Dear Ms. Faraday,

In accordance with my mentor's wishes, I have begrudgingly written this letter. In fact, I was very surprised when he decided he'd have me begin this correspondence. I believe his words were something along the lines of "interacting across the various fields of law in order to broaden my perspective and further develop my understanding of the legal process."

In all honesty, my opinion is that this entire matter is nothing but a waste of time. There are, believe me, several things I would rather be doing. But I suppose one must obey his mentor if he desires to walk down the road of success. In any case, I hope you are having an easier time with this than I am.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Edgeworth,

If you were trying to establish that you're an ass, good job. Trust me, you have me swayed. And yeah, your reluctance to write to me in that letter was real subtle there, mister.

No, but seriously. I mean, I was okay with this and all. My father is doing his best to teach me, and I want to think that everything he puts me through is worthwhile. But of all people, I have to get stuck writing to a stuffy old prosecutor? What fun this will be. UGH, if all of you are this rude in court, I might have second thoughts about becoming a defense attorney and having to deal with you people twenty-four seven. Whatever.

Try to keep these short, I've got loads of studying to do.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Ms. Faraday,

Prosecutor-in-training, actually.

I had slightly hoped to discover within these exchanges that a defense attorney might, in actuality, prove more capable and dignified than I had originally thought them to be. Unfortunately, I see from my correspondence with you that they are just as uncouth as I had previously believed. At least this means that in the future, victories will come for me by the landslide. Obtaining a guilty verdict will be simple if I have people like you as opponents.

Have yourself a good day, Ms. Defense Attorney-in-training.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Edgeworth,

Wow, I don't even know what to say to that. Except maybe that you're absolutely unbearable to speak to. Do you have any friends? Yeah, my guess is that it took three words from your mouth to drive any potential candidates away.

Studying to be a lawyer gives us precious little time for a social life in the first place, and top of that, you're just a bastard. Is your mentor as crabby as you, Almighty Prosecutor-in-training? Jerk. Have fun dwindling your miserable life away in your stale, dark, soulless room.

Best wishes,

Kay

P.S. Have I told you that you're a jerk?


Dear Ms. Faraday,

I have plenty of colleagues, thank you very much. We collaborate and study together on a daily basis. And do not insult my mentor. He is several times more accomplished than you or your father, and deserves to be respected as such.

Is pointing out flaws all you are competent at? I imagine there is little else for you to be doing in the long run. Aside from cooking and laundry, I suppose. Good luck with whatever.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. Have I told you that you are immature?

P.P.S. When do you graduate from law school? Are you going to take the July Bar exam?


Dear Edgeworth,

WHY YOU SEXIST LITTLE-

Did you seriously just...? I'm not even going to comment on it. And I asked if you had any friends. Not "colleagues". There's a pretty big difference, in case you didn't realize. They're probably all as stuffy as you, poring over law books in a dank musty corner. Go dunk your head, jerkface.

...Then again, I guess I can't be a hypocrite. These days I can kiss any notion of going outside goodbye. I don't think I've done anything save study, eat, and sleep for a month. I shouldn't even be making time for this! Why do I have this dumb envelope on my desk? Why am I even writing to you? I'm wasting valuable time! My father's crazy, and, I guess, so is your mentor.

Best wishes,

Kay

P.S. I graduate in a week. After which I will become stuck in a dark vortex of doom and no return. Stupid Bar exam. Stupid dad. Stupid lawyers. Stupid all-nighters. I'm tired. I'm seriously gonna freak out.


Dear Ms. Faraday,

You are obviously hyperventilating. I realize not all of us can be as held together as myself, but that is no reason to lose your cool. Calmly assess your materials and give yourself set periods of relaxation from time to time.

You know, you remind me of someone I am acquainted with. He, too, is obnoxious, crude, vulgar, outspoken, and idiotically direct. And he is studying to be a defense attorney as well (coincidence? I think not). My point being that he is probably even more oblivious and reckless than you appear to be. Yet he is determined, and stubborn beyond all else, to the extent that he will see his studies through. If he can do it, even you should be able to prove yourself adequate come exam time.

...You bring up an interesting point. Why HAVE your father and my mentor arranged for this right before our most critical moments? This entire exchange WAS their idea, correct? Mr. von Karma is usually more mindful of how my studies are going. But I suppose it is not our place to inquire into it.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. My colleagues and I are not stuffy.


Dear Jerkface,

...If I squint...If I'm reading correctly...Are you...? I mean, in your own rude, pompous, callous way, you seem to be trying to make me feel better. That's...surprisingly kind of you. Thanks, even if you didn't mean it. I do feel a bit...less frantic right now.

Also, sorry for the long delay, I guess. I've just graduated, (whoopee) so things have been kinda hectic. Well, since Hell (AKA the Bar exam) is incoming, I might as well chill out for a little. My sofa looks awfully inviting right about now.

One more thing, don't refer to me as "Ms. Faraday". I hate being addressed by my last name. And since I'm gonna become a lawyer, it's gonna soon be a situation in which literally everyone will call me exclusively by my last name. That'll be so annoying, I can't even imagine. So for now, while it's still possible, just call me Kay, 'kay?

Best wishes,

Kay

P.S. Are you also studying for your Bar exam? I know I called you stuffy, but...geez, are you a robot? How can anyone remain so rigid and calm at a time like this? Or are you actually about to secretly pass out every time you write to me? Isn't putting on a facade tiring, Mr. Prosecutor?


Dear Kay,

Be grateful I'm actually acquiescing to your wishes. And there is no facade. Remaining stable under pressure is an essential trait one must have in court. Or do you not know that much?

Though you bring up a valid thought. Nobody recognizes the importance of formality as much as me, but it will be rather monotonous hearing "Edgeworth" over and over again, once I ascend to the position of Prosecutor. And I am one who believes in equivalent exchange. Therefore, I insist that you refer to me by my first name as well.

Yes, I graduated around the same time as you, so it is only natural that I'll take the upcoming Bar exam in July as well.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles, (does this please Your Lordship?)

You...are...so...stuffy. Oh, how you must cringe at having to write to a mere peasant girl such as myself! I will be sure to humble myself in your godly presence from now on, O great Prosecutorial Diety!

By the way, I snuck a look at your photograph. I pestered my dad for it 'till he asked for one from Crabby-pants von Karma. Is it normal for guys to wear pink suits and frills? You are a guy, right?

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

It is not pink, it is burgundy. And it is a cravat, nothing to do with frills.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. Are you so obsessed with me that you'd search for a picture in these supposedly hectic times? I know I am devilishly handsome, and it is understandable to be sure, but I'd advise you to be more prudent with your time.


Dear Miles,

Ha. Ha. As if. I just wanted see how furrowed and tightly knit your face would inevitably be. And boy, you sure didn't disappoint. I am surprised, though, that someone like you is capable of cracking jokes. Did you strain yourself doing so? Pull a muscle? Obliterate your funny bone? Have fun with your frills and tea parties, Edgey.

Best wishes,

Kay

P.S. Can you believe the frickin' exam's in two months? Gawd, this is gonna suck.


Dear Kay,

It. Is. A. CRAVAT. For the last time.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. There is nothing wrong with my face.


Dear Miles,

Aw, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Edgey-poo. It's not THAT bad, in any case. Like, your face COULD be as tightly strung as, say, your mentor's. Dude, what's up with him? It's like someone stretched rubber skin over jagged bones. No offense, of course.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

I did not realize that this was a forum for insulting one's teacher. And DON'T call me Edgey-poo. There is this...creature of unspeakable horror that I am unfortunately acquainted with. She...Oldbag...frequently calls me by that insufferable nickname. I shudder just thinking about it.

In any case, please do not call me that. Please.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

"Oldbag"? Is that someone's...name? Um.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

I urge you to drop this matter. I deeply, deeply implore you to leave it alone.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. Apparently, our respective mentors have arranged for us to meet this weekend. I confess, I am perplexed. Can this not wait until after "Hell," as you so aptly dubbed it?


Dear Miles,

I'm confused, too. The exam's looming, and my dad's seriously having me take time away from my schedule so I can go meet you? Not that...there's anything wrong in particular with that. Except, y'know, that this really isn't the best time for it. Um, this really is not like him. Has your mentor been acting weird, too? Well, I'll see you Saturday, I guess. I'll finally get to see your frilly pink suit in person.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

My cravat disapproves of your lack of seemly knowledge regarding refined raiment. And I am beginning to doubt that having us write to each other had anything to do with supplementing our studies. If I know my mentor, it's that he does nothing without an ulterior motive.

But I'll see you soon, I suppose.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Edgeworth, are you alright? Please, please tell me you're alright! I wouldn't know what I would do if- Oh God, if you...because of me...

WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? I was the one being stupid! I was the one who crossed the street, waving to you like a moron! I thought your horrified expression was because you weren't expecting to see me yet.

To think that you'd actually...push me out of the way. Why? Edgeworth, you hardly know me...

UGH! I blame you completely! Trying to be a hero, or whatever it was that ran through your rigid skull...

That driver should have his license revoked! We should sue him! We're lawyers-in-training, right?

There was so much blood...Are you in the hospital? I...I couldn't even do or say anything except call the ambulance. And after that, they just took you away.

Write back to me as soon as possible, I beg you! Dad won't give me your phone number or contact information. He says it won't do me any good to be agitated over it. I don't even know where they took you.

I just can't stomach the fact that this was all my fault. Though I imagine you really don't want to have anything to do with me from now on. But I have to know you're okay!

Please...Edgeworth, please be alright.

Kay


Dear Kay,

Cease your worried screeching, I can practically hear it through the page.

I thought that we agreed to be on first-name terms? Though admittedly it was due to reasons other than familiarity. Still, an agreement remains an agreement, I hope you'll agree.

And who says that I want nothing to do with you? Did I? Did I give any implication of the sort?

If you really feel that the fault lies with you, then you have an obligation to come visit me at the hospital I'm staying at. I'd say that would make us even. And you know how fond I am of equivalent exchange.

Excuse me, for I must go endure the searing pain in my wrist for having written this letter in the first place. You had better appreciate the immense effort it took.

Having casts plastered all over my body is an unprecedentedly agonizing experience.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

You're just as stuffy in person. But...I was really, really relieved to see that you're okay. Well, as okay as one could be, strapped up and confined to bed like that. Now, you're literally "stiff". Did you like the flowers I put at your bedside? I made sure they were burgundy, you know.

This is really going to hinder your preparation for the exam, huh? Are you even gonna get discharged before the test date? I feel so guilty.

If there's anything I can do for you, you'd better not hesitate to ask.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

My treatment will be complete in a little over a month. So I'll be able to make the exam. The flowers were nice. I'm taken aback that a defense attorney could have decent taste in floral arrangement. It is going to be rather toilsome to study at this rate, however.

I can hardly pick up a book in my condition.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

Well, I could...I mean, if you want, we could...

You know.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

Shocking as it may seem, I must assert that I do not know, despite your astounding clarity on the matter.

What are you talking about?

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

Um, well, we could...study together, if you want. It must be hard to do anything with that mussed up body of yours, so I figured...

If you wanted, I could help you read or review or whatever, to prepare for the exam. Just as repayment for potentially saving my life, mind you. Don't read too much into it.

Only if you want, though.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

A prosecutor-to-be, accepting help from a future defense attorney? You must be, as they say, "off your rocker".

But I suppose the insanity flu is going around. The first to catch it were our mentors, from what I could gather. And I'll admit, I've caught it pretty badly myself.

I expect you near my hospital bed first thing tomorrow morning.

Provided that you've the luxury to do so, of course.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

Ha! It was worth coming just to see you all flustered. That poor, poor nurse. He only came to deliver you your lunch. I dunno why you had to snap at him like that. The way you bristled at him, you looked about ready to bite his head off.

Although, a thought strikes me. He was being awfully nice to me. Don't tell me...Could it be?

You weren't jealous, were you?

I didn't think you were the type to be possessed by the green-eyed monster, Miles.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

Preposterous.

That ingrate went in, delivered to me my lunch, and lingered around, blatantly flirting with you, while we were clearly trying to study.

Anyone besides me with a shred of etiquette would have done the same.

Don't be ridiculous, going around thinking like that.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

So it was just ridiculous in the first place, huh?

Are you really that adverse to the idea? I didn't think I was that ugly.

Or maybe you simply hate me.

Kay


Kay,

It's not like that. I didn't mean it the way it sounded.

Miles Edgeworth


Then what did you mean?

A prosecutor's got to be direct with his words, you know.

Kay


I meant...

I'm not sure what I meant.

I wasn't thinking clearly.

The truth is...I was a tad bothered. By that nurse's...actions.

Miles


Dear Miles,

A tad?

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

It's not my job to disclose truth outside the court.

But...fine. I was quite bothered, alright? He was...making passes at you.

And that bothered me quite a bit.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

You're gonna have to prove it. Evidence. Every lawyer's gotta have it.

So prove it to me.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

I pride myself on always being prepared. I admit, however, that for this particular bit of evidence...I'll need a bit of time.

Certainly I'm in no state to deliver proof as of now.

But...wait until after I'm discharged. After the exam, when we both have more time, and less sleep deprivation.

I'll make sure to obtain a verdict by then.

And I do not go back on my word.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth

P.S. I don't know if you've gone blind in both eyes, but wherever did you get the idea that you were ugly? If you're ugly, then I'm goddamned Gourdy from that ridiculous lake.


Dear Miles,

It's a promise.

Until then, however, I'm gonna have to go over there nearly every day to make sure you don't drop dead from over-exertion. Half your bones are still shattered, you know.

Since that's the case, I doubt we'll need to send each other letters until after the Dreaded Day.

Best wishes,

Kay

P.S. More surprises. You can curse. Didn't think you had it in you. But, thanks. I'm not kidding. Thank you, Miles.


Dear Miles,

IT'S DONE. WE HAVE PASSED THROUGH OUR ORDEAL (RELATIVELY) UNSCATHED.

Huzzahs all around.

And it's been ages since I've sent you a letter, huh? Already feels nostalgic, even though it's been like...barely over a month.

And if I recall, you said you'd be able to gather that evidence by now.

Here goes my foot, tapping impatiently.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

So I did. Well, then. On Wednesday, when the clock strikes seven, I'll come by to pick you up.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

"When the clock strikes seven?" I know you're stuffy, but I swear you're doing this on purpose, just to mess with me.

By the way, the reason my father and your mentor put that whole thing together was so we'd have a little bit of a load off our shoulders preparing for the exam. Apparently, they remember all too vividly what they went through right after finishing law school, and wanted to make sure that we'd at least have a companion who's going through the same stress to help deal with said stress.

It worked pretty well, in retrospect.

But I guess they didn't expect we'd end up dating by the end of it. Talk about unforeseen consequences. My dad was really taken aback.

Are you bringing your pink suit and frills with you when we go out? Just wondering.

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

You date me, you date the cravat as well.

Nothing you say can separate me from my cravat and beloved suit.

I'll see you then.

The verdict is in.

Yours truly,

Miles Edgeworth


Dear Miles,

The verdict, huh?

I suppose the gavel's come down by now.

And the final verdict: Are you mine, truly?

Best wishes,

Kay


Dear Kay,

I am Yours,

Truly


Author's Note:

DAT CHEESY ENDING. And dem courtroom metaphors. When you enter the fandom of Phoenix Wright, you come upon a realm in which you must have courtroom metaphors. No objections allowed.

And this is my stab at a letter-writing fic. Hope it went well. I, for one, had loads of fun writing it. Edgeworth and Kay have such interesting character dynamics to toss around willy-nilly.

Also, I shamelessly hurled in a reference from the first Phoenix Wright game. If you've played the game, then I'd like to think that you laughed when you read it.

Random Quotation of the Day:

"I have nothing funny to say."

-Tsukasa, from Lucky Star.