Summary: Rose is spending her holidays at #12 Grimmauld Place, together with Sirius and her long-time-crush Remus. Deeply in love with the werewolf, she has to learn what it means when he seems to be in love, with someone else. But why are Sirius and Remus acting so strange in her presence?

Titel: The long and difficult way of love
Author: Moonys
Rated: T for language
Pairings: Rose/Remus, mention James/Lily, Tonks/Remus one-sided
Warning: AU! Fem!Harry, Don't like, don't read!
Notes: none
Disclaimer:I don't own Harry Potter.

English is not my native language. I write FanFictions in English because I love the language and to improve my skills.


It was the summer before her 6th year at Hogwarts. Rose Potter had to spend the first two weeks of the summer holidays with her relatives, to keep the bloodwards up.

It wasn't a secret that she hated her relatives, like they hated her. Sometimes she wonder, how it was possible that her Aunt Petunia was her mother's sister.
Another thing to wonder about was how anyone, even Petunia, could marry a git like Uncle Vernon. Although, together they made a perfect couple. They have created their own perfect little world, or better said utterly normal world. Totally boring. Totally normal. And Rose was totally misplaced there. She was a witch, and even for a witch anything but normal.

But only one more day, and she would be back at number 12 Grimmauld Place, and could spend the rest of the holidays with her godfather, Remus and later with her friends.
She laid on the bed. Tired from all the chores she had to do today. Her Uncle knew she'll leave tomorrow. First he was happy their get rid of the freak so early this year, but that meant that he had to do all the annoying stuff like lawnmowing, window cleaning etc. So he gave his niece a big list of chores she had to do, before she was allow to leave. Another annoying think was, that other freaks has to show up to get her. The Dursleys hoped the neighbors wouldn't see any of them.

Tomorrow at about 12 p.m. She would be on the way to Grimmauld Place. Remus and Mad-Eye would come and get her. She giggled by the imagination of what her Uncle would say about Mad-Eye. (A/N: Because Sirius survived the BoM in my story, there were no need to warn the Dursleys, and so they never met Mad-Eye before.)
And what would he say about Remus. She frowned. It wasn't like she mind what her Uncle say or think about anything or anyone, but she couldn't stand the thought of someone insulting Remus. She knew what he would say about his old and somewhat shabby robes.

She sigh heavily, roll on her stomach, and looked at the picture of her parents.

What would you say? Would you mind? Would you hate me for my feelings? Or would you be simply disgusted? But I love him, you know. I can't help it. I would change it if I could. I tried. But it doesn't worked. On the other hand... anything would be different if you were still alive. Maybe... maybe I wouldn't even love him like that...

That was her last thought, before she closed her eyes and fell in a dreamless sleep.


It was half past eleven when the doorbell rang. Rose ran down the stairs before her Uncle could open the door. Too late.

"Hello Dursley." Mad-Eye growled before Vernon could say a word. He was wearing a hat which he lifted a bit now, so that Vernon saw why he got this nickname.
Vernon paled. He swallowed audibly and croaked: "Come in."
Mad-Eye smiled mischivious and even Remus smirked.

"Hello Potter." Mad-Eyed said when he saw Rose on the top of the stairs. Remus turned around. "Hello Rose." he said and smiled brightly. "I hope you don't mind that we're a little early."

"No, it's totally okay. I'm almost done with packing, anyway." she said and smiled back at him. "I just fetch my trunk..." she said exited and went back to her room.

She threw the last of her stuff carelessly into the trunk and jumped when she suddely heard a voice behind her.

"Wait. I help you with the trunk." it was Remus.

Rose's cheeks turned slightly pink. "Thanks." she said softly.

"How are your holidays so far?" he asked while closing her trunk.

"Well... let's say I'm just happy to get out of here." she answered.

"Then let's go." Remus said and carried the trunk downstairs.

"So, you're ready?" Mad-Eye asked. "Your relatives are not exactly talkative."

The Durselys stand in the corner of the kitchen, holding each other tightly. Petunia and Dudley looked at Mad-Eye like he's a mad-man who will kill them every moment. Vernon looked simply pissed what made the view much more funny as it already was.
Rose laughed and Remus whispred amused: "I should have known..."

"Oh, how will we travel?" she asked.

"With a portkey." Remus said, knewing she didn't like portkeys since her forth year, he quickly added: "I'm sorry, but it's the savest way to get you to the headquarters."

"Okay..." Rose sighed and went to the door, right behind Moody.

"Um... don't you want to say goodbye to your Aunt and Uncle?" Remus asked a bit cunfused.

Rose raised her hand lazyly and murmeld a "Bye." without looking at them. Remus frowned but didn't say anything.

The three walked to the end of the street, and therefore out of the protection area. Remus pulled a empty waterbottle out of his robes. The portkey.
Rose and mad-Eye grabbed it and felt almost immadently an uncomfortable pull near her navel. Within only a second they arrived at number 12 Grimmauld Place. Rose fell on the floor, Remus and Mad-Eye landed next to her on their feets.

"Another reason I hate traveling by portkey." she murmled. Remus kneel next to her and put a hand on her back and took her hand to help her up. The girl blushed immadently and hoped Remus would think she's ashamed of her clumsiness and not because she felt a comfortable tingle in her stomach.

"It's alright. Everyone has problems with traveling by portkey the first times." the werewold said.

Rose cheeks turned even redder. "Thanks" she whispered to him when she stand on her feet again. She looked at him and smiled shyly.

"Was that what I thought it was?" she heard her godfather's voice from the next room.

Remus smiled brightly. "You know, Sirius annoyed the whole Order with the question when we finally bring you here. He really missed you."

Rose laughed of the mental image how Sirius annoyed everyone like a little child who wants a lolly, and felt how her heart warming from the thought he missed her. Sirius was the first person who was kind of like a parent for her. Like a father she never had, or a big brother. She knew that Sirius loved to spend time with her, not because she was something special to the wizard-world, no, just because she was his godchild. It made her feel wanted and loved. A feeling no one ever gave her before.

"Yep, it is." Sirius said when he heard Rose laughing. Suddenly a big black dog rushed though the door, straight to Rose.

"Sirius! NO!" she said before Padfoot ran into her, knocked her down, and kicked her face.

"I've told you, he missed you." Remus laughed.

"You didn't said he missed me THAT much." Rose also laughing and trying to push the monster of dog off of her chest.


It was only a week later, two days before her 16th birthday, when Rose became upset. Something was going wrong here. She noticed how Sirius and Remus whispered secretly behind her back, or stopped talking immadently when Rose entered the room. It was simply annoying and she didn't knew what she should think about it.

They were Ordermember, so they maybe just speak about further plans. Or they speak about her. But what would they talk about her, what they couldn't tell her directly? So maybe it's really only about the Order. Or they talked about her birthday. She sighed. Whatever it is, she hoped one day, and that day should be pretty soon, they would tell her.

"Hey. What are you reading?" Remus entered the living room and sat next to Rose.

"Same as yesterday." she answered and smiled.

She loved spening time with Remus. Sirius company was fun, too, but it was something else with Remus.
Almost every day she would sit with him for hours in the living room or library and talked about anything and everything. Sometimes Sirius would join them, and they talked about the Marauders time at Hogwarts. Rose had finally the chance to asked all the things she wanted to know about her parents; sometimes simple things like what their favorite color were, or which subject their liked the most. It was wonderful.
All the more she wondered about they strange behaviour sometimes.

The worst day so far, was her 16th birthday itself. She was allowed to stay awake until midnight.

"Exited?" Sirius asked and smirked.

"Well... Donnu. It's just my birthday... nothing special." she answered shyly.

"Nothing special, she said. It's your sixteenth birthday! It IS something special." Sirius said and hugged her.

She didn't care. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She couldn't exactly say what it was, but she felt it. Sirius was overjoied and she didn't know why. Okay, Sirius liked to be overjoined when something special was happen but he was never to hyper before. It couldn't be only her birthday. And there were Remus. He seems to be nervous all day and a bit distant.

"One more minute to go." the werewolf said and looked at clock like it would explode every second. His forhead was sweaty, and he rubs the palmes of his hand nervously.

"Merlin's beard, Remus." Sirius laughed. "Relax." and winked his old school friend.

Remus didn't said anything but looked at him like he was about to eat him alive.

"3...2...1... Happy birthday, my favorite Godchild!" Sirius said and hugged her tightly.

"Sirius... I'm your only godchild." she laughed.

"And my favorite." he said and kissed her temple.

She turned around to Remus. He was looking at her with a odd expression. Only a second before he hugged her, she saw something in his eyes, she never saw before, although she couldn't say what it was, but it scared her.

"Happy birthday, Rose." he whispered in her ears with a strange husky voice.

"Thank you." she said and felt how he was shivering in her arms, before he pulled abruptly out of her arms.

They were looking at each other, but Remus soon dropped the gaze.

"So, you're allowed to open one present now. The rest has to wait until tomorrow morning." Sirius said.

"Um..." Rose looked at the pile of presents. "I think I'll open them all tomorrow. I can't choose for one. And I'm really tired."

"It's your choice." Sirius said and shrugged. "Are you alright?" he asked concered.

"Yes, as I said, just tired. I think I go to bed now. Good night Sirius, night Remus." she said and left the room.

"So worse?" Sirius asked Remus after Rose left.

"Unbreadable." Remus said and put his head in his hands. "It'll kill me."

"Non-sense... but if it does, it's all your fault." he said and smiled innocently.

After this event, nothing was like before. Remus seems to be nervous around her, and always found a excuse to leave the room she was currently in.
Rose was confused and hurt. She couldn't tell she did or said something that made to werewolf act like that. She was close to tears. It hurt her, how the werewolf kept her on distance. She knew he would never love her, he would probably be disgusted by the way she felt for him, but she learned the value of a good friendship. She needed the wolf. He understood her, and she knew, secretly, she and Sirius were the only one who understood him.

A single tear made it's way down her cheek, she didn't bother to wipe it away. Her thoughts still by Remus and with a great pain in her chest she decided to talk to him.

She took a deep breath and collect her thoughts. There were two way this could end, either there were a simple explanation and she worried for nothing, or...

Rose stood in front of Remus bedroom door and knocked.

...or he found out and hate me now.

She paled was about to run back to her room, but Remus already opened the door.

"Can I help you, Rose?" he asked gently.

"I hope so." she said and stepped into the room.