(Is Awesome (And Not Relevant to the Story))
Now this is a story all about how
A baby's life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how the universe ended 'cause one barnacle was so ugly.
In the Barnacle Palace born but NOT raised
In his mother's arms is where he spent his very first day
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool
And all drinkin' milk from - -CENSORED- -
When the cranky old Witch who was up to no good
Started makin' trouble in his neighborhood
She cast one little curse on the boy (cute as a pin)
That he'd end the universe and be as ugly as sin.
His Mom begged and pleaded with Dad day after day
But he called in the Huntsman and sent the boy on his way
The Hunter wrapped him all up an' left him for dead
But the baby thought "SCREW IT" and lived instead.
So the Hunter told the King and the Queen that their boy
Was no longer a bright little bundle of joy
All the while not knowing that in the forest some pilgrims
Heard the child's cry and fuck what the hell rhymes with pilgrim.
So one of the slave girls who was no older than two
(Whose name was not little Cindy Lou Who)
Fished the boy out with a pail by the well
(And screamed when she saw his face under the spell).
The pilgrims were making a great pilgrim-age
To the La Fin Cathedral to beg the High Judge
To take in the children they'd gathered on their way
(You can't walk the woods without saving destined orphans these days.)
The good Judge agreed and most of the children were sent
To the monastery, brothel, or to the convent
But Judge decided to keep the 2-year-old wretch
To serve in his Cathedral; he named the girl "Ketch".
But no one would take the boy from the well
So the Judge taught him to ring the Cathedral bells
And in the high tower he's remained ever since:
Orca, the Barnacle Kingdom's lost Prince.