Most of you are probably wondering who Lenny Bartle is. Obviously some explanation is required here. :D Lenny Bartle is a guest character portrayed by Joe Armstrong on an episode of a BBC police show called The Bill in 2003. Added together, his total time onscreen (clips below) is only a few minutes, but within that few minutes, he makes you laugh, breaks your heart, and reduces you to a puddle of goo with his adorable accent. What follows is a summary of Lenny's appearance on The Bill.

Lenny is brought barefoot into the police station on Christmas Eve fighting with a Middle Eastern man, accusing him of stealing his boots. A man who runs a homeless shelter said that Lenny came in drunk the night before. Two cops, Will and Honey, give Lenny some slippers to put on his frostbitten toes until he remembers that he left his boots under a garbage can, where he'd tried to sleep before going to the homeless shelter and taken them off to dry after being soiled as a result of his drunken antics. Later on, Lenny is back in the station, confronting the owner of the homeless shelter for not allowing him to stay at his facility on Christmas Eve. The owner imparts to Will and Honey that Lenny is barred from every homeless shelter in London because he has a reputation for waking up other guests with his nightmares. After Lenny refuses to leave, Will arrests him for breach of the peace for the simple reason that it will give the homeless man a place to sleep on Christmas Eve.

While Lenny sleeps in prison, Will and Honey do some digging on him. They discover that he is actually Former Private Bartle, an Army soldier who was on guard duty in Iraq when five other soldiers were killed in an explosion resulting from a brainwashed fifteen-year-old kid targeting the camp's biggest tent. The Army tell Will that Lenny failed to report that his night vision was faulty and that the kid overpowered him. Honey discovers that Lenny has been reported as missing, and that he has a wife and three-year-old desperate to find him.

On Christmas morning, Will confronts Lenny with what he's found. To his surprise, Lenny does not want to go back to his wife and child, even though it would mean no longer being homeless-his wife, Tammy, has been given a flat outside York. When pressed, Lenny reveals that upon his discharge from the Army and return from Iraq, he could not sleep for days. He drank to knock himself out and woke up in a murderous state of mind. He left Tammy and their child because of the pain he was causing them, and does not want to return for fear of hurting them again. When Will insinuates that what happened in Iraq wasn't Lenny's fault, Lenny tells him the truth-that he had fallen asleep at his guard post and allowed the bomber to walk in unmolested.

When Lenny is released from jail the next morning, Will gives him a flyer from an organization that provides accommodations for ex-servicemen. Lenny thanks Will and wishes him a Merry Christmas.

My story picks up from this point, and things take an interesting turn for Lenny Bartle. ;)

Disclaimer: I'm not a regular Doctor Who viewer, so my deepest apologies if I've written David Tennant's Doctor wrong. I have seen several episodes, but not in any particular order or enough to get a true feel for the character. HOWEVER, my sister is a regular DW fan and has helped me fix my Doctor-related issues. So hopefully he isn't just too OOC now. :)

Huge enormous major thank you to my super-amazing beta, sylvi10! *hugs!*

So, without further ado, I present "The Ballad of Lenny Bartle". Reviews much appreciated!