All life is an experiment. The more you test, the better.
Perfection was a word Sasuke was familiar with. Perfection was, for most people, an unattainable goal. For Sasuke, however, it was his only option. His family, friends, and his superiors always expected nothing less from Sasuke than flawless, and it had been that way for his entire life. The bar had been set high by Sasuke's older brother, Itachi, who was prodigal as a child. Sasuke still couldn't tell if his family expected more of him because of Itachi, or less of him because they knew Sasuke would never reach that status. Itachi was twenty-three, the head of their family's company, Kakyū Inc., and the family's prize.
Sasuke was eighteen, a senior in high-school, and often overlooked or compared to Itachi. It had been that way ever since Sasuke could remember. Even though he and Itachi were close, it was still frustrating and disheartening to always be in his shadow. It was difficult finding his own niche in life, Sasuke learned. Almost everyone he knew wanted him to follow in Itachi's footsteps, whereas Sasuke had different ambitions and end goals. He and Itachi had little in common, if anyone ever opened their damn eyes. Not that Sasuke would vie for attention—no, he was content to stay in the shadows, at least getting ignored meant no one was pressuring him. He had enough of that.
"Oi, teme, you're zoning out on me. You good?" Sasuke started, a voice that was too close to his ear snapped him out of his internal stressing. Raising his hand, he brushed Naruto away.
"I told you not to do that," Sasuke grumbled, referring to the closeness. Naruto had no concept of personal space, and while Sasuke usually let it go, he hated when Naruto spoke in his ear like that. Naruto snickered beside Sasuke, not the least bit bothered by his best friend's snappish response. He had known Sasuke since birth, for god's sake. Their mothers were best friends, and their fathers were business partners.
"It's the best way to get your attention, 'ttebayo. You didn't answer me, either. You okay? You look like something's up." Naruto leaned his cheek onto his palm as he looked at Sasuke, his brows furrowed in concern.
Sasuke, even after knowing Naruto his entire life, still couldn't see how the idiot could go from annoying to worried in half a second. "I'm fine," he said, "I'm just trying to tune your annoying laugh out." Naruto had been snickering over something stupid with some of their classmates.
Naruto clicked his tongue. "Someone should put a shaming-sign on you that says 'Warning: not friendly in the morning!' or something."
"Someone should do the same for you, only it'd be a warning about being obnoxious and loud," Sasuke smirked. Their relationship stood on a foundation of insults and friendly rivalry. Naruto looked like he was about to retort, but before he could, his girlfriend nudged him in the side. Sakura had been their best friend since kindergarten, and she was the one who tended to mediate things. She and Naruto had finally taken a chance on dating a couple of years ago, and they were still going strong. Sasuke was both happy and relieved, because you could only listen to your best friends pine over each other for so long.
There was something else he felt when he watched them, but he didn't know what it was. It just made him scowl and turn away. Before he could listen to the chattering of his friends, Sasuke returned to his own thoughts and tuned the background noise out. He'd gotten good at that over the years, though that was also due to being a child of workaholic parents who dragged their children to boring places. Sasuke, when he was six, once sat through a two-hour meeting with nothing but a toy car. He prided himself on being able to tune out his surroundings and center his focus. Unfortunately, others weren't so keen on it, as sometimes he centered it on the wrong things.
After all, it was better than spending all his time buried under anxiety. He would be graduating in a few months, and although he had the top grades at KAE, he was still paranoid about moving on to university. He knew what he wanted to do, what he wanted to become, but his parents, his family…everyone that Sasuke knew, they expected him to enter the company. They wanted him to be a part of the business, but that wasn't what Sasuke enjoyed. Sasuke wanted to become a psychologist, specifically for children and teenagers. He had gone to a therapist for a year or so, when he was fourteen, but his father had pulled him out after deeming him better and saying it was a waste of time.
Since then, Sasuke had been on anxiety meds, but he never forgot how much the therapist had helped him process and move on. Sasuke wanted to do the same, to provide that for others. But, he didn't know if he'd get the chance. His family wouldn't approve, especially considering it was several years of schooling. It was never about what Sasuke wanted, it was always about someone else. Sasuke hadn't ever had anything for himself. Everyone's attention focused on Sasuke's family, on Itachi, on the giant reputation glittering over Sasuke's head. Sasuke didn't know anything else. Even with his friends, Sasuke wasn't sure how to take attention the same ways they did. Sakura wasn't afraid to express her insecurities and receive reassurance in return. Naruto never held back on telling his friends when he was lonely and wanted their company. Sasuke couldn't do it that way.
Amid his lost thoughts, Sasuke got snapped out of it by a loud noise crashing in front of him. Startled, Sasuke recoiled and sucked in a gasp. On his desk sat a textbook, one that hadn't been there before. Sasuke's confusion narrowed into a scowl, and he glanced from the book towards the front of the room, where his teacher stood. Kakashi was a young teacher, somewhere in his mid to late twenties, Sasuke knew, but he was better respected than most of the older teachers there. Kakashi didn't tolerate nonsense, but he had a sense of humor and understanding for his students. He was willing to work with them as long as they were also willing to do the same.
Sasuke and Kakashi didn't get along very well.
"Is the class not interesting enough for you, Uchiha-san? Perhaps you'd like to share what's on your mind, instead?" Kakashi asked, in that infuriatingly calm and inquisitive voice. Sasuke hadn't noticed class start, nor did he have any idea what the class was even studying, today. Kakashi taught biology and anatomy, and Sasuke wracked his head to try and remember anything Kakashi had been talking about. He came up blank. So, what was a teenage boy to do, admit he was wrong and apologize?
"Forgive me for not finding your boring lectures enthralling, Kakashi," Sasuke answered. Unlike the rest of the class, Sasuke referred to Kakashi by first name. From beneath the table, Sasuke felt Naruto kick his ankle, but Sasuke ignored his friend's warnings that were telling him to knock it off. Everyone knew you didn't fuck with Kakashi. Sasuke had the memo. Sasuke didn't care about the memo.
Kakashi nodded his head, as if taking Sasuke's statements into consideration. "I suppose you're right, most people are visual learners." Kakashi turned around, thus he missed the way Sasuke's eyes narrowed in suspicion. With a reach up, Kakashi grabbed one of the cords hanging above the whiteboard, and tugged down what looked like a poster. It took Sasuke all of three seconds to realize what the poster was of—an enlarged, labeled diagram of the male and female anatomy, respectfully—and another three seconds for his eyes to widen in horror. Warmth flushed Sasuke's face, and he could hear a couple of snickers from his classmates around him.
"Is this better, Uchiha? I'm sure you need these lessons, correct?" Kakashi's voice remained cool, but Sasuke was certain he could hear his teacher smirking. Sasuke's face grew hotter from the unwanted attention, and he wished he could shrink in his seat, but that wasn't what anyone expected of him. Sasuke had to follow those invisible lines, even if it meant digging a deeper hole for himself.
"I knew you were a closet pervert," Sasuke stated, referring to the books Kakashi often read, "but this is a bit much." Sex education was a part of the school curriculum, but all the other teachers were modest and uncomfortable about it. They preferred to hand out little worksheets to the students. One year, someone put a condom on a banana. Put lightly, it wasn't like Sasuke was familiar with it. He was already on edge, and Kakashi was strumming his last nerve like a guitar.
Kakashi hummed thoughtfully. "Well, would you prefer teaching this class, instead? Come up here, Sasuke. I'm sure you have plenty of knowledge to depart." Kakashi's calm, collected, enraging tone was the last straw. He knew what he was doing, Sasuke had no doubt.
Sasuke stood and snatched the book that Kakashi had tossed at him earlier. "Would you fuck off? I'm not going to play your game!" Sasuke snapped, and threw the book at Kakashi, not once reconsidering the reckless decision.
Kakashi caught the book in both hands, as if Sasuke had tossed a pillow. That further pissed Sasuke off, who scowled at Kakashi, and clenched his hands at his sides. Kakashi's expression didn't change, but he cocked his head at Sasuke, considering him. "Uchiha, detention. Stay after class."
And just like that, Sasuke felt his heart sink down to the floorboards. He heard a couple of his classmates gasp, but what weighed heavier on him was the collection of gaping stares aimed at him. With a noise of frustration, Sasuke sat back down with a thump. He could feel Naruto smirking at him, he didn't even have to look, and he didn't. He stared straight ahead, his eyes boring into Kakashi's back as the man resumed teaching. And no, Sasuke didn't pay attention this time, either.
Physical discipline was a common practice in schools here, though it was usually saved for certain measures. A whack on the wrist for minor annoyances or, in some schools, there were more…intense examples. That didn't mean anything, Sasuke couldn't remember the last time a student had gotten punished with a paddle or yardstick, or any other implement. Most of the teachers here were happy to assign certain duties in place of that. Sasuke was sure that was all that would happen, he was too old for anything else.
Still…something in Sasuke's nerves was buzzing.
The end of the day seemed to crawl towards Sasuke, yet at the same time it was also hurtling way too fast. Once three o'clock rolled around and the other students began filtering out of the room, some more tamed than others, Sasuke didn't move. He sat, his legs propped up on his desk and his arms folded, glaring at the whiteboard ahead of him. As Naruto passed him by, he felt the blond pat his shoulder and whisper "good luck" to him. Sasuke almost snorted, as if this was going to be that serious. Sasuke could take any consequences his idiot of a teacher could dish out.
Kakashi didn't address Sasuke at first, he spent several minutes tidying up the classroom and preparing for tomorrow. He wiped the board, cleared his desk, and succeeded in annoying Sasuke, who felt Kakashi was only going to waste his time. Eventually, unfortunately, Kakashi stopped and looked towards Sasuke with a cocked brow. A few seconds of silence passed between them before Kakashi bothered prodding. "Well? Are you going to come up here, or am I going to have to come get you?" Sasuke's eyes rounded in shock. Kakashi was serious? The physical discipline? That wasn't—
"You can't be serious. I'm eighteen, you can't treat me like I'm a child," Sasuke snapped, his lips curled in a rather feral sneer.
Kakashi merely shrugged. "I'll treat you how I see fit," he said, "and to me, it looks like this would do you some good." Kakashi leaned one hand against the desk, giving Sasuke a final chance to cooperate on his own. Kakashi doubted that the boy would, it was a miracle when Sasuke listened to his superiors or followed any orders. Sasuke, although born into a rich and strict family, was often allowed to be on his own without rules. As such, Sasuke didn't accept orders well, even when structure was a much-needed part of his life.
Sasuke rebelled, as Kakashi expected. "Bite me."
With a mock sigh, Kakashi looked at Sasuke with censure, admonishing the attitude. "Fine, act like a brat, I'll treat you like one," Kakashi warned and, without further preamble, went to get Sasuke. Exactly as he'd said.
There was something about Kakashi advancing towards him that made Sasuke straighten up, take his legs off the desk, and push back in his chair. It wasn't even that Kakashi looked dangerous or angry—but in control. Kakashi neared Sasuke, who was watching him through wide eyes, like he couldn't believe this was happening to him. Once close enough, he took the young man by his wrist and pulled him up. It wasn't a harsh yank, but his grip was firm as he led Sasuke to the front of the room, the whole way Sasuke only made a vague sound of protest. Once Kakashi came to a stop in front of the desk, however, Sasuke snatched his wrist back.
Sasuke's nose scrunched and his eyes narrowed, all in defiance as he scowled at Kakashi, challenging him. Kakashi leaned against the whiteboard, not playing into Sasuke's game. Sasuke was used to people clashing with him, to getting impatient and tired of him and resorting to yelling or ignoring him. Kakashi wasn't going to use those cards, not when he knew this would be a much more effective lesson. "I can put you over the desk too, Sasuke. This can be over easy and quick, if you'd stop putting up a front."
"It doesn't have to happen at all," Sasuke grumbled petulantly. He missed Kakashi's brow quirk, as he had already stepped forward towards the desk. Lowering himself, Sasuke's hips pressed against the edge and his chest rested on the surface. The cool mahogany made the young man shiver, even with the protection of his shirt. The palms of his hands rested against the desk's edge, his fingers digging in and the tension causing his knuckles to whiten. Kakashi placed his hand on Sasuke's back, between his shoulder blades. It was warm, reassuring, as much as Sasuke was bitter about the entire ordeal. "Just get it over with," he said, his teeth grit. He didn't need any of that cushy comfort.
Kakashi sighed, but he complied and opened one of the drawers of his desk. Inside was the paddle, which Kakashi hadn't had to use in ages; in fact, he almost never used it. He didn't believe in it, though Sasuke's case was a little different. Sasuke saw Kakashi pick the implement up, but he didn't risk a second glance. Sure, he'd gotten spanked before, like most other kids, but that was when he was much younger. This was borderline bullshit.
"I believe I've been pretty lenient with you, Sasuke," Kakashi started, and Sasuke disagreed. Kakashi circled around the desk and stopped once he was in a good position. Sasuke let his forehead rest against the desk, soaking up the soothing coolness and hoping it did something to ease the heat in his face. "Normally, I would set a number, but I don't think that will work for you. How about this? When I hear an apology from you, the lesson will be over." Kakashi trusted that would take a while, and he knew that by then, the lesson will have (hopefully) stuck. Sasuke and apologies didn't go hand in hand, but this was about more than the earlier disrespect.
Sasuke snorted at Kakashi's explanation, they would be here a while if Kakashi planned to stick to that. Sasuke was tense, preparing for the first blow. The memory of punishments like these was vague, but now that Sasuke was an adult, how bad could it hurt?
Kakashi raised the paddle and, without further warning, brought it down against Sasuke's ass, hard. Sasuke found his answer then—pretty bad. He stiffened against the desk, some in shock and some in pain. Dark eyes flew wide open as the sting from the first impact settled into Sasuke's skin. It wasn't excruciating, it was still more of a surprise than anything else, but to stack several hits on top of each other? Sasuke's fingertips dug harder into the edge of the desk, wishing it would help steel him against the oncoming punishment.
The second hit landed, as hard as the first had been, and Sasuke had to clench his jaw to lock a noise behind his teeth. He'd be damned before he did something as embarrassing as that. This was a child's punishment, for god's sake, he just needed to grit his teeth and bear it until Kakashi gave up!
The hits that followed never lessened in intensity, nor did Kakashi lose rhythm. It was steady, not too fast, but not giving Sasuke a moment to catch his breath and gather himself. A warm, stinging pain seeped into Sasuke's skin, progressively growing worse with every hit from the paddle, until it was hot and aching. Sasuke turned his face to the side, facing away from Kakashi, and pressed his cheek against the surface of the desk. Moisture brimmed in his eyes, so he shut them tight in refusal to accept that from himself.
Fuck, was he actually going to cry from getting spanked?
Time lost its importance, Sasuke couldn't tell how long he'd spent bent over the desk, nor could he say how many times Kakashi had hit him. If he had to guess, the number would have been high, considering how much it hurt. Sasuke squirmed against the desk, a choked noise bleeding past his lips, even as he bit down on them to stay quiet. Nothing of that effort was working in his favor.
Kakashi watched with a carefully neutral, but not unkind expression, as Sasuke started to squirm and react to the punishment. When the teacher heard the sound, he started to put more force behind his arm. He wasn't hitting Sasuke with all his strength—no, not even half. That would be too much and unfair. This was plenty. More than enough, considering Sasuke's resolve was starting to crumble. It wouldn't be much longer, Kakashi would continue to push until Sasuke stopped pushing back.
"You know what you need to say, Sasuke," Kakashi told him, reminding Sasuke that it wasn't that difficult. It was Sasuke's own pride and rebellious nature that was hurting him, now, and he needed to learn it was healthy to relent that control sometimes. It was healthy to break down and admit weaknesses, faults, and your own needs.
A quiet sob was Sasuke's response. Kakashi was an asshole. The burning in Sasuke's eyes began to trickle down his cheeks in thin trails, and a louder noise escaped him. Still, though, he didn't offer his diffidence yet. It was on the tip of his tongue, but there was a barrier there that was holding him back. Something that needed a little more, a part of him that wanted to hold out because it wasn't enough, not yet.
Kakashi didn't slacken, the sound of the paddle striking against Sasuke's skin mingled with the raven's stifled sounds of distress. The pain started pushing him over the edge. Sasuke's shoulders began to shake, his walls and stubbornness crumbling. With the guise of pain providing Sasuke with a cover, he felt free to cry, and cry he did. He sunk deeper into the burgeoning vulnerability, a new door that had creaked open and allowed Sasuke to stumble through it. A quiet sob wracked Sasuke's shoulders, the dam had broken now, and where Sasuke thought he should feel shame or humiliation, he felt relief. It was liberating, oddly gratifying, and with all that came a pulse of adrenaline. A pleasant buzz worked its way through Sasuke's veins.
With the next hit of the paddle, Sasuke's voice launched out. "Please," the word rose in pitch, only to lower once the initial pain of the strike had dropped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Kakashi, I'm—" Sasuke's voice choked off, he was shaking, and lucky that the desk was there to support him. He would have never been able to hold himself up right now.
Kakashi cast a percipient look over Sasuke, noting the obvious lack of tension or struggle, now. Sasuke had relaxed and allowed himself to sink into the pretty blanket of vulnerability. Some people needed a push to force themselves to let go, and some needed it harder than others.
"What are you sorry for, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, tapping Sasuke's warmed backside with the paddle.
Sasuke flinched, sucking in a ragged breath before he could answer. "For disrespecting you, Kakashi, please," Sasuke beseeched, though what he was asking for wasn't clear in his head.
Kakashi made a hum of satisfaction as he set the paddle down, in Sasuke's line of sight so that the boy would know it was over. Sasuke opened his eyes, still glistening and unfocused. He'd yet to stop shaking or crying, but it wasn't out of pain alone. Kakashi knew that, though he was sure Sasuke hoped he didn't. Sasuke himself might not even get it, yet.
With careful hands, Kakashi tugged Sasuke to stand up, moving away from the steadiness of the desk and into that of Kakashi's arms. Sasuke let his teacher embrace him, hiding his face against the older man's neck. With one arm hugging Sasuke around his waist, and the other on the back of Sasuke's head, stroking through his hair, Kakashi let him cry it out. Slowly, he moved them backward until he could sit in the chair, where he brought Sasuke to sit in his lap. Sasuke followed the initiative, moving so that he could straddle Kakashi's waist and not put all the pressure on his abused backside.
"You did well, Sasuke. I'm proud of you, you took it well," Kakashi murmured the praise and reassurances while Sasuke calmed down. It was a gradual process, but Kakashi didn't rush him, he simply sat with Sasuke in his lap until the boy's shaking began to subside. Sasuke soon felt embarrassed, what with how he was sitting, with his arms locked around his teacher's shoulders. Pink flushed his face and he pulled away, though he didn't make a move to stand up. Kakashi loosened his embrace when he felt Sasuke pulling back.
"Better?" Kakashi asked, mostly to tease Sasuke. He smiled in good-nature when Sasuke cut his eyes to the side, and he reached up to wipe away the drying tear tracks on the young man's face. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Kakashi asked, moving to stand up. Sasuke followed the lead, and he was grateful that his legs were willing to support his weight.
A warmth bloomed in Sasuke's stomach when he heard Kakashi's words, and considered them, and he thought that they were true. "I…" Sasuke started to speak, but he trailed off when he didn't find the words he wanted to say. That experience hadn't been bad, it had been confusing, and raw, but also revealing and cathartic. Unbelievably cathartic. Sasuke felt as if he'd discovered a crevice inside of him and torn it open. He didn't understand what that meant, or why it had happened. Sucking his lower lip between his teeth, Sasuke looked down rather than up.
Kakashi thought the teenager looked like a chastised child, too shy to face him. With a chuckle, Kakashi reached down and took Sasuke's chin in his fingertips, tilting the boy's face up. "Did you enjoy what we did, Sasuke? Did you like getting spanked?" The question was blunt and spoken with such calmness, Sasuke wondered how Kakashi could keep himself together so well when he'd just taken Sasuke apart at the seams.
Flustered, Sasuke wished he could turn his face away, but Kakashi wouldn't let him. He had to answer, but, how should he? It would be best to lie, to forget this happened and not allow himself to slip into such an exposed, raw state, especially not with his teacher. Sasuke knew all that, and so he opened his mouth. "Yes, I did."
Kakashi smiled gently, and Sasuke felt his heart thud a little too hard in his chest. He wanted to be the one who earned that smile from Kakashi, who earned the praise and affection that Kakashi lavished onto him moments ago. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about. There are plenty of people like that, who enjoy the things we did."
Realistically, Sasuke knew there had to have been, you were never the first for something. But, there was still a part of him that was dubious about that, that couldn't see past his own reservations and ideals for himself. "There's people who like being spanked?" he asked, dryly.
Kakashi couldn't help a laugh. "Yes, but it's more than that," he explained, "it's about the release, too, about it being an outlet for letting go, for succumbing to the feelings it gives you. And it isn't just spanking, there's more to it." Kakashi watched Sasuke soak in the information, the boy's lips turning into a thoughtful pout.
"Could we—can we try? If there's more?" Sasuke was hesitant to ask, but he wanted to be a part of that. He wanted to see what that world had to offer the side of him he'd just discovered. If it meant that Sasuke could have an escape, a way to free himself from the stringent control and composure of his everyday life, then he wanted it. He wanted all of it, and he wanted Kakashi to teach him.
This was a reckless decision. Kakashi was familiar with the stigma surrounding both the world of BDSM and in his relationship to Sasuke, being his teacher. Sasuke may be an adult capable of making his own choices, but his family didn't do things that way. They made choices for their children, and society frowned upon any instructor developing a relationship with a student. It would mean they'd have to hide, to keep it a secret and be cautious about how they treaded.
Looking at Sasuke's earnestly hopeful expression, Kakashi decided that it was worth it. He leaned down and kissed Sasuke on the forehead, a chaste affection with sultry implications. Sasuke was spent, for now, he needed a break. "We will, but there will be rules," Kakashi's voice was firm. "They'll be for your safety and for mine. We'll establish them soon, but for now, you need to get home. We'll take this in small steps." Sasuke frowned at that, but Kakashi raised his head and gave Sasuke a look that hushed any protest that might have been brimming at Sasuke's lips. "Trust me. This is an exploration, not a race. You have time to learn about yourself and about me. Come on, I'll take you home." The buses would have all left, by then.
Sasuke still pouted a bit, but he did trust Kakashi's judgment. It would be a cautious game, but he knew the older man was right about them having time to figure it out, together. Sasuke was willing (and eager) to ask Kakashi to guide him into this…this world. A world of sexuality and relationships that extended past what was visible.
Kakashi placed a hand at Sasuke's lower back to guide him out of the room, and Sasuke felt the embers inside of him surging into a wildfire.
This fic before: A teacher assaulting and abusing his underage student, with underage me putting it under the guise of erotica.
Now: I can turn this into a BDSM centric, Dom/Sub fic, trust me, watch me.
I got almost to the end of this before realizing, fuck, I'm gonna have to make a second chapter. The original story had a sex scene in it, but I didn't want to add that to this, I'd rather skip ahead to a steadier point in their relationship. I thought about ending it here, but I'm a ho for the "sex on a desk" trope, and this is the only story I have with it, so I decided to tag on the second chapter to keep my kinks in line.