A/N: I honestly do suck at updating fast these days, but I've been strangely busy lately and I'm dealing with a lot of problems right now, so I do apologize. I hope things calm down for me, so I can update faster. I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait!
Jacob stared at a sleeping Bella, he knew that she wasn't okay and that no matter what he did he could exactly help her out and the only person she would ever listen to was Edward. That disappointed him, but it was true and right now her safety was more important to him than anything else. He sighed as he picked up her blackberry and scrolled through her contacts until he found Edward's number, he stepped out into the hallway and hit call. He knew it would be awkward.
"Bella?" Edward asked sounding confused.
"Uh no it's Jacob, look man you need to come back - she's losing it." Jacob explained awkwardly.
"Why do you have her phone? She'll get over it, I'll be back soon," he said sounding distracted.
"Dude she showed up completely drunk and out of it, that doesn't seem like the Bella we know.."
"Listen kid, if it gets worse let me know and I'll figure something out, maybe it was a once off thing." Edward said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.
"You're a dick man, you really are, but yeah whatever don't worry or anything I can help." Jacob said quickly and then hung up.
Bella opened her eyes and yawned as she stared at Jacob.
"Whom were you talking to?" She asked sounding sleepy.
"No one, so do you have a hangover?" He asked as he quickly put Bella's phone back onto the bedside table.
"Yes! It hurts so badly, I need coffee or something. I think I need to go back and figure out what I'm going to do now."
Bella felt drained emotionally as she lay in bed listening to sad music, it had been two weeks since Edward was gone. She had just spent her days going to her classes and then coming back home. She had no desire to socialize with anyone for a while, but she knew that would just depress her. She stared at the ceiling and wondered how she had gotten herself into this mess. Edward said he had loved her and every time he looked at her she was convinced that he had to mean it, but now he was making excuses and pushing her away like he did when they first met. Did he not feel what she did? That their chemistry was so strong it was undeniable. She didn't know what to do with her, or whether she should scream or cry. He was the worst person to fall in love with, she knew that, but it was as if her heart and mind were in a bitter war against each other, it was as if her heart wanted to take on more than her mind knew it could handle and it was so stubborn that it blindly added to it's already impossible load.
She knew she should walk away, but she believed that she could be there for him, but how much could she take on? Would it destroy her? She was tired of trying, but it seemed like Edward didn't even want her help anymore. She didn't know if she should be mad at herself or mad at him. It seemed as if everyone was right and she was wrong. Now she was the fool who fell in love with an impossible man. She should have known better, but the heart wants what it wants, regardless of the devastating consequences. Bella suddenly felt like she didn't know who she was anymore and it was a sickening feeling. She tried to blink away hot tears that were forming in her eyes; she hated feeling so - weak.
She slowly got up and looked blankly at the wall in front of her. Edward hadn't called or texted her, she wanted to assume he was busy with work and eventually he would get back to her, it would make her feel better to believe that, but deep down inside she knew that it was more than that and that hurt a lot. She took a deep breath and exhaled as she picked up her phone and read a few texts from Angela inviting her to random parties that were going on, she sighed remembering what happened the last time she went to one of those parties. She decided to be safe she would take Jacob with her and maybe she could forget about everything and act her age. She stood up and walked across the room to her closet, she opened it up and looked for something to wear that didn't seem like her at all. She pulled out a short black dress; she slowly got out of her track pants and sweater and pulled on the dress that clung to her body tightly. She felt a million miles away from herself, as if she was just going through the motions and she wasn't really there. She heard the front door open and felt her heart stop. She quickly slipped on a pair of black heels and quickly walked out of the room and down the stairs. She stopped on the last step when she saw Edward standing in the foyer. He looked perfect as usual in his grey coat and emerald green eyes. He stared at her as if he had so much to say yet he couldn't bring himself to speak. She didn't know if she should run to him and hug him, or slap him for being such a jerk.
"Bella." He said. "Edward..."
The two of them just stared at each other not knowing what to do; it was an awkward situation one you wouldn't think you'd have with someone who knew you so intimately. Edward's eyes drifted to the very short and tight black dress she had on, he admired her for a few seconds and then wondered where she was going with a dress like that. Something was different about her; he saw it in her lifeless brown eyes. He had come back as soon as he heard about what was happening to her, he still didn't know what to do, but if she was truly in trouble because of him, he wasn't going to stay away.
"Um welcome back, I'm going out, so I'll see you when I get back?" She said.
He wasn't expecting her to act like this, he knew that he hadn't talked to her in two weeks, but he thought he was doing the right thing for both of them. He walked towards her.
"I'm sorry." He said softly.
She shook her head and then turned around and walked back up the stairs to her room to get her purse. She couldn't deal with his fake apologies right now; she didn't want to feel weak anymore. She walked
to her bedside table and picked her small black purse up from it. When she turned around Edward was standing right behind her.
"Please don't do this Edward, not now, "she said as she avoided his intense gaze.
"I'm not doing anything, I'm just sorry I couldn't talk to you because I was busy."
Bella glared at him, if he pulled that stupid work card one more time she was going to slap him.
"Once again you think I'm stupid Edward, I mean I get it I know what you do is important, but this isn't about that. It's just weird that on Thanksgiving after we did something together, you suddenly had to leave the country. Admit it Edward, you freaked out." She said strongly.
He took a step back, he didn't like the fact that she saw right through him, but if she knew exactly why he freaked out, she would probably never speak to him again. As he looked at her, he knew that what he said next had to be true, or he would lose her forever. If this happened a few weeks ago, he would have walked away right now and found someone else to marry, but that was before he realized that he did have very strong feelings for her. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair and then exhaled as his emerald green eyes met Bella's sad looking brown eyes.
"You're right I did, you have to understand that this is new to me Bella and it's not something I can just easily get into after what happened with Tanya. I did have to work, but it was an excuse to get away from you for awhile until I processed everything, but I'm here now and things can go back to the way it was." He said sincerely.
Bella shook her head and held onto her purse tightly. She exhaled and looked into his green eyes.
"Well at least that's honest and I do know it's hard for you, but it's hard for me too because all I've ever been is rejected and when you reject me like that it freakin hurts. What happened to me isn't half as bad as what happened to you Edward, but you're not the only one trying to move on from a painful past. I want to believe you, I really do, but how do I know you won't run away again? Maybe we can talk about this later because I really have to go."
Edward stared at Bella in shock it didn't occur to him that she was dealing with her own problems, he had been so consumed in his plan and his own thoughts that he didn't really think about Bella's past and what she had gone through. How did he end up in this situation?
"I'm sorry - I'm here now aren't I?"
He grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her against him, so that their bodies were pressed against each other's, she stared at him with a wide doe eye look. She wasn't expecting him to do this; she couldn't think when he was standing so close to her like this.
"Edward stop, this isn't fair." She pleaded.
He bent down so he could whisper into her ear.
"Why? Because you know you can't stay away from me?" He asked seductively.
Bella bit on her lower lip and closed her eyes, she felt intoxicated by him. She felt anger, lust and passion all rolled into one; she didn't even think it was possible. She wanted to slap him and then make out with him passionately. He drove her crazy for the past two weeks and of course he would come back and render her speechless by just touching her.
"I should hate you for this…..." She began to say as she pulled her head back slightly so she could look into his eyes.
"You should, in fact you should run away right now."
"But I won't."
"No you won't, why?" He asked, knowing he was winning.
Bella rolled her eyes and then leaned in to kiss him hard, she had never kissed him this way before. She felt his tongue enter her mouth and soon they were playing their familiar game with each other. Edward placed his hands on her waist and then picked her up, she wrapped her legs around him tightly as he turned around and pushed her onto the bed, she let her fingers get tangled in his hair. He slowly pulled away from her and then looked into her eyes, Bella felt out of breath and a bit dazed. She looked up at him.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"I was just thinking where are you going dressed like that?" He asked as he pointed to her dress.
She had forgotten all about leaving to the party, she knew he would be a bit mad about her spending time with Jacob, but he was the one who had left and didn't really speak to her.
"I was going to a party with Jacob." She said.
Edward immediately got off her and then sat on the side of the bed. "So that's what you were doing while I was gone? I should have known that after he called me….." Edward said and then stopped himself when he realized what he had said.
Bella quickly sat up and then smoothed out the bottom of her dress, the leather like material feeling smooth against her small fingers. Did she just hear him right? Jacob had called him while he was in Europe?
"What do you mean Jacob called you? What did he say?" She asked sounding confused.
Edward looked into Bella's confused brown eyes; he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Uh he just said you weren't acting like yourself."
"Wait, so you just came back because of Jacob? So you didn't come back because of me?" She asked.
Edward looked at her, now it was his turned to be confused. He knew that no matter what he said next she would still be mad at him, it was like he could never win with her. She was younger than him, but there were times like this when she could intimidate him, which he didn't like at all because that never happened to him - ever.
"Bella I came back because I was done with business over there, but yes Jacob called because he was concerned and I just happened to come back at the right time."
She shook her head and then got off the bed.
"I can take care of myself, I don't need you or Jacob playing my knight in shining armor. He shouldn't have called you, I was just trying to act my age and have fun, what's so wrong about that?"
Edward sighed and then looked at her.
"Really? Because getting drunk and going over to his place for help proves that, why are you acting like such a teenager Bella? You're being over dramatic."
Bella felt like he had slapped her across the face, she folded her arms and glared at him.
"Maybe because I am a teenager Edward? Why do you think I got drunk in the first place? Honestly I can't deal with this anymore, I gave you something important and you just disappeared, you couldn't even say goodbye to me. Just leave Edward, please," she said as she walked away to where her bedside table was, she couldn't look at him right now, and she felt as if she had reached her limit.
"Then why am I with a teenager?" He said bitterly and then got off the bed and then walked out of the room, closing Bella's door on the way out.
Bella felt numb, she wanted a normal, love story like everyone else, but this fairytale of hers was twisted in every sense. If it was so wrong then why did her heart love him as much as it did?
Edward was sitting by his desk, nursing a glass of scotch in his hand. Bella was frustrating him, ever since they met they had been fighting about stupid things or lusting after each other, he was the adult here, but he was acting like a stupid teenager in love. He should have known better and now that he thought about it he could have easily found someone else to marry him, he could have paid them off and got everything he wanted, but he knew that wasn't true because he wanted Bella and his want and longing for her had brought him to this point, he tried to avoid his feelings for her and he tried to forget how she made him feel, but it was something he couldn't escape no matter how hard he tried. It was too late to turn back now, but he knew that he was being selfish with her, she could be with a guy like Jacob who was her own age, who wouldn't try to marry her and make her unhappy the way he had. This was a situation where he couldn't win because his heart was involved in this.
He took a small sip of the scotch, the burn in his throat felt well. He wanted to do the right thing and he was done running away from this because it was starting to frustrate him a lot and there was nothing he hated more than frustration especially sexual frustration. It was time he took control of the situation, it was time to give in completely in every way possible, and he would show Bella how fun it could be to make up. He was 29, not 40 it was time he just let go for a bit.
He downed the rest of the drink and had a devious smirk on his face. He pushed his chair back and then walked out of the study and made his way to Bella's room. It was wrong in the most right way, a contradiction, which was what this was with Bella, everything contradicted itself, but he didn't care anymore. He knocked on the door and waited for her to say something.
"I just came out of the shower, give me a second!" She shouted.
Edward smirked, that made the fantasy in his mind hotter. He opened the door, walked inside and then shut it. Bella looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. She had a small, purple towel wrapped around her petite body; she clung to it tightly as if she was afraid it would fall at any second. Her skin glistened under the light in her room and her long brown hair was wavy and cascaded down her shoulders, Edward just wanted to pull the towel off her.
"We need to talk." He said, trying to look at her eyes and not her body.
"Um can't it wait till I get dressed?" She asked.
"Just listen to me for one second, I messed up, I admit that, but I love you. I never loved anyone before babe, but I love you. I can't stand the thought of Jacob or anyone else being with you, it pisses me off when I think about that. I want to be with you and I know I'm messed up, but you haven't given up on me yet, so yeah maybe that means something.."
Bella looked into Edward's green eyes and realized that he was telling the truth, there was this sincerity in his eyes that was lacking every other time until now, she had wanted him to say that for so long now and she knew that part of her had been scared to let him in, not as bad as it was for him, but the fear of rejection was there. She decided that there was no turning back now, if she truly loved Edward then she would have to be the one that would show him what love was everyday, she didn't know why she had to do that, but she assumed that maybe God had chosen her to do this for Edward because he knew her heart was strong enough to deal with him and maybe her heart could save them both.
She walked over to him and then placed her hand on his cheek, she looked up at him lovingly.
"I love you too Edward, you're all I want and need. I don't know why this is happening, but I - I can't live without you, I can't walk away from you now. I'm never going to give up on you Edward, I will be here for you as long as you want me, we need to fight for this, we can't give up, promise you'll fight with me?" She asked pleadingly as she stared into his green eyes. Edward stared at Bella in disbelief, he didn't understand how someone as pure and innocent as her could love him like that, it wasn't something he was use to, but she was right they couldn't give up now.
"I promise. Just don't leave." He said softly.
She leaned in and kissed him tenderly, he kissed her back as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her closer to him. He could do this, yes he could as long as she stayed by his side then maybe he would be okay. But will she stay once she finds out the truth? This was never going to be easy..