Hey everyone! Don't worry, 'With Love' is still in the works. I haven't forgotten about it! This is just something that's been rolling around in my head for awhile and I finally got the chance to put it on paper...or at least, keyboard :P
Anyway, tell me what you think of this! I could continue or I could stop here, although I DO have more written :) Let me know your thoughts!
"It's got to be now or never, Olivia" the older woman spoke gently, a sad smile on her lips as she gave the news to her white faced patient.
Olivia Benson fisted a hand against her tight flat abdomen as she closed her eyes to shut out the pain – both of what her doctor was saying and the relentless cramping ache in her lower belly that had gotten worse and worse each month when she had her period.
"When you came in last year with severe discomfort and menstrual cramps we diagnosed you with endometriosis. You were told that we would eventually have to perform a complete hysterectomy at some point. Judging by the ultrasound and the increasing levels of pain you've been experiencing over the last 12 months – I'd give it at maximum another 6-7 months before you're putting yourself in imminent risk of a ruptured ovary and subsequent haemorrhage. If you weren't serious about wanting a baby I would advise you to have the procedure done immediately. Have you changed your mind about wanting a child?"
Olivia shook her head vehemently, "No…no I want to be a mom more than anything".
"So why haven't you moved forward with your plans for artificial insemination?"
Olivia shook her head again. "I didn't know who my father was for a long time…I didn't know what genes or traits he passed on to me – I don't want my baby to suffer like I did not knowing".
"Olivia this is different, your baby won't be born of rape. And you know we do background checks on our donors".
"People lie on the questionnaires, switch states and names" Olivia continued, turning her head away, towards the wall to hide the tears threatening to fall.
"I'll give it to you straight Olivia, even if you were to become pregnant in the next few months – which is unlikely as in-vitro generally takes three tries to be successful – you would still be a high risk pregnancy, with an higher risk for possible complications or miscarriage. You would be putting your own life in danger, especially given you're over 40".
But Olivia continued on, "And most of the donors are college kids looking for a quick buck, I'm old enough to be some of their mothers".
"You need to decide Olivia…I know it's hard to hear and even harder to accept but time is running out for you to successfully carry and deliver a healthy baby. This disease will run its course".
"I get it" Olivia snapped. Then she stopped, sighing deeply and pushing her hair back from her face with both hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you".
The doctor smiled kindly, laying a comforting hand on the younger woman's arm. "I know…Go home, get some rest Olivia. A hot water bottle and a bubble bath is the best prescription I can give you if you're serious about trying to conceive. I'll fax a prescription over to your drug store for the hormones and vitamins you'll need to start taking to prepare your body for a pregnancy".
Olivia smiled wanly as the doctor left. Drained, she headed home; indulging herself by taking a cab.
She stepped into the shower and made the water scorchingly hot, angling the spray at her belly and thinking about what the doctor had said at the appointment earlier today, and last year when she had first gone in to her OB/GYN after her periods had become increasingly painful and heavy.
She'd been diagnosed with a condition called endometriosis – scarring of the fallopian tubes and ovaries that would make it difficult for her to conceive and caused her excruciating pain every month – at times so bad she had to take the day off work to sleep it off with prescribed painkillers.
But now, even that small bit of relief was denied to her if she was going to go through with the in-vitro fertilization.
Curling up on the couch a little while later, her mind whirled with expenses and numbers and doubts. Each round of in-vitro cost around $5000. If it took 3 tries to even get pregnant nonetheless stay pregnant. She would barely be able to take a maternity leave after the baby was born, or during her pregnancy if there were complications, which the doctor warned her was almost inevitable.
And until her baby was here, if it was ever going to be…she was completely alone.
She was sick, and she was tired…God, she was just so tired.
Staring blankly at the tv, Olivia's fingers dialed Elliot's number like they had so many times before. The difference now is that she never pressed send…
She had only talked to Elliot a few times since he'd left the squad – she knew there were problems in his marriage and that he would forever have trouble forgiving himself for the squadroom shooting, even if he had just been doing his job.
It was more of a security blanket than anything, she wouldn't call him.
With Elliot gone and her hopes of a family of her own quickly fading she couldn't help the silent tears that ran down her cheeks even as she fell asleep. Alone…that's what Olivia Benson did best. To let herself believe anything else would just be cruel fantasy.
Less than an hour later, Olivia woke to a darkened room – tv still on and the clock showing it was just half past eight.
She couldn't figure out why she had woken so abruptly when she heard the knocking again. Not feeling like dealing with neighbours right now she ignored the noise until finally she couldn't stand it any longer.
Throwing back the afghan blanket she forced herself to her feet, ignoring the pain still gripping her womb and threw open the front door, ready to flash her badge and tell whoever it was that she was going to arrest them for public disturbance.
What she didn't expect was to see the tall dark silhouette fill the doorframe, illuminated by the light in the hallway so that his very presence seemed to fill the room and take the air from her lungs; because there in the doorway stood Elliot.
Sooo? Whaddya think? I kinda like the fact this is going along with S13 of SVU instead of being AU. Makes it easier to pretend it's real!