Killing Him With Kindness

Summary: **Part of the 'Not Your Typical Wins' series** Crackfic brought to you from the TtH forums on how to remove the Judge as a threat.

Challenge: This one is totally on cwolf's head!

Timeline: season 2 'Innocence'.

Warning: complete and total OOC-ness.

Thanks to my betas: none this time.

Disclaimer: BtVS and AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

Buffy's bedroom

She hadn't been able to stop shuddering since she woke up from her dream/nightmare. Oh, Buffy knew that it was a Slayer dream, but whoever sent them to her either had to be joking or they hated her big-time for setting Angelus loose.

Still…if there was one thing she learned about her Slayer dreams, ignoring them would only lead to badness. If she survived, NOBODY was going to ever hear how!

The factory

A little while later…

It was pure luck – or maybe a little fate helping out – that the vampires left the Judge alone while they went to do something vampirey.

Buffy was tempted to turn right back around, but kept seeing flashes of people dying when the Judge burned the humanity out of them. So she hefted her bag and stepped out of the shadows.

"Slayer," the Judge greeted her dispassionately. "Why are you here? And all alone from what I can see."

Shaking her head at the utter stupidity of what she was about to say, the Slayer steeled herself and opened her mouth anyway, "I thought maybe we could make a deal. I do something for you, and you stop killing people."

He actually chuckled at her brazenness. "You amuse me, Slayer. I will listen to your proposal instead of killing you right away."

"Okay, it's like this…" she started, setting out her gloves and instruments on a nearby table.

When the vampires returned half an hour later, they were stunned to see Buffy Summers, Slayer of Demons and Vampires, sitting on a footstool in front of the Judge.

Angelus immediately rushed to kill her before the blue demon could; after all, she was his to destroy. Before he got within 10 feet, however, the Judge raised his hand and shot lightning at him, vaporizing the Scourge of Europe instantly.

"Nobody is to harm the Slayer," the Judge announced with a warning growl.

"Oh, did the Slayer open her dimpled knees for you as well?" Spike snarked nastily.

Another lightning shot silenced the Slayer of Slayers.

"Do not degrade the Slayer either," he growled again.

One of the braver minions cautiously stepped forward to ask, "May we know why she is under your protection?"

The Judge smiled down at Buffy – actually smiled at her – and replied, "I've had the worst pain in my feet for centuries which has made me very cross. The Slayer is a marvelous…" he glanced at her for the right term, which she muttered only loud enough for him to hear, "…pedicure specialist and has made my feet feel brand new again! Keeping her happy will keep me happy which will allow you to continue to survive."

A/N: I told you it was OOC crackfic!