Watch My Body Weaken- Merthur Modern AU fanfic

Summary: Merlin's magic is slowly killing him, Arthur devotes himself to fighting Merlin's pain (Vaguely based on 'Night After Night' by Laura Marling and the brolin/kiss/tree photo) UNFINISHED! Shall I finish it?

It used to easy, Arthur thought as he lay on his side, staring at his distressed partner as he tossed and turned, brow furrowed and amber eyes flickering sporadically. Merlin had been like this for several months now, the nights consuming him into fits of tears and pain, at first Arthur had try to wake him up, to help, but the rage and power and Merlin's magic had become so much more vicious when Merlin was made conscious that Arthur was forced to simply watch, his tears mixing with Merlin's on the sheets between them. Yes, it used to be easy, with only rare jolts of headaches and attacks of vivid golden eyes disturbing Arthur and Merlin's happiness. But time wore on and Merlin's refusing to accept the magic that coursed through his veins worried Arthur endlessly.

Merlin calmed eventually and Arthur rolled back into him, soothing his hurt and wiping away the water from his cheeks, thinking back to the times when all they did was laugh and love, dance and dote on each others brilliance. When they would spend days on end, shut off from the rest of the world, Merlin floating things around their flat while Arthur laughed and kissed him, those days were no more, but Arthur loved him still.

The next morning was better, Merlin awoke slowly, not surprised to find himself entangled with Arthur with him, still snoring. Merlin smirked and kissed his lover on the forehead before pulling himself from the bed and walking shakily to the bathroom. Merlin's smile left him as his looked into the mirror before him, his hollowed cheeks and pasty skin reminding him that he was not as he once was. He sighed and began his regular routine of creams and pills that were supposedly fighting the supernatural disease that had a hold on him. Suddenly another wave of pain took hold and he gasped, leaned forward and clutched the basin, feeling the magic surge up through him, but his body fought back, pushing it down, ripping itself apart from the inside in the effort of resisting the power. Merlin struggled for breath and cursed the aching in his chest, washing his face quickly before turning back to the bedroom to wake Arthur up.

And so the day went on as normal, the occasional snatches of high spirits (whereby Arthur accidently dyed his pants pink in the wash or they snuggled up and watched an old episode of Doctor Who) dampened by the ever present fear of what could happen to Merlin and what was happening to him. Arthur had long ago dedicated himself to 'curing' Merlin and trying to understand why this was going on. All Arthur's research into magic had concluded that Merlin's case was unique and never before had someone's body rejected the magic that was naturally inside them. There was however cases were the magic grow stronger as the person aged and the uncontrolled influence of it eventually overwhelmed them, this seemed to be what was happening to Merlin and Arthur was scared, very scared.

Merlin knew he was getting weaker, that the pain was more intense, knew that Arthur knew and that they both could do nothing to stop it, but every day it was never mentioned, they simply drifted through their lives, keeping Merlin as comfortable as possible and Arthur making enough money for this to be possible. It all felt so meaningless to Merlin, a never ending circle of drugs and hurt and Arthur's love then more drugs and more hurt and… then what? Merlin could feel an end; he didn't want to carry on living like this.

And so one day he snapped, running from the flat and running as far as he could before his body could tell him he wasn't able, the magic rushing red hot through him once more, causing Merlin to lean against a lamppost, sobbing. Why? Merlin thought, why me? Of all the bed people in the world, why am I forced to die like this? He grimaced at thought of what Arthur would say to that, you are not dying, I will fix you. Not that they would ever have a discussion like that, Arthur was to busy with his research and being the big strong boyfriend to bother with how they were feeling. Angry at this thought, Merlin stood up straight, thrust his hands into his hoodie and continued walking and found himself in the park were he had met Arthur Pendragon, suddenly reminiscent of how happy that day had been, Merlin wandered further into the park and sat beneath a tree, longing for Arthur's kiss once more.

Merlin didn't know how long he had been sat on the grass, only that it was growing dark and the more frequent magic-attacks had made him cry himself dry. He felt far too feeble and frail from the aching in his body and heart to move and had almost resigned himself to wasting away in that spot when he heard his name being called and glanced up to see a tall blonde boy hurrying towards him. Merlin looked back to the floor, to ashamed to look his partner in the face. Arthur crouched carefully before Merlin, grabbing his hand and whispered unsteadily,

"Oh god Merlin please don't ever do that again" Merlin was relieved not to hear anger in Arthurs voice and so looked up, there gazes meeting, both sets red and bloodshot,

"I'm sorry…" Merlin trailed off, not knowing what to say to justify his abandoning of Arthur, tears welling up once more, Arthur brushed them away hurriedly and murmured,

"I know, but please, I was so scared Merlin, you have no idea. I can't lose you, I love you." They both knew Arthur wasn't just talking about Merlin running away,

"Why do we never talk about it?" Merlin whispered, averting his gaze once again,

"Talk about what?" Arthur replied, shifting himself closer to Merlin, looking concerned, Merlin flared up slightly and blurted out,

"Talk about me, talk about what we're doing and if I'll-"

"Please don't finish that sentence Merlin" Arthur responded sharply,

"I have to Arthur! What if I die? All we do is sit around and try to make me better without discussing what it is or how I feel. I need you to talk to me Arthur and I need you, you can't just watch my body weaken and my mind drift away, trying to help whilst I feel you resent me… I'm sorry; I love you, I…" Merlin slouched forward exasperatedly, his fringe falling in front of his eyes, concealing yet more crying as his emotions became too much.

Arthur seemed stunned into silence for a minute, staring at Merlin before moving closer on all fours, nudging his lovers' head up with his nose and kissing him softly, taking his breath away