Streaking Blaze, or The Curious Incident Of The Half-Naked Shinigami In The Night Time
Ise Nanao's Report:
It was on the evening of the twelfth day of May, and I had returned to my rooms after work along with several other ladies from the Shinigami Women's Association, to show them some books that I had purchased.
We were talking peaceably with each other when there was a hellish scream of fury and despair from the bedroom. I was taken as much by surprise as everyone else there was. I even dropped my teacup.
We all drew our blades and moved to confront the Hollow that had to be lurking there. Imagine our surprise when Kyouraku-taichou burst out, dressed in nothing but a loincloth, a perverse leer of gross impropriety upon his unshaven face, garbling out some drunken compliment. The place stank of wine and of a woman's perfume. As we stood there in shock, he burst through our group and disappeared into the middle distance.
I can only conclude that he had wandered in there while drunk and collapsed to sleep it off.
At that point Ukitake-taichou came wandering by, no doubt in search of his fellow Captain. I recall that he was not wearing his Captain's haori, but was instead carrying it folded over his arm for some reason. He must have been suffering from his usual sickness, as he seemed almost shrunk inside his clothing, and it hung loosely on his muscular frame. He mentioned that he had been looking for Kyouraku-taichou. On searching the premises, he noted that the window was open, and discovered a bundle of clothing underneath, which Kyouraku-taichou must have discarded before falling asleep on my bed. He promised to see to its cleaning, and took it away with him.
I will be discussing the matter with Kyouraku-taichou tomorrow.
Kyouraku Shunsui's Excuse:
I have nothing to say, except that I did what any gentleman would have done under the circumstances. While I might possibly have been missing a few items of clothing when I greeted my beloved Nanao-chan and her significantly inebriated friends, I wouldn't expect a lady to have taken notice of such a thing.
In fact, all I did was to walk out through the door and make some casual comment about what a delight it was to meet a beautiful assortment of women here. I confess that I did not expect to encounter such a forest of drawn blades and blazing kidou blasts, nor did I think to be greeted by quite such a torrent of desiring glances and heartfelt sighs.
I will apologise to my Nanao-chan for my shocking effect on her co-workers when next I see her. Possibly by letter and from a distance.
Ukitake Jyuushirou's Explanation:
Strictly between ourselves, it was just one of those nights when everything seems to go wrong.
Shunsui and I had called by Ise-kun's lodgings in order to discuss Divisional matters with her. Shunsui was carrying a bottle of perfume that he was intending to give to her. You know how Shunsui is.
We were sitting in her bedroom and waiting for her to return, when suddenly there was the most amazing shriek from outside. (In mitigation, I don't meet Yachiru-fukutaichou off-duty that much. For all I know, she shrieks like that all the time, which would explain why Zaraki-taichou can be so very deaf.) Much to my shock and horror, it caused the bottle of perfume to break into pieces. Since I was holding it at the time, the perfume went all over my clothing.
While I am not normally affected by that sort of thing, in the close quarters and the high concentration, it irritated my lungs, and I was about to start coughing. Shunsui knows the warning signs.
Now this wouldn't have been a factor, except that, judging by the shriek and subsequent babble, a number of the Shinigami Women's Association had entered Ise-kun's lodgings. Shunsui and I were quite worried that Ise-kun's reputation might be damaged if her friends knew that we had come round to discuss work, and were found coughing in her bedroom.
Unfortunately Shunsui's immediate and logical reaction was to remove all the perfume from the bedroom. Since it had soaked into my clothing, this involved tearing the clothes off me and throwing them out of the window. Shunsui can be like that sometimes.
Fortunately, however, I had the sense to realise that it would be far less damaging for Shunsui to be found half-naked in Ise-kun's bedroom than for me to be found half-naked in Ise-kun's bedroom, and the same applies to being found running round half-naked near her lodgings. I'm sure you can see my logic. With a quick strike to a vulnerable area, I seized his outer clothing, and leapt out of the window.
It is possible that he might have said something derogatory at the time, but I assure you that I wasn't listening.
I quickly donned his clothing, except for his Captain's haori, which would have had the wrong number on it, and his pink robe, which I donated to a nearby beggar. I then made my way round to the front of Ise-kun's lodgings, and joined the general crowd milling around with drawn blades and appalling threats. This allowed me to collect my own clothing which had been thrown outside earlier, while offering some judicious explanation for Shunsui's behaviour. Really, it was the only thing that would fit the circumstances.
That he was drunk, I mean.
I would be glad to discuss the matter with Shunsui tomorrow, once he recovers from the effects of being chased half-naked through the streets of Seireitei by a sword-wielding female mob. I'm sure it will remind him of similar happy occasions at the Academy.
. . . tell him I'll provide the drinks.