Well... This is my first fanfiction ever... Also the first time I've posted on here. I just wanted to write a little further on from my mind so it didn't stay a mystery for me. For now. So Yeah... I'll add more to this, so this is chapter 1 I guess.

Lemons and rosemary… It was the first thing I noticed when I was conscious of anything. That smell… It was the only thing I knew. Suddenly, everything hit me. The memories. I was dead. Sacrificed. I had to be dead. I had to be so Lena could fix everything. I had been the crucible as the Lillum called it. My last thought had been of Lena. It was why I could smell her. Lena… I was afraid to open my eyes, if I even had them. I was afraid to see where I was. Was I at the door I had sent Aunt Prue off through? I opened my eyes quickly, not wanting to inch them open and chicken out. There was nothing… a hell of a lot of nothing… I stared up into it. At least, I thought I was looking up. I couldn't tell if I was standing, or on the ground. Was there even a ground to be on at all? I looked down, the direction that my feet were at, and could actually see my chucks. So I still had a body, or something. So I was dead then, at least, I hoped I was. I'd been through so many visions, it was sometimes hard to tell. But, considering the last thing I remembered was wrestling with myself on the way to meet the ground…

"No!" Terrible screams were reaching my ears now and images started flooding my brain. "Not my boy!" Amma… Her voice was filled with grief. "Let… me… go!" I was sure Amma was pushing and trying her hardest to get out of the grasps of Macon and John, but they were too strong. The images in my head cleared up and I could see. I could see myself lying on the ground, an empty coke bottle in my hand somehow still intact after the fall. There was no denying it now, I was dead. Sadness rushed through my mind and I heard Lena's voice.

Ethan… She wasn't screaming like Amma, her voice was quiet. Her presence was still with me, and I hoped I was still with her. A voice boomed overhead. I glanced up, even knowing I would see nothing.

"The price has been paid. The New Order will come." Amma's screams were louder now, if it was possible.

"You can't have him!" she was screaming. "Bring him back." I turned back to them. Amma had fallen to her knees, Macon and John had let go of her. Amma's face was hidden in her hands crying.

You have done what was needed. The others must play out their parts. The Lillum's voice sounded in my head. I didn't say anything at first, I was watching. Amma crying. Macon's hand on her shoulder. John standing there a little awkwardly. John… Only now, my hatred for him was gone. I laughed. I watched scene, for God knows how long. The voice repeated its question.

Can… Can you give me a minute? I need to…

Of course. I looked down at my body, the one I was conscious of, not the dead me. I walked over to Amma, I wasn't sure if they could see me. I didn't know if I was a Sheer or what, but I hoped she knew I was there. Macon was the first to say anything.

"Take her home," he said tiredly. He was staring where I was. Amma was letting John lead her away. She hadn't pushed him off her or yelled. Macon walked up to me. He knew I was there. "Ethan…" he spoke softly. I stared right back at him. I couldn't think of anything to say. What could I say? I looked back at my body a few feet behind me then back at Macon who looked much older. "I'll deal with it." He walked slowly towards my body, I turned and followed as he passed.

"Lena's charms," I blurted out as he scooped my lifeless body off the ground. The empty coke bottle fell from my grasp and landed straight up on the ground with a clink. He turned to stare at me. "They're um… They're on the seat in the car." He nodded.

"I'll see she gets them back." I followed in his wake as he walked back to the car. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. It was weird, watching myself being carried in Macon's arms while walking behind him. But as of late, he had seen himself more than once when it wasn't him… but it was. I wasn't sure what Macon would do with my body. He couldn't take it back to Ravenwood, Lena would…

Lena… It would destroy her…John ripped next to Macon as we reached the car.

"What can I do?" he asked taking me from Macon. The old man opened my car and lifted Lena's charms from the seat. They jingled as he pulled them out from the window. The hearse was sitting farther down the road. Macon sighed. He looked at me.

"Where?" he asked with sorrowful eyes. I didn't understand what he meant but it came to me. The cemetery was destroyed. I wouldn't be there.

"Can you fix something up? I don't really feel comfortable sitting in the mortuary. My dad…" Macon nodded.

"John," he said turning to the Incubus. "Bury him at Ravenwood. I'll find a cast to put on him 'till we can sort it all out. Tonight is no night for planning a funeral." John nodded solemnly and was gone. He held Lena's necklace up. "I'll return this." He wandered off towards the hearse. Soon he was also gone and I was alone at the water tower… Dead.

"What am I supposed to do?" I said into the night sky.

"The New Order must be bound. You may be able to aid in that." I shook my head. I didn't know what that meant. I thought Lena was the one doing that. I had died so that she could.

"How can help?" I asked.

"You are a special individual. You may pass freely between the other side and this place." I sat on the hood of the car staring up into the sky listening to the lubbers. I didn't know what I was supposed to do now, where I was supposed to go… It would be a long night. Lena…


She knew it had happened. He was dead. Ethan was dead. She had been in the bed staring up at Ethan's last message to her. I will always love you -Ethan. Tears were already in her eyes, they had soaked her pillow. Her pillow… It still had his faint scent. She remembered his thoughts of his mother when she had died. It was her turn now. She was the one clutching the pillow trying to hold on to what was left.

But now, he was gone. She knew it. It felt like someone had hit her as hard as they could in the gut. She couldn't breath. She had heard her name for a second before and then there was nothing but pain. She couldn't sense his presence anymore.

Ethan! She screamed his name over and over in her head, but there was no reply. She reached out with her mind desperately trying to find him. Ethan! She ran to the window as if to see him somewhere outside. Coming up the driveway perhaps to come see her. He wasn't though. When he had left, she held on to some hope there would be a way they could fix it. Ethan wouldn't have to die. Now, that hope was dead. He was dead. He was dead. Her mind was crumbling. He was dead. Ethan was dead. He was gone. Her arms hung limply down by her sides and she shuffled back over to her bed. She curled up clutching the pillow tightly to her and staring up at Ethan's writing.

"Idiot," she whispered. "Why did you have to do that." She had told him she didn't care if the world ended as long as he was there. He went anyway. Her Ethan to go save the world. To go fix her mess. "Why?"

She stared at the spot for what seemed like hours. There was a knock on her door. She didn't look up. It wasn't Ethan. There was a knock again and she turned to look. Her Uncle Macon was standing in the door way, hands in his pockets.

"May I come in," he asked quietly. Lena turned her head to look at the wall again. "I'll take that as a yes." She heard his footsteps cross lightly over to her bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. He laid a hand on her shoulder. "He did a good thing Lena."

"He's dead," she said very quietly. Macon nodded.

"Yes he is." Lena began to cry again, her tears falling onto the pillow and washing away his scent even more.

"He needs to be here." Macon understood. It was difficult. He knew exactly how she felt. After Ethan's mother… He shook his head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the charm necklace Ethan had left on his car seat. He set them on the bed next to her. "He wanted me to return this," he said leaning over her and kissing her on the forehead. "I truly am sorry. I wish it had been me." He walked towards the door.

"I told him to hold on to them," she said very softly. Macon stopped at the door. He tried to think of something to say. Nothing came to his mind. "He can't be gone." He walked from the room. Gone, gone, gone, gone. The word pounded through her head. He was gone. He couldn't be though. She grabbed the necklace and held it up in the air. Her life was on this thing. But, it wasn't anymore. Her life had died. She looked at the last one he had given her. It was from his Aunt. She wondered if he was with her now. This brought on a whole new wave of tears. She squeezed the pillow tighter and cried.

Lena… His voice was there with her at the edges of sleep. I will always love you…