A Slight Parody of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion

Part 1: Dumbledore's Office

Author's Note/Disclaimer: This is one of my favorite chapters of one of my favorite books in one of my favorite series by one of my favorite authors, and now, Imma parody it for you guys! Hope you enjoy it! As you know (or you might not), Harry is about to get sent to Dumbledore's office for Petrifying Nick and that Hufflepuff kid. Enjoy! I don't own Harry Potter

"Skittles!" said Professor McGonagall as they arrived at Dumbledore's office. "Taste the rainbow!" Almost immediately, the stone gargoyle leaped out of the way as the wall split in two. "This is where we part ways, Harry," said Professor McGonagall. "I'm afraid I need to go use the little professor's room. You'll have to see Dumbledore by yourself."

Harry nodded and stepped into the wall. Immediately, it closed behind him. Feeling trapped, Harry started to panic. Suddenly a pair of seats appeared beneath him, and he was pushed into them by an unseen force. Then a seatbelt tightened itself around him, and before he knew it, Harry found himself in a small cart, like a rollercoaster, except this one had headlights. And by the light of the headlights, Harry could see a set of rollercoaster tracks. He started to lean forward to see how far it went, when he heard an unseen female voice say, "Please remain seated. Keep your arms, legs, and wands inside the cart at all times. Enjoy the ride!"

Suddenly Harry's cart lurched forward, then pummeled downwards at 60 miles per hour. "I think I'm gonna hurl!" Harry yelled as the cart zoomed back up and made a sharp left turn. He really wished he hadn't eaten an entire blueberry marshmallow fungus pizza before lunch. Suddenly, after a sharp right turn, the cart stopped abruptly, throwing Harry forward only to get choked to death by the seatbelt.

"Please exit the cart," said the voice, and Harry gladly did so. He looked forward and saw a dimly lit hallway with torches set at certain intervals. He walked slowly down the hallway, wondering what sort of person could stand to have an office built here. When he got to the door at the end of the hallway, he was about to knock when the door opened in front of him.

"You shall not pass!" yelled Dumbledore, staring down at Harry. "If you don't study," he added. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to use the little headmaster's room. Just sit anywhere," he said, moving aside to let Harry in. "Except at the desk!" he said threateningly, "Nobody. Touches. The desk!" And with that, Dumbledore turned around and walked away.

Harry looked around the room. There were many interesting things in Dumbledore's office, and Harry was looking interestingly at a large stone bowl with some silver stuff in it, when he heard a raspy voice whispering at him from the shelves.

"Harry Potter," said the voice. Harry looked around to see who it was, but couldn't find anything. All the witches and wizards on the walls were snoring soundly. But the voice kept talking. "Over here, Potter!" Harry looked towards the direction of the voce and finally found where it was coming from. It was the Sorting Hat! "Finally," it said, "I was beginning to think you were ignorant as well as stupid." Harry ignored the insult and picked up the Hat. "My how little you've grown!" it said, looking him up and down. "Still a little on the short side, I see."

Harry also ignored that comment and proceeded to ask, "What's your point?"

"My point is, Harry, that you've got some nerve coming over here. Did you honestly think Dumbledore would forgive you after you Petrified all those people? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were innocent."

"That's because I AM innocent!" exclaimed Harry.

"That's exactly what you would say if you were guilty!"

"Or if I actually was innocent, and you were making false accusations!"

"Or if-"


Harry and the Sorting Hat turned to look at Fawkes, who was molting quite rapidly. "Pkaw! Pkaw!" he said.

"Oh look, you've done it again, Harry!" said the Hat. "How is it you do these things? And this time it's Dumbledore's precious bird! Oh, there's no way you're off the hook now!"

"But I… I…"

"What's going on here?" said Dumbledore, opening the door. Immediately, Fawkes burst into flame, emitting a cry of terrible woe that resonated across the whole school.

"It was him," said the Hat, gesturing at Harry.

"Of course not," said Dumbledore. "Everyone knows phoenixes burst into flame every hundred years. Now, Harry, if you would be so kind, please put the Sorting Hat back on its shelf."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and set the Sorting Hat down. "You should've seen the look on your face," whispered the Hat with a sneer, "You looked like you'd seen a ghost!" Harry decided that from that day on he would hate the Sorting Hat's guts and that someday he was gonna rip it up and make a rug out of it.

"So tell me," said Dumbledore after Harry was in his seat. "Is-"

Suddenly, Hagrid slammed the door open, and Baby Fawkes emitted a squeal of pain as he was crushed between the door and the wall.

"Please, Hagrid," said Dumbledore, "Be more careful when you come in. You know Fawkes hates it when you slam the door on him. Last week he was pecking me for months. I've still got the marks to prove it.

"Sorry, Professor," said Hagrid, "But I need ter' tell ya, it wasn' him, I swear! He's innocent! I swear in the name of the Ministry o' Magic, it wasn' him! It wasn' him, I tell ya!" Hagrid slammed his rooster on the desk, knocking over a number of Dumbledore's possesions, and making Harry jump.

"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, "I believe you! Now will you please let me speak to Harry, privately!"

Hagrid, looking embarrassed, said, "Yes sir, Mr. Professor, sir," and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"So tell me, Harry," said Dumbledore, "Is there anything you'd like to share with me? Anything at all?"

Harry thought about Malfoy saying, "You'll be next, Mudbloods!" and of the Polyjuice Potion sizzling in Myrtle's bathroom. But mostly, he thought of the voice in the wall saying, "Kill… must kill…" and Ron saying, "Hearing voices nobody else can hear is never a good sign, not even in the wirading world." And about what everyone else was saying about him, how he just might possibly have a 50% chance of having something to do with Salazar Slytherin.

"No," said Harry. "Nothing at all…"

Author's Note: Sorry to leave of that sorrowful note, but i couldn't think of a way to parody that last part. Oh, well