Here is my first attempt at writing fan fiction.

I don't know the rules,I don't know the lingo. I'm completely new to this. I don't even read much fanfiction except some Dramione or Severus/Lily. All I know is that I have a story in my head that I want to put down. I was watching the show and this alternate direction developed. I've always liked the idea of nothing being as it seems.

Disclaimer: I don't own Allo Allo it belongs to Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft.

"More wine for the Colonel, Yvette!" Rene's booming voice called across the café.

"Rene, sit down," beckoned Colonel von Strohm." I want to talk to you about the you-know-what-"

"The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by van Klomp," offered Hans.

"Hans, you fool! Will you never learn to take a hint? We may be overheard!" squealed the sputtering Colonel.

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I couldn't help it. That wine has done riddles with my head." Hans inserted a finger into his ear and wiggled as though that would clear his head.

"Now, Rene, we are under close surveillance. We must be very careful. Not only is Herr Flick looking for the painting but General von Klinkerhoffen has ordered Lt. Gruber to search for it also."

"What does he want with it?" asked the bewildered café owner.

"He probably wants to make a copy of it to send to Hitler and sell the original after the War. Just like you, Colonel." Hans volunteered.

"Everyone who knows about it has the same idea in mind, Rene. That painting is very valuable." The Colonel replied."Now, I want you to brick it up in your cellar."

"But if it is found on my property I would be shot! Could you not find a little niche in your building and brick it up there" Rene had already begun to sweat which was usual when he was being given the responsibility for something for which he could end up being shot.

"No. It must be here. If it is found on my property, I would be demoted out of the German army. In one go, Hitler could make me a peasant and I would be shot. What would happen to my wife and children? Better you than me." The Colonel seemed to be rationalising the plan out loud for his personal clarity.

"Well in that case, Colonel, we are running very low on butter, sugar, paraffin and chocolate. We have a business to run, you see and rations are very hard to come by these days. There is a war on, you know." Rene was quick to add.

"Very well. "The Colonel acquiesced. "Hans make a note of it. Now, Rene, my secretary, Helga, will be joining us shortly for dinner. What have your wife prepared?"

While Rene bustled off to the kitchen, he hadn't noticed that a lone man sitting at the bar sipping a cognac was closely observing the little rendezvous with the Colonel. He pulled out one of his cigars and lit it, still keeping an eye on the shifty Colonel who raised his hand to his hat when he saw the man looking at him.

Lt. Gruber was not happy about being obliged to be in the war. It was not suited to him to be blowing things up and going on secret missions all over Germany-occupied Europe. He wasn't the sort of man who complained, though and resolved to follow his superior's orders. In his mind, he hoped that if he fulfilled his requirements the sooner he would be back home. Nevertheless, it was very comfortable in Nouvion at the moment. He had everything a man of his rank wanted and he yet, personally, he wasn't fulfilled.

He had his eyes on a person. They had no idea. No one had any idea how hard it was to be around the one whom you intimately wish to be with and knowing it can't happen. Gruber sometimes, sat at the bar and envisioned the eventual circumstance where he and the apple of his eye could be together, undisturbed from the world.

It was difficult for him, because he couldn't be content with a fleeting encounter. He wanted more. Togetherness for eternity. Yet when there is a war raging around you, it felt selfish to be thinking of such things. Gruber was a man of duty and even though he must stifle his emotions in favour of his glorious country, he resolved to do so.