So...I'm in the tub and I get a text from the one...the only...Shell Shock, telling me I should really continue 'Under the Christmas Tree' cause she has a sad since Kristen went and did her director. She isn't feeling the B/E stuff and wanted something else. So I said...I just so happen to have another chapter of that that I donated of the million things I donate chapters to...

So here ya go...

Tissue warning.

Thanks to Edward's Eternal for her amazing beta work and theonlykyla for pre-reading for me.



My life is perfect.

My life is amazing and wonderful and better than I could have ever imagined.

Until one night in September.

Carlisle and I had been working opposite scheduled for the last week and were in desperate need to reconnect.

And reconnect we did.

In the living room.

On the kitchen counter.

And finally in the shower.

I pressed him up against the cold tile wall and covered him in rich suds as the hot water cascaded around us.

My cock was hard against the swell of his ass and I could feel him pressing back against me.


"Do you want this?" I snarled as I urged just the tip of my cock between his ass cheeks.

He moaned loud and long and nodded his head, the wet strands of blond covering his eyes.

"You need to say it if you want it," I whispered as I reached around and grabbed his cock, loving the way his body shook.

"I want you…to fuck me," he whimpered as I tightened my grip.

"You wanna get fucked? By my hard cock?" I teased and felt him swell in my hand.

I had to be careful or we would both be done before it even started.

I leaned past him and turned the water off, the echoing sounds of the drops hitting the tile floor almost as loud as our panting breaths.

He turned in my arms and pressed his lips to mine, our cocks bumping and rubbing against each other.

It was always so good.

Even those first few awkward times we were together.

I always knew it could be like this.

We were so in tuned to each other.

He knew when I needed it soft and I knew when he needed to be fucked.

And tonight he needed to be fucked.

By the time he was done fucking my mouth with his tongue we were almost dry.

I walked backwards through the bathroom, dragging him along and used a towel to catch the lingering drops of water on his skin.

I would have rather used my tongue.

He watched me with aroused but nervous eyes as I pulled the condoms and lube from the nightstand with my free hand, tugging him towards the bed with the other.

As new as this was to him, it was just the same for me.

I had never been inside anyone before.

And I was worried I would come the second I got inside his virgin ass.

"I want to fuck your face," I whispered as I pulled him towards the bed.

I lay back against the pillows and encouraged him to get up on top of me.

His eyes were on my cock and then his hands were too.

I moaned when my tip slid past those soft, soft lips.

He was so good at sucking cock.

My little cocksucker.

I wondered if he had been this good at eating pussy but if I thought about that too long I would lose my wood, so I pushed that aside and concentrated on him.

We had played around with dildos before, but I knew it would take some work to get him loose enough for me.

So while he was busy with my dick in his mouth I shifted so my head was between his spread thighs.

He smelled like the soap we used and…



I nuzzled my face into that sensitive spot right behind his nuts and let my tongue lap at his textured sac.

He moaned around my shaft and I nearly blew my load right there.

I took a deep breath of Carlisle-scented air before I trailed my tongue over the subtle ridge of his sac and towards his crack.

I could feel him trembling above me as I got closer.

The fine blond hairs on his skin tickled my face as I parted his cheeks and ran my nose up and over his pucker.

"Edward?" he gasped as my tongue darted out to taste and probe and savor.

His teeth scraped along my cock as I delved deeper.

I wasn't gonna last.

Just as I spilled down his throat I shoved two fingers deep inside him, stretching.

He hummed around me as his ass clenched against the intrusion.

I pushed him off me and he flopped down on the bed.

His cock was hard against his abdomen, the tip nearly touching his belly button.

Just as I leaned over him to take him in my mouth his phone rang.

I looked up at him, cocking my head to the side.

"I'm not on call," he rasped as he reached up and grabbed at my hair, urging me down.

The house phone rang next and I cursed as I waited for the stupid disembodied voice to announce who was calling.

And we both went dead still as we heard the name.

"Platt, Esme."

Carlisle pushed me off him as he reached over to the nightstand to answer it.

"Esme?" he rasped, and I watched as the blood drained from his face…

And his cock.

He looked over at me and I realized that this must be what it felt like to have everything you ever wanted ripped away.

"I'll be right there," he said as he hung up and jumped off the bed, frantically searching for clothes.

I just sat there.

What else was I supposed to do?

The man I loved…the man I had pined after for years and only had as mine for a few months was leaving.

He spun around and looked at me.

"Are you coming?" he cried, his usual unflappably calm demeanor shattered.

"Where?" I sighed; unable to fathom why he wanted me to come along to his reunion with Esme.

I knew it was only a matter of time.

He had been stalling when I asked when he was going to come out at work.

They all knew I was gay at the firm but no one at the hospital knew he was…


But every time I asked, he would tell me it wasn't a good time.

And every time I tried to hide my disappointment.

"Esme's in labor," he said as he ran his hand through his hair.

And I could only look at him.

"It's my baby," he shouted and I recoiled.

It's over.


Even though it killed me, I went with him.

He was too upset to drive so I loaded him into my car and watched as he fidgeted nervously in the seat next to me.

The ride was silent.

I hated every second.

What would it feel like when I watched him walk away from me and towards her?

Would the pain be sharp, like a knife in my chest?

Or would it be dull, like a slowly festering wound?

Whatever it was…I knew I would probably never get over it.


Carlisle knew the hospital like the back of his hand so it only took a second before we were loaded in an elevator and on our way to labor and delivery.

He asked her room number at the desk and she directed him down the hall.

"Who are you?" the nurse questioned while he signed in on the visitor's sheet.

"I'm the father."

"And you?" she asked, as I watched Carlisle run down the hall to her room.

"I'm no one."


I couldn't leave.

As much as I wanted to, I knew I needed to be there for Carlisle.

So I sat in the waiting room, facing the nursery. and watched the babies wiggle around in their clear bassinets.

Would he want me to move out?

There was no way I could stay and watch them now…

Not after I had a taste of what perfection could be like with him.

I would have to leave the city.

I couldn't risk running into them.

I dropped my head and tried to keep my tears at bay.


I hated myself even as I responded to his voice.

He looked exhausted.

His hair was wild around his head and his shirt was rumpled.

But the smile on his face was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

He was absolutely radiant.

"It's a girl!" he whispered as he turned around and pointed to a bassinet that was just being wheeled into the nursery.

Even from here I could see the resemblance.

Her hair, the little bit that peeked out from under her pink cap, was wavy and blonde.

Her nose was his but I could see Esme in the shape of her eyes.

"She's beautiful," I rasped as I stood and walked over to the glass.

I wanted to hate her.

She was breaking my heart.

But I couldn't.

She was a piece of the man I loved.


We stood there as they gave her a bath and changed her into a sweet little white t-shirt and a pink striped hat.

I could feel myself slowly cracking.

Like a sheet of ice, the splintering was making its way through me.

Soon I would be nothing but pieces…

Broken pieces.

And I didn't want him to see me shatter.

"I'm gonna go," I whispered, and he turned to me.

I'm sure he could have seen it if he was looking at me…

But he wasn't really looking at me.

"Yeah, can you get a crib and diapers, oh and bottles and clothes. Shit just buy out the entire baby section will ya?" he laughed as he pulled me in for a hug.

I choked back a sob as I felt his arms around me.

So now I was their errand boy?

I nodded and pulled away, keeping my head down as I walked down the hall.

I didn't look back.


I made sure to get only the best.

A beautiful mahogany crib.

Matching rocker and changing table.

A diaper pail and diapers.

Bottles and pacifiers.

And clothes.

The clothes were the hardest.

I had never been very paternal.

Never felt the need to hold or snuggle or raise a child.

But seeing that little baby girl…

That piece of the man I loved…

I could think of nothing else.

I let my imagination go wild as I picked out dresses and little onsies that said things like…

'Daddy loves me'.

And I thought about pushing the stroller I bought down the street and watching as people cooed at our little girl.

But she wasn't mine.

And neither was he.


I had the guest room all cleared out by the time the delivery truck pulled up.

Carlisle had been calling my phone all afternoon, but I couldn't answer it.

I couldn't listen to the truth.

While I struggled to put the crib together, I thought about my next move.

I would give two weeks notice at the office and move into a hotel while I looked for another job.

I couldn't stay here…

Not one more second.


I was in the middle of packing a bag when I heard the front door slam.

He went to our bedroom first…

But I wasn't in there.

And neither were my things.

That was the first place I packed.

I heard him call my name, but I knew he would find me eventually.

He stopped dead in the doorway of what had been my bedroom…

And then was a guest room…

And was now a nursery.

Everything was set up and ready for them to bring her home.

I even washed the little clothes in that special detergent that was safe for a baby's skin.

"What are you doing?" he gasped as he watched me fold another one of my shirts and toss it in the bag.

Some of my stuff was still in the closet and I wanted to get it out so there would be room for her things.

"I'm packing," I rasped, unable to speak much louder than a whisper.

The lump in my throat prevented it.

"What…where…why?" he stuttered as he slowly walked towards me.

"I can't stay here and watch you with her Carlisle. And I will hate you every day if you make me."

"Edward…what the fuck are you talking about?" he screamed as he reached out and grabbed hold of my arm.

"I can't do it! You were mine…and now you're hers and I can't…I won't survive it," I whispered as I let the tears fall.

All day I had been strong.

I didn't cry…

But now…

"Baby…no!" he cried as he pulled me into his arms.

His collar was wet as I wept.

"She doesn't want her," he whispered in my ear, and I froze.

"Who doesn't want who?" I croaked, pulling away so I could see his face.

"That was why I wanted you to get the house ready. Esme doesn't want the baby. She was going to just give her up for adoption but she decided that if we wanted her, she would give her to us. She's ours."

The words rolled around in my head but I couldn't make sense of them.

"She's ours?" I breathed and he smiled and nodded his head.

"You're not leaving me?"

"Oh sweet Jesus…is that what you thought all day? Is that why you didn't answer any of my calls?"

I nodded as I watched his own tears start to fall.

"Edward…that would never happen."

We stood there in our daughter's room and cried.

And when the tears were dry and my heart was together once more, we got in the car and drove to the hospital…

So I could meet our daughter.


"She's warm enough right?" I asked for the third time as we walked around the park.

It was late September and we were on our first outing as a family.

I was still unable to believe that this wasn't just a dream.

It was too easy.

Esme signed over the papers and made her ours and we brought her home.

She's the most perfect baby in the world.

She sleeps and she eats and she coos.

Our little Bella.

She has my heart in her hand.

We both took some time off from work to figure things out.

We didn't want to raise her in the city…

So we needed to move.

We didn't want other people to raise her…

So one of us needed to quit.

And it only took us a second to decide I would be the stay-at-home dad.

And I loved every second of it.

Carlisle looked into leaving the hospital and getting a job with a small practice so he had more reliable hours.

Until then, we made due.

We stopped walking under the enormous canopy of a brilliant red maple tree.

He un-strapped her and we sat on the grass and just looked at her.

The sun streamed through the leaves and threw shadows across the ground, covering us in flickers of darkness and light.

And as I leaned against him and together we held our daughter, I realized that I once upon a time I thought I had the perfect life.

And I couldn't have been more wrong.

Because this…right here…is perfection.

Sorry there wasn't more sex. Maybe next time.