"Thanks for letting us over on such short notice," Harvey said to Werner. He wasted no time in poking around Adrian's lab.
"Yes," said Werner stiffly. "I hope there is something here that helps you find her."
"Has Adrian ever disappeared before?" Mike asked, while Harvey peered at an abandoned Bunsen burner.
"Yes," Werner said. "But never for this long, unless something has gone awry. And there have not been any explosions recently, so I do not think that is the case."
"Is it possible she knew the reason for our meeting last week?" Harvey asked. He picked up a pair of sparkly pink scissors and stared at his reflection in the blade. He still looked pretty bad, but since he'd stopped to recover Mike his pallor had noticeably improved.
For some reason, this greatly annoyed him.
"I doubt she could have overheard us," Werner said. "But then, she has surprised me before."
"Did you mention your intentions of cutting off her trust fund to anyone else?" Harvey demanded.
"No one," he said. "I have refrained from all discussion of it with any other person."
"Maybe she just figured it out," Mike said. They both stared at him. "Last time I was here, she said you made no secret of the fact that you don't approve of her choice of vocation. And then you summon your lawyer for a secret meeting you won't let her listen to. What else was she supposed to think?"
"Hmph," said Werner, troubled.
"I'm thirsty," Mike said. "And this suit is itchy."
Harvey ignored him. It was a heady feeling.
"I left Adrian's lab coat over on that chair," Werner said, pointing. Harvey made a beeline for it.
"Has this thing ever been washed?" Harvey asked, holding it up and away from himself in evident distaste.
"She says that would interfere with the gluon alignment," Werner said scornfully.
Harvey tossed the coat to Mike. "Check the pockets."
"Yeah," Mike said with a sly smile. "Maybe Adrian's in one of them."
A brief silence followed.
"Adrian?" Mike asked, peering into the largest pocket on the side.
"Wait," Harvey said as Mike turned the coat. "What's that on the inside?"
"There's a tear," Mike said, confused. "But it's not torn on the outside…" He held up the rip in the seam for closer inspection. "Wow, it's like there's a whole universe through there." He reached his arm through the hole; it did not appear on the other side. "Oh my God, my arm's disappeared. That is really freaky. Kind of cool, but really, really freaky." He pulled his arm out and held it close. "Should I go in and look for her?"
Harvey shook his head. "You'd just talk her ear off if you found her. And Werner won't fit. I'll go." He removed his jacket and folded it neatly across the back of the chair.
"That's a relief," Mike said. "I really didn't want to go in there."
"Help me through," said Harvey.
"Wait," Werner said. He handed Harvey one end of a length of rope. "Maybe she is not there by choice," he pointed out. "You will need help returning."
"I really doubt she got trapped in her own hyperdimensional lab coat," Mike said. "She probably just had a tantrum and decided to hide. Your daughter's kind of a brat."
Werner frowned, and Harvey decided to intervene. "If she's in there, I'll get her back," he said, tying the rope around his waist. "Just pull me out if I'm gone too long."
Werner stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Harvey," he said, and his voice was intense. "I… I just want my daughter safe. Whatever it takes."
Harvey smiled reassuringly. "We're not going to give her her funding back," he assured him. "That is one thing that's not up for negotiation."
"But you'll get her to fix me, right?" Mike asked.
Werner looked startled. "What has she done to you?" he asked, surprised and angry. "I will ban her from this house! Once she has returned, that is."
"She made it so I can't stop telling the truth," Mike said warily. Werner was shaking with rage.
"No one's banning anybody," Harvey said quickly.
But Werner would not be dissuaded. "She is always doing these things," he ranted. "I forgave her for the cloning, and the grave robbing, and irradiating the coffee, but she does not listen! And after what she did to that poor rat man Louis—"
"He's just naturally like that," Mike and Harvey said in unison.
"This is unforgivable! You must bring her back!" he said furiously. "Bring her back so I can put a stop to all this mad scientist nonsense! I will see that she fixes you or I will ban her forever!"
Mike turned to Harvey, surprised. "You really were trying to protect Adrian by not telling, weren't you?"
Harvey avoided having to answer by escaping into the lab coat.
Inside the lab coat was surprisingly nice. There was air, and gravity (though it was a little less than what Harvey was used to), and even a marble floor. He was in an area the size of a football field, floating in a vague space of hazy purple. The sky was a dirty off-white that reminded him of a close knit fabric.
He glanced behind himself to see a strange tear in the air about the size of the one in the lab coat. He peered through and saw the ceiling of Adrian's lab; Mike must have put the coat on the floor.
Facing forward, Harvey noticed a glow from the other end of the hyperdimensional pocket. He approached it warily and discovered a small living area holding a TV, couch, and mini fridge, and guarded by several vicious-looking lawn flamingos. Adrian was seated on the couch reading a book titled They Called Me Mad.
Harvey sat down next to her, but didn't say anything.
Adrian marked her page with a tattered bookmark. "I tried to file a patent for my perpetual motion machine," she said ruefully, "But they wouldn't let me submit it without a working model—which I can't afford to build without a patent." She glanced over at him. "Are you still going to cut off my trust fund?" she asked tearfully. "I don't have any other way to fund my research!"
"You'll find a way," Harvey said patiently. "If it's really that important to you."
"But I've tried!" she said. "I'm not willing to patent any of my other inventions; what if someone bad gets their hands on my designs?"
He looked askance at her. "Now you're having a moral dilemma?"
"What am I supposed to do?" Adrian wailed. "Being a mad scientist is all I've ever dreamed about!"
Harvey shrugged. "Welcome to the real world. No one's going to just hand you your dreams on a silver platter. Not when you're more trouble than you're worth, anyway," he amended.
Adrian sniffled. "I liked the other Harvey better," she said.
"Do you know why your father's cutting off your funding, Adrian?" he went on. "Because you are amoral, irresponsible, and completely unethical. Your father's not doing this because he doesn't understand you; he's doing this because he knows exactly what you're capable of, and he wants to make sure no one else gets hurt. People like my clone, or Mike, or even Louis."
"Mr. Ross?" she asked anxiously. "Is he all right? The Honest-to-God Breath Freshener should have worn off days ago!"
"It hasn't," Harvey said bluntly. "If anything, it's getting worse."
Adrian looked crestfallen. "If I… If I find a way to fix it, will you help me get my trust fund back?" she asked in a trembling voice.
"I don't like being blackmailed, Adrian."
She hung her head. "All right. I'll come out." She took a deep breath and stood.
Together, they walked back to the rip in the fabric of reality.
"Try standing on the aluminum foil," Adrian said, pushing Mike into the corner.
"I will be very surprised if this works," Mike said. "You really don't seem all that competent. Are you even licensed to practice mad science?"
"You don't need a license," she said absently. "That's what makes us mad."
"Your finances should all be sorted out by tomorrow," Harvey was telling Werner. "I put my best man on the job." He glanced over to where Adrian and Mike were arguing. "Making any progress?"
"Not at all," Mike said. "And she clearly hasn't showered all week."
Adrian looked thoughtfully at her equipment. "I just can't figure this out," she said. Suddenly she snapped her fingers. "Of course!" She turned an eager expression on Mike. "Have you ever considered electroshock therapy? It's quite painless!"
"I'd like him alive, if possible," Harvey said drily.
Adrian looked defensive. "I can revive him afterward!" she said.
"Adrian…" Werner warned.
She squeaked. "Sorry, Daddy." She picked up a tuning fork and tapped it against Mike's head.
"I think you're making this up," Mike said. "None of this makes any sense." She hit him again. "Ow! Was that really necessary?"
Adrian frowned. "Stop talking. I'm trying to adjust to your harmonic resonance."
"That's not how tuning forks work."
"Shhh." She peered into Mike's ear. "Is it working?"
"Harvey actually looks really good in vests," Mike said experimentally, then shook his head.
"Hmm." She waved the tuning fork around. "How about now?"
"I never went to—" Mike's mouth kept moving, but no sound escaped it. His eyes widened as he realized what had happened.
"Well, he's stopped talking," Adrian said hopefully.
"So he's fixed?" Harvey asked.
Mike glared and mouthed, "Harvey!"
Harvey shrugged. "You know, I think I like him better this way."
Mike flipped him off.
"Ooh, I know!" Adrian said excitedly. She rummaged in the pocket of her lab coat and pulled out a clear bottle filled with a viscous green substance.
Mike eyed the bottle warily and mouthed what looked like "There is no way I am drinking that."
"What was that, Mike?" Harvey asked. "I didn't quite catch that." He received another rude gesture in response.
Adrian poured the contents of the bottle into her hand and turned to Harvey. "Did he say something rude?"
Harvey shrugged. "Possibly."
Adrian turned around and slapped Mike.
"Ow!" Mike said. "Was that really necessary?"
"You tell me," Adrian said proudly.
Mike reached up to wipe away the green goop oozing down his cheek. "Um," he said. His eyes widened and a slow grin began to spread across his face. "My name is Harvey Specter," he said, and the smile grew. "I love vests, and I don't care about anyone besides myself." He licked his lips and took a deep breath. "I graduated from Harvard!"
"Fantastic," Harvey said. He made a mental note to throw away his Encyclopedia of Law tapes.
On second thought, maybe he'd better keep them. Just in case.
"Hey, Harvey," Mike said with relish. "I graduated from Harvard."
"Did it not work?" Adrian asked, confused. "I thought you wanted to be able to lie."
Mike skittered away from her. "I'm fine," he said quickly. "Thanks."
"Indeed," Werner said. "Now we can put all this nonsense behind us."
Adrian's triumphant grin cracked a little. "Oh. Right. Of course."
"Thank you for everything," Werner said, shaking Harvey's hand.
"That's what you pay me for," Harvey said.
Werner turned to face Mike. "I am truly sorry," he told him, and offered his hand. "It was not my intention that you should suffer any hardship."
Mike hesitated, then took his hand. "I… accept your apology," he said carefully. "Thanks for helping me get back to normal."
"Hmph," he said stiffly. He strode slowly from the room. "Adrian!" he barked when he was just out of sight.
She jumped. "I, uh, I guess I'd better go."
"Probably," Mike said cheerfully. She met his eye and blushed.
"S-sorry," she said in a quiet voice, then started to slink away.
"Adrian," Harvey said before she could get too far.
She turned and looked sheepishly at him. "What is it?"
Harvey held out a business card. "This is Derek Smith in Washington. He'd be very glad to hear from you." When she still looked confused, he explained. "There are a lot of private corporations who would be very interested in developing a working truth serum."
Adrian's face lit up, and before he could stop her she threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank you," she said.
Harvey pushed her awkwardly away. "This isn't a handout," he said. "There are rules, and if you don't follow them they won't be as forgiving as your father."
She nodded and looked up at him with starry eyes. "Harvey," she whispered. "Can I clone you?"
He shook his head. "Once was enough for me. You can clone Mike though."
"Hey!" Mike said.
Harvey fingered the Encyclopedia of Law tapes in his jacket pocket. "What? I could always use a spare."
Adrian looked at Mike and bit her lip. "Maybe later," she said. "I won't have the resources to raise another clone." She winked at Harvey and skipped merrily from the room.
"That was… ominous," Mike observed.
"One problem at a time," Harvey told him, heading for the front door. "Right now, you've got a lot of work to make up."
"Yeah, I know," Mike said as he followed along. "We have to finish working on von Lingenmacht's trust fund."
Harvey shook his head. "It's been taken care of."
Mike frowned. "But I wasn't… Wait, by who? Louis?"
"He probably finished last week," Harvey said. "But he'll want to make me wait." He slid into the car. "In the meantime, you can get started on the Serpinski files."
"What, those papers you gave me this morning? I already finished them."
Harvey stared. "You what?"
"Yeah," Mike said with a shrug. "I did them on the car ride over here."
Something that felt very much like pride swelled in Harvey's chest. He stamped it out before it could get out of hand.
"I have to make a quick stop first," he told Mike. "We're going to the cemetery."
"Cheery," Mike said. "Why?"
Harvey shrugged. "Just want to pay my respects to a heroic man whose sacrifice saved millions of lives from a monstrous insect."
"Wow," said Mike. "Only you could make that sound so narcissistic."
"He was truly a great man," Harvey said reverently.
"Oh my God, you did want to make out with your clone, didn't you?"
"He was very handsome," Harvey went on. "And charming. And did I mention heroic?"
"Harvey," Mike said with a grin. "Shut up."