Ed, Edd, Eddy, n Edna Redux

By Technomaru

Chapter 1: "Day of the Fourth Ed!"

SUMMARY: A retelling of the fanfic but 20% truer to the original series.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ed, Edd, n Eddy...but "The Fourth Ed" is mine!

NOTES: We all know I got the idea of Edna when I introduced her in "The Grim ED-ventures of Ed, Edd, n Eddy" chapter 49. I always wondered if there was EVER a fourth Ed... what if it happens to be a female? Also I noticed the show lacks any positive female characters so this was my responce. I also got a epic win from Erin Fitzgerald when I told her I noticed that!

I ended up making the non-supernatural fanfic "Ed, Edd, Eddy n Edna" but I have decided to end it because not only it "Jumped the Shark" but due to complaints of "Edna is a Mary Sue", "The Eds win all the time because of her", "Your OCs suck" and other reasons, but I decided the to "reboot" the fanfic, make it into the EEnE fanfic it's supposed to be and to be true to the series, however I still wonder how to get the Eds (all four of them) to lose when I don't have it in my heart to do that (Yes I'm that nice of a guy) But I will have the Kankers be more antagonist towards Edna because they see her as a threat yet Edna will still try to befriend May. Also a good friend of mine suggests to recreate Edna as a "cloudcuckoolander" that likes the Supernatural and despite the Ed's failures she wants to help them succeed no matter what, never giving up.

I still think those who want Edna and the Eds to fail at everything are "sadists". I got the idea to improve their luck after the horrible incident where I finished the Gameboy Advance game "EEnE Jawbreakers" where despite the hard work I put them through, Jimmy got the winning ticket and they lose anyway... I thought the idea is to WIN in a video game, Yes readers I have Edna make them win just because I'm still sore over the game's downer ending.

This is a experiment on what would happen if I rebooted the series and see if the trolls and sadists will attack me or not. I mean reboots are what save the franchises from becoming dismal, I mean would you rather see "Joel Schumacher's Batman 5" or "Batman Begins"? So if I got to do it write, "redux" it again!

Special thanks to Vampiremeerkat, Crossoverprincess, 8Clockworkpurple,=jeraldineschreiber, Erin Fitzgerald and Rachel Conner for giving me the idea for the reboot.

Special no thanks to Spiceycoughdrop and Gerryberry.

(Summer 2011)

A moving van just finished loading up and is leaving for another town, inside is a 11 year old girl and she pulls out a photo of a boy in a black wool cap, orange shirt, and blue shorts. The girl then says, "I can't wait till we meet again cousin!" Then she drinks a sports bottle full of water.

As she arrives in the new town, she notices a quiet Suburban area where everything is like how a neighborhood in the 70's would look.

Peach Creek is a suburban town consisting of newly-built houses sitting on the edge of some larger town or city that can be seen looming away on the horizon yet it still maintains its suburban roots, with all types of greenery including the woods, the Creek. Yet Peach Creek still has some traces of urban development, considering the junkyard and the trailer park. It also has a downtown area and consists of large highways around it.

The girl sees her new home and is about to settle in.

(Elsewhere in the Cul-de-Sac)

Ed, Edd, n Eddy (no introductions here) sets up a stand where they are selling apples, bananas, oranges, strawberries, and grapes. He pulls out a marker and draws spirals on them as he shouts, "DEVIL FRUIT! GET YOUR DEVIL FRUIT! ONE FRUIT GIVES ANYONE SUPERPOWERS IF THEY EAT IT, ONLY ONE QUARTER!"

Kevin rides by on his bike and says, "Nice try but it didn't work the last time DORKS!"

Double D then says to Eddy, "Why do you keep performing that scam from time to time?" Eddy then replies, "I thought they would forget about the last time I did that." Ed then shows off two quarters he got from the scam. Eddy smiles with delight and says, "Told you so! So who bought it lumpy?" Ed then points at Jimmy walking away with two coconuts and replies, "But Eddy, if someone eats two devil fruits, wouldn't they explode and die?"

Eddy then grabs Edd and Ed as they run to the candy store. And so Eddy looks at the display for Jawbreakers and noticed that the price for Jawbreakers is no longer 5 cents... it's not even 25 cents anymore... it's a dollar!

Eddy starts rumbling in anger, Ed then shouts, "BIG TROUBLE! BIG TROUBLE DOUBLE D!"Double D then grabs Eddy and says, "Of course Ed, the problems with the economy has cause the prices of candy to inflate and therefore we better get Eddy out of here before he drops a "F-bomb" in front of the clerks.

They rush outside of the store and Double D shouts, "THE SWEAR JAR ED! GET OUT THE SWEAR JAR!" Ed pulls out a jar and sticks it into Eddy's mouth and Double D says to Ed while slapping the back of Eddy's head, "Good thing we have this jar otherwise Eddy would release such horrible obscenities into the world, I hope this is the last bomb he dropped."

Double D seals the jar and Eddy replies, "Stupid inflation! Now how are we going to get jawbreakers? Hey where are my two quarters?" And to Eddy's horror he sees Ed riding on a coin-operated that resembles a pink pony with a balloon symbol on it's flank. Ed then sings, "Winter wrap up winter wrap up!..."

Eddy sees this and then Double D shoves another jar into Eddy's mouth and says, "Oh dear, here we go again!"

And so the three walk back to Double D's house while Eddy complains all the way there about the inflation. Eddy then says, "Well Sockhead, once again we're on a leaky boat and life handed us a anchor so we can sink, I swear our readers must enjoy seeing us suffer or something!"

Then Kevin rides his bike past the house and shouts, "DORK!" at Eddy. Eddy then furiously shouts back at Kevin, "Hey! Dork you too you dorking mother-dorking dork!" Then he looks at a speechless Double D and says, "Well I feel a bit better because not only did I let the stress caused by the inflation go but I finally said that to Kevin, let's see how he likes that." Then a brick flies towards Eddy's head and he replies, "I guess he didn't like that as well."

So Double D then tries to treat Eddy's head wound and then a knock on the door is heard. Ed then puts down his latest issue of "Creepshow" and goes to the door, when he opens it, he sees what appears to be a young hispanic girl their age sporting thick-framed eyeglasses a prominent set of braces, a beautymark under her left eye, having long brown hair and she's wearing a red shirt under a blue dress and white shoes.

The girl then asks, "Excuse me but I belive Cousin Eddward lives here, are you one of his friends?" Ed then says, "Umm Double D, a girl is talking to me!" The girl giggles and then she calls out, "Cousin Eddward? Cousin Eddward!" Double D is then speechless at the sound of her voice and then he says, "C..can it be? My cousin is here to visit me?"

Double D turns around and sees The girl behind her and his eyes are as wide as saucers as hers as well. The two then run to eachother and hug eachother. Eddy then says, "Ok Sock-head, who is she and why haven't you gotten me any pain killers?" Double D then says, "First off Eddy the pain killers are a extremely addictive medicine and second, I want to introduce you two to my cousin Edna, Edna Esmeralda Espinoza!"

Edna then says, "Hello boys, and it's a pleasure to meet you too!" She shakes Ed's hand and Ed replies, "Kiss me I'm irish!" Eddy replies, "No you're not Ed! And second why didn't you tell us you had a female cousin?" Double D replies, "Well unlike you I don't brag about my relatives all the time!" Eddy replies, "Touche' Double D!"

Double D then continues, "Ok this is Ed and this is Eddy, they are my best friends..." Ed then shouts, "And we have the same name!" Edna giggles and says, "Hey my name has "Ed" in it, so can I..." Eddy then says, "No! No no no NO! There is no way in spades I want a female to be one of us!"

Edna starts tearing up and then Ed says, "Hug me!" As Eddy walks away, Edna asks while she is being cheered up by Ed, "Why does Eddy dislike me? Is he misogynistic?" Ed is clueless untile Double D replies, "Misogyny means "hatred of women", basically Eddy seems to develop it after all the abuse we went through with some of the females of Peach Creek.

((Then a flashback is shown of all the times the Kankers have their way with the Eds, stolen their money, Sarah beating up Ed and Eddy and even Double D despite having a crush on him, and Nazz laughing at them and playing "Pin the tail on the Eddy" when the Cul-De-Sac believes they are rid of the Eds))

Edna then says, "Oh my goodness, that's enough to make any man hate girls... but it looks like your friend got the blunt of it, I'm sorry Eddy." Eddy then turns away from her. Ed then says, "Come on guys, let's cheer up Eddy by scamming and go get a jawbreaker!" Eddy then cheers up and says, "Now you're speaking my language! Let's go GUYS!" Edna follows them and Eddy says, "I said in capitol letters "GUYS"! As in "Let's go GUYS"... not you!" Edna then says, "Well Eddward, I have to resort to this!" Then Edna makes a cute pouty face and a tear drops from her eyes as she sniffles.

Eddy then says, "Not falling for it!" Then she tries even harder and Eddy says, "Not gonna..."

(And So...)

Eddy grumbles while Double D is walking alongside him and Ed and Edna are skipping along. Double D then says, "Was it that hard?" Eddy replies, "Yeah but I still don't trust her, she could be as bad as the Kankers, even worse than Sarah, and pretty yet cold like Nazz! AND SHE'S NOT A ED!"

Ed then sees a "Major Portion's Fried Chicken" restaurant and next to the restaurant is a sign and a giant bucket display. Ed then asks Double D, "Are there any chickens in there?" Double D then answers, "Well Ed it would be preposterous if pieces of fried poultry were to be displayed in such a mann..." Eddy interrupts Ed and says to him, "Hey Ed, how about I bet that if there are chickens in that bucket, you get a dollar and if not, I get a dollar and fifty cents!"

Ed shakes Eddy's hand and says, "Agreed!" Edna hits her head with her palm and asks Double D, "So he exploits our friend's gullibility?" Double D nods.

(And So...)

Edna is on the bottom as she stacks Double D above her while he carry's Ed and Eddy is on top of the "4 Ed tower" as Eddy shouts, "It's the return of "The Flying Eduardo Brothers... and sister!" And Eddy takes off his shirt and reveals his "strongman tunic" Double D then says, "You're still wearing that thing?" Eddy jumps off Ed and miraculously makes it to the top of the bucket and he looks around and says, "Hey Ed, I don't see any chickens, I guess you owe me a dollar and fif..." Then Eddy screams when he sees a skeleton of a boy wearing a tag that reads, "Theodore Cleaver".

Eddy screams even louder, "HELP GUYS! I'M STUCK!" Edna hit her head with her palm and Double D comments, "I should've seen it coming." Ed then asks, "Were there any chickens in there Eddy?" Eddy then yells out, "WHAT DO YOU THINK SHERLOCK? Oh and you owe me a dollar and fifty cents!

As the three Eds think of a way to get Eddy down, Ed manages to bend the bar to get Eddy down and then Eddy asks Ed, "Why didn't you do this before?" Ed then replies, "But that would make things too easy!" But then suddenly, Ed accidentally lets the bar go and it catapults Eddy into the sky, leaving a twinkle in the sky.

Edna then sees this and says, "Wow, I have no idea you're that strong Ed, what else can you do?" Ed then says, "I can do this!" Then he makes funny noises with his armpit. Edna giggles at this sight and she says to Double D, "You have such interesting friends Cousin Eddward!" Double D then says, "Well they are eccentric but at least they're friends."

The three grow board and then Edna says, "While we wait for Eddy to return, let's play jacks!" Ed then joins in while Double D just waits.

After the game is over Eddy is seen flying and lands on Ed, he is covered in stamps that reads "Germany", "Japan", "China", "Mexico", "Ireland", "Australia", "France", "Sweden", "Italy", "Britian", and "Albonquetine".

Edna then says, "That is so amazing that you were able to travel the world, what's it like?"

Eddy then coughs up more stamps that read, "Aruba", "Jamaica", "Bermuda", "Bahama", "Key Largo", and "Montego" and says in a dazed state, "I saw London, I saw France, and there is indeed a place in France where the naked ladies dance!" Then he faints.

Eddy then wakes up and says, "I won the bet so cough it up!" Ed then hands Eddy two quarters and says, "Sorry Eddy but I only have 50 cents on me, I'll give you a IOU." Eddy growls in anger and then says, "Dorkin' economy!"

But then Edna goes up to Eddy and hands him two quarters. Eddy couldn't believe his eyes and he looks up at Edna who just nods at him smiling. Eddy then looks at the other Eds and he shape shifts into a lollipop (sucker), a donkey, and Steve-O. Edna then says to him, "So girls are evil meanie bo-beanies huh?" Eddy looks down and softly says, "I'm sorry... you can be a Ed." Edna then asks, "Come again?" Eddy then states, "I'm sorry... you can be a Ed." Edna smiles and says, "I don't think Ed and Eddward can hear you!" Eddy then hollers "I'M SORRY! YOU CAN BE A ED!" Then Edna squeals with delight.

And so the Eds go to the candy story and they buy one jawbreaker. Eddy then hands Edna the jawbreaker since she is new to the group, then Edna asks, "So you boys break your necks, embarass yourselves, and go through heck for one of these? Well I hope they're worth it."

As Edna is about to put the jawbreaker in her mouth, Double D then suddenly realizes something and then he grabs the jawbreaker from Edna and he says, "Sorry but I forgot that my aunt, your mother, told me you're not supposed to have any sugar at all!

Edna is confused and then Ed asks, "Is it because you accidentally fell into a cauldron of sugar as a baby?" Edna laughs and says, "Either that's a reference to Obelix from the Asterix novels or that's you just being sweet to me, well in that case I'll give it to Eddy instead, he deserves it anyway." And so Edna gives Eddy the jawbreaker and he slurps it in delight.

And so the four walk back to their homes and Eddy says, "You know for a girl, you ain't so bad." Edna giggles and then says, "How about we do another scam tomorrow and make sure we get jawbreakers for Ed and Cousin Eddward?" Ed and Eddy cheer but then Eddy asks, "Umm Edna, why did you give me two quarters?" Edna replies, "Well because you've been in alot of hurt today and in order to prove I want to be your friend, I decided to give you a "pet the dog" moment, everybody gets one once in a while."

As they walk to their homes, Double D wonders how will Edna get along with the other kids, Ed wonders why can't Edna have jawbreakers, Eddy wonders who is Obelix, and Edna wonders why does Ed's pants smell like Parmesan Cheese.

NEXT TIME: See what happens when Edna meets the other kids of the Cul-De-Sac... and earn the wrath of the Kankers!