This is the end our friends. It's been a fun ride and we are thrilled you came along with us. This chapter is for all you lovely ladies who requested a Snickers POV.
We own Twilight. CPW is watching The Sound of Music and is about to leave out the milk and cookies for Santa, right after she spreads reindeer food on her lawn. Risbee is probably playing Apples to Apples with her family!
I know what has been said about me. I've heard the rumors, murmurs and the death wishes. I hear them all, and they are all blatant lies.
I have spent so much of my life being misunderstood by those that just can't possibly understand. I have a reputation to maintain, a lifestyle to lead and greatness to be. My life is ridiculously difficult and exhausting, trying to make sure these humans do what I want them to.
Just look at them all - smiling, happy and looking like absolute idiots in those repulsive holiday sweaters. They giggle incessantly, annoying the hell out of me, as they open their presents, trying to act excited when they get a magic wallet or a Slanket. I cringe and cover my eyes with my paw when I see Esme open up a box with Pajama Jeans in it. What the hell was Carlisle smoking when he chose that? I refuse to stand near her when she wears them.
Sorry my Esme, my darling, darling pet. I still love you most of all. Well, excluding myself of course.
I am a cat after all and that is cat rule #1 - Love Thyself Most of All.
They are so...plebian. Falling all over themselves congratulating Edward and that new girl with that Cracker Jack bauble on her finger.
Though it is...rather...sparkly.
Must. Have. Sparkly.
I want to get closer to see how I can have it. It matches my collar and my food bowl and would look absolutely ravishing on my velvet pillow.
My dearest Esme always wants what is best for me and I will just have to make sure she gets it for me, because it is what I want. Perhaps my purring and rubbing all up on myEsme will convey my wishes and my desires. I'm not above making biscuits, but not in public.
I am willing to pay a small price, but I do still have my pride.
I wonder how I can get New Girl to bring it to me. I will stare at her with my hypnotizing eyes, forcing her to bend to my will and give me what I want. It will be done. I will own her just like I own everybody and everything in this house, with the exception of Edward. He's been suspicious of me and my motives for years, and none of my plans for his destruction have come to fruition. It's not for lack of trying either. He's just as sneaky as me and though I should respect him for it, he just serves to annoy me more.
**cough** **cough** **choke** **retch**
Ugh, I am so embarrassed. But as usual, it is most definitely not my fault. I have fallen behind on my grooming habits since Edward has been home.
(Snickers takes a break to lick her fur, taking over ten minutes, and looks rather smug when she is done.)
I actually had a speck of dirt on one of my pads and I loathe him for it. He has never conformed to my ways, always wanting to do what he wants to do instead of what is best for me. I will never ever forgive him for wanting a dog instead, which is why I must always punish him.
It is not an attack, it is behavioral reinforcement. Why must he force my paw? Does he think I actually enjoy having to bite him? He tastes horrid, no matter what that New Girl says. She must have never tasted his ankles, but that doesn't surprise me at all. I heard some unforgettable things when I was locked in that closet. Oh there will be hell to pay for that. Just wait until they go pack their suitcases to leave. I'll give them a little something to remember me by, perhaps in the form of me relieving myself on their luggage. I bet that reindeer sweater would smell wonderful after I soil it.
I saunter closer to my Esme, my tail wagging proudly and grinning like a Cheshire cat as I see she has put her Pajama Jeans to the side, clearly disliking them as much as I do. I curl up to her side and rub my head against her palm until she lifts it up and begins to pet me, just like I want her to. I purr like the common people and watch as my Esme requests to see the New Girls shiny bauble.
My eyes glitter as the ring comes closer and I ignored the fact that my Esme has stopped petting me and is enthralled by the glistening ring. I'm in love with it too. So much so that as soon as it comes near enough, I swat for it with my paw, desperate to get it.
"Fucking cat," I heard Edward, the bane of my existence, groan. He pushed me away and made sure that the ring was safely back on his girls finger. I may have growled at him before I put my ears down and arched my back, edging closer to Edward.
I saw his eyes narrow, once again anticipating my move, so I simply began to lick my paws. Once again, biding my time until I could get him alone.
I wondered briefly if I could get Esme to have them get married at the house, thus ruining their special day in so many ways. I grinned again as I began plotting.
Happy holidays to me.