John watched him disappear and after standing there for several minutes, John headed for an empty room and climbed into bed. Sleep would not overcome him just yet for too much was on his mind. Shawn was leaving. Shawn was retiring which meant in a little over three months time, Shawn would be out of his life for good and John wasn't so sure he was ready to live with that sad reality. If he were completely honest with himself he would say he was fond of Shawn-more than fond actually. Hell he broke down and kissed the man tonight, but was it out of desperation or something else? John knew he would do anything if it meant convincing Shawn to stay, but what could he do?
John tossed and turned all night. Finally at the crack of dawn he climbed out of bed quietly making his way to Shawn's room. Alex was wide awake next to Shawn, kicking his feet happily and waving a small teddy bear around. John leaned in the door frame watching the scene with a smile on his face. Shawn was completely oblivious, but then Alex was pretty quiet as he played with his bear. John eased over to the bed and sat on the edge, leaning over Alex. He pried the teddy out of his hand waving it in front of his face. Alex reached at the bear, giggling whenever John snatched it back. The child's kicks and giggles finally stirred Shawn out of his sleep. His eyes fluttered open to the scene before him and he was surprised to see John, but it was such a cute scene that he remained quiet for a while laying there watching them contently. John finally noticed he was awake and he flashed him a warm smile.
"Good morning sleeping beauty."
"Morning John." Shawn rolled on his side, running a finger down Alex's cheek. The baby turned to him and squealed, crawling over to pat his cheeks. "Morning to you too." Shawn pulled Alex on top of him giving him all the attention the little one desired.
John laid on his side watching Shawn and Alex. For a moment he had a fleeting thought that he could get used to waking up like this every morning. The sappy thought made him smile as he leaned closer so he could lay his head on Shawn's shoulder. "You know, it's not fair to give him all the attention."
"Oh geez," Shawn chuckled. "At the moment I'm having a hard time deciding who's the bigger baby right now."
"Alex, because he's getting petted and I'm not," John grumbled, nuzzling Shawn's shoulder.
Alex looked over at Cena and with a happy squeal of delight he began patting Cena on the head, babbling to him happily. "Looks like Alex decided to do the honors."
John rolled over and nommed Alex's hand a bit. "I'll play with you in a bit tiger, but first your pretend mommy and company need sustenance." John got up and headed for the kitchen. "Breakfast is on me," he hollered.
John whipped together the perfect breakfast consisting of waffles and bacon because that was about all his stomach could manage to cook otherwise he'd have started eating the cookware. Shawn didn't mind because it was the thought that count. Plus, if John wasn't visiting he would have eaten cereal for breakfast and not bothered at all. It was hard motivating yourself to cook when you lived alone. After breakfast he and John decided to skip the workout. Instead they stayed in jammies and watched old holiday classics all day in between playing with Alex, who by now, had grown on both men very much.
Shawn later cooked a big dinner which consisted of a small ham, hen, dumplings, collard greens, and candy yams, with sweet bread, potato pie and chocolate cake for dessert. By the time Alex had a bath and was put to bed, both men were all for spending the rest of the evening doing nothing. It was the last night at home before their usual work routine started all over and neither man was looking forward to it at all, especially John, who would be spending most of his time counting down the days until no more HBK. They were now both sitting on the floor in front on the fire watching the flames as they danced; John in some boxers and a tee while Shawn had on one of his robes. Every now and then one would say something about work and the other would groan in frustration. "John, for the love of Christmas stop bringing up work!"
"I can't help it!" he said. "I don't wanna go back especially now that I know your sexy ass is retirement bound. It kinda sucks-no. It does suck."
"I'm sorry John," he said with a smile, leaning over resting his head on the broad shoulder of John. John sighed, putting an arm around Shawn kissing the top of his head. "Remember when we used to do shit like this all the time? You know, on the plane? I'd lean on you while I slept and vice-versa? You're the only person I could comfortably rest with and not feel horribly self-conscious about it."
"Yeah, I do remember actually," he said. "Tagging with you felt different in the ring but outside of it you were very much like Hunter."
"Not sure how I feel about that," John mumbled.
Shawn pulled away looking him in the eye seriously. "Hey, don't take that the wrong way. Hunter's always looked after me and when he got injured you took his place even if you didn't realize it. You carried my things, rubbed my back and just did all of the things Hunter used to do which made the transition to being your partner or opponent easier," he explained. "I'm not the most open of people anymore John so what you got out of me during our time together was rare. If it ain't Hunter, I don't always open up."
"I kinda figured that after a while," he replied, "but ya know Shawny, seems like you've done your fair share of opening up these past two days to John Cena," he pointed out. "It feels good to know you trust me like that."
"That's because you're my friend too John…or have I been kidding myself all this time?" he asked, touching John's shoulder lightly. Losing Hunter to an injury was one of the hardest things Shawn had to deal with since Montreal. Everyone Shawn wrestled with during his first run were either retired, dead, or working elsewhere so without Hunter, Shawn was completely alone, but John made dealing with the blow easier. He was a genuine, honest to God, all around good guy whom Shawn admired very much for being both onscreen and off. It wasn't the popular thing, but what's popular isn't always right.
John met Shawn's eyes refraining from falling victim to those alluring eyes right now. There were things on his chest he needed to get off before it was too late. He'd had all day to think about it and he wasn't about to leave this ranch without Shawn knowing his struggles. "Shawn look, this is…" he paused for a moment, searching for the right words, but he hardly knew what was right or wrong. All he knew was that he didn't want Shawn to leave him or something. Hell he still wasn't exactly sure what he wanted, but he was working on figuring it out as he went.
"John, what's wrong?"
John adverted his eyes to the fire deciding to focus on it rather than any part of Shawn as he spoke. "I'm sad that you're retiring," he admitted. "When you come back behind the curtain for the final time, I won't be there because I'm pussy enough to start cryin'. I don't have no friends or "clique"," he gestured with his fingers. "I had something like that with Randy and Dave while we were in OVW, but once we got spit up, our bond we made in the old territory didn't mean a damn thing anymore. So now I'm where I'm at and they're both doin' it big post Evolution. I'm the most hated WWE Champion ever and the number one guy in all of wrestling, but when you told me you were leavin' I ain't felt that lonely since being drafted to Raw for the first time. Simply put, none of that shit means anything to me anymore Shawn. It ain't worth havin' if the one person I care about ain't there with me…even though he's not with me." John paused, cursing under his breath. "Fuck, didn't make one lick of sense, but you get it don't you?" He looked up with pleading eyes, taking Shawn's hand. "What I'm tryin' to say is that I need you Shawn. I can't just let you go without a fight and this is me, fighting for you in the only way I know how."
Shawn wasn't expecting that and all he could do was look down, unable to look at John as he answered. "John, I can't stay. I've had this planned for three years now. I should have retired after my match against you, but at the request of Vince and lots of pleading from Pat, I promised them three more years. I was hurting then and I hurt now." Shawn squeezed John's hand. "I hear you and if I wasn't hurting so badly after my matches, I'd honor your request. I'd stay just for you, but I can't John. My body's so tired of it."
John nodded his head. It wasn't the answer he wanted, but at least now he could truly understand. If Shawn was hurting then indeed it was time for him to end it. He would rather Shawn not wrestle at all than to endure another year in pain in order to please others and that included himself. Now John just felt plain stupid for asking in the first place. "I'm so selfish," he whispered. "You're in pain and here I am being a pussy."
"John you're not a…pussy," he said, wincing as he said the word.
John stifled a laugh as he studied his friend's face. Shawn looked absolutely horrified that the word escaped his lips and before long, John was snickering out loud. "Oh God-say it again," he urged, still snickering. "Please? Say pussy one more time."
"No, I'm not saying pu-ooo never mind," Shawn sulked. "I was trying to be serious and here you are laughing at me."
John couldn't help but laugh again, wrapping his arms around Shawn hugging him tight. "The person lucky enough to ever get you talking dirty will be the envy of all." John sighed, combing through Shawn's silky locks a bit before pulling away. He took off his dog tag necklace placing it over Shawn's head and around his neck. "Merry Christmas Shawn. It ain't much, but your retirement gift will be a lot better. I can't leave here knowing you thought of me and not leave you with something to remember a guy a by."
Shawn played with the tags around his neck. "John, you kiss these every night in the ring. I can't-"
"Yes, you can," he insisted. He took Shawn's face in the palm of his hands, raising his head so that their eyes met. "Because if you let me," he continued, "I plan to make sure you still got 'em on a regular basis when I visit you on this big old ranch." Then John swallowed every ounce of pride in his body and went for it. "Shawn, I want you to be mine…like a girlfriend or something. I don't want nobody else to have you."
John pressed his forehead to Shawn's sighing. "My old girlfriend dumped me. Caught her in bed with someone else and she's kinda the reason I was being a bitch about Christmas. She was that person I raced home to every chance I got ya know? She was like the reason to keep doin' what I'm doin' but then after the bust, I just quit givin' a shit ya know? Then most folk 'a say that hell, you're John Cena. You can have any woman you want, but how do ya tell the real ones from the gold diggers? I ain't interested in none of those ho-ass divas and I ain't exactly gay, but I do know you're the most genuine person I've ever met and after bein' here with you, you reminded me of what we almost had Shawn. Maybe it wasn't your intention; hell you didn't know I was sweet on you and I didn't know I was sweet on you…or maybe I did and was in denial. I just…"
John brushed his lips against Shawn's. "Please don't say no cuz ya think I'm only sayin' it because of your retirement. Your announcement kinda kicked me in the gut and made me realize that if I didn't go ahead and tell you how I feel that there's a chance I was gonna lose you forever. Somebody else might steal your heart away Shawn and I don't want that. I want it to be me. I wanna wake up next to you and our boy Alex. I just-" John was losing it. He was going to break down into tears soon enough but what he felt right now was real. Everything coming out of his mouth was unplanned and from the heart. He just hoped Shawn would see it that way.
Shawn slipped his arms around John's waist holding him close. For a long time he just held him unable to form words. His throat was knotted up and he knew if he tried speaking he'd probably cry.
John kissed his temple then buried his face in Shawn's neck breathing in the delicious scent that was consuming him all over. "Let me have you Shawn," he asked, running his hands down the small of Shawn's back. "Let me be the reason for your continued happiness. I know all about your past with Bret and I know he's the reason you don't wanna go there. My ex girl is the reason I don't wanna go there either, but for some reason its worth going back there if it means taking you on the ride with me."
Shawn was quiet for a long time because when he invited John to stay over, he didn't expect anything to come of it. Sure he was always kind of sweet on Cena. Hunter teased him about it all the time, but Shawn never suspected the feeling was mutual. There had been moments in the past between the two of them that daresay tested the lines of their friendship. However, that sort of happened with all his partners or friends at some point or another so Shawn quit reading much into instances. If Hunter kissed his lips, it hardly meant he wanted him as a lover. It was just something they did. In John's case it was always a hug or kiss on the temple, but never anything to suspect he was interested in that way. "John, I-I don't know what to say," he said weakly. On one had Shawn could have eagerly given John an answer, but he wasn't sure he felt comfortable with this. John was younger than him and then there was that part of him that wondered if John was confusing his feelings. John always looked at him as an idol and not as someone dateable so he wondered if it was John's fear of losing his "teacher" that brought about these confessions or revelations. "John, you're not even-"
"You gave me a reason to enjoy the holidays Shawn," he said, cutting him off. John took Shawn's face into his hands pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "Let me give you reasons to enjoy them for the rest of our lives and none of that about you being too old."
"But I am and you're not even gay!" he argued, though his heart was pounding something fierce. Even so he couldn't let John make a commitment he wasn't ready for.
John answered his protest with another quick kiss to his lips. "Gay's just a stereotype and I ain't never been down for stereotypes, feel me? I want what I want and what I want is you Shawn." John kissed him again, this time slipping his tongue between thin lips tasting him much like last night. "Mmm Shawn please," he pleaded, breaking the kiss. "Don't close the door on me. I'm swallowin' so much humble pie right now that I'm wonderin' if there will be room enough to swallow something else…if you'll let me."
At this Shawn's face colored, taken back by such a direct come on from Cena. Hunter he'd expect something like this from or maybe even Bret himself, if Bret didn't hate him so much, but Cena? "John, do you even know what you're saying-what you're asking? It sounds like you want to…hook up-"
"I know exactly what I'm asking heartbreaker, and you'll be breaking my heart if you say no." John sat back long enough to pull his own shirt over his head tossing it to the side revealing a beautifully sculpted chest that was hard to ignore on Shawn's part. He'd oggled Cena loads of times when they showered together, but never was Cena close enough to touch-not that he would have during those showers. Not only would that have been pretty wrong, but up until now he was certain John would punch him in the face.
John caught Shawn staring and he smiled, knowing that this was the sign he needed to reassure him that he had a chance. John moved a piece of hair out of Shawn's face tucking it behind his ear. "If you don't get up and run for the hills, there's some stuff that's gonna go down neither one of us can take back, especially myself, but that's the point. I don't ever go back on my word and I ain't about to start now."
Even as Shawn began weighing his options, John was slowly pushing him on his back laying him down. Shawn opened his mouth to protest, but John was already hovering over him, looking down into his eyes. "Shawn…" John began, but he got swept away in those eyes he loved so much that he got choked up. He closed his mouth deciding actions always spoke louder than words. He reached for the knot of Shawn's robe, peeling it loose watching eagerly as the robe parted revealing bits of Shawn's naked body. With his eyes still glued to Shawn's, he opened the robe all the way ghosting his fingers down Shawn's body watching as the smaller man shivered lightly. John drunk in the sight of his body, his lower regions instantly beginning to ache. He was just as lean and perfect as he remembered. Only problem is John had never been with a guy. This was about to go down on hunches alone.
John ran his freehand in between Shawn's legs, caressing one of the gorgeous thighs letting his fingers brush Shawn's member. This got a reaction from Shawn, who clinched his eyes shut seemingly panting with need. John made himself comfortable by laying on his side next to the blonde, propping himself up. He took Shawn's shaft in his hand and began stroking it, rubbing circles around the head with his thumb.
"Ahh…" Shawn groaned, raising his perfect hips off the ground. Apparently he liked this so John kept doing it, changing the way the stroked and tugged on Shawn's member depending on how he reacted. Just watching the various facial expressions Shawn made in the midst of pleasure was turning him on. "John," he groaned again, back arching as he thrust his hips forward wanting and needing more.
John moved his hand, sliding it further down just enough to run his hands over his balls squeezing gently. "I hear you, but it's Christmas. I wanna take my time on you." John rolled over putting the full weight of his body on Shawn. He took those lips for a quick kiss pulling away seconds later to suck on the tender flesh of Shawn's neck. It was so delicious to him and he planned on taking his time savoring every little piece of flesh. "Oh man," he groaned against Shawn's skin, causing him to shiver again. "I got a taste of something forbidden and it's mine tonight."
John got to his feet just long enough to rid himself of the rest of his clothing. He dropped his shorts, revealing a long, stiff member that was ready to feel what it's like to be buried inside of Shawn. But even though his cock was pulsing with need, he had to prolong this just in case Shawn said no. John sat back down on the floor, pushing Shawn's legs up. He spread his legs, kissing up the taunt thighs until his lips brushed the side of Shawn's throbbing cock. Shawn jumped, groaning with need as John just kept missing the thing that needed attention. John chuckled, running his hands along Shawn's thighs then without warning he took Shawn's cock between his lips, savoring inch after inch of his member.
Shawn practically choked out John's name, his hips thrusting angrily towards John's hot mouth, but John kept a tight grip on Shawn's hips pacing him. "Ahh John," he whimpered. "Please…God don't-feels so good. More…God please!" Shawn was begging and it was music to his ears. John really had no idea what he was doing so he tried different things. Hallowing his cheeks made Shawn arch his back, but grazing his teeth along the sensitive ridges had the blonde thrashing wildly with need. "J-John-gonna come!" he choked out and it wasn't seconds later before Shawn was shuddering from what John hoped would be the first of many releases. John swallowed every bit of Shawn, deciding that he could get used to this. He kept lapping at Shawn's softening member until he cleaned every ounce up, smirking at the glowing blonde who looked so satisfied it almost pained John to continue. But he wanted more because the night was still young.
John sat up bringing Shawn with him. The blonde wrapped his arms around Cena and then his legs as John lifted him enough so that Shawn straddled his waist. John took his lips again, hands wandering down his back. "Gorgeous, sexy, incredibly intoxicating," he whispered as his lips roamed all around his neck.
"J-John," Shawn managed, voice raspy with need. He felt so weird and vulnerable in a position like this, especially with John. No one ever paid this much attention to his body, not even Hunter who by now, would have had him on his stomach. Hunter was a great lover, but this was so new and so taboo that Shawn found himself reacting more to John than anyone ever before him. "This-I-we-"
John gripped Shawn's chin, raising his head so their eyes would meet, cutting him off. "Don't think. Just feel." John ran his hands up Shawn's torso stopping to play with his nipples a bit. Shawn's face flushed, but John managed to get sounds out of Shawn again when he finally took one in his mouth, sucking the erect dud until it was stiff, much like their cocks that were pressed flushed together due to their seated position.
Shawn wriggled a bit in John's lap out of need. He needed relief again so bad, but on the other hand, the careful attention John was paying to his body was enough to make Shawn selfishly hold back the urge to release. No one had touched him like this in ages and John's touch felt magical. Every kiss, lick, and touch made him shiver with want. "John," he groaned needily. "Please…" He buried his face in the nape of John's neck trembling with need as John slipped the robe off of his shoulders. They were both now completely naked, their needs pressing up against the other so urgently that Shawn feared any slight movement would make them both explode. John's wandering hands explored Shawn's back. In turn, Shawn did the same, taking in the huge, muscular frame as he moaned softly. John's lips were still all over his neck hypnotizing his senses and by now, John had began to rock against him increasing that friction between them.
"Shawn, you're so fucking hot," John murmured, brushing his lips down Shawn's jaw line. His hands reached behind him to cup Shawn's pert ass, giving it a little squeeze before prying fingers spread those glorious cheeks slipping a finger inside of him.
"Ahh!" he groaned, clinching his eyes shut. A few tears leaked out the corners of his eyes, but John kissed them away. Nothing had gone there in ages so it felt uncomfortable and it hurt a little right now. But as John kept rocking against him and scissoring his two fingers around attempting to loosen him up, he eventually found the spot that made Shawn gasp and shudder with pleasure, a spot he hardly knew anything about. He pressed his finger there again and Shawn clung to him tighter, practically choking out his name in pleasure. John kissed his earlobe, whispering softly. "I don't want to hurt you Shawn so what should I do? Do you have something that will ease your pain?"
Shawn shook his head, but the hell if he wanted to interrupt the mood by hunting down some KY. "Please," he begged, "just do it. I can take it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah…" Shawn rocked against Cena nervously, drawing a needy hiss from him. "You're about to explode so take me." John took Shawn's hips lifting him up and settling him over his cock. He gently lowered Shawn on his stiff member, resisting the urge to just slam on home. Shawn's eyes were clinched shut as he took inch after inch of John's cock and he no idea how much it was killing John to just sit there without ripping through him like some wild animal.
"Shaaaawn, oh fuck…" John had never been inside of another man but if this is how it felt all the time, he felt like kicking himself for not trying it sooner, going to hell or not. John took Shawn's cock in his hand rubbing the head. "Tell me when I can move sexy. God I could just die like this…buried inside you." Shawn had a few tears running down his cheek but John kissed them away. "I'm sorry baby. You must be hurting."
Shawn wriggled around a bit then began to move on his own, slowly rocking back and forth, gasping in both pain and pleasure. John laid back on the floor watching Shawn as he moved. It was a glorious sight as the fire's embers illuminated Shawn's body pretty much convincing Cena that he was having the best wet dream ever. John pinched one of Shawn's nipples trying to ignore how snug Shawn's walls fit around him, squeezing pleasure out of him with the tiniest of movements. "You have no idea how good this feels angel." John lazily took Shawn's member in his hand, stroking it in time with Shawn's movements. As much as he wanted to see Shawn's face twisted in pleasure as he orgasmed again, John wanted to find a position that gave them both incredible pleasure even more. John sat up taking Shawn's lips for a kiss. "Mmm…let's get you on your knees." He lifted Shawn turning him so that he was on all fours. John moved behind him, taking hold of his hips sliding back inside of him. He knew he wouldn't last too much longer because he was already leaking. John moved in and out slowly, taking note of what made Shawn shiver. When he finally found the spot, he forced Shawn on his stomach, molding their bodies together as he thrust in and out faster and harder, hands roaming the blondes sides while his lips teased the ripe flesh of his neck.
"God John…feels…gonna explode again," Shawn groaned, gripping the beautiful bear skinned rug he was lying on.
John bit down on his neck, thrusting harder inside of him. Shawn was the first to cry out, shivering underneath the larger man. Shawn's movements ripped the orgasm right out of John and hr groaned loudly, gripping Shawn's hips as he spilled himself inside of Shawn holding him as he rode out the best orgasm he had in ages. He did not pull out of Shawn immediately. In fact, he just laid there for a long time resting his head in the crook of Shawn's neck, listening as Shawn purred softly. "Did I do it right?" John asked, chuckling softly. He planted a soft kiss on Shawn's neck, listing his head enough to nuzzle his hair breathing in his scent.
"I'm pretty sure you did something right," he teased with a tired smile.
"So…can we like do this again forever?"
Shawn laughed. "I don't know John. In a few days you might decide you don't want me anymore. I just-"
"No, Shawn please. Give me a chance to prove you wrong. If you won't even give me a chance then how will you know?" John rolled over, pulling Shawn back against him. He kissed his temple, sighing. "Please Shawn. Don't say no. Don't reject me. I really feel strongly for you. I might even love you and probably have for a long time, but just didn't know it."
"John, those are strong words you're saying," he said quietly. "Don't say such things if you don't mean it. I get it. We had sex and it was good-"
"Shawn, we didn't just have sex and you know it. I made love to you and enjoyed every moment of it." John held Shawn tighter. "Look, all I ask is just for a chance. We can start slow. Granted it'll be painfully hard for me now that I know what it's like to be buried deep inside the Heartbreak Kid, but I can do it. I want to be your boyfriend and if we last forever then forever it is, but I'm not gonna give up on you. I can't let you go without a fight Shawn."
Shawn had to admit it was all very sweet of John. From putting up the tree to making love to him by the fire, John had pretty much done more than enough to open Shawn up to the idea of the two of them as a couple, but ever since Bret, he just had a really hard time committing. Not because he was unfaithful, but because there was always this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he would be left for someone else. "John, I still don't-"
"Look at it this way then. My declaration of love for you is part of my Christmas present to you. It would be pretty rude not to accept and since I beat Hunter to the punch, there be no arguing the point any longer. For Christmas you got yourself a new life partner while I got something even better…if he'll say yes." He paused. "Please say yes."
Shawn rolled over looking up at Cena. It was hard to say what the future held for no one could predict it. It was unfair to judge Cena and just assume he would leave him so after a while he finally nodded his head. "Alright. I'll give you a chance but… John I'll be crushed if you left me without a good reason."
"Unless I come home and find you bed with the big nosed bastard I'd say you have nothing to worry about. Don't forget. I'm in the same boat your in and I ilke the company." John leaned in taking Shawn's lips for a kiss. "I love you heartbreaker. Merry Christmas. You've made mine the best it's been in a long time."
Shawn smiled, kissing him back. "Merry Christmas John." There was a loud squeal and both men burst out laughing. "Guess he's saying Merry Christmas too."
"Yeah, and we'll add him to the family before work." John wrapped his arms tightly around Shawn who curled into him. Both men yawned and before long, were drifting off into a dreamless slumber looking forward to taking a chance on each other and hopefully sharing many more Christmases to come.
AN: Yes, I know. Incredibly cheesy fluff but I don't care. I did it to indulge myself. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to you all.
Other Christmas fics by me:
"Good Santa, Bad Elf"
"A Christmas Sex Trap"
"Secret Santa Writing Challenge 2009" (has a list of christmas fics in the last chapter)
Other Christmas Fic Recommendations:
"Ugly" by vadg
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" by slashburd
"It Feels Like Christmas" by Dark Kaneanite
'Christmas Healing" by shinigami sakura200