condemn him as a Sith again if he acted out of the ordinary in any way.
"Are you ready to confess, Lux?" Kit stepped forward, towards the boy.
"No. Never!" Lux writhed in his chair, trying to free his wrists from their binds.
"Then you leave us no choice!" Mace yelled in excitement.
Lux whimpered in fear as the three Jedi ominously stretched out their arms. Open-palmed, they chanted simultaneously. "You WILL tell us about yourself and Ahsoka..."
The poor boy whimpered and tussled in his seat, trying to fight off the fog that was attempting to cloud his mind. "I...I will... NO!"
Ahsoka clamped a hand over her mouth, eyes blazing in terror.
"No don't!" Ahsoka felt brave enough to yell out.
But the three Jedi Masters ignored the Torgrutian padawan's cries.
"You WILL tell us about yourself and Ahsoka..."
"I... I... we once dressed up in ballet outfits to perform Swan Lake!"
"Fight it Lux!" Ahsoka encouraged, not wanting other things to be said, as she was already blushing.
"Arrrrrgh! Ahsoka is a secret fan of Taylor Swift!"
Anakin almost snorted in laughter. He gave his padawan a knowing look.
"Nooooooooo," Ahsoka slapped a hand across her eyes in embarrassment. "This is the worst day of my life."
"The worst day of your life so far!" Anakin tried soothingly.
"Not helping," the padawan dead panned.
"Tell us more..." Kit cooed charmingly, a toothy grin splitting across his face.
"I will tell you more..." the boy groaned obediently. "Ahsoka... dances to the song called '22'. We went to the revolution ball earlier this year."
"Just kill me..." Ahsoka reached for her saber to impale herself with.
"Oh no you don't!" Anakin yelped, snatching the lightsaber from her hands and clipping it to his belt.
"Send in the droids!" Shaak cried, pointing directly towards Anakin.
"Send in the what now?" Anakin looked both ways.
His question was answered as an assortment of droids emerged from the shadows. Anakin stared wide-eyed. Medical droids, cleaner droids and service droids, many of which Anakin had modified or fixed over his years as a Jedi now surrounded him as he back away, leaving Ahsoka in the spotlight, begging the three masters to stop utilising the Force on Lux.
The droids all started to malfunction at once, doing their jobs at breakneck speed as they surrounded the young Jedi.
Anakin's eyes widened as the droids, sparked, twitched and their luminosities flickered wildly. "Errr, help?"
Obi-Wan managed to run into the room, away from all the music and his psycho girlfriend.
His eyes were met with the sight of the three psycho Jedi Masters implicating the Force upon Lux Bonteri, who was tied up and helpless in his seat; Ahsoka was practically falling to her knees under the spotlight under the weight of the embarrassing secrets Lux was spilling forth. He tried to ignore it as he finally settled his gaze upon Anakin, who was yelping in fear as a dozen malfunctioning droids began diminishing their circle around him.
A cosmetic droid came closer and closer to Anakin, "NOT MY HAIR!"
The droids paused, processing the plea as they twisted their mechanical heads towards each other. They turned back to face the young Jedi. "Cut the hair!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Anakin fell to his knees.
The droids closed in...
Only to see a flash of blue light before falling to pieces.
Anakin had taken his lightsaber from his belt and swiped up at the oncoming droids. There was a manic gleam in his eyes. "No one...touches...the hair... I MEAN I JUST HAD IT FEATHERED!"
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at the boy's obsession over his hair, pulling out a comb to fix his from his running away from earlier.
"Bring it on, droids!" Anakin screeched, slashing madly again as more droids approached. However, the more he slashed, the more droids emerged from the darkness, overwhelming him as they malfunctioned with sparks and whirls. Some of the medical machines held filled syringes of an assortment of liquids, ranging from blue, purple, green and even yellow. Anakin, as well as Obi-Wan, felt dread sink into the pit of their stomachs, neither really wanting to find out what the effects of them could be.
"Mace! What the kriff did you put in these syringes?" Anakin had to find out.
Mace smirked vindictively. "I'll let you find that out on your own..." And then the three masters retreated, practically vanishing into thin air.
Anakin backed away more, almost nearing a wall.
The droids enclosed him until he could no longer move.
Anakin ignited both his and Ahsoka's sabers again and twirled them around him.
But by then the droids had stuck, one managing to sink its yellow-filled syringe into his flesh. Instantaneously the young Jedi began to convulse, dropping both sabers which deactivated upon touching the ground, and collapsed to the ground shortly after, his entire body feeling like jelly.
Obi-Wan looked on, confused as the Jedi began losing the ability to speak coherently.
"Anakin?" He ran over, concerned.
Anakin was still twitching on the ground. "Phhhh... FLLLAAAAAAA!"
The droids quickly zoned in and commenced the trimming.
"Arggghhhhhhh!" Anakin gave an anguished yelp, or what he could give at least.
Obi-Wan leaped into action, if not to save Anakin, then to save his hair.
The droids began snipping at the helpless Jedi' s hair.
Obi-Wan stood back with horror at the sight of the hair.
The hair floated to the ground, Obi-Wan's heart clenching with each clump. Anakin's heart would shatter.
Anakin started gaining feeling again and moved slowly.
He met Obi-Wan's horrified expression. Dread flooded within him instantly.
Shakily he asked, "Obi-Wan... what is it?"
"Your hair..." Obi-Wan looked away.
"What about it?" Anakin snapped questioningly.
Obi-Wan was at a loss for words, "It...It's gone..."
Anakin looked at him, smiling in disbelief. Obi-Wan felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as his former apprentice's happy expression fell.
Anakin began chuckling softly, the sound growing until it was loud and pretty scary.
Obi-Wan stared at his friend worriedly as his manic laughter increased. His hands roamed his bald head, encouraging his crazed laugh. "They cut off my hair." Then a surge of emotion burst from the young man. "THOSE BLASTED CLANKERS CUT OFF MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"
Obi-Wan jumped back in surprise at the shout and started backing away anyways.
All present in the room stared at the crazed Jedi.
Anakin reached for his saber, his eyes growing to a yellowish tint.
Shaak Ti ran forward, "SITH!"
She ignited her lightsaber, waving the dangerous weapon around frantically. "SITH, SITH, SITH!"
Anakin glanced at her in horror before running around the room, "Someone make her stop!"
"A SITTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shaak hissed like a snake as she swung for Anakin's knees.
The Jedi Knight leaped above the swing, screaming with a high pitch shrill.
"Call her offf! Calll heeeerrrr offfff!" Anakin continued running around the room.
Obi-Wan swiftly ignited his azure lightsaber and joined the Togrutan Jedi Master and his best friend in the circle of their chase.
Mace smiled lightly, happy that it wasn't him this time.
He imagined himself running through the fields of Naboo, as happy as a clam.
He soon calmed down as much as he could seeing that he was still being chased.
"I'M NOT A KRIFFIN' SITH, TI!" Anakin bellowed, his aura seething with a kaleidoscope of fear and agitation.
"SSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!" She ran faster, lightsaber going in circles.
Anakin held onto his butt as the sizzling blade's sapphire tip briefly singed his pants. "OWWW!"
Obi-Wan tried as best as he could to calm her.
But the Togrutan Master wasn't listening. She was too fixated on Sith murdering.
"Shaak Ti! What can I do to prove I'm a Jedi!?" Anakin backed into a corner.
The Jedi Master stopped short, eyes narrowing warily as she kept her blade angled towards him.
Mace was looking on with wide eyes, biting on his fist as his body pulsed from the amount of tension in the room. He didn't know whether to begin being wary himself of actually enjoy the fear he was seeing in Skywalker, even if it was a little dark of a noble, esteemed Jedi such as himself.
"Just ask me any question or assign me any task, and I'll do it to prove myself," Anakin held out his saber to her.
She took it and hooked it to her belt before tapping her chin, pondering.
Anakin held his breath. It was a risky move handing her the only thing he could use to protect himself with. He only hoped that she accepted the offer of redemption.
Shaak opened her mouth and Anakin felt horror at her words.
"You want me to go out on a date with WHO!?" Anakin cried, horrified.
Shaak Ti smiled wickedly, "You heard me."
And so it was a few pain staking hours later that Anakin Skywalker was now stood at the top of the stairwell of the Jedi Temple, whatever hair he had left slicked back on his head and dressed in a black tuxedo and white shirt, black bow tie and a blood red rose fitted neatly inside of his dinner jacket pocket. He looked extremely unimpressed.
He nearly gagged once he saw the black, convulsing tendrils appear over the ridge of the stairs and a pale-faced, tattooed woman garbed in blood red robes glide like a ghost up the stairs and towards him.
"Mother Talzin," the Chosen One greeted the witch, trying to control the shaking in his tone of voice.
"Greetings, Skywalker... Are you ready?" She smiled curtly, noticing his discomfort.
'No...' He thought menacingly. He would so have his revenge someday. Get even.
"I mean... yes, Talzin," he sighed, stepping forwards and offering her his arm.
Even more of a smile from the elder as she took his hand in hers.
Anakin rolled his eyes as they descended the steps. The press and Padme would be all over this.
The date went horrible, as expected, with Mother Talzin trying to kill him before he left.
Anakin shot up the steps and pounced inside the Jedi Temple, using the Force to slam the heavy doors behind him with a resounding bang.
A few of the Padawans, including Sam, were scrubbing at the walls, pouts on their faces.
Sam pouted as he scrubbed off the black and gold oily symbol of the pranksters.
Anakin walked over and patted his head lightly.
The small boy stopped washing off the symbol and turned to gaze up at the Jedi in surprise. He looked haggard, his suit torn in various places and eyes glistening with a haunted glaze. "Master Skywalker, are you all right?"
"Yeah... Master Yoda get you guys?" Anakin felt bad for having brought these children into it.
"Yeah... He caught us all in some massive net that he said he got out of nowhere."
"Any of you get away or no?"
Sam shook his head sadly, giving the Jedi Knight enough confirmation. "It's over."
Anakin reflected on what those words truly meant. Obi-Wan was humiliated. Ahsoka was broken. The Padawans were detained. And he... He'd have to move on like none of this ever happened. He walked past his little friend and went up to his shared quarters. He walked to the hidden panel in the wall, continuing to think on the words. Taking off his badge that signified him as a prankster, he laid it down sadly in the panel. It really was over.
Dawn broke out over the graffiti coloured temple, casting long shadows of the three bodies across its grand structure.
"So here we are," Obi-Wan grumbled, painting over the words 'Adi loves Kit.' that Siri had so merrily wrote over the entire Temple when she had ran off. "The worst punishment, other than expulsion or the agri-corps, a Jedi could receive and I'm here. Me! OF ALL THE CURRENT AND PAST JEDI IN THE GALAXY!"
"For Force's sake, just deal with it! You've been through worse!" Ahsoka groaned, painting over the painting of Mace Windu with a chicken body, running away from a crazed Shaak Ti, and another one where he looked unusually cartoonish, pressing his chick, Benjamin Windu, to his face with a huge rainbow shining behind them and crimson hearts replacing his pupils for eyes.
"Yeah!" Anakin piped up, scrubbing intensely at the prankster seal that clearly did not want to come off. "I mean, remember that one time when you- HEY! I JUST FEATHERED MY NEW HAIR!"
In truth Anakin was wearing a wig that perfectly matched his old hair style before it was ruined. He even went as far as to have it feathered. A dark brown mess hung over his right eye. "SEE!? You messed it up!" He furiously set to work readjusting the wig over his head to hide his messy tufts of hair and bald spots.
"We SWORE never to talk of that, Anakin!" Obi-Wan growled vehemently, adjusting the handles on his hover lift and elevating himself up to the next level where many of the younglings were working to remove the colourful mess across the walls.
Anakin shook his head. "Grumpy old man." Then a thought suddenly occurred to him. "Hey, Master! What happened to your other girlfriend!?"
That made Obi-Wan wince dangerously. Anakin made it sound like he had multiple girlfriends. He did NOT! But there was, of course, Siri. Then Satine. And Cerasi. And just about every other woman in the galaxy seemed to constantly stare and gape at him. He wondered why.
"Well?" the Jedi Knight inquired patiently.
"I... I would rather not talk about them, Anakin," Obi-Wan politely denied, scrubbing harder at the graphics.
"Awww, come on!" Anakin pouted, eyes sparkling like diamonds. "Please?"
The truth was Obi-Wan was under pain of death if he told anyone of what had happened to Siri. He could scarcely even think of what was happening to the poor woman now.
Where Siri is...
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT WRETCHED THING ANYWHERE NEAR ME!" Siri was cowering around the other side of the med bay bed that she had miraculously escaped being tied down on with Bant along the other side, holding a gleaming syringe full of blue liquid.
"YOU'RE OUR FRIEND!" the blonde shrieked. "YOU SHOULD BE ON OUR SIDE!"
"NEVER!" Siri shouted at the top of her lungs.
"NEVER WILL I TAKE THAT! AHHHH!"
The blonde promptly ducked as the syringe sailed towards her face like a dart and slammed into the wall behind her.
The dumbstruck Jedi Knight looked behind her to find the syringe wobbling like jelly, its needle buried halfway deep into the pristine white wall.
"ARE YOU INSANE!?" she shrieked wildly, blue eyes blazing like liquid fire.
"YOU WILL BE LIKE US!" Bant ran forward to grab it back out of the wall.
So that's what was in the syringe! Something that would make all of the Jedi completely obedient to the council. Well, Siri was NEVER completely obedient and most of all she would NEVER be turned by a freaking NEEDLE!
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why would you even do that!" Siri backed away more, reaching for the door controls.
"I will do what I must," Bant murmured.
"Force, you sound EXACTLY like Obi-Wan!"
"I sound like a Jedi! And you'll sound like one too, when I'm done with you..."
Siri promptly began throwing every object she could find, creating hysteria.
Bant grabbed the syringe and lunged again.
Siri ran like hell.
And that was how Siri came to constantly running and hiding from Bant inside the Temple for the rest of her life.
She truly knew some of the wackiest people in the galaxy.
Mace was parading around the council chambers with Benjamin Windu clucking behind him happily. The Jedi Master wore an afro wig on his head of all bright colours and was dancing to some groovy song that us lot here would say was from the sixties.
"Mace is at it again..." Ahsoka sighed as she and her master, as well as Master Kenobi walked in for their final sentence.
"He will never let me forget my defeat," Anakin grumbled as they approached the centre of the council chamber.
All three were covered in dust and pain from cleaning the outer walls of the Temple and had not had the time to clean themselves after being summoned by the council.
"Master Yoda, please do something about Windu?" Kit complained after 'Stayin Alive' came on for the fifth time.
"Stop this now you will, Master Windu!" Yoda demanded.
Mace sighed and took off the afro, tucking it under his council chair for later.
The diminutive green Jedi Master sighed, turning to face the three main perpetrators. "All here for your punishment, you are."
Anakin sighed, "Get on with it then..."
Yoda glared at him, brown eyes piercing. "Punish you when I am ready to 'get on with it!'"
Anakin was promptly smacked in the shin by Yoda's gimmer stick, bringing him down to one knee where he was eye level with the green Jedi Master.
"OWWW!" Anakin wanted to rub at his shin as it throbbed with pain.
"Teach you a lesson may that!"
"I know right where to put your lesson..." Anakin grumbled.
"There it will not!" Yoda slammed his gimmer stick against the ground, the bang echoing throughout the council chambers.
"Obi-Wan, perform the rest of 'Moulin Rouge' with Bant you will."
Obi-Wan looked horror-struck. "But Master Yoda-"
"PERFORM IT YOU WILL!" The diminutive master's voice was shrill.
Obi-Wan swallowed, nodding with a terrified and defeated look on his face.
"A beautiful movie it is."
"Umm... Master Yoda?" Kit was brave enough to break the silence. "How would you know this?"
"Watched it I have. Almost made me change the rule of attachment it did."
"Maybe we should have watched your double sing, Master," Anakin snickered obnoxiously. "We could have Force persuaded the engaged troll to alter it."
"Also," Yoda suddenly announced, drawing all attention back to him. "Have a karaoke weekend we shall where the Jedi sing. Obi-Wan will sing the Moulin Rouge soundtrack for his double. Master Windu, sing 'Staying Alive' you will."
"Ah -UH - WHAT!?"
"Deserve it you do for your misconduct behaviour in action against our fellow crazy Jedi," Yoda chuckled lightly.
It was awesome to be the grand master.
"So... about this rule of attachment... "Anakin nervously chuckled.
"Decide I will... once we finish watching Obi-Wan's performance of 'Moulin Rouge'."
Obi-Wan looked skyward. 'Ohhhhh, Agricorps, do you take any adult Jedi who are in desperate need of hiding?'
"I'm sure they would, but then who would I talk to about all my problems?" Anakin smiled.
"Anakin, don't pry into my thoughts, please. And, oh, I'm sure you have Padme and Ahsoka... maybe you could give Mother Talzin a call and ask her out on a second date to discuss your problems them. She may use some of her... sorcery to sort that out."
"NO! NEVER AGAIN!" Anakin shuddered in memory of the horrible date with Mother Talzin. "She tried killing me!"
"Everyone has tried to kill you once, Skyguy." Ahsoka commented absently, not realising the complete magnitude behind her words.
The knight turned to her, horror-struck. "WHAT!?"
Everyone was silent, eyes wide and glistening with fear.
"Errrr..." Ahsoka averted her gaze to the ground, shuffling, cheeks flaming red against her orange skin. "Well, I mean... there have been a lot of people out there during the war who have wanted you dead and tried to make it happen and all..."
"But everyone!?" Anakin squeaked, surprisingly high considering who he was. "So... even all of you?"
And that was the moment Anakin's paranoia began. The moments when he began counting the Temple's match sticks in case anyone tried to murder him with their use.
The days he began bolting his doors and installing laser eye scanners, hand print scanners, foot scanners and even more.
And the days where he sat tinkering with his mechanics in order to make a mini robot Rancor security guard... and a Gundark to remind Obi-Wan of the time he fell into a nest full of them so that he'd stay away, although Anakin had a spare 'Moulin Rouge' one so that Obi-Wan was forced to relive all of his grief that everyone gave him over that bloody movie simply because he looked and sounded like the guy and was made to perform it with Bant and not Siri!
Ahsoka's sang country music by Taylor Swift whilst Mace's sang 'Staying Alive' so that he'd become distracted and dance.
And that concludes the story of how Anakin became a paranoid schizophrenic already more than what he originally was. Obi-Wan was driven into crazy, delusional sayings from all of his 'Moulin Rouge' performances that everyone began calling him a 'crazy old hermit', and Ahsoka decided to bring Lux with her as company in her hunt across the galaxy for Taylor Swift.
Yoda remained Grand Master on the Jedi council, along with the others, happy with the performance Obi-Wan gave that he decided that it would be done for as long as the Jedi Order stood.
Anyone who resembled Obi-Wan in the future would go through what he endured.
Shaak was still weary that Mace was secretly a Sith and even tried to get his chick, Benjamin to spy on him with the 'chick cam' on its forehead.
And Mace continued what had always made him feel great...
Here is where it ends. Once again we hope that you enjoyed our little corner of mayhem. Thank you all for your reviews, they have been wonderful to read. :)