Summary: They loved. They fought. They bled. Walking away is not an option.

Pairing: James Diamond & Logan Mitchell

Warning: Violence. Asphyxiation. Smut.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or profit, in any way, from this story. All creative rights to the characters belong to Scott Fellows and their original creator(s).

AN: I watched Big Time Sneakers again. James and Logan sure get physical. Title from the Lykke Li and Kleerup song of the same name.

Until We Bleed

I'm naked, I'm numb, I'm stupid, I'm staying


His tone is stern. The matching expression on his face leaves no room for argument. Logan stood his ground. His anger resonated in every small movement. His chest rose and fell in short, sharp breaths. Clearly, he's had enough. Dismissing the other boy completely as he returned to folding laundry sprawled across their bed. Anyone else would have cowered with fear.

James, however, had other ideas.

It's a slight push but a push nonetheless. Logan stumbles backwards a few steps. His eyes widen in shock. James has no time to react before he's shoved back the way he came. He falls backwards onto the cold, hard ground and with a firm grip on Logan's shirt Logan tumbles with him. Logan's straddling him, arms pinned against his shoulders pushing, grasping hard enough to leave bruises. For a quick moment Logan stills. James' face contorts with pain and Logan is unsure of himself, quickly remorseful and puzzled by the defensive instinct that's taken over.

James recovers quickly. He pushes Logan off of him until the other boy practically flies backwards landing in the opposite direction, his breath knocked out of him. The anger returns and Logan is swinging when James straddles him in return. James grabs Logan by the wrist and pins his hands above his head as Logan squirms. James is smirking as he eyes the expanse of Logan's neck when he arches beneath him. The sheer determination in Logan's eyes does something to James. It warms his heart and makes him instantly hard. Logan can be so adorable.

There is no way Logan is stronger than the 20 pounds of muscle James has on him but the shooting pain in James' groin reminds him that Logan fights dirty. He falls sideways cupping his balls. Both convulsing in pain and hissing at the pleasure his hands bring to the raging hard on Logan has just kneed.

"I hate you." He groans.

"I hate you too." Logan's eyes are dark and James fully believes he means it. James won't let him leave like this. Their fight is far from over. With one hand fisted against the front of his shirt Logan is thrown back against the floor.

They are always at each other's throat. Neither one concedes. There's a point to be made, although, he often forgets what. No one fights him like Logan does. Not Kendall. Not Carlos. Only Logan brings out something dark within him.

Logan starts clawing at his arms, taking skin as he goes, James flinches at the sting grabbing Logan by his shoulders, lifting him and throwing him back down. His head hits hard against the floor and Logan hisses in pain.

"You're an asshole." He breathes, twisting and turning, doing anything to get away. James won't let him go. The large calloused hands are twisted against the fabric of his shirt until James pulls in every direction. The cotton rips with ease. Logan sits up to shove James off of him and the shirt falls backwards and off his arms. Logan starts throwing punches. "You're now my third best friend!" He yells.

It's immature and it's his go to insult but it hurts James all the same. "Oh yeah?" James punches Logan squarely on the chest just as hard, "Then why don't you start asking Kendall or Carlos to fuck you from now on."

It's a low blow. Logan stills above him and receives a punch as he does so. His mouth parts open, eyes go dark and it's not something James is sure they can recover from. James freezes beneath him, hands still clenched in bruising fists. The pain in his chest throbs harder than any physical wound on his body. Logan pushes off of him and James panics.

"No." It registers for a quick moment that he should just apologize. He doesn't even remember what they're fighting for. His pride won't let him. Logan doesn't get to walk away. No matter how much they bleed, Logan doesn't get to walk away.

"Let go of me." Logan yells, a harsh whisper, as James' arms weighs done on his windpipe, "I'm done."

Two words. Ambiguous. Only not. It's exactly to the point. Two syllables that can end all that they have.

If James was angry before he's downright livid now. No matter how far they push each other those words should never be said. It guts at his insides. Logan won't stop shouting at him, voice slurred and elevating slowly in volume. One hand instinctively clasps against Logan's mouth to stop him from growling and the other pins him down against the tile as he arches his frame. James grinds down on Logan. The guttural breathing slows to a different kind against his hand. Logan's eyes flutter shut.

It always comes to this.


James' got a point to prove. He flips Logan over, hands clawing at his jeans, nails tearing at the skin as he pulls his jeans and boxers downwards in a struggle having skipped all buttons and zippers. James is desperate. He doesn't bother going all the way. Past Logan's knees is where he stops. His chest on Logan's back, one arm slips under Logan's neck to pull his head back and the other frees James of himself, hips angled just right, his nose in Logan's hair, blood pounding so hard, so quick, James collapses above him before he can help himself.

Logan takes the opportunity to elbow James off. He kicks off the rest of his pants and repeats the action to James. It takes James a moment to register what is happening. Logan's finger rips through him and he recoils at the intruding touch.

It's a never-ending battle for dominance between them. There was time for sweet kisses and gentle touches; there was time for flip-flopping and coaxed participation. That time was not now.

He pulls Logan's hand away from his bottom and Logan's wraps his hands around James' neck in such a swift movement James gasps in surprise. He squeezes. Hard. Eyes dark and wide, eyebrows furrowed. No intentions to play around. He grinds his bare ass against James. Enveloping the taller boy with his heat and James' eyes roll to the back of his head.

James gasps, tiny breaths. Dying breaths.

It feels so good James is ready to die by Logan's hands. He wills his eyes open and stares deep into Logan's dark brown orbs. If it were the last thing he sees, he'd die satisfied. He claws at Logan, a hint of a smile on his lips because it feels so good. So, so good. A stabbing pain rips through him, worst than the lost of air. It's searing, hot, burning, and brings tears to his eyes. Logan is in him without warning. But Logan hits right there. And James sees stars.

A splash of cum covers his chest. Logan removes his hands from James' neck and rubs the stickiness into him. He's gasping, choking on the sudden gush of air. Too far gone to protest the cum against his skin or Logan pounding into him, punishing, reminding him just how perfect they fit together. They're not 16 anymore. It doesn't take long before his body takes Logan in willingly, desperately. Like the many times he's been there before.

"I love you." James whimpers, breathless, voice broken.

That's all it takes. Logan collapses on top of him, stickiness now smeared between them and he shoots off his own seeds inside of James. Groaning raspy moans into James' ear. The taller boy hugs him tight to stop him from shaking.

It takes them a long time to come down from their high, content to be in each other's arms, waiting for their breathing to even out. James is nearly asleep when Logan shifts above him, pulling out and rolling beside him, hate vanished.

Logan hovers one hand above him. James looks at it confused but slips his hand in Logan's anyways. To his surprise, Logan gives him a firm handshake. Truce. He pulls away with a heavy sigh.

"Fine. You can keep the Limited Edition Series 5 Buster Clyde's." Logan finally agrees. James pulls Logan flush against him. "But this is the last time we're buying stupid expensive shoes."

He feels Logan's smile against his skin. He slowly smirks.