Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.
To this day, these fifteen words are all that remain of this harrowing tale. Fifteen short words to summarize a story of love, betrayal, curses, determination, deterioration, and simple, honest bravery.
But young Patrick Star of Bikini Bottom cannot be blamed for his ignorance. He is, after all, an idiot. These fifteen words were all he ever heard of the story, passed down to him at bedtime from his mother as she gently rocked him to sleep. She always said it with a warm, loving smile, so he never understood their dark significance.
Once upon a time, in a far-off world, a barnacle set off on a grand… tragic… adventure.
More to come soon, my children. Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our songs.
All will be revealed to you soon.