Hollyleaf – Lust

Mistakes. Yeah, I've made a few in my life, but they didn't count for anything. It's the big ones that make a difference. They end in tragedy. When you try to fix them, it only makes things worse. No matter how much you regret them, they will never go away. The day I met Sol was the biggest mistake I could ever make.

I was absolutely in awe when he strolled into our camp for the first time. His pale yellow eyes mesmerized me. His fur was so beautiful and every color I wanted to be. I was black and plain – he was the most amazing cat I had ever seen. And his voice…it was truly stunning. His words were strange and confusing, but I could care less. I didn't just want him; no, I needed him.

After he spoke to Firestar and walked out of camp, I followed close behind. I was still an apprentice at the time and used all of my skills to track him. By the time we almost got to the ShadowClan border, he finally said something.

"You can come out from behind that bush, Hollypaw. I know you're there," he purred with his misty voice. I obeyed him without thought.

"H…hi," I said in a timid voice.

"Do you want to walk with me?" he asked politely. I nodded and we walked and talked. From then on, I was his. We met every night, even after I became a warrior. I was under his spell, and no matter how much I tried, I could not break free.

When Sol left the lake, my heart was ripped from my chest and left for crowfood. We never had real love, only my deep obsession for him, but I thought I was in love. He had betrayed me by leaving. It was then that I realized my new power – I could kill with ease. I had disposed of the traitor Ashfur like a piece of prey. Any love or good in me left; I only felt anger. My obsession for Sol's love would turn into an obsession for revenge. My revenge would have to wait, however.

I found out I was expecting kits shortly after I killed Ashfur. I felt it – the lives inside of me were upset. I spat with disgust. That traitor would never leave me, would he? These half-blood kits would be the constant reminder of him. I wanted Sol's blood on my paws, and there was only one way I could achieve that goal. I blamed Ashfur's death on him. My Clan became livid, and set out to capture them. I made sure to join along.

We brought him back to the ThunderClan camp. Throughout the whole journey, my paws itched with the urge to rip his throat apart, but I resisted for the sake of my Clanmates. I hated the cat that ruined my life, but my Clanmates wouldn't let me kill him. I constantly warned him of my fury, but his hypnotic voice drew me in once more. I helped him escape, and he left without a second glance.

After that, my anger became hate. I hated my Clan, my parents, fake parents, the warrior code, and myself. The night I let everything slip was when I hit the breaking point of my insanity. I ran into the tunnels to kill myself. It failed, miserably. The kittens were born in the tunnels a few nights later, but I hated them too. There was a black one and a white one. They both had his eyes. I refused to care for them. I left them on a rock during a flood, but a strange cat saved them. I was furious. I set out to kill the cat until I saw him. His pale ginger and white fur reminded me of my Clan – my home. He was licking on my kits and introduced himself.

"Fallen Leaves? What sort of name is that?" I growled. "Give me my kits back!"

His green eyes looked at me like I was insane. Maybe I was insane, but I could care less.

"You tried to kill these innocent lives," he said.

Innocent? They were spawn from the devil himself! They would just grow up to betray me, too! Fallen Leaves managed to convince me otherwise. We spent time together in the tunnels raising my kittens. He taught me how to feel happiness and love again. I ignored the evil eyes of my kits because Fallen Leaves told me that they were only a color. I finally gave them names; not Clan names, but loner names – Ice and Night. They grew up to be very smart, but left the tunnels once they were at an apprentice age to live their own lives.

Years passed before I came in contact with the Clans again. I saved some young cats that smelled like ThunderClan. Then, I heard that he was back. I knew it was time to return to the Clans. It was time to get my final revenge. It was time to end the cat that ended my life as a loyal ThunderClan warrior. It was time to get back my peace of mind.


DISCLAIMER

I own none of these characters. Also, this probably never happened the way I put it. This is my imagination running loose.