HI I HAVE EXAMS IN AN HOUR AND I AM NOT STUDYING. So, I wrote this in around an hour, in the library computer. It is not proofread. In fact, I haven't even looked over it. It might be shit, it might be not, I'm not sure. Screw numbers and letters and formulas. Go Derian. Woo. Derian calms my mind, shh.
Disclaimer: Derek and Julian belong to Mama CP. :)
"Shut up." Derek grumbled, "Seriously, Jules. Shut up. What the hell is it going to take to make you shut up, stop thinking, and just relax for once?"
"A lot," Julian said. He tapped the floor with his feet. "D, people have been trying for ages. What makes you think you can do it? What makes you think you can find my off button?" The actor said, smirking. He looked down at his nails, which were, of course, manicured. Grabbing his cell phone from his pocket, he sent out a quick text, before looking back up at Derek again.
Derek was squinting. Julian took this as a sign that Derek had accepted the challenged.
Julian gave a haughty laugh. "Seriously?"
"I am going to find your off button. Whether you like it or not."
After a series of amused blinks, Julian smiled up at Derek. "Go ahead, try." He rolled his eyes, jaw tensing as thoughts of work flooded his mind once more. He clasped his hands together, placing them on the desk, his chin sitting thoughtfully on top of them as he returned to his worrying. "Shouldn't be studying, D?"
"Yeah, probably." Derek said, mindless. He stared at Julian, still thinking. "Does Logan know?"
"Does Logan know?" Derek repeated, biting his bottom lip. "How to make you shut up, I mean."
Julian shook his head. He was amused at Derek's sisyphean determination, but made no effort to let it be known. His face remained as blank and cold as it did a minutes ago. "No."
Derek was mostly doing this, of course, because Julian was starting to worry him. He thought too much and did too much. He ate too little and slept too little, and the last part worried him the most, because damn, he had never seen the actor so tired and so submissive. Normally, he was bitchy and annoying and had conceited opinions that he'd shove down your throat, and Derek never thought he'd actually miss them. This was not Julian. This was, yes, but it was not, at the same time. So, of course, he tasked himself with making sure Julian returned to his normal self. He swore to himself, no matter what it took, he'd do it.
Everyone had them.
Well, every girl he's dated had them, anyway. It could be anything. Massages, patting backs, kittens, ice cream, food, stories, music, certain comforts that would cause the person to just stop thinking and relax. Even Derek had his own off button. Of course, he'd never tell anyone, but it was there and he acknowledged it.
So Derek took Julian's hand. Julian looked surprised, but did not retract it, nor did anything else to acknowledge that Derek had taken his hand.
Derek pressed his fingers against the palm, rubbing and making circles. He squeezed his fingers, pressed his thumb against his wrist and massaged it, trying to draw a reaction, preferably one of sleepiness, rather than the tiredness that Derek was seeing now.
But nothing changed, and soon the movements got repetitive, and almost painful. Julian retracted his hand, shaking his head.
Derek bit his lip. Determination blazed brightly behind his eyes, and he wouldn't give up. Sure, he could do more productive things, studying, practicing, maybe, but for now, this was his main concern, and like everything else he did, he did it with unbreakable, one hundred percent determination. So he got on his feet. He looked at Julian, just stared at him. Derek brought his fingers up to Julian's back, making small movements and circles. And damn, were those fingers talented. But they still did not manage to find the boy's off button, and this distressed Derek.
The athlete took Julian's wrist, dragged him to the bed. Julian made no protest, not even the smallest of sounds, far too deep in thought to care.
Derek sat beside him, legs crossed. He pressed his fingers to Julian's temple, rubbing more circles, and while it did feel good, it still did nothing.
Julian was brought back to earth for a moment, and he could see Derek in front of him, determination coursing through his veins, jaw tense with focus. And damn, he had a hell of a jawline.
Several attempts later, Derek was a mess. His hair was puffed up after continuously running his fingers through them. Fingers were sore from the massages. Kittens and coffee and chocolate and everything that he could imagine as comforting had been in the room. Most sane people would have given up a long time ago.
Derek was, fortunately, very much insane.
As insane as the athlete was, however, he was running out of ideas. He was starting to think that the only kind of off button the actor had was a self destruct button, and that was exactly what Derek was trying to avoid.
He stared and he stared, he stared until Julian hit his head with a pillow for staring so creepily. He continued to stare until Julian found several other things to hit his head with, and even then he didn't give up. He gave up. He had no other idea what to do. "I'll tickle you. I swear."
Julian glared. "Don't even. Seigerson. I swear, if you even try-"
Derek liked this. It was different from Julian's usual indifference. It might not be the answer, but it could lead to the answer, as it was at least something. So he brought his fingers forward, towards Julian's stomach. Julian hissed, immediately curling up. Derek grinned, moved closer to him, and poked his side. Julian growled. Derek continued, and Julian gave up. He burst out laughing, and as more fingers were used, he laughed more and more, unable to breathe. "Oh god, Derek, stop!" He said in between laughter, trying his best to glare at the boy.
He was pinned down on the bed, and he was laughing so hard, and he couldn't take it anymore. He kicked Derek off of him, then glared. "You are so annoying."
"I am," Derek grinned. "I'm not going to deny this." He lunged forward, preparing for another attack. Julian retaliated by throwing a pillow at Derek, which, frankly, did nothing but delay him for barely a second.
"Tell me, then."
Julian glared. "No."
Derek fell on top of Julian, effectively squishing him. Julian glared, hitting Derek's head. Derek grinned. Julian sighed, giving up. He felt his eyes get heavy, his body responding to Derek's weight and warmth on top of him. He wasn't sure how he felt relaxed with the lump of rock pretending to be human on top of him, but he did. After a moment, he yawned. This pleased Derek greatly. Julian stopped thinking. Just like that. He stopped thinking. He couldn't think about his work, or Logan, or whatever he usually thought about. Derek just lay on top of him, and soon enough, Julian was asleep.
This was, perhaps, one of the strangest off buttons that Derek had ever seen.
The squishing occurred whenever Derek felt Julian needed it. He never told anyone about it, be it because he liked knowing something that only he knew, or because he was a good friend. Probably the former. Julian would never protest.
So after a while, it became a regular thing.
Julian started complaining? Derek would squish him.
Randomly bored? Squish.
It was both regular and random, and so fucking weird. Neither of them would deny this. Not like there was anyone to deny this to, but the point remained. It was weird, but it worked. Squishing him, laying his full weight on him, would effectively stop him talking, moving, thinking. Lay on top off him long enough, he'd eventually pass out. It comforted Julian, and Derek liked comforting people. He always had. Be it Amanda, or one of his girlfriends, or right now, comforting one of his best friends. He just liked it.
Julian's never had anything to miss before.
Whatever he wanted, he could get anywhere. Food, drinks, music, whatever. He's certainly never had reason to miss anyone before.
So it was strange, one day, in LA, when he was lying down in bed. It had been around two weeks since he left Dalton to film, and he didn't understand what this feeling was. The stomach pain, the tightness in his chest, the vague feeling of emptiness, the tediousness of the days that passed by.
He felt sad, thought too much, moved too much. He began eating and sleeping too little again.
His mood was deathly volatile. Cranky a minute ago, extremely emotional the next. Completely apathetic about everything and everyone, most of the time.
Maybe it was the weight he missed. The warmth, maybe.
No matter how many people he tried having sex with, just as an excuse to have them lay on top of him and squish him, no one could ever match the exact same weight, same warmth, same feeling. He didn't even realize he was subconsciously comparing it. Of course, he received texts from Derek, and this as well comforted him. Not to the same extent to the squishing, or even Derek's mere presence, but it did comfort him. At some point, his mind just started associating Derek with comfort, and comfort with Derek. Derek brought him comfort. Comfort came from Derek. Therefore, Derek equals comfort. An annoying comfort that liked squishing him randomly, maybe, but still comfort.
The discomfort got so bad that he started to think he was coming down with some dramatic sickness, and it wasn't until he returned to Dalton that he realized he had experience homesickness, perhaps for the first time.
'Home is where the heart is.'
Derek was his home now.