Disclaimer- I do not own either the world of Ouran or Harry Potter
It was a Sunday and Harry and Haruhi had bumped into each other outside their apartment block, Harry back from work and Haruhi from the supermarket sales. Harry had moved into the apartment next door a couple of months ago, and in the interests of being good neighbours Haruhi and Ranka had gone over to introduce themselves. Harry and Haruhi had gotten along smashingly well, Harry was calming presence; a stark contrast to the company she normally kept. It had become a Sunday custom, when Haruhi didn't have host club business on, to sit together and chat over a cup of tea and a slice of cake. Harry's cakes were gorgeous, he always made them with her in mind, not too sweet but soft and moist, and they always incorporated strawberries in some way. Haruhi was afraid of what would happen if Huni-sempai ever tasted one; she had visions of Harry, constantly slaving away at an oven, unable to say no to Huni's pleading expectant eyes. They had only just settled down with tea and cake in Harry's living-room before there was a knock on the door. Puzzled as to who it could be Harry opened the door to six gorgeous men, one of which was panicking quite loudly about kidnappers and his precious daughter.
"Hello, how can I help you?"
The tall blonde was practically prancing about the porch, "My Daughter! Are you the one who has kidnapped my precious daughter! Give her back you fiend, give her back to Daddy!"
Thoroughly confused, Harry was going to deny kidnapping anyone's daughter when Haruhi came to see what the commotion was about.
"Sempai? What are you doing here?"
"Haruhi, are these friends of yours?"
"Haruhi! Are you safe? You must forgive Daddy for leaving his precious daughter alone; from now on I will always be by your side. You don't have to be afraid now Daddy is here!"
"Please don't Tamaki-sempai"
Harry meanwhile was masterfully ignoring this byplay and, inspecting the other five boys standing outside, "You are Haruhi's friends? Well come on in, I think I have enough cake for everyone."
And so they all trouped inside leaving Haruhi to deal with the King at the doorway. Cutting more cake and putting the kettle to boil he introduced himself,
"My name is Potter Harry; you must be the host club. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Haruhi speaks about you quite often; you all seem to have interesting lives." He ended laughing.
"Oh, our Haruhi talks about us; this is quite odd, for you know about us but we know nothing of you. And what sort of friends would we be to Haruhi if we didn't do a background check on you first?"
"Nice, normal ones."
Haruhi's reply was ignored and the twins carried on with their spiel, leaning towards Harry, completely ignoring the boundaries of personal space. "What are your intentions with Haruhi? Indeed inviting a girl to your apartment where you apparently live alone does not scream innocent-"
"Yes what were the two of you doing here alone in your apartment? If you did anything to my precious daughter... "And here Harry cut in before Tamaki's inner mind theatre could even start,
"I'm gay, and you, Suoh-san, are much more my type, but unfortunately we have company; my nefarious plans will have to wait until we are alone."
Harry grinned as Tamaki burned red, the twins were laughing, clutching onto each other for support while Haruhi, completely unaffected by Harry's bizarre form of teasing placed the cake platter down on the table and served some tea. Harry turned to Huni and served him a slice first. He hoped he would enjoy it especially as Huni loved cakes so much. He needn't have worried, Huni already having finished his cake was already begging Harry to bake him another one; looking into Huni's pleading face Harry could have sworn he saw flowers and heart shapes around him and was only seconds from agreeing to bake Huni a lifetime supply of cakes before he heard a loud commotion behind him. It seemed that the rest of the Host club had decided to explore the small apartment and had discovered his snake tank. Haruhi was exclaiming that it was rude to snoop around without the owner's permission before a loud crash was heard, followed by an even louder yelp from Tamaki.
Harry rushed into his room and saw a soft flick of a tail before it quickly disappeared. Assessing the situation Harry held a smile in as he heard the soft expletives from his snake. It seemed that Tamaki had knocked over Sasha's hibernating tank, and Sasha, cranky and sleepy had headed for the warmest place… which seemed to be up Tamaki-san's trousers.
"Gives new meaning to the phrase, 'snake in your pants' ne Suoh-san?" At this no-one could stop themselves, they all burst out laughing; even Kyouya was failing to restrain his chuckles while Tamaki whimpered standing rigid afraid to move even an inch. Lips still twitching Harry tried to calm the blonde,
"Don't worry she is a very docile snake, she only wanted to find somewhere warm. Sasha was in hibernation so-"
Harry looked up at Tamaki in surprise before hearing a hissing coming from the trousers; Sasha had warmed and woken up surprisingly fast, having ascertained she was in somebody else trousers had decided to give Harry a little running commentary,
"…He's a little thin but that's not a bad thing, but good lord his trousers are tight. Do you think he wears them like that on purpose? Is he attractive Harry? Do the tight trousers make him look better? And, oh my god, Harry ask him what he does to make his bum as pert and hard as this. I swear he could crack walnuts with these…"
Practically biting his lip through to keep from smiling, Harry, as calm as you please, opened the Suoh heir's trousers, pulled out Sasha wrapped her round his shoulders and zipped him back up.
Tamaki still in shock was lead to the table and a cup of tea guided to his lips as the rest of the host club just flailed in laughter around him. And it was only after the Tamaki had been sufficiently revived and the host club had left and Haruhi had said her goodbye's that Harry felt comfortable enough to collapse in laughter with a hissing snake by his side still describing the gravity defying stunts of the blonde's bum. It was times like this he loved being a parseltongue.