I stormed around my room in a heartbroken rage.I threw the closet door open, grabbing one of the cardboard boxes I used for packing when I first moved here. When I first moved here I was 16, the perfect year in the terms of Angel. That thought sent me into more of a rage.
"How could he?" I screamed, kicking the walls. I could never be more glad that my mother was away to a gallery in Port Angelus. Angelus. I threw things around the room until I found what I was looking for. I picked up the shirt, slowing down for a moment.He had left it here when he was hit in the ribs, and I had to tape them up. I put it to my nose, and I took a deep breath. I sobbed in relief when I smelt him.Forever.That's what he had promised.
Thinking about that spurred me back into action.I carelessly threw the shirt into the cardboard box.I slung things across the room, picking out the things that held any tie, any at all, in the box.I dumped things into the box. Anything that reminded me of him.
An hour and a lot of tears, screaming, and cursing later.I thought I was done.I collapsed on my bed, sobbing because of my bare room. The room that was empty, because my life was empty without him.That is how deeply he had been rooted in my life.I sobbed harder at the thought. How freakin' corny?
Angel, my sweet, beautiful, savior, was gone.I clutched my pillow tighter.
Did you come here to spend some quality time with Mr. Wrolf?
I sat up emotionlessly, I stood up in the same state.I watched as the stuffed wolf fell into the pile of things that used to hold so much importance in my like, that I wouldn't have ever dared to throw them away for fear that I would lose a part of me.I feel to my knees, gasping for I even Leah Clearwater anymore?
Will...The truth is I gave Angel my heart, my bruised, damaged heart. He protected and helped it heal. He threw it to the ground and stomped on it. How am I supposed to go on knowing that the one person who can fix me is the who broke me?I-I-I can't breathe.I feel like I can't breathe.
How can I heal when I had lost the most important thing in my life, the one thing that made sense in my crazy, wacked up world.
I climbed back into my bare bed, I had throw the comforter in the trash, along with the sheets.I curled up on my hands.I had to throw away the pillows too, since I had once upon a time loaned him one when he saved my life for the millionth time.
"I love you, Leah.I'll love you for forever." Sam had promised me forever, too.
"And five days?"
"And five days I promise it, beloved."
I fell asleep into memories of me and him.I woke up cold, with a crick in my neck.I walked over to the mirror and ran my fingers threw my black hair.
"Black as the darkness you fight."
I flinched when something got caught in my hair.I gentle untangled it from my hair.I glared at the thing I forgot last night.
"Wear it with the heart pointed towards you, and it means that your heart belongs with someone."
Technically, I shouldn't take it off because my heart still belonged to my Angel, well Angel, he wasn't mine anymore.I flinched.I tore off the ring from my finger.I trembled as I lay it down in the box.
"The crown means loyalty, the hands mean friendship, and the heart means, well you know."
Oh, god did I know! Even when he was soulless he had loved me. He had had tormented me.I had lived threw it, and when he got back I still loved him enough to forget, and to be with him. What had he said, that I would want children, and a normal boyfriend who could be with me in the sunlight soon? I felt the sword re-pierce my heart taking more of me and more of my capability to breathe away. My hands wondered up to my bare neck.
Your skin is golden, as gold as the soul inside of you.
I had already ripped off the cross necklace and threw it in the box.I drug a brush threw my hair, and I put on some clean clothes.I ran down the steps to the living room.I grabbed some of the money Sue had left on the counter.
If you go to Angel's, don't even think about coming back!
I shook my head and marched out the door.I hurried quickly around the store buying some hair dye and oil paints.
As soon as I got home.I determinedly grabbed the oil paints,and I painted for hours.I had finally seceded in making the perfect, Angel:Needs to be forgotten.I had done it in beautiful rich reds that reminded me of us.I carefully placed in the back of my closet, giving it one last look.I pulled the closet door shut behind me, 'forgetting' the box of the things.I picked up the hair dye and stomped into the bathroom.
I confidently walked down the streets of Sunnydale. I no longer had the "black as the darkness you fight" colored hair. I now had regular light brown hair.I smiled when I arrived to where I have been walking, Sora's Salon. I came here to get some brown extension, shoving how beautiful a certain person said my short black hair had been into a certain box.I walked home, completely giddy, even when I was little horrified.I turned pain into anger, and when I'm angry all I want is revenge. When someone hurts me, I hurt them back.
I smirked proudly at how much horror and pain it would bring my old lover, but deep inside me there was a voice screaming to wash out the die and unpack all of the things that held any tie to Angel, but that voice was labeled, needed to be forgotten, so I paid no mind to it. It was shoved back into the closet in my heart, just like a certain box of things.
But that didn't mean that every night I would wake up suddenly, turning to the window, waiting for my Angel to climb threw the window. He never did. I guess my forever and five days was up.