Mario Fart 7
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Mario Kart 7 sucks. ...Yeah, it should have been obvious, but it's the worst Mario Kart ever. Screw Nintendo for rushing it, because it COULD have been great... but nope, nothing but untapped potential just to get extra sales for Christmas. I hope your money goes down the drain, Nintendo. ...But enough about Nintendo sucking, we all know why you're here. Enjoy the stupid fic!
Everyone was gathered at Toad Circuit, which just opened. The racers were getting ready for their race, with Princess Peach and Princess Daisy amongst them.
"Gee, it sure is great for a day of kart racing, eh Daisy?" Peach commented as she slapped Daisy on the butt.
Daisy giggle, ribbing Peach by the right shoulder. "Yeah! I can't wait to race... of course, it'll make Toadette and Birdo jealous."
"It would? Why?" Peach asked, being ditzy as ever as her bluish eyes started going crazy.
Daisy giggled as she pointed at Birdo and Toadette. "Because Mario didn't invite them, duh!"
Birdo and Toadette were sitting at a wooden table nearby, both having their arms folded as they were angry at Peach and Daisy.
"Still can't believe they let friggin' Rosalina in over us," Birdo lamented as he sighed, shaking her head. "None of the guys even like her!"
Toadette nodded in agreement. "Yeah, what's so great about her? She's just Peach without all of Peach's charm! And worse, she doesn't have that cute Luma with her anymore!"
The luma that was partnered with Rosalina was seen behind several bushes, crying as he bopped up and down.
Mario popped in between Peach and Daisy, telling the two girls, "All right-a, girls, you-a should get-a ready. The race is about-a to begin-a!"
Peach and Daisy gasped as they jumped into their colored karts, with Mario jumping in his red kart. The other five racers were Rosalina, Honey Queen, Shy Guy, Toad, and Metal Mario.
Waluigi scoffed as he folded his arms, watching from the announcers' booth. "This race will be a disaster."
Wario nodded, a sly grin across his face. "Yeah... too bad things may stink for the princesses... ehehehehe!"
As the karts revved up (those fryers!), Peach felt her stomach growl loudly. Daisy noticed, chuckling as she turned to Peach.
"What's wrong, Peach? Feelin; gassy?' Daisy taunted as she stuck out her tongue. Daisy's stomach growled loudly also.
Toad shuddered as he knew what was going to happen. "Oh no... Peach and Daisy got gas..."
Peach turned to Toad, rolling her eyes. "Please! All I do is just let out cute little poots!" She then farted loudly, much to the disgust of nearly everyone.
Toad trembled with disgust. "That was not cute, or little... ugh..."
Rosalina gasped as she felt her stomach growling also, letting out a squeaky fart as she rubbed her stomach. "Oh no... not me too..."
Queen Bee (or Honey Queen, or whatever the hell she's called) giggled as she clapped her hands together. "Oh boy! Farts!"
Shy Guy groaned as he glared at Mario. "Why did you invite the bee again?"
Mario shrugged. "I don't know! She has no sense of personality, so I figured why not?"
Lakitu, the normal green shelled one, signaled go as all eight racers zoomed away from the starting line, with the audience cheering.
Metal Mario took the lead as he rammed Queen Bee to the right side of the track, while Shy Guy zipped right through. Metal mario tossed a red shell at Shy Guy, causing him to spin into the wall. Peach and Daisy were zipping along with each other as Daisy rammed Peach into Mario. Mario grabbed a tanooki tail and whacked Peach away, taking off as Peach grabbed a mushroom, deciding to eat it instead of using it.
"Sorry, mario..." Peach muttered as she giggled, placing her butt in the air as she farted loudly, her gas propelling her pink kart forward as she blew past Mario. Mario spun out of control from the horrid stench, crashing into the left wall as everyone else zipped underneath the bridge.
Rosalina watched as Toad used the triple mushrooms to zip past. Rosalina grabbed a Fire Flower, tossing red fireballs at Toad. Toad yelped in pain as he was burnt, when Rosalina appeared right in front of Toad, placing the fire flower right in front of her butt as she pooted, the flatulent flames hitting Toad. Rosalina smirked when she was attacked by the spiny blue shell, zipping along the path.
As lap 2 began Metal Mario remained in the lead as Daisy was catching up. Daisy sped right next to Metal Mario, grabbing him by the face and stuffing him into her butt, letting out an incredibly nasty fart. Daisy opened her right eye, puzzled to not hear Metal Mario screaming for help, as chuckling was heard instead.
"You think farting is funny, huh" Metal Mario said through his incredibly annoying filtered voice as he held a Bo-bomb, placing it right in Daisy's butt. "Have a blast!"
He then rammed Daisy to the side as he went through under the tunnel. Daisy tried to pull the bo-bomb out of her ass, but she farted, causing it to explode as it sent Daisy into the air, activating the glider. Daisy got an idea as she stood up, using her farts to propel her kart forward as she flew over the bridge, landing back on the ground as she landed in front of Shy Guy. Shy Guy tossed several bananas in front, but Daisy swerved around them, slowing down to appear next to Shy Guy as she stuck her butt in his face. Shy Guy shook his hands and pleaded as Daisy farted, the green gas clouding Shy Guy as he went spinning out of control.
Wario and Waluigi were watching the race on their lounge chairs, just drinking it up every time any of the three princesses passed gas. Wario himself was already feeling dizzy as he nearly fell out of the booth, with Waluigi grabbing him by the legs.
The third and final lap approached. Peach was blasted by another bo-bomb, being sent into the air. Coming back down, she went over the ramp that allowed her to glide in the air. Daisy and Rosalina were both ramming each other, until they decided to team up as they both farted on Mario, who was in the middle. Mario was forced to stop as he coughed, while Daisy and Rosalina zipped forward. Peach grabbed another bo-bomb and placed it in her butt briefly, farting on it as she set it up, tossing the bomb at Metal Mario and Toad, causing them to be sent flying. Shy Guy was attempting to come back, grabbing a tanooki tail and attempted to attack Daisy, but Daisy turned around and winked as she let out another deadly fart, causing Shy Guy to hit the wall instead. Peach crossed the line first, followed by Daisy, Rosalina, Metal Mario, and a disgusted trio that were abused during the race that consisted of Toad, Shy Guy, and Mario.
Waluigi shook his head rapidly as he was shocked "What the... how the...!" He slapped Wario on the head, waking him up. "Wario! You won't believe this!"
Wario groaned as he rubbed the back of his head. "Urag... what happened? Who won?"
"The friggin' bee won!" Waluigi exclaimed as he pointed frantically out of the announcers booth. "Look!"
Much to his shock, Wario dropped his jaw as he looked out, to see that Honey Queen was number one. There were many audience members that were confused as Birdo and Toadette remained bitter, still upset at Mario. Honey Queen giggled as she held the trophy in a... questionable pose, while Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina all applauded, all three of them farting in succession.
"Wow! Who knew we could use our farts to help us win a race!" Peach giggled as she let out a deep, wet pitched one.
Daisy laughed in agreement as she snapped her fingers, adding as she ripped a deep toot, "Yeah! Maybe we can use our other bodily functions next time!"
Rosalina sighed as she placed both of her hands on her stomach, a look of concern on her face now as she had the deepest pitched fart of all. "I think I may have pooped myself..."
Peach and Daisy simply laughed while Rosalina remained embarrassed, as Metal Mario remained pissed over losing the race as Honey Queen continued celebrating, while Toad, Mario, and Shy Guy desperately breathed in as much fresh air as possible, but to no avail.
"What the fuck, we weren't even in the story!" Bowser, Donkey Kong, Koopa, the playable red shelled Lakitu, Wiggler, a male Mii that looked like Reggie Fils-Aime, and Luigi all angrily chimed as they were enraged, watching from the sidelines alongside a distraught Petey Piranha, an enraged Dry Bowser, an annoyed Funky Kong, a disappointed R.O.B., a raging Bowser Jr., and all the other veterans crying out their hearts.