What's a show without bloopers?

A/N: Happy New Year!

Brittany and Santana are in the kitchen making cookies.

"What do they mean when they say stir?" Brittany asks as she reads the mixing instructions for double fudge chocolate chip cookies . She always found recipes confusing.

"It means to mix the ingredients together."

The door bell rings.

"I'll get that Britt, you just start mixing." Santana goes to open the door. "Who the hell are you?" She asks, staring menacingly at the man standing in front of her.

"Is this the Pierce's residence? We're from Parental Control."

Santana smiles. "I'm sorry but you have the wrong house," she lies, "The Pierce's are five doors down."

"Oh, thanks. I'm very sorry for the-"

Santana slams the door in the man's face before he finishes. She goes back into the kitchen sporting her biggest bitch smirk.

"So who was that?"

"Oh just another Jehovah Witness."

"Who's Jehovah?"

They go back to making their delicious cookies..

After a few things were cleared up, the crew returns to start filming.

"And Action!"

"So you just want me to ride my bike?"

"Yes, just to the silver car and back. We need it for the intro."

"Ok." Brittany obliges. She nears the silver car and passes it.

"Brittany! You can come back now!"

Brittany keeps on riding.

"Where is she going? Someone please go get her!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Pierce I've made up some cue cards from what we've discussed about Santana and all we want you to do is read them as they appear."


"Alright Action!"

"Brittany sees the food in everybody."

"Cut! It says 'Good' Mrs. Pierce."


"Ok from the top and action!"

Take twenty six...

"Santana. Is. Rude. Uh. Loud."

"Cut! What was that Rob?"

"I'm a little nervous."

"And you're sweating like a fat kid on a treadmill."

"Can I go change my shirt?"


Take ninety...

"Santana needs to just go practice making lady babies with Brittany and..wait what?"

"Cut! It says, 'Santana needs to just go home and leave our Brittany alone.'"

"No it doesn't."

The director reads the cue cards. "Alright who wrote that!"

"I have a feeling who did," Mrs. Pierce states. "Santana!" she calls.

Santana pokes her head out of the fridge. "What!"

"Did you mess with Mr. Director's cue cards?"



"Maybe I did a little editing, that's all."

"Go to your room!"

"But I-"

"Now! Or you won't be joining us at BreadstiX tonight."

Santana grumbles something in Spanish and storms up to her room.

"Now, where were we?"

"Now Brittany, I want you to tell us what you think about Quinn. Your first thoughts when you met her."

"Who's Quinn?"

"Your father's choice remember? You went to the carnival with her"

"Oh right, that Quinn. Well.."

"No, say it to the camera in your hand."

"Ok." Brittany turns the camera to the side and whispers something to it.

"What are you doing Brittany?"

"Telling the camera what I think of Quinn. I figured his ears were to the side like everyone else's."

"No Brittany. Look, I'll take it and you just talk ok?"


Santana walks in and sits next to Brittany.

"Santana, you're not in this shot."

"Well I am now."

"Santana please move. We need to get this done today."

Santana completely ignores the director and turns to Brittany. "Hey Britt-Britt, I'm going to the Lima Bean to get some coffee. Wanna join me?"

"Sure San! But I want Ice-cream!"

Santana smiles. "Ok, let's go."

They get up to leave but the director stops them.

"Brittany, you can't leave. We have to get this done."

"But I want Ice-cream." The blonde pouts.

"You can go after we get this shot."

"Ok, now lemme tell you how dis gun be, Mr. Smelly McShitty Pants," Santana begins. "My girl wants to get her Banana Splits on and if you tell her what to do one more time, I will ends you."

"Let's go on break people!"

"Where's Brittany?" The director asks. "It's almost time to go on her date with Sam. Someone go find her please!"

One of the crew members goes upstairs to look for her. He comes back down a few minutes later.

"Did you find her? Where is she?"

"Um, well she and Santana are having sex."

"What? Go get her! We don't have time for this!"

"Santana threatened to rip my balls off if I disturbed them again."

The director pinches the bridge of his nose and inhales deeply. "Mr. and Mrs. Pierce please help me."

"It's best to let them finish," Mr. Pierce says.

Mrs. Pierce nods.

"Now Brittany, you've been on the dates and now it's time for you to decide. Tell us the difficulty in doing so."

"It's not difficult. I choose Santana."

"Ok. Even though you've made up your mind, still act like it's a tough decision to make."


"To make good television."

"This show can't get any worse than it already is."

"Just please pretend like you're having a hard time deciding."

"But I'm not."

"Just do it Brittany!"

"Mr. Director, I won't accept you raising your voice at me. I'll bring Santana in to hurt you with her vicious words and then some."

"No need for Santana, Brittany, I'm sorry. Now just run the lines."

"I don't feel like it anymore."

"Please? I'll buy you Dots."


"Brittany, now that you've picked Santana, I want you to say.." The director pauses after realizing Brittany was a little more preoccupied with Santana's boobs. "Look," he sighs. "Let's call this a wrap people. Get me the hell out of here!"


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