Summary: Santa believes there's no such thing as a bad elf. Bella's been fired from nearly every toy shop in the North Pole. How can Santa get her in the right position when everything out of her mouth is so very dirty? Santa, elves, chocolate starfish and phasing reindeer. Daily updates until Christmas Eve when you get more.

Chapter 10 ~ More

Delivering toys and filling the stocking of three hundred and seventy eight million children in just thirty-one hours was an amazing feat of Christmas magic, but Santa was still exhausted.

Luckily, he had a crack team at the stables, lead by Taha Aki, a former phasing reindeer himself. They would unharness the team, and properly care for them until they had rested enough to re-phase into their elf-like forms.

Santa made his way though his cottage, stripping away the layers of his official suit as he made his way to the warmth of his shower. Santa was half asleep by the time he finished his bedtime routine, and only half heartedly looked for his pajamas before giving up and deciding to crawl into bed naked.

He lifted the covers and slid into the soft, comfy bed, moaning appreciatively. He snuggled deeper in the bed, automatically reaching for Bella.

She unfurled from the little ball she curled into in his absence and scooted into his embrace, nuzzling his shoulder without fully waking. She took a deep whiff of his sugar cookie scent, which even in her sleep, brought a smile to her face. Bella sleepily sighed, "Santa, you're home," as she brought her had to rest just over his heart and turned her head to softly kiss his neck.

She was just slipping back into her slumber when she realized that Santa's whiskers hadn't poked at her cheek like they had been since he started growing it for the season. She quickly sat up in bed and clapped twice to bring the twinkling white lights of their boudoir Christmas tree to life.

Santa bolted upright at the clatter, groggy and confused.

"Santa, you shaved," Bella exclaimed, as she crawled onto his lap, cupping his face with her hands that were buried beneath red, flannel sleeves that were much too long.

"I missed this," she said as she peppered his cheek with sweet kisses, then moved to his chin, "and this." Her arms slid around his neck as she focused her attention to the other side of his face, "And, oh my sugarplums, did I miss this," she moaned as she nipped at his jaw line.

Santa's eyes crinkled with his smile; he had missed her so much during the run. His deep, low moans rumbled at her attention, and he pushed himself back to sit against the headboard, leaving Bella where she kneeled, now straddling his knees.

In the glittering light of the tree, Santa was able to see Bella for the first time since he left not even two days before. Even though it had merely been just over thirty hours, it felt like so much longer since he's seen the way those butterscotch flecks danced in her warm brown eyes, or how her silken, chestnut hair was tucked behind her adorable, pointy, ears.

Santa held his hand out her, and she raised hers, still lost in the excess of her sleeve, to meet his as she crawled back to her favorite place on his lap. He chuckled at the sight, "What are you wearing?"

Bella looked down at her sleepwear, blushing, and shrugged, "It was cold, and I missed you, and they smelled like you," she reasoned as she tugged at the red flannel of his union suit pajamas.

Santa gently stroked her cheek, sliding his finger under her chin to bring her face up, "Don't be embarrassed. I think they look much better on you anyway. Plus, I can even think of an advantage or two to you wearing these," he said as his arms circled her waist to reach for the two buttons of the 'drop seat', deftly releasing the panel and giving him access to her bare bottom.

She rested her forehead on his, as he kneaded her cheeks, "But Santa, now you have no pajamas to wear," she breathily whimpered, biting her bottom lip.

"Oh, but I can think of an advantage or two of that," he murmured, thrusting himself against her center.

Bella moaned at the sensations, freeing her hands so she could tenderly stroke his eyebrows, then under his eyes with her thumbs, "Santa baby, you must be so tired," she whispered, dipping to place tender kisses on his closed eyelids.

"Not anymore," he retorted, tilting his hips beneath her again, "I'm wide awake now. So is my toy soldier," he grinned, nudging once more.

Bella let out a long moan and resisted the urge to grind back against Santa's lap, "It's okay Santa, I can wait. You'll only be asleep for what, a week?" She really did try not to pout.

Santa let out a hearty laugh, "What makes you think I can sleep at all?"

Bella sat back a little and studied him.

"Really Bella, at every stop, every time I went back to the sleigh; I'd remember you, kneeling on the bench, holding the back and the way the sleigh bells would jingle," he lost his train of thought as his lips traced the column of her neck and played with the top button of the union suit.

Bella gasped, swatting his shoulder, "Santa, you have the dirtiest mouth!"

"It's only half as dirty as my mind, trust me," he sighed into her newly exposed collarbone and toyed with the next button.

"Oh, I know Santa! I couldn't believe when you told me about those," she paused and dropped her voice to a whisper, "chocolate starfish."

Santa chuckled at her blush, and then reached behind her, giving her still bare bottom a squeeze, "But you love the chocolate starfish, I remember you said you just couldn't resist them," he said as he waggled his eyebrows.

Bella's burst of laughter covered his deep moans as she wiggled against his candy cane; before she suddenly stopped and became quite serious, furrowing her brow, "Santa, you have to tell Alice. She can't keep making those for the kids! I suppose if a grown-up didn't mind putting their mouth around a chocolate starfish or two it would be okay; but her candy goes in stockings! I tried to tell her about it, I just couldn't do it. Oh my, it was so embarrassing," she admitted as she buried her face on his shoulder.

Santa wanted to laugh, even still he wasn't sure if she knew what she was saying; but he needed to comfort her more. He slid one hand up to soothingly rub her back, and the other moved to gently stoke the tips of her ears.

Bella practically purred at the sensation, and Santa once again thought of how his beautiful little elf was a bewildering combination of innocence and naughty spice, "I will, sweet angel, I will," he reassured, "Although, I'm not sure how either. Maybe I can ask Jasper to help; he's really good at making uncomfortable situations more bearable. "

Bella quickly perked up, "That's a wonderful idea! And maybe Alice can show him how much more fun you can have with a hard soldier than a limp one," she added with a beautiful smile.

Santa could no longer hold back his chortle. She was so completely adorable, she had enchanted Santa from the very moment she walked into his office. He still wasn't sure if he was being set up when Bella was referred to him; but he was certain that Bella's sweet kindness and clueless double entendre were genuine, If he was set up then the joke was on the prankster because he got Bella out of the deal.

Bella ran her fingers though his hair, gently grazing his scalp and the nape of his neck with her nails; Santa closed his eyes and hummed as the tingles left behind zinged around his head. Bella broke the silence, "How was your trip, Santa?"

He smiled wryly, "You're sitting on me while I'm naked, and you want to know how the run went?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded shyly, "Uh-huh. I missed you so much and I just… I just want to know all about it," she added quietly.

"Okay," he agreed as he began to stroke her calves that were folded underneath her on outside of his thighs, "What do you want to know besides everything?"

"Umm…" she asked, worrying her lip, "Were you warm enough?"


"Did you ever get lost?"


Her chin dropped, and she watched him from below her lashes, "Did you miss me?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

Santa cupped her cheeks and brought her face to his, "Every. Single. Second," he punctuated each word with a kiss on her nose and the corners of her mouth. His lips were close enough to brush hers as he added, "All one hundred and eleven thousand and six hundred of them," he added before pressing his lips to hers in a searing kiss.

Bella rose to her knees, meeting his kiss and pushing him further into the headboard. The tips of his fingers tickled the inside of her thighs as he trailed them up and down her creamy legs. She pulled Santa's hair, eliciting a delicious moan and better angling his head to deepen the kiss.

The thought of flipping her over and pounding into her rushed though Santa's head, and just as he was about to make his move; she sat back down on his thighs.

Heavy pants filled the room as Santa shook his head, desperately trying clear his earlier thoughts. Bella gave him a shy smile while rubbing her lower lip; he stared at her pale little fingers as they swept across her swollen lips.

Bella cleared her throat to break his trance, "What about the cookies, were they yummy?"

"Some were, but some were awful," he shrugged, still trying to regain his composure.

Unable to fight his desires, he lunged for her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing her against his chest. He buried his head in her neck, nipping and sucking at her exposed skin. She heard is muffled plea, "I want you, I need you."

Bella pushed at his shoulder, halfheartedly trying to gain some space, "Santa. Santa. SANTA!" as she pushed his shoulders harder and harder, "I have more questions," she giggled as his tongue lathed at her neck.

He pulled back, looking into her eyes and seeing determination. His head hung in defeat, "Fine. What else?" he asked with an exaggerated huff.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and whined, "But, if we do…you know... that now, you'll fall asleep. And you said you sleep for at least a week after Christmas."

"I do."

"Well that means I don't get to talk to you for an entire week. I just really want to know before you go to sleep," she whimpered.

Santa was distracted by the way Bella's crossed arms pushed her ornaments together, and he started to play the buttons between. She slapped his hand away, "Santa, focus!"

"I am. I'm focusing right here," he said as he trailed the valley between her breasts. "Please, I won't fall asleep this time," he promised in a husky voice that made Bella want to agree.

"You say that every time, but you always fall asleep right after," she huffed.

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Do you remember when you said you wanted to act out 'Here comes Santa Claus' in the cloak room at the Elf Christmas party?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He smirked at her, saying, "How could I forget that? I believe Santa came several times that night."

"And how did you get home that night?"

Santa's eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted to the side trying to recall exactly how he got home. Bella smoothed down the wrinkle between his eyes, "Don't think so hard, you won't remember. You fell asleep, and I couldn't wake you up. It took five elves to drag you home!" she exclaimed, "Don't laugh; I had to tell them you drank too much eggnog!"

"And the time in the wrapping room, when you said wanted to decorate me?" her voice dropped to a whisper, "I still had all those all those ribbons and bows tied all over me when you fell asleep."


"Yeah, and the in the balcony box when you took me to see the Nutcracker. You asked me if I could be quiet, and it was really hard. Then you fell asleep and snored!"

"Okay," he held up his hands in surrender. "Can I at least unwrap this pretty package, even if I can't play yet?" he asked quietly, playing with the button again.

Bella's eyes lit up with excitement, "I have an idea! For every question you ask, I'll undo one button," she said as she trailed her finger down the midline of her union suit, taking a deep breath as she brushed over her most intimate spot.

Santa's eyes widened, "But, there's like fourteen buttons on that thing," he complained.

"'s already undone," she said reaching for the top button, "and I'm smaller than you so you don't need all the buttons undone anyway."

"Okay, but I get to do the unbuttoning," he bargained.

"Deal!" Bella offered, while bouncing and clapping her hands causing Santa to groan in frustration.

"Where were we? Oh yeah, the cookies. Did everyone leave out carrots for the reindeer?"

Santa's eyes sparkled as he pushed the little fastener though the buttonhole, exposing more of her chest, he answered, "Some."

"Did the iPhone thing work?"

He tugged at the third button, "Uh-huh. Can you believe there's an app for that?" he asked as he opened her pajamas as wide as he could and slipped his hand inside to gently squeeze her breast.

Bella gasped as his hand brushed over her hardened peak. Taking a deep breath, to get back on task, she continued, "So they did okay without…um… know," Bella hesitated, not wanting to mention her old friend's name.

Santa reached for the fourth button, "Yep."

"They didn't run over any grandmas?"

"Nope," he chuckled, reaching for the fifth button.

"Wait, that's the same question," she warned.

"No it's not," he retorted as he pushed the top of the suit off her shoulders. His eyes crinkled with his smile as he added "Are you about done, because I almost am."

Bella looked down at the red flannel pooled around her waist. She knew this was probably her last question, so she looked Santa directly in his eyes, drawing a breath, "Did you stay away from the mistletoe?" she quietly asked before dropping her head again.

"That's what all of this is about?" Santa questioned, lifting her chin so that he could look her in the eyes. "Bella-swan, I don't want anyone but you. Only you," his eyes bore into her.

Only Santa's hand under her chin kept Bella from ducking her head back down, "But all of those," her breath shuttered, "All of those mommies."

Santa was thoroughly confused, "Mommies?"

Bella sighed, "I used to love that song, but now I just hate it. I don't want to know about all the mommies you kissed before," Bella's eyes closed, trying to hold back tears, "and I know that elves aren't supposed to hate anything," she shook her head back and forth, disappointed with herself.

Santa took her face into his hands, bringing it to his, "Bella, how long have you been worried about this? I don't go around kissing random mommies. I never have, I never will."

"Really," she asked unsure.

"Yes really, it's just a silly song. The Santa in that song is the kid's daddy."

"It is?" she asked confused.

Santa nodded, "You know grown-ups stop believing in Santa Claus. That's just a silly song about a daddy dressed as Santa."

"Oh," Bella laughed, wiping her eyes, "that is a silly song!"

"It really is," Santa joined her giggles. "Now what else do you want to know?"

"Bella looked down and shrugged, "It kind of looks like I'm out of buttons anyway," she said, pulling her hands from the sleeve.

Bella rose on her knees, and the union suit slipped further down her body. "I really did miss you, Santa," she whispered against his ear, "I haven't had a chance to be naughty since you left."

Santa snorted, "I should surely hope not." His palms brushed her sides, leaving a heated trail in their path.

Bella rested her forearms on his shoulders, and Santa extended his strokes over her bottom and down her legs, one at a time, helping her crawl out of the bottom of the suit.

His hands rested behind her knees at his hips, and Bella giggled against his mouth when she felt his soldier thwack against her thigh. "Sure laugh it up; he's been up and down more than a yo-yo tonight. You're kind of giving him whiplash," Santa scolded.

Bella pulled back, and looked down, "I'm sorry," she said as she patted his soldier's head, "I missed you too," she whispered as she leaned down to kiss him. She looked into Santa's eyes and titled her head, "You know, I'm still surprised that this," she said, rubbing her thumb over his head, "fits inside of me." Bella aligned herself with Santa's candy cane; her eyes lowered to watch as she slowly took him into her body.

"Bella, breathe," Santa bade as her eyes snapped to his, "you always hold your breath until…" He was interrupted by his own grunts as Bella completely surrounded his soldier.

"I do?" she questioned as she tentatively moved over him. Santa could only nod. He brought her lips back to his own; their languid kisses only broken by sporadic gasps for air.

His arms held her tightly to his chest as she raked and pulled at his hair, setting a rhythm of quick, frantic grinding. She lifted herself up and sank down in longer, drawn out strokes.

Santa knew Bella's quickening breathy moans and gasps meant she was nearing her climax. He reached for her hips, slamming her down against his pelvis several times before holding her there. He swiftly pushed her down, reversing their positions without breaking their union.

Bella's keening grew as Santa pumped in and out of her. His arms formed an arch over the top of her head, allowing him just enough room to reach and caress the tips of her ears.

He looked down at her, his beautiful elf ,and was nearly overwhelmed that he had so unexpectedly found someone that was so perfect for him. She was filled with kindness and humor and passion, and he was absolutely certain she was made just for him.

And just as he had every day of the last five weeks since the impromptu ceremony, he said a prayer of thanks that this perfect creature was willing to give herself to him heart, soul and body.

"I love you, Bella-swan. Merry Christmas."

Bella convulsed around him as pure bliss filled her entire body, "Oh, Edward!" she cried, reaching for his face to bring his lips to her own. Witnessing his wife's ecstasy and hearing his real name pulled his own orgasm from him, and he pulsed in release.

Bella pushed Santa's hair out of his eyes and held his held his face as his breathing returned to normal, "I love you too, Edward."

Santa gave Bella one of her favorite smiles, the kind that made his emerald eyes dance and left crinkles in the corners, then bent down to kiss her tenderly.

"Oh Santa," Bella exclaimed, "roll over!"

Santa looked at her confused, but rolled to his side, taking Bella with him.

"Phew, that was a close one," she sighed, "I didn't want you to fall asleep on top of me. As much as I like being under you, you're kind of heavy. I mean, how would I go to the bathroom?"

Santa laughed, "Aw, it doesn't happen that fast," his thoughts were cut off by the sounds of his snoring.

Bella pulled the covers up, and snuggled close to his body and kissed his cheek. "Sweet dreams, Santa. I'll see you on New Year's eve," she giggled to herself before drifting off to sleep.

The End


Das ist alles

Bol'she net

Merry Christmas

Thank you for reading 333

Here comes a big ol' sappy AN: To Max, Obs and BL72, there are no words that could even come close to relaying how much I owe you for this. Well there might be words, but I'd need to text you my ideas and then think about them for a month ot two; ; force you to read them to make sure the say what I mean to say and then you'd have to continually reassure me they were good enough and then you'd have to add in all those little words I forgot to type and move my commas around.

I also want to sincerely thank each and every person who read, reviewed, rec'd, tweeted and facedbooked this silly little story all started with a text that something like "What if Santa's dick was stripped like a candy cane?" I was a little worried it was too far out there, even for crackfic-porn.

For every snicker, giggle and beverage that was nearly sprayed on your screens I gave you; you guys gave me back tenfold in your reviews and tweets. I really thought the silliness of this story might make be a fun read; but I have been truly touched every time someone told me it was just what they needed in the harried mix of the holiday season. If you've seen Sullivan's Travels, THIS has been my labor camp Mickey Mouse movie. And I thank you.