AN: I don't know how many of you know was today is but I hope that after this AN you'll find what exactly today is and why it's so special. Today's WAWWE day, which means today is the one year anniversary since We Are What We Experience was posted by the lovely poeticjustice13. Through these past months that I have been on this site, I have had the honor of getting to know the author, Vanessa. Most of you know her as poeticjustice13 and another author on this site but to others, including me, she means so much more. She has been there for me in my darkest times as well as my happiest ones. She has made such an impact on my life and I'm so blessed to have her in my life. I don't know what I would without her sometimes. She's amazing and just about the sweetest person ever.
I can't even begin to express how proud I am of her for finishing WAWWE. It took almost a year but her beautiful masterpiece is complete. Her story is heart breaking, yet so incredibly sweet and romantic as the same time. I don't know how she does it- she manages to blow me away with everything regardless of what it is. Her story is amazing to say the least. It's one of my favorites ever on this site and I have literally read it over and over again. It has gotten me into Lomille more than ever. Her story is outstanding. I love it and of course I love her. Her support is unbelievable and she's such a good friend. So, thank you Nessa, you've made my life better in so many ways.
So Happy WAWWE day guys! Especially you Nessa, you deserve all of the love. I know my writing can't compare to hers but I do hope I did justice to her story.
Note: This is a one shot based off of WAWWE, it didn't really happen and shouldn't effect her story in any way.
I don't own anything.
Where the hell was I? I looked around. Bright blue curtains draped the windows and the light green walls were carefully set up. The wide screen plasma TV was mounted on the wall and there was a glass table in the middle of the room. The white leather sofas tied everything together and next to them was a small pile of toys. There were several toy trucks among the toys. Whose were they? I looked at them intently. Whoever lived here must have a kid, more specifically a son. Tears pricked my eyes. They reminded me of LJ. It almost hurt to look at them. He would have loved playing with them. I look at them longingly before I look around once again. I had no doubt that the guys had at least something if not everything to do with the apartment. It looked like a Palm Woods apartment- that was for sure. I walked towards the door. No matter where I was, I had absolutely no idea of what was going on.
I step outside the apartment and into the long but familiar hallway. I looked up to read the number on our door. 2A. No wonder it seemed so familiar- it was the same hallway as Logan and my old apartments. But the question remained- where was I? I certainly didn't recognize the apartment as I had previously been in. I began to walk towards the elevator and immediately ride down to the lobby.
I step out cautiously; almost scared of where I was though I was certain that I was at the Palm Woods. The lobby was nearly empty, just a few teenagers reading scripts and as usual, Mr. Bitters was almost asleep at the front desk. I ignore them, taking in the lobby while walking to the pool. The lobby was the same but it looked... different. Everything looked older and more faded. I ignored it though, my only focus was to find someone recognizable and ask where the hell I was.
I entered the pool and walked over to one of the pillars, leaning on it. The crystal blue pool was still intact- the same as always. The only thing different was the people. There were tons that I didn't even recognize.
"Mama! Mama!" a little boy with short dark locks runs up to me, wrapping his arms around my legs. I didn't want to be rude, especially to such a little boy but I couldn't just have him hugging me when I had no idea who he was, could I? I gently pry his small arms from around my legs and step a bit back. He doesn't seem to be bothered. Instead, he looks up at me adorably, batting his eyelashes. I had to admit, he was a cute kid. He looked only about two or three years old and his eyes were practically shining with happiness. His hair was flopped down over his eyes and swiped to the side almost like Kendall's hair, but the only difference was that he looked exactly like… Logan. How could that even be? Wherever I was, Logan and I were still dating right? We were still engaged right?
I look at the young boy confused, raising an eyebrow and I'm about to ask him something when he cuts me off. "Mama! Daddy's comin'!" he squeals, moving to hide behind my legs. Who was he and why did he keep calling me Mama? I wasn't and I was sure that his real Mom wouldn't exactly love him calling someone else Mama. But like I said before, he was cute and I couldn't possibly be mean to that adorable little face. And besides, he looked a lot like Logan and probably a lot like LJ would have. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat that kept bringing back tears and I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach. It hurt to think about him and know I would never see him again.
"Come here, buddy!" a voice calls out. Wait- I knew that voice. It was Logan. I quickly looked up. My heart leaped in joy at the sight of someone familiar. But why was he calling the boy "buddy"? He was always great with kids but we had never even met this boy before.
"Ah! No, Daddy! Help Mama!" the boy giggled uncontrollably as he hid further behind my legs. Seriously, what was going on? Logan was Daddy? I was Mama? Logan moves around and catches him, picking his up and twirling him around. He tickles the toddler, laughing along with him.
"Got you LJ!"
I freeze. There was no way. There was no fucking way. The sinking feeling in my stomach grew. This must be a joke- a sick, sick joke. What- who was this little boy? LJ was gone. I would know. I was his mother. I missed him everyday. I cried to myself everyday thinking about him and where he was now. But if he was gone, then why was "LJ" calling me Mama? This didn't even make any sense.
I stumble in shock. "Wha-? Logan, erm," I look up at him. He seemed so comfortable with the boy, I hated to question him but honestly, I had no other choice. "Um, who's he?" I ask, timidly pointing at the toddler in his arms, "And where are we?"
He looks at me as if I've gone crazy. His expression is heavy with concern and I can't help but feel slightly afraid. "Are you okay, Cam? Did you like hit your head or something? Do I need to take you to the hospital? Are you sick?" He makes wild gestures, trying to touch my forehead while still balancing the toddler in his other arm.
If I was under normal circumstances, I would have laughed, but I couldn't. Not now. Not when I was so confused.
"Cam, do you seriously not remember? Maybe we should get you to the hospital."
I shake my head slowly.
"Cam, how can you forget LJ? Our son? The one you stayed up all night with just to make sure he was okay? How can you forget that you're at the Palm Woods? Cami…" he says desperately, touching my shoulder.
I had to make up a lie. I couldn't let him think I forgot. I couldn't let him think I had no idea what was going on and that I was so confused. I put a fake but ridiculously wide smile on my face. "You're so easy to trick, Logie. Ha! I didn't think you'd actually believe me." I lie so easily that it scares me a bit. The last time I lied so easily was when I first started to cut. I lightly pinch his cheek to make it even more believable.
He pouts and I have to admit, he looks adorable. "That was mean, right LJ?" he asks, tickling him.
"No, Daddy. Mama nice." He smiles widely and holds his arms out for me to take him. I resist slightly before taking him. He touches my nose before kissing my cheek. Not going to lie, it felt nice especially since it was from my "son".
Then it hit me hard. Who was I doubting? Logan and our son? Our son. It felt nice to say that. I had been so heart broken over LJ and now that he was standing in front of me, I was upset? What's wrong with me? I look at him. He looked exactly like Logan and me. There was no mistake. I wanted to freeze time now.
I look at him intently at him. There definitely was no mistake. I laugh, and hug him tighter. I honestly didn't know what was happening, but at this point, I could care less. I had LJ back. My son. I had him back. Tear of joy flood into my eyes.
"Cam are you okay, baby? You're crying." Logan reaches up and cradles my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away my tears.
My voice breaks, "I've never been better, Logan." I stand up straighter so I can reach his lips and kiss him.
"I love you," he whispers, his hot breath heating my cheeks.
I close my eyes, "I love you too." I turn to LJ who was now contently playing with the ends of my hair. "And I love you too, LJ." I sighed. I could keep saying that and never get tired of it. LJ. LJ. LJ.
"Love you too, Mama." I giggle and kiss his cheek. I would never get tired of hearing Mama especially after everything that had happened. Maybe all this was real….
I jolt my eyes open. It was just a dream. Just a fucking dream. I wished it was real.
I don't cry though. There was no reason to yet. Instead, I smile softly as I roll over only to find Logan's bright chocolate colored eyes staring back into my own.
"Good morning, beautiful. What's got you in such a good mood?" he asks, chuckling. He leans in and kisses lips and then my neck, sending shivers throughout my body.
I sigh and lie on my back. "I had a pretty good dream." I smile contentedly.
"Oh yeah? What was it about?" he asks, resting his head on his hand, his elbow propped up on the bed.
I freeze slightly. Should I tell him? But then again, I told him I wouldn't hide things from him. "LJ," I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.
"Oh," he looks away, making sure his eyes don't meet mine. He lies back down on the bed and closes his eyes.
My heart nearly broke that he didn't even want to keep eye contact with me. I scoot closer to him and caress his cheek. "Logan? What wrong?"
"Nothing, Cam. Forget about it, it's not important."
"Logan, if it's bothering you, it'll always be important to me. Tell me, I know it's not nothing."
He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. They're shining with tears. "I miss him." A single crystal tear trails down his pale face before he hastily wipe it away. He breathes deeply. "I'm sorry, Cam. I shouldn't have said anything."
"Logan, shhh. Don't apologize. It's okay to cry, you know. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. Sometimes you have to let me be strong for you. I miss him too but that doesn't mean you're hurting any less." I tread my fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe him.
"But still. He was in your stomach. He was the one who lived in there for months. He became a part of you."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a part of you too. He might have been inside of me but you still loved him just as much." I lean in and kiss his forehead. For the first time in all the years that I've known him, he looked like a scared little kid. His eyes were red rimmed and full of tears and his free of gel hair flopped down over his forehead. I hated to see him this way but I was fully aware that he needed to break down as much as I did.
"It's still different," he pauses, "I still miss him though. He would have been just a couple of months old right now. I wish he was still here with us. It so hard to move on from day to day knowing that he could've been here with us. It's so hard to wake up every morning to no complaining about LJ's kicks or to his crying. It's so hard to even think about him because I miss him so much."
I bring him to me, nestling his head under the crook of my neck. "Let it all out, Logan. It's hard, believe me, I know exactly how you feel."
I feel a few hot tears wet my neck but I don't say anything. Instead, I continue to run my fingers through his short dark brown locks.
"Cam? Can I ask you something?"
I nod. "Anything."
"What did he look like? I mean, in your dream, what did he look like?" he asks with big brown eyes.
I smile softly, "Just like you. Except without the hair gel. He had your cute little nose, big chocolate brown eyes, and hair just as dark as yours. He also had your lopsided grin too," I say, tracing his lips with my thumb.
He lights up, as if what I told him had completely made his day and I'm sure it had. "Really?" he asks in astonishment, "He looked like me?"
"Yeah, just like you." I flop back onto bed, laying next to Logan. "He acted just like you too. He was so sweet and was so adorable."
I pause and lean my head against Logan's shoulder. "He's not gone though. LJ isn't gone. Just because he's not here doesn't mean he doesn't live in our hearts. We'll never forget him. Ever."
"I know we won't. I wish he was here but that doesn't mean he never existed. He's watching over us with the angels."
I can't help but smile wider. "I like that. He's up there with the angels. I know he is. I know that he's safe wherever he is. He's our little angel. He's watching over us."
Logan smiles sadly. "It's perfect. And when we're older, married and when we have more kids, he'll be watching over his brothers and sisters too. We're going to make sure they know their little angel up there too."
Then he turns over so that he is on top of me, and pulls me into a tight, intimate embrace, and nestles his nose into the crook of my neck. I close my eyes into the embrace, my arms wrapping around him and the last thing I think of is how lucky I was to have him.
The next morning, we wake up to settling silence. The sun was shining and the birds were out chirping. It made everything seem even more bittersweet. It seemed to contrast with our feelings too much. I snuggle closer to Logan on the couch and wrap my arms around his torso. Suddenly, I get an idea.
"Logan, do you think we can hang up a photo of LJ? You know, to remind us that we have an angel watching over us?" I ask softly, touching his shoulder.
"Huh? Yeah, that would be nice. I'd like that."
I beam taking his hand and dragging him to our bedroom.
For hours, we flip though photos of LJ in an attempt to find a perfect one but at last we find one that was just right. A new picture frame was up and mounted on the wall. But there was something much more special to it than just the picture. The picture of LJ was definitely important, and the most beautiful sight of all, but surrounding it, in the scripted hand-writings of Logan and I was written; Our Little Angel.
AN: I hope this came across the way I hoped it would because I have been working on this for quite some time. I hoped you all liked this.
This is probably when most writers ask for reviews. This is mostly where I do too, but I'd like to ask something different and a bit more special of you right now. I want you to leave a review but instead of telling me whether or not you liked this, I'd rather you tell me your favorite part of poeticjustice13's story WAWWE. I would like to hear if I did justice to the story too but I also want to hear your favorite parts of WAWWE.
So please review and tell me.
I hope you like this Nessa. Love you.