A/N: It's been awhile, hasn't it? Well, I understand if you all hate me for the major delay…frankly, I'm not even sure if my few followers are still around to keep my passion for this story alive, but here's an update! It's a short installment, but I promise more plot-driven stuff is coming. Also, rated M for some language and thematic issues in this chapter. Also, what do y'all think of Teen Titans Go! Hmm? I'm not sure what I think yet. Basically I miss the original show.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely zero parts of the Teen Titans. Shame.

"No." The voice is raw and ragged, and I feel bad for the poor bastard who sounds that pitiful and empty. It's like his whole body was torn apart and put back together, leaving nothing but a strange combination of flesh and feelings.

Then I realize that it was me. That's my voice.

Raven's eyes have never looked bluer—a desolate, broken blue, blue the way that the ocean rumbles after the abandonment of the rain.

"Gar…" She whispers as I step forward again, and I can't tell if she's protesting or asking for me to come closer. She doesn't move. Guilt lingers in her eyes, and I wonder briefly if she wishes she had stepped away. I suppose I can understand that, since in her eyes, I'm nothing more than a murderer.

But then why is she looking at me, hungrily, her cheeks flushed a pale violet and her palms trembling—trembling? Is my Rae really trembling? I don't remember her being a "trembler."

That's not true, I guess. I remember the way she shook with relief after the end of the world was over and we finally defeated Trigon. And I remember the way that her eyelashes fluttered against her cheek when we first kissed, and how her legs couldn't move after the first time we had sex.

God, what a great time we had together.

I look at her, and she looks at me.

"I didn't know," I whisper, the best apology I can manage. I'm standing a mere foot or so away from my best friend and used-to-be lover. I can feel the tension between us; my skin tingles and yearns to be pressed tightly against her, but I don't dare move, not an inch.

I stand there for a while—I'm not actually sure how long. She looks at me, solemnly, her cheeks still flushed. She leans forward and my breath catches in my throat. Her lips are coming towards mine and my eyes close, giving in to that blissful sensation of—

nothing. My lips feel nothing. I wait for a second, maybe she's taking her sweet time, torturing me like she usually does. But when I open my eyes, I see nothing but white walls surrounding me.

It hits me, this emptiness around me. I've fucked up in the worst way possible.

I've lost Raven.