Okay folks, this is something I need to write. And I'm sorry if it's horrible, and depressing and just...ugh. Ignore me. Returning to the subject, I need to write this. End of story.
This fic is dedicated to my best friend, Beckett Towns. I'm so sorry. I hope this explains things, little one.
Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC productions. "Cry With You" belongs to Hunter Hayes.
You try not to look at me, scared that I'll see you hurting.
You're not hiding anything, and frankly it's got me worried.
Nobody knows you better than I do,
I'll keep my promises, I'm fighting for you.
You're not alone, I'll listen till your tears give out,
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down.
What's hurting you I, I feel it to. I mean it when I say,
When you cry I cry with you.
The amber whiskey burned all the way down her throat as she drained the glass, having lost count of the number of times she'd refilled it hours ago. She missed him. She needed him with her and he wasn't there. He'd said always. She couldn't stand that fact that he'd lied to her. He'd taken away the oppourtunity for their "always", for her one and done. She had taken to drinking to blur that pain, and so far it was working pretty damned well.
It was nearing eleven o'clock when the knock on her door came. It was soft, almost timid even and had her setting the mostly empty Jameson bottle on the coffee table and reaching for her service weapon before moving to the door. She turned the knob gently and peeked out. A shock of fire engine red hair greeted her and she holstered the weapon quickly.
"Alexis? Wh-what are you doing here?" She slurred quietly, tucking a brunette curl behind her ear.
"I'm checking up on you." She brushed past Kate into the apartment, surveying the room quickly before turning back to face the older woman, anger burning in her eyes. Kate suddenly felt uncomfortable in her own skin, unable to grasp one spot to look at. "And apparently its a damned good thing that I did." She gestured to the green bottle and the scattered beer bottles on the floor.
"Look, Alexis, I'm so-."
"Don't." Alexis held her hand out in front of her, cutting Kate off. "Do not try to tell me that you're sorry. You made me a promise. You told me that you were going to stop."
"It's not that easy, Alexis." Her voice began to rise as she felt her blood beginning to boil. "I can't just stop that easily. I need this." Her muscles began to shake as she stared into the blue eyes that burned back into hers.
"You think he'd want to see you like this? Huh?" Alexis dropped her purse onto the couch and crossed to stand in front of Kate.
"I don't know what else I can say other than I'm sorry, Lex." Alexis scoffed and crossed to the opposite wall and leaned against it, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I don't know what I want you to say." She whispered, sliding down the wall and curling her knees to her chest, her forehead resting on them. Kate felt her heart breaking as she looked at the girl. She looked so small and fragile curled up on the floor of her apartment. She moved to sit next to her, wrapping her arms around the girl's shoulders. She felt a small pain shock through her heart when Alexis shook out of the hug and leveled a glare at Kate, tears streaking her freckled cheeks.
"Lex, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you cry, I never meant to hurt you." She whispered, her voice cracking. Alexis sighed and moved closer, resting her head on Kate's shoulder. Kate laid her head on top of the girl's and stroked her hair softly, her tears falling silently onto the red locks.
"I know you didn't, Kate. But you did. You broke your promise." Her voice was cold and low as she spoke, a fresh wave of tears wracking her tiny frame. Kate squeezed her shoulders lightly, biting her lower lip as she fought for the words to make this better. She had never wanted to hurt the girl that she had come to think of as a sister or even a daughter.
"I should've tried harder, Lex. I know that." She stood abruptly, leaving Alexis looking stunned against the wall. She placed her hands on her head, frustrated, and paced the floor angrily. Her breathing grew ragged as she stopped near the coffee table. She lifted the whiskey bottle, hefting it's weight in her palm. Alexis' gaze burned into her back, but the girl remained silent. A wave of anger overtook her and she hurled the bottle against the far wall, the green glass shattering into shards. Alexis jumped at the sound of the bottle breaking and began to sob harder.
Kate spun to face her, instantly regretting what she'd done and she crossed to Alexis quickly, scooping the girl into her arms, letting her sob until the tears disappeared and left only a quivering, broken girl in her arms.
"I know that what I asked you to do is hard, Kate. I just don't want to lose you. I I don't think that you understand exactly how important you are to me." She whispered into the fabric of Kate's sweater. "You're all I've got. I trust you with everything, Kate." She whimpered. Kate felt her heart shattering again as the girl spoke these words. She was quiet for a long while before a yawn wracked her body.
"Have you slept, Lex?" Kate asked quietly.
"I haven't been sleeping much since..." She shrugged. Kate stood and helped the girl to her feet and led her to the guest bedroom.
"You need to sleep. Please?" Alexis nodded slowly, her eyes already drooping as she slipped under the covers.
"Sleep. Sleep is good." Her quiet snores were filling the room before Kate even had a chance to turn off the light. She quietly walked back out into the living room, glancing at the mess and sighing before continuing out onto the balcony.
The air was cool and crisp, and the sky was clear, a dark and velvet blue color. She turned her gaze skyward.
"I'm so sorry, Rick. I've let her down and I'm sure that I've let you down. I'm...I can't do this on my own. I need your help. So, if you could find a way to give me some guidance, I'd really appreciate it." She chuckled and wiped away a tear. "I miss you a lot, you know. We were supposed to have forever. I love you, so much." Her voice cracked as she turned back to the apartment. Before she ducked back through the door, she whispered. "Good night, Rick." Then she moved back through the living room and into her bedroom, slipping under the silk covers into the far too empty bed. Tears began to pour from her eyes and fell onto the soft pillows. She heard rain begin to patter softly on the roof and gave a sad, wet chuckle. No matter where he was, Rick Castle was always going to be there to cry with her.
I'm not going any place, I just hate to see you like this.
No, I can't make it go away, but keeping it inside won't fix it.
I can't give you every answer that you need,
But I wanna hear everything you wanna tell me.
You're not alone, I'll listen till your tears give out.
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down.
What's hurting you I, I feel it too.
I mean it when I say "when you cry, I cry with you".
You need love tough enough to count on,
So here I am.