Note to readers: Yay to a new, more exciting era! Enjoy.
"River? Where did you put my fez?" The Doctor asked as he dug through the piles of hats in one of the many boxes in the wardrobe. The Time Lord's curly-haired wife poked her head around the door.
"Your fez? You mean the one that you wanted to wear to bed last night?" She questioned innocently, emerging fully and leaning against the frame as she admired what she could see of him. He glanced around briefly at her before sticking his head back into the box.
"Yes." He replied plainly, "I'm sure I put it here."
"No, sweetie; I haven't seen it." She sighed, fingering the slightly battered blue diary in her hands absent-mindedly. It had been a wedding gift from her parents and, even though it was fairly new, it was beginning to show the marks of her adventures with the Doctor. Nothing of hers ever went outside of those wooden doors and returned untouched. Something always managed to go wrong. Somehow.
"Are you sure?" The Time Lord insisted accusingly, standing up as he noticed the satisfied smile playing across his wife's face, "Because it seems an awful coincidence that I mention wearing it and then suddenly I can't find it at all."
"Are you insinuating that I took it?" River retorted, clutching the book to her chest in an attempt to pass for being hurt by his comment. But he was far too clever for that little game.
"Yes." He said bluntly, smiling a bit as he reached her. She let her arms drop down to her sides and she returned his gesture.
"Well, maybe I had something to do with its mysterious disappearance." She said slowly, wrapping her arms around her husband's waist. He smirked.
"Never mind; I can buy a fez." He replied, "So, what do you want to do today?"
"Eat, preferably." She commented sarcastically, "Perhaps sleep a little. And then, at some point, kick some alien arse." The Doctor laughed.
"Sounds good to me."
Little more than an hour later, River struggled in the iron grip of the lizard-like creature behind her.
"Hold sssstill girly. Don't want to rip out your pretty curlssss." It hissed, tightening its scaly fingers around her wrists. But before River could make any comment, the Doctor charged into the dank cave with a shrill scream.
"I'm a bit tied up!" River shouted in reply. The Time Lord screeched to a halt and turned to his wife.
"Oh." He said, as if she'd just told him they were out of milk. He hopped towards her and grinned at the lizard, "Fancy chicken?"
"What?" River cried in disbelief. The Doctor whipped out a slab of raw meat.
"Chicken?" Almost immediately, the lizard loosened its grip, staring hungrily at the meat before him. River took the momentary pause to wrench her hands free and clonk the beast hard on its head. As it crumped comically to the floor, the Time Lord let out a cry of dismay, "River! I was going to chuck the chicken and run, not knock him out."
"My way worked better." River replied, dusting herself down.
"Violence is completely unnecessary." He scolded her, "You have too much Scottish in you-" River hushed him suddenly and straightened up. They listened until they heard the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps and echoed hissing. Then they ran.
Pelting across the slippery stones, they reached the cave entrance. The sunlight blinded them, but they did their best to run across the sand without falling. The footsteps stopped as the lizards reached the mouth of the cave, but there was no sound of the sand crunching. The Doctor looked over his shoulder and soon pulled River to a stop. The lizards were gathered, hissing where the stone met the sand.
"Why aren't they following us?" River asked, panting a little from the run and the pumping adrenaline.
"Maybe the sun? It must be midday by now." The Time Lord replied, tugging at his collar. River groaned.
"We're going to burn. Where's the TARDIS?" The Doctor turned to his wife.
It took them a good few hours to find the TARDIS again, parked behind one of the many identical sand dunes. River was not at all impressed.
"None of this trekking in seventy degrees would have ever happened if you'd let me fly." She grumbled loudly as she stomped inside, pulling off her shoes and chucking them carelessly to the side.
"But it was fun!" The Doctor insisted.
"Fun?" River cried, whirling around to face him, "I'm burning."
"In my defence, they seemed quite a friendly bunch until they tried to sacrifice us to one of their gods." The archaeologist rolled her eyes.
"I'm taking a shower and then going to bed." She snapped as she stormed out, "And don't you dare think of following me."
But she couldn't sleep that night. Still angry at her husband, she had been attempting to relive their wedding day, to regain some faith in him. That didn't really work, as the memory that stood out for her most was that of her father punching the Doctor in the face and kneeing him in the groin. She unwisely watched the whole thing in her head, and a thought struck her. It was something that Rory had said as the Time Lord lay on the floor.
"If you ever do that again, I won't hesitate in making sure that you-know-who will never be born."
Distressed and frustrated by her lack of knowledge, River put on her dressing gown and wandered into the control room. The Doctor sat in his usual chair, fiddling with some small mechanical device. She padded down the stairs, unnoticed until she reached the bottom step and spoke.
"Not tired?" The Doctor looked up.
"Not particularly." He replied. He paused, taking in the worn expression on her face, "Are you alright?" She sighed and he shifted up to let her sit next to him. He tossed the metal device over his head and it clattered to the floor as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
"I've been thinking about our wedding."
"What about it?"
"How you made a really horny drunk." She whispered. They grinned at each other happily, but her smile soon slipped. He made no comment, but gave her time to compose a sentence, "When my father knocked you down, he said something to you, something that I didn't understand." The Time Lord watched her.
"He did." He replied slowly.
"What did he mean?" She asked, "Make sure who was never born?" The Doctor looked down at their entwined hands.
"It's not important." He said, "You'll understand one day."
"Can't you tell me?"
"Spoilers." River sighed. She really did hate that word. She would be so glad when the time came to use it against him. She would definitely enjoy that.
The Doctor stroked her hair.
"You're tired. Go back to bed." He said gently. River shook her head.
"I'll carry you."
"I'll walk." She decided, standing up and stretching out a little. He laughed quietly.
"You're so stubborn."
"You wouldn't have me any other way." They smiled at each other and River indicated up the steps with her head, "Aren't you coming?"
"You told me not to." He replied. She raised an eyebrow.
"And since when have you ever listened to me?" She asked sarcastically, "Come on." He smiled and stood up, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they walked.
"How about we go to America tomorrow, or we could explore Clom." The Doctor rambled happily, "Or we could visit your parents." River paused, glaring at her husband stubbornly.
"You're sleeping on the floor."