Disclaimer: I do not own glee Ryan Murfy and FOX does.
AN: Written for gleeMpregs weekly challenge on LJ. http : / /gleempreg. livejournal. com /98070. html
Title: Christmas list.
Author/Artist: ShadowWolfie aka kissofmoonbeams
Warning/Spoilers: implied Mpreg
Length: 1,274 words
Prompts: Holiday song inspired, baby's first, tradition, separated during holidays.
Summary: Some Traditions are old some are new some fizzle out and some last life times.
It had started before he could even write his letters. On the first day of December Kurt's Christmas wish list would be put to paper so it could be sent off to Santa. It was something just for his mom and him just picking out the tree was for his dad and him. When Kurt could write he wrote his own list down while sitting on his mother's lap at the coffee table. She would help him with letters and spelling and Kurt would write their list. The items were toys he could play with by himself or with his parents. Kurt didn't have many friends at school and certainly none he wanted to share toys with.
At seven all Kurt wanted for Christmas was for his mom to come home from the hospital. He had sat next to her in her hospital bed and wrote a long letter telling Santa he wanted nothing but his mom to be home for Christmas. Santa came through and was forgiven for not bringing him a puppy the year before. There were still tubes and having to be gentle with his mom but she was home and to Kurt that was everything.
When Kurt's mom died Burt tried to keep with traditions and normalcy's but Burt wasn't a cook and they ate store bought and takeout meals. Kurt picked at his food eating only what he had to to get down from the table. When Burt told Kurt they should sit down and write Kurt's list Kurt had locked himself in his room and ignored his father's pleas to come out. When Burt called him down for dinner Kurt had a folded piece of paper for Santa that smelled heavily of his mom's perfume. Burt had looked at it and broke. Kurt was only eight and according to his thoughts, if Santa could do it before then he could do it again.
When Kurt was thirteen he asked Santa to talk to his dad about turning the basement into a room for him. They spent the entire summer working on Kurt's basement bedroom. Kurt didn't believe in Santa anymore but it had been the best way to get his father to finally give in and let him moved to the basement. Kurt wanted a place he felt was his own a place where he felt safer to be who he was.
When Kurt was fifteen he just wanted the bullying to stop. He wanted to be able to go to school without worrying about his good clothes being ruined or having to hide bruises from his dad. His new friends were great but they couldn't do anything to stop them. He also wished Finn wouldn't be so uncomfortable, they had come far in becoming a family but Kurt still felt like he was being left out. Kurt added the letter to the pile in the box. He's have to get something better then the old shoe box his mom had been using to hold all their letters.
All Kurt wanted when he was sixteen was Blaine Anderson to notice him romantically for Christmas. Burt would never see it so Kurt didn't feel silly continuing with his tradition of writing his Christmas wish letter with his mom's picture sitting right next to him as he wrote. Blaine Anderson didn't notice him till months later but that was alright because he had Blaine and he was perfect.
Into his college days Kurt took time to shut himself in his room and write out his Christmas list. It was cathartic to put his wants and needs down on paper once a year. It had helped when they just couldn't afford for him to fly home from New York.
Maybe it was his most pathetic list item yet but at twenty five Kurt wanted more then a fling with a fellow actor. Kurt wanted Mr. Right for Christmas. Kurt had tried dating but with his rehearsal schedule and then actual play dates but most men didn't get it and left. Kurt looked at his mom's picture sitting on the mantle as he sat in front of his coffee table. Kurt was just tired of being lonely it didn't help he couldn't go home for the holidays.
Kurt was mortified when Puck found out about his letters to Santa. They hadn't been together more then a few months when Puck decided to transfer to New York to be more then a long distance relationship. Puck just sat the box down and pulled Kurt into a hug. That year Kurt just wanted Puck to be safe on the New York streets and have a good partner that would have his back.
At twenty seven Kurt wanted nothing more then his family to be ok with him being pregnant. It had come as a shock to both of them and Kurt didn't want to believe it at first. His entire career would be through. Kurt would be five months along when they visited there was no hiding it from any of them. Kurt rubbed his swollen abdomen as Puck brought him a hot tea. Puck assure him everything would be fine.
At aged twenty eight and nine together they had written lists to Santa with Alex sleeping in the swing behind them. Puck didn't write lists just sat with him talking about what Kurt put on his. Puck pulled out a third sheet and wrote something on it quickly before folding it and writing 'Alex's First Letter To Santa'. Puck handed it to Kurt with a hopeful look. Kurt and Puck got married the following spring.
When Kurt was Thirty one he sat at the coffee table his three year old next to him making up a Christmas list for Santa. All Alex wanted was his daddy to come home. Kurt asked him over and over if he wasn't sure he wanted toys or new crayons, but no Alex wanted his daddy. Alex looked up at his father after writing his and asked. "What do you want for Christmas Papa?" Kurt looked at his blank paper and sighed. All he wanted was for Noah to come home too. Kurt wrote out his letter and put it in the envelope with Alex's letter. He hope Noah woke up Kurt didn't know what he would do if Puck missed their holidays. To be honest he wanted Noah to quit being a cop and at least take a desk job where he couldn't be shot again.
At forty-three Kurt sat alone at the kitchen table paper still blank. Noah walked in and Kurt looked at him with wide begging eyes. Noah looked away and Kurt looked down at the paper watching his tears drop down and bubble up. Teenagers were so complicated and he and Alex just kept fighting. Kurt wrote his son's name on the damp paper and left the table.
When Kurt is gone and Puck is ninety Alex grits his teeth and writes down what his father wants for Christmas. Puck wants to be with Kurt. Alex folds up the letter and places it in the cedar box. Puck falls asleep and Alex goes down stairs to find he son and daughter writing their letters to Santa. He feels the tears well up in his eyes because it was probably something that was never supposed to go that far. Something for a mother and her son had become a tradition, a legacy left behind.
The oldest letter in the box was dated during Kurt's first December. All it says is Dear Santa all I want is for Kurt to always be surrounded by love.