Aperture Testing

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or Portal.

I hope you like it!

GLaDOS was looking forward to testing today. The day before, she had discovered a small robot in a storage room of Aperture Science. A little research reviled that the robot was a SIR unit. They were commonly used in the army of a distant planet called Irk. The technology put into the SIR units was supposed to be legendary, and GLaDOS was very interested to learn what they could do. The only problem now was to figure out how to wake it up.

After about an hour of trying to wake up the silly robot, something finally happened. The robot's eyes glowed blue. Wait… blue? That couldn't be right. The eyes were supposed to be red!

The Robot's eyes changed to red, giving GLaDOS the impression that the SIR unit was normal. Until it said something strange, that is.

"GIR reporting for duty!" the robot yelled.

GIR? GLaDOS thought. That's weird.

However weird it was, she decided to go into testing anyway. She gave GIR the Beginning speech and sent him to the first test chamber.

"Your first test is to escape from this room." GLaDOS said.

"Okie dokie!" GIR said.

The robot's eyes had changed back to blue. His voice was high and childish. He also suddenly had a jet pack attached to his back that hadn't been there a minute before. The robot hit one of the cameras on his way to crashing into the ceiling. GIR crashed back to the ground with a thud.

"Congratulations." GLaDOS said. "You are the only test subject to have broken a vital testing apparatus before obtaining an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device."

"YAY! I don't know what you just said!" GIR yelled happily.

He ran around the room, apparently trying to find a hole in the wall. He only stopped when he ran into one of the weighted storage cubes that had been deposited into the room.

"Hi Cube!" GIR yelled.

GLaDOS inwardly groaned. Was this supposedly legendary piece of Irkin equipment really this stupid?

"Good. You have found the weighted storage cube. Now place it on that large red button in the middle of the room." GLaDOS said.

"Yes Mam!" the robot said. His eyes were red again. It seemed that when his eyes were red he was better at following orders.

GIR did as GLaDOS said and then went through the door that opened.

To GLaDOS'S amazement, the somehow silly and unpredictable robot somehow managed to make it further than expected. Sure, in a lot of places, she had to tell him exactly how to get through the room, but he'd somehow been smart enough to not die. He also managed to survive touching the high energy pellet without vaporizing (though he did happily scream "Yay! It burns!").

It was time for the next test now, the one where test subject would normally be given an Aperture Science Handheld Portal device. Despite the fact that he had survived so far, GLaDOS was hesitant to give GIR the use of portals. The last person who was given a portal device had killed her, and while GLADOS was sure GIR wasn't smart enough to do that she still didn't think that giving that idiot robot a portal gun would be a good idea. It would be almost as bad as giving it to the robot being designed named Wheatly.

"Why won't the door open?" GIR wondered.

Crud. GLaDOS had forgotten that she left GIR in the elevator. She decided against giving GIR portals and brought him to another part of the course before opening the elevator doors.

"This test chamber has turrets. " GLaDOS said. "I doubt you will be able to…"

"This… sentence… is … false." GIR said, making all the turrets in the room malfunction.

He had wandered over to a wall with the one legible sign in the whole facility, and that just had to be the part he would read.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. GLaDOS thought. Unfortunately GIR was making that almost impossible.

"But wait." GIR said. "If that sentence is false, that would mean it was telling the truth, but then it wouldn't be true, so that would make it false…"

Finally GIR's head simply exploded form the paradox overload. It had only been a mediocre explosion, but at least it was quiet now.

"Where did all the turrets go?" GIR asked.

"But… How? GLaDOS asked. "You AND all the turrets malfunctioned due To A paradox.

Apparently, GIR could recognize a paradox, which would make him smarter than that Wheatly bot was supposed to be. But, could he really be dumb enough to not recognize a life threatening injury?

After thinking it over for a few minutes GLaDOS made a decision

"I am going to put you in an open room with a bunch of turrets" GLaDOS said finally. "You just have to get rid of them without dying to pass the test. If you do there will be cake."

"Yay! Cake!" GIR yelled, apparently having completely missed the part about the turrets.

GLaDOS brought into the new test chamber, where he immediately started running around the way he had in the first test.

How could Irkin technology have gone so wrong? GLaDOS wondered. I will have to test on him later.

Something strange was happening in the test chamber though. As GIR ran, the turrets were gradually being knocked over, either by friendly fire, of by GIR's flailing arms. He was apparently unhurt when it was over

"Good job. Maybe you are not as dumb as I…" GLaDOS started.

At GLADOS'S voice, GIR stopped running. He also apparently just then noticed the now broken turrets.

"AAW. It's broken!" GIR said.

He walked over to the nearest turret and proceeded to fix it.

"Hi!" the Turret said happily. It had apparently run out of bullets.

"Never mind!" GLaDOS said. "If I had hands I would be face palming! Those turrets were meant to kill you! Why would you go fix it?"

"I don't know!" GIR Yelled.

"Fine. I have decided to keep my word for once. Here's your cake." She deposited a slice of cake into the test chamber through the ceiling.

"Yay!" GIR screamed again.

Despite the fact that GIR was a robot he started to eat.

"Maybe I'll keep you GIR." GLaDOS said finally. "You could fix turrets."

"Okie Dokie!"

Curiosity was bothering her, so GLaDOS decided to ask GIR one more question.

"What is your CPU made of anyway?"

"Garbage!" GIR said with a snicker. He had chocolate all over his face. It seemed that he had eaten the whole slice of cake given to him including the entry titled, "How to Kill a Man with Your Bare Hands".

"Oh." GLaDOS said. "So that's what the "G" stands for."

I'm finally done with this oneshot. It's been in progress for a while now. I hope you liked it!

Please Review!