Well, THAT sure got some response. Ok, so several of you wanted the sex talk from the Anderson-Berry dads...well, here we go, I guess. Hope it doesn't suck.
Rachel sat across from Blaine and Kurt on the couch, her fathers on each side, looking quite content on finally getting her baby brother in trouble. He had always been the charmer who got away with everything using cheeky comments or that dapper smile to win over anyone and everyone around. Kurt sat straight-backed on the couch, his fingertips pressed against his temples, mumbling 'this isn't happening' under his breath while Blaine twiddled his thumbs, bobbing his head to a tune that only he could hear in his curly little head.
"So, boys," Hiem finally spoke up, causing Kurt to jump and Blaine to still his fingers. "It um...it seems that you two have started having sex."
"It would seem that way, Daddy," Rachel crossing her arms.
"Butt out, midget," Blaine answered from his seat, leaning back against the cushions and crossing his feet at the ankles.
"Come on, Blaine, she's only trying to help," Jakob patted Rachel's knee. "She's worried about you boy's safety as much as your Dad and I are."
Blaine sighed and glanced over at Kurt, who continued to try and be anywhere else but where he was at the moment.
"You ok, baby?" Blaine asked, trying not to laugh.
"I just got caught having the loudest sex ever with my boyfriend by his fathers and sister," Kurt said weakly. "...do I look alright?" he turned and looked at Blaine, giving a weak bitch glare that was masked by embarassment.
Blaine bit his lower lip in attempt to hide a smile. "Um...my bad?"
"Please, Mr. Anderson, Mr. Berry, I'm a good kid I swear. Please don't tell my dad. He'll get that weird vein in his forehead and start yelling about condoms and how I matter again and he really can't handle that right now-"
"Kurt...Kurt!" Hiem held up a hand to calm the hysterical boy. "Breathe. We won't discuss this with your father."
Kurt let out a sigh of relief and sat back against the couch. "However, since you two are so young, I'm sure you two aren't really...exactly sure what you're doing."
Both Blaine and Kurt furrowed their eyebrows. "What do you mean, Dad?" Blaine asked.
"I mean...look, why don't you tell us what you already know and we'll, I guess," he looked to his husband for the words.
"Fill in the blanks?" Jakob answered for him. Both Blaine and Kurt's eyes widened and they glanced sideways at each other. Rachel was almost completely mortified.
"Um...so...you want me to tell you what...we do?" Blaine asked slowly, his head tilting slightly in question. "Like...everything?"
"No, not everything, ew!" Rachel covered her ears and drew her knees up to her chest.
"Well, you two don't really have other couples like yourselves to talk to about it. We're just opening ourselves up for knowledge that we've gained over the years of being together," Jakob smiled, taking Hiem's hand and squeezing. "So, we'll start off easy- you use condoms?"
Blaine swallowed hard and glanced over at Kurt, who was red in the face with slight embarasment, but he returned the glance.
"Yeah, Dad. Every time."
"As you should. Just because you're only with each other doesn't mean you shouldn't be safe...however on some special occasions it doesn't hurt to treat yourselves," Hiem smirked and looked over at his husband. Kurt made a nervous little squeak that Blaine found adorable, but didn't dare point it out to him in a moment like this.
"So, do you two switch or do you have preferences?" Jakob asked.
Blaine couldn't stifle the little laugh that escaped his throat and Kurt glared at him. He immediately pulled himself together to answer his Papa's question.
"Um, well we usually switch, but Kurt seems to really like to bottom."
"Ok, I'm gonna go get a drink," Rachel stood up quickly and exited the room. Kurt stared longingly after her as if he wanted to jump up and join her, but he was too frightened to move.
"You prepare him, right? You could really hurt him if you don't," Hiem instructed Blaine as if they were talking about baking a cake- so nonchalant and simple.
"Of course, Dad," Blaine answered sincerily.
"How many fingers?"
Blaine giggled again. Kurt smacked him hard on the thigh with the back of his hand.
"Ow...um, usually two."
"If you wanna make it less painful and prolong the foreplay, three is better," Jakob leaned forward onto his knees, resting his elbows.
"We don't really have a problem with foreplay," Blaine began to really get into the conversation. Kurt gasped and stood up.
"I think I'm gonna go see if Rachel needs help."
"Come on, sweetie, they're just trying to help," Blaine reached up at took Kurt's hand. "Besides, you did say you wished we could talk about this more with others."
Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. His heart was racing in his chest and all he wanted was to go crawl in his bed and sleep forever.
"Kurt, it's nothing to be embarassed about. Jakob and I had sex for the first time when we were around your age and we don't see why it's a problem as long as you two are careful. We just want to make sure you're good to each other. "
Kurt looked over at Hiem, his soft brown eyes hidden by thin-rimmed glasses and his dark brown hair styled perfectly, giving him a youthful appearance. Kurt sighed and nodded, taking his seat next to his boyfriend. Blaine didn't let go of his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
"Now, I know there are many different ways to have sex nowadays," Jakob continued. "You boys aren't doing anything...dangerous...to get off, are you?"
"N-no, sir," Kurt spoke up, his voice uneven. "I mean, we aren't choking each other or anything."
"Kurt does like spanking, though," Blaine lamented. Kurt squeezed his hand hard, hoping his 'shut up, oh my god, shut up' that he was screaming in his mind would get through.
Hiem laughed. "I totally understand that. Jakob got into that for a while before we had you and Rachel. It doesn't hurt to spice things up a little."
"Well, Kurt, Blaine's embarassed you. Why don't you tell one of his dirty little secrets?" Jakob cocked an eyebrow at his youngest son, who's smug smile changed slowly into slight panic.
Kurt thought about it, his brain a little addled with nerves to function properly, but then-
"He really likes giving me head," Kurt almost squeaked out. Blaine looked over at Kurt, a surprised look on his face.
Jakob and Hiem laughed. "Yeah, that's probably a bit of me coming out in him," Hiem said. "I'm a bit of a cockslut myself."
The tension was just too much for Kurt and Blaine to handle and they both began falling into a fit of giggles. Jakob and Hiem exchanged looks of amusement as Blaine fell back on the cushion laughing and Kurt doubled over in his lap. After a moment, Rachel walked back in to see what was going on.
"I found nothing amusing about this conversation," Rachel sat down on the recliner with a glass of milk and a cookie.
"The boys are just getting comfortable with themselves, that's all," Jakob shook his head as the boys' laughter started to subside.
"S-sorry, Pop..." Blaine breathed heavily, wiping tears out of his eyes.
"It's fine, son," Hiem smiled. "Now, I think you two have been through enough. Go on back upstairs. Dinner will be ready in about an hour."
"What! Wait, they get caught having sex and you just send them on their merry way?" Rachel indicated the two boys who were trying to quickly retreat back to Blaine's room but stopped at the start of her rant. "What if Finn and I got caught? You would kill him!"
"Well, sweet pea, thank God we haven't had to deal with that yet. If we did, though, we would handle it just as calmly. I wouldn't want to know the gory details, though," Hiem shuddered, making Kurt and Blaine giggle. "You'll get your weird sex talk soon, too. Don't worry. " he leaned down and kissed her forehead and walked off toward the kitchen. Rachel huffed and walked up to her room, casting Blaine a dirty look which he returned with a wide puppy-dog grin.
"Boys?" Jakob called to them. He walked over and glanced around before pulling something out of his pocket- four condoms.
"Just so I have a peace of mind that you're safe," he winked and handed them to Blaine, who took them and nodded.
The tall, black man smiled and wrapped his arms around Blaine, hugging him tight. "Just don't grow up too fast. Enjoy your youth. Be good to each other."
Kurt smiled fondly at the father and son and watched as Jakob kissed Blaine's temple and let him go.
"Oh, but next time?" Jakob turned back, smirking before he turned into the kitchen. "Try and not mentally scar your sister for life."