You Said You Had Been Here Before

They; the Doctor and River, were simultaneously thrown into adjacent prison cells. River landed heavily on her knees and shot the guards a glare of deathly contempt, while the Doctor squawked ungainly as he careened into the cold metal bars separating him from his wife.

With a loud clunk and a finalising click the doors to their respective cells were locked. For a moment all was silent and then River slowly turned her head, her glare rounding on the Doctor.

"This is your fault," She grounded out between gritted teeth as she wiped her dirty hands on her jeans.

The Doctor eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "How is any of this my fault?"

As River stalked over to the metal bars the Doctor backed away, stumbling over his uncoordinated feet when she slammed her hands angrily against the bars preventing her from wringing his scrawny neck. "You just had to eat it didn't you?"

"Oh, and I was supposed to know they consider Jammie Dodgers sacred, was I?" The Doctor huffed.

"You said you had been here before," River growled.

"In this very cell," he smiled fondly as looked around at the rough brick wall and the damp patch spreading across the ceiling.

"That won't work." He called over to River who had seemingly pulled a set of picklocks out of thin air.

"Shut up!"


"I won't say I told you so," The Doctor mumbled as River slumped down onto the old rickety bed in corner having given up her assault on the door.

"And I won't tell you to shut up," she fired back, "I'll make you."

The Doctor laughed, "From all the way over there?"

River gave him a dark look her eyes focused on his pretty mouth, "One more word out of you and when we get out of here I'm buying you a gag."

"Spoilers!" He replied in a gravelly voice.


"River?" The Doctor tapped his knuckles against the metal bars, "Are you awake?"

The bed gave a rusty squeak of protest as she rolled over to face him. River blinked at him in the dim light and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said sheepishly.

"Oh, so you have another reason for banging around over there?" River groaned as she stretched out across the bed, smirking when the Doctor tried to cover a sigh of admiration by clearing his throat.

"Do you have any custard on you?" he asked suddenly, "Only I'm hungry and I found half a fish finger in my pocket."

"You are disgusting," River groaned as she rolled over to face the wall.

"River!" He pleaded.

"Shh, I'm sleeping."


"It's cold in here, isn't it?" The Doctor began as soon as River's eyes blinked open.

"It's a prison, Sweetie, not a hotel," she yawned.

Her bed lurched as the Doctor sat down and patted her consolingly on the hip. River sat up, suddenly completely awake. "How did you get in here?"

The Doctor held up a mangled spoon and waved it along the line of bars to the last one that was set askew. "It was a tight squeeze, but it was worth it. Can I have that custard now?" He teased.

"Oh, shut up!" She grinned and pulled him down by the collar of his shirt for a kiss.


They lay cuddled close on the narrow bed. The Doctor gave her a dopey grin as River's fingers lightly dragged over his bare shoulder.

"The last time we were here they put us in the same cell." He tapped her endearingly on the nose, "I dare say they got more than they bargained for."

"This isn't the first time?" She asked laughing incredulously.

"Not for me, no." His gaze seemed to space out for a moment, a charmingly sad smile gracing his soft lips.

"Did we have fun?" She asked trying to distract him from a version of herself she had no need to be jealous of.

"Oh, we had a lot of fun," he answered wistfully.

She hit him lightly on the chest and caressed the pale skin there as her voice became infused with affectionate mocking, "You nostalgic idiot."