'Goodnight Sweet Prince'

This short was inspired by AlwaysHatedEssay's awesome doodles which I found on her tumblr that I stalk relentlessly, SORRY I AM SO ANNOYING BB. XD

Unbeta'd, because I like to live dangerously.

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the nouns associated with it, I just wanted to mess with the characters a bit…

"Vegeta, could you get Trunks settled in bed? I'm gonna hop through the shower real quick."

Vegeta, the Prince of All Saiyans and grudging father, gave his blue-haired harpy of a sex slave (not 'girlfriend,' dammit) a glare that had literally melted faces during the course of his genocidal past. "Absolutely not."

"Oh, sorry, by 'could you'"- Bulma shifted their yawning baby boy to her hip and supported him with one arm as she swiped at her chest with the towel in her other hand, "-I meant 'right now, asshole!' Because in case you hadn't noticed, he just spit up all over me!"

Vegeta wanted to smirk, really he did, but the stench of bile and baby formula wafting from the usually welcoming, perfumed valley of Bulma's cleavage was overpowering. He flared his nostrils and snorted instead, trying in vain to push out the disgusting smell, eyeing Trunks critically.

Locking gazes with the pastel-colored ball of leaking, whining puppy fat that he had sired, Vegeta could feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Trunks stared back undaunted, and for one frantic moment Vegeta was certain the child was staring into his very soul.

Giving his head a quick shake, Vegeta flexed his hands as he turned his attention back to Bulma, the leather of his gloves creaking as his fingers shifted within. "Woman, I understand that you are mentally impaired, so I will repeat myself just this once for your sake: NO!"

Bulma's eyes narrowed, glinting with an impish light, and Vegeta knew his opponent was about to change tactics.

Still, he was unprepared for her sudden invasion of his personal space, despite this being the most common of the many violations the insufferable wench committed against his royal person daily.

Dropping the dirty towel, Bulma placed her slender, moon-pale hand on his shoulder and dragged it across his collarbone to his chest, pretending to thumb his nipple through his armor. Gazing down at him from under her thick black lashes, Bulma hummed lightly. "Y'know…seeing you playing 'Daddy' really gets me all-hot, Vegeta. Who knows what I'd do if I knew you were actually tucking Trunks in…maybe even giving him a little kiss 'goodnight' on the cheek…"

Her hand dropped abruptly to his spandex-covered crotch and squeezed, and again Vegeta wondered too late why he only wore armor on his chest.

Trunks gave a sleepy giggle as he watched his father's face turn as red as Elmo.

Sputtering, Vegeta batted Bulma's offending hand away and stepped back with a snarl, freed from the evil woman's sexual spell by his son's taunting gurgles. "How repulsive, pawing at me with your soiled flesh! Scour yourself with steel wool under scalding water, and perhaps there is a very distant chance I will lower myself to allowing you to service me."

Laughing, Bulma shot back "That's rich, coming from Mister B. O.-and-blood!" She swung Trunks around and peppered his tiny face with noisy kisses, making the baby squeal and kick with delight. "Aw, night-night, my little munchkin-head! You have a nice sleepy-sleep, okay?" Trunks cooed in reply.

Vegeta nearly added his own vomit to Bulma's messy shirt. "Cease this disgraceful display at once! You are turning the brat into an idiot like yourself. Now," he growled, thrusting out one hand palm-up, "hand him over."

Bulma gave a sigh as her saintly patience was tested once more. "Vegeta, I'm not giving you a twenty, I'm giving you a baby-our baby! You know perfectly well that's not how you're supposed to hold him! His head needs supp-"

Vegeta phased out of sight, and when he reappeared he was holding Trunks back-to chest like a hostage. "The boy is of elite Saiyan stock, tainted as it may be by human blood. I could drop him from the roof and he would be unscathed."

Bulma gasped, horrified at the very idea. Her glowing blue eyes narrowed to slits. "You wouldn't dare."

A nasty smile crawled across Vegeta's face as he backed into the shadows of the unlit hallway. "Do enjoy your shower, woman…and if you are not sanitized and waiting for me when I return, I will hunt you down and make you regret it." Trunks hardly had time to whimper before they had vanished into the darkness.

Bulma couldn't help but shiver. "So hot."

Vegeta strode into the nursery, ignoring the light switch on the wall beside the door: he could see perfectly well in the dark.

So could Trunks, but that didn't mean the baby enjoyed the cloying black of night. When he saw his father's reflective alien pupils gleaming menacingly in the dark, he began to sniffle.

"Stop that this instant," Vegeta demanded in his roughest tone, but he was careful as he lowered his son into the crib, as though he were handing live explosives. The baby rolled over and sat up, but Vegeta's death-stare had him lying back down quickly. "You will remain silent and still until someone sees fit to retrieve you. Understood?"

Trunks' lower lip quivered almost imperceptibly; almost, unless the person perceiving was Vegeta. His glare sharpened.

Trunks rolled over and stared at the wall, wide-eyed with fear as his scary daddy stood over his bed and attempted to scowl his son to sleep. Still, even though his night-light was out and his mobile was silent, Trunks managed to nod off.

After all, no monster would dare attack him when he had such a father as this one.

Vegeta observed the brat going limp with unconsciousness and felt satisfaction bubble up within.

The smug sort, mind you. Another battle won.

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the nursery and down the hall, eager to collect his spoils of war.

Author's Note: So yeah, hey anybody who is maybe here for updates on my other things! Eheh…all I can say is I'm working on that situation. I STILL don't have my own laptop, and right now I don't want to save any lengthy pieces on a shared computer (I'm already nervous as hell that someone will find this one…)

Anyway, this is totally dedicated to AlwaysHatedEssays, who is awesome and you should all go read her fic 'Three Years of Uneaten Strawberries,' because of reasons (mainly that it's awesome!)

Please don't take this fic too seriously. I don't. But DO please let me know what you thought, if you'd like! This is my first DBZ fic, amazingly, since I've loved it since I was a kid and basically shipped B/V before I even knew what shipping was.

Oh, as for the shiny night-vision eyes: that's one of my head canons. I like to think that saiyans have eyes like a cat's that glow in the dark, and maybe there's been a few occasions where Vegeta gave Bulma a heart attack thinking there was a giant raccoon skulking around the trashcans in the kitchen until she turned the lights on...nope, just the Prince of All Saiyans. XD

I'm leaving the possibility for more little short stories, probably unconnected in terms of an overarching plot/timeline, open in case I want to write more B/V in the future. Which is possible. What do you guys think? In any case…

Thanks for reading, ya'll!