Title: Acronyms
Author: Razzabeth
Summary: Short 'n sweet HP/DM. Hermione discovers a pattern in Harry and Draco's insults..

"Lump of venomous elephant yolk! Odiferous underarms!" The shout rang through the air, and the Great Hall went silent.

Yep, it was another of their famous fights.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had been at each other's throats ever since their first year, steady enemies since first sighted on the train. Lately (as in the past year or so), though, their insults had gotten a little.. strange. Sometimes they would go on long strings of random insults that made no sense as a whole. They would just sit and scream nonsensically at each other for hours on end, at times.

Whispered theories in the halls helped none. Some said they were just running out of things to say, as one tends to do after 6 years. Creative insults were running low, so they just spat irrational insults to one another in hopes that things would stay fresh.

Another idea was that they had both finally gone mad from hate. This made a little more sense.. they had been seen simply STARING at each other for hours in Potions and Care of Magical Creatures. Also, sometimes, they would ask to be excused to the loo in class, and neither would come back for ages. When they finally did return, they would be horribly disheveled. Also, odd marks appeared a few times on their necks. The other students assumed these were the after effects of attempted strangling, and went about their buisness.

There were many other opinions of what might've caused such odd behaviors, but it would be terribly wearisome to list them all here. The point is, our beloved Boy Who Lived and our favorite silvery-headed Slytherin had become quite odd, and nobody knew why.

Well, almost nobody.

Hermione scribbled down Draco's shouted insults in list format on a spare piece of parchment.


was the result. Hermione giggled, finding the hidden message of 'love you' in the first letters of all the words.

"Ludicrous oaf! Vindictive, evil, yum-er, yucky outhouse underwear! Totally obsolete.. um.. obesity!"

Hermione scribbled Harry's reply. 'Love you too'. She had figured out their system a little after they had first started it. Ron had been feeling ill, and had asked her to write down some of the more interesting insults for him to look over. He had been concerned at the time, since Harry would always just loudly change the topic whenever asked about it.

Hermione remembered that day, 3 months ago, when she had looked over the notes she had took and realized the pattern in the words was, in actuality, Draco asking Harry if he was free for a snog underneath the entrance hall stairs after Potions.

After she regained conciousness, she thought about it for a while and realized that it was quite clever, and decided to keep their secret.. for now.

"There they go.. at it again." Dean Thomas muttered to Seamus Finnigan from across from Hermione. "Weirdos.. woa, look at Dumbledore.."

Hermione discreetly peered at the headmaster from out of the corner of her eye, sipping some pumpkin juice to disguise the fact. He was smiling pleasantly at Harry and Draco.

"He looks like he's enjoying this. Why doesn't he ever break them up?" Dean asked. Seamus shrugged.
"Well, I always thought he was a bit nutters. And you know what they say.. queer birds flock together."

Hermione choked slightly, coughing into her cup.

"Limping in briar rabbit asshole retch yogurt!"


"You eat slime, Malfoy!"


Harry leapt from his chair at the exact moment Malfoy did, and Hermione snickered as the two ran off, 'chasing' each other.

Ron looked at Hermione oddly. "What're you laughing about, Herm?"

Hermione giggled some more, mumbling "Acronyms" before going back to her dinner.

"Acronyms.." Ron thought about that. And thought. And thought. Everyone finished eating and ambled to their respective dormitories, but still Ron sat, and thought, long into the night.

As dawn crept across the horizon, a bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout Hogwarts. Then silence. The only other sound in the whole school was muffled giggling coming from the library.