Will Smith

(Is Awesome (And Not Relevant to the Story))

Now this is a story all about how

A baby's life got flipped turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there

I'll tell you how the universe ended 'cause one barnacle was so ugly.

.

In the Barnacle Palace born but NOT raised

In his mother's arms is where he spent his very first day

Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool

And all drinkin' milk from - -CENSORED- -

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When the cranky old Witch who was up to no good

Started makin' trouble in his neighborhood

She cast one little curse on the boy (cute as a pin)

That he'd end the universe and be as ugly as sin.

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His Mom begged and pleaded with Dad day after day

But he called in the Huntsman and sent the boy on his way

The Hunter wrapped him all up an' left him for dead

But the baby thought "SCREW IT" and lived instead.

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So the Hunter told the King and the Queen that their boy

Was no longer a bright little bundle of joy

All the while not knowing that in the forest some pilgrims

Heard the child's cry and fuck what the hell rhymes with pilgrim.

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So one of the slave girls who was no older than two

(Whose name was not little Cindy Lou Who)

Fished the boy out with a pail by the well

(And screamed when she saw his face under the spell).

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The pilgrims were making a great pilgrim-age

To the La Fin Cathedral to beg the High Judge

To take in the children they'd gathered on their way

(You can't walk the woods without saving destined orphans these days.)

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The good Judge agreed and most of the children were sent

To the monastery, brothel, or to the convent

But Judge decided to keep the 2-year-old wretch

To serve in his Cathedral; he named the girl "Ketch".

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But no one would take the boy from the well

So the Judge taught him to ring the Cathedral bells

And in the high tower he's remained ever since:

Orca, the Barnacle Kingdom's lost Prince.