Disclaimer: Not my characters
A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews! I'm sorry for Bella's behaviour. Some of you really can't relate and I understand. This is the damn 21st century, right? Wellllll, Bella's been hurt badly. There are no flashbacks in this chapter though, sorry, but they will come in further chapters.
Chapter 7 - Mean
"You," I gasped. "What? How? When?"
After my coffeemaker was installed on a beautiful spot in the kitchen, I had made dinner for Charlie and me, and drank a cup with a lot of milk and sugar. The milk is supposed to break the caffeine and I didn't want that to ruin my sleep. Of course I could have taken the deface coffee, but I wanted to have caffeine in my body. I was weird.
This morning I heard Charlie take of early again in his police cruiser which brought me to my next problem. I didn't have a car to go to school with.
Downstairs, Charlie had left me a note.
"Sup?" I asked before he'd had a chance to talk first through the phone.
"Bells? How will you get to school?"
"I... got a ride?" Hadn't seen that one coming. But he was right, how was I planning on getting to school?
"Why do you sound unsure?"
"I don't," I insisted. "Have fun at work!"
I wasn't sure why Charlie even cared, but I wasn't in the mood for being brought to school in a police cruiser, and of course, it was highly impossible for that to happen.
The radio began playing Ke$ha's song, Dancing with Tears in My Eyes.
"I'm losing it. With every move I die."
I ate breakfast and made my second cup of coffee with this machine, when the doorbell rang. With cup and granola bar in each hand, I opened the door and that lead me to my stammering form when I found Edward in front of my house. Again.
He was wearing pair of shades, so I couldn't see his eyes. I was pretty sure he was staring at me though, because his face was pointed toward me. He had a different jacket this time. It seemed darker then his other jacket and it suited him.
And in his right hand, he had a just lit on cigarette between his fingers.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?"
Instead, a little accidentally, I pushed the door to a close.
Instantly I felt stupid, dread and a little sorry for doing that.
Incredulously I asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Chill, Becca." I shuddered at the nickname. It was a bad, horrible nickname. "Did you wanna walk to school?"
He thought about me?
"Can I come in?"
Again, I remained silent for too long as he continued.
"You okay in there?"
Stress, too little air supply and my stupid nervousness brought me to ask him something very stupid.
"Do you want coffee?"
He was here, he was standing behind this door and I might as well... act civil to him, since, for now, he was acting civil to me.
Slowly, I opened the door again, keeping my eyes on the door.
"Sorry...," I mumbled. "The door... it slipped."
"Slipped?" Edward asked seriously. "You should have it checked." He threw his half finished cigarette behind him.
"Happens all the time," I said instead.
"Interesting," he said. I closed the door as he had placed himself inside the house. "How is Coco this morning?"
"How are you?"
He turned to me, a big, broad, teeth-showing smile on his mouth. "You do realize you answer questions with questions?"
I shook my head. "Nope. But thanks for..." I glanced at the kitchen and decided to go and make him the coffee, just so I didn't have to stand here awkwardly, "the info," I finished.
Edward followed me and I was glad we didn't keep any photos in the kitchen area.
"Ristretto? Voluto? Cosi? Ever had one of-" I stopped when I saw him. He had my cup in his hand. "You're drinking my coffee."
He turned and looked at me as if it was weird that I had stated the obvious. Not just that, but he was actually drinking my coffee out of my cup. I had left it on the kitchen table along with my granola bar. I wouldn't have if I'd known that he would drink it.
"That... You can't drink my coffee."
"I already am."
"It's my c-coffee." I stared at him with big eyes.
The problem wasn't as much as he was drinking my coffee. The problem was that he obviously didn't mine sharing things such as bottles with sport water and now my cup. I wasn't used to sharing and it was strange that Edward kept taking my things without asking. It didn't bother me, but it seemed too much like it was something only couples or very close friends would do.
"Not anymore, brown eyes," he said with a wink as he turned and almost walked through the doors of the living room. That room had photos. Just a few, but enough.
"No!" I yelled.
He stopped abruptly and turned, staring at me in bewilderment.
"Don't go in there," I mumbled, looking at the coffee machine. I'd lost my thirst for coffee. "It's...messy."
Edward came to stand beside me, leaning against the counter. "Which one were you having?" He looked at all the cups I had on the counter.
"Ristretto," I said. He dropped the subject of my weird behavior of him not entering the living room.
"So make another Ristretto," he said, taking the black cup. No way.
"You know the cups?"
He scowled. "Is that bad?"
"No," I said after a while. "I just didn't see that coming. But... it's better to leave... for school. But I really don't need a ride."
"Did you want to walk?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Here, drink the rest. You look tired." He pushed the cup in my hand and walked through the small area that was our kitchen.
I sipped the coffee, thinking he was unbelievable. "No, but I'll call my dad."
I flinched. My dad. That was a topic we discussed yesterday as well, which had led to many questions. I still wasn't sure how he guessed I was talking to Charlie.
"Where does he work?"
I pressed my lips on each other, poured the coffee in the sink and left the cup in there. I couldn't drink any more. "Let's go."
Edward chuckled but didn't press the subject anymore.
"How was your night?" he asked.
"How was your night?"
"Very nice thank you," Edward answered. "How was yours?"
Yeah, he probably did have a date with Tanya last night, in his bed.
I put on my coat and walked through the drizzle to his car. The driveway seemed so empty without my truck. But I didn't have anymore money to fix the truck and I wasn't sure if it'd be fair to Charlie to ask for more money.
Quickly I hopped in Edward's car and before the door was shut, Edward drove off. He put the volume of the radio up and kept his eyes on the road, as did I.
A black motorcycle flew past us and speeded in front of us until he was nothing but a tiny dot on the road.
"That ass," Edward said. "Have you met him?"
He pointed on the road and the person on the motorcycle.
"His name is Jacob Black. He and I are not... what's the appropriate word?"
"Friends?" I helped.
He remained quiet until a soft chuckle appeared on his face. "Yes, not friends. He hates my guts, I hate his."
"What did he do?"
This time, it was Edward who didn't reply.
Maybe this Jacob wasn't such a bad person after all. I watched the tiny dot in the distant and wondered if I could someday soon talk to him, ask him what he knew off Edward.
We reached school in silence. I was pondering over Alice, Jasper, Emmett, the girls, Edward and now even this Jacob.
Mostly I wondered why Edward hated Jacob's guts. Even more mostly I wondered why Jacob hated Edward's.
"Didn't you see that commercial with the famous actor and a girl when they switch suitcases and have to meet up again to change back their suitcases?"
I scowled at him, but shook my head. Lately, I hadn't watched a lot of television.
"Well, the girl says something about expecting the guy being more of a Ristretto kind of guy, instead of a Decafenato guy."
"There's a commercial?" I asked in surprise. "With my coffee machine in it?"
He laughed and nodded. "That's how I knew."
"Oh." Now I wondered if that was his first cup of the most delicious coffee in the world.
"So did you call for your truck?" he asked with a small hint of mock in his voice.
"No." Please drop the subject now.
We both turned to look at each other, and I got uncomfortable from both his gaze and the truthful answer I was about to give him.
"Because I don't have enough money."
He scowled a little and after a moment, nodded. "I'll drive you, until you've got your car back."
"Oh, that's too much trouble, you really don't have to do that, I'll find-"
"Just say yes," he said with a grin. "Thank me and say yes. It's no trouble. I'd gladly do it."
I watched him in horror. "But why?"
Edward's eyes were no longer on me, but somewhere far away, somewhere behind me. I turned my head and saw Tanya with her arms crossed, staring back at him. She was standing beside a red BMW with Rosalie, Lauren and Jessica. Were those girls always together?
There was no time for me to think about his apology. I only knew that we were not alone.
They started walking in our direction.
"Edward," Tanya said.
"You seem to not be able to leave me the hell alone," he said with a smile.
"Well, I see you found replacement." She appeared next to me and actually smiled at me. "But you always said that brunettes don't appeal to you."
Both Edward and Tanya were staring at me after I said that.
"I meant that..." I glanced at Edward and pointed at him and me. "We didn't do anything."
"Right. The gossip is around whole the town, so don't play dumb with me?" Her evil eyes left my wide ones and went to Edward. "And you miserable scumbag. Are you done? Did you have your fun? Proven your point to me?"
Edward kept his face impassive and then Tanya laughed.
"Oh, I see, she isn't your toy for the day. Or week. Maybe for a month? Yeah, I'm giving you a month until you're sick and tired of her."
I wasn't even going to try and understand this whole conversation. I stepped out of the group and heard Tanya continue talking to Edward, but the words were just a blur.
"Shit," I cursed.
"Didn't mean to scare you," he said with a grin. "Please tell me you didn't do the bad stuff with Edward. That would be just wrong on so many levels."
"I didn't!" I said quickly.
"Why would you think that?"
"Well, the rumor is everywhere."
I rubbed my head tiredly and wondered if this stupid town of Forks really didn't have anything else to do but spread rumors.
Inside the building he had to take a different turn and said a quick bye to me.
My first lesson wasn't a full class, because four certain girls were missing. I sat alone and thought back about yesterday. And just now, when Emmett said my name.
Yesterday I had gone through an evening meal in plain old McDonalds and a trip back to Forks with Edward there as my company. And I couldn't help but wonder why his behavior was different then I expected to.
Emmett seemed kind enough for me to not dislike talking to him. The words coming out of his mouth or an offer for help with a touch of comfort to it was nice for a change.
It's so strange.
I did not except any of this to happen. And I realized that I came here, prepared for all the wrong things, because none of those things happened.
I was unprepared for all the things that did happen. It was too late to prepare myself now, because I was in the middle of it now.
Maybe it was better to not think through over each possible scenario, because right now, none of those had come true.
Art with Alice by my side was awkward. She seemed to be ignoring me and I drew a vampire, which was highly ridiculous, but it seemed that my whole life had turned ridiculous. The funny thing was that the teacher gave me an A. Apparently she found the drawing interesting.
My third lesson was still unaccompanied by the four girls and I was seriously wondering where on earth they'd gone to.
At lunch I sat by the boys and Angela. They were chattering, but I couldn't seem to get rid of the fact that all the Cullen's were gone, and also Jessica, Lauren and Tanya.
Even at Biology, Edward never entered and when I walked into the gymnasium for P.E., I was disappointed. I even worried a little when afterwards, they didn't even come to practice their boxing. And since I wasn't in the mood to box alone, I skipped the lesson.
Just like that the school day ended and I got to go home.
But then I wondered if maybe Edward's car or the BMW stood at the parking space and when I reached there, I was finally glad to see that those two cars were still there.
It just felt that by not seeing them for so long, they had disappeared from the face of earth.
I went to the Volvo and waited, feeling highly stupid and out of my mind.
Just stand by his Volvo, Bella, why don't you?
Maybe the time had finally come and I had gone crazy.
Edward flashed in front of me and I heard the click of his locks going up. He reached for the door and opened it. I felt a little ignored.
"Where have you been?" I asked.
He put his hand on the wide open door and glanced at me. "Will you fuck off?"
"Sorry?" I asked, taking a step away from him.
He glanced down and held my eyes. "Just piss off. I can't stand to look at you right now."
"W-What? I-I just-"
What did I do? Did he find out? With a loud thud, he shut the door of his car and turned his body to me, which instantly shut me up.
Whatever had happened, it wasn't good, because Edward was truly angry and I didn't even know why or if the anger was directed to me or anyone else.
"Right now," he said slowly, his voice clear, yet void of any emotion except anger, "I cannot stand a stuttering, annoying, lying little girl who's obviously so screwed up that even seeing her from a distance gives me a headache that can make a guy like me go suicidal."
He paused while that insult slowly got absorbed by my brain. I heard the same words repeat inside my head several times, as if hearing it just once wasn't enough.
He and his presence made me sick, not the other way around. Yet, here he said that I gave him a headache, which was so bad he could commit suicide.
I make him suicidal.
His brief laughter was dark and I took a step back, trying to keep the frown off my face and the shock out of my body. The cold rain soothed me, but only some.
"Go talk to somebody who actually cares, but I don't ever want to fucking talk to that fucking face of yours again. You fucking got it?"
That boy can curse.
Stupidly, I nodded, but the rest of my body was frozen. I was feeling very cold and sick at the same time. I could only wonder what I had done wrong. I never meant any harm but something had made him angry at me.
I wanted to tell him that I hadn't done anything wrong, not really. I wanted to ask him why he was like this all of a sudden. And when that little courage dared me to open my mouth, Edward cut me off.
"Get yourself a fucking ride from somebody else. You're right when you think that you're a trouble after all." He laughed, and I took another step away.
Saying any other word slipped my mind and I was blank.
Even if I still wanted to talk to him, there was nothing in my head to say out loud. I was in shock at this big change in him, in this change that I tried to prepare myself for, but sadly hadn't. Now I got to feel the blow.
Suck it in, Bella.
I had to know what happened. I had to understand.
"I didn't come here for a ride home," I muttered, almost too soft for me to hear it myself.
Edward wasn't looking at me though. He was glancing in the distant toward the school building. His eyes narrowed.
"I just wondered why you disappeared all of a sudden."
His eyes remained on something else and I shivered, from cold or rejection, I didn't know.
"I..." I sighed. "I'll never bother you again, I'm sorry. Thanks... Thank you for this morning."
Edward now did look at me, but the look in his eyes was condescending and his smirk was one the devil himself wore.
"Maybe you should do everybody a favor and leave. Go back where you came from. Don't ever come back. Nobody here likes you. You'll never fit in."
I stopped breathing and couldn't find the strength to look away from those angry, dark eyes.
"What?" He laughed. "Did you actually think I like you? You? You, you're nothing. You're a fucking screw up. You know what I was thinking? Nobody ruined you. Nobody did anything harmful to you. You're just some attention seeking bitch. There's nothing special about you."
Tears burned my eyes and I turned around so he wouldn't see my eyes turning red. All that I had wondered was why he had disappeared all day long, with all his siblings and friends.
But perhaps I'd gone overboard with my interfering.
Yet I still couldn't understand where all this hate suddenly had come from. What did he find out about me that made him so angry at me?
My hand moved on its own accord, going in my bag and grabbing the packet. I opened it and threw the plastic back in my bag. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it on.
So what? Let them see me smoke.
Secret number one was in the open. I didn't bother looking around to see if any of my classmates saw that I was smoking.
I didn't knew how anyone could get addicted to these things. I loved each drag, I hated the entire thing.
Right now I felt like I couldn't handle anyone's presence. So I began walking in the light drizzle to the road that would lead me home with a cigarette by my side.
For just one moment, something made me turn my head and look. I saw Emmett, Jasper and Alice reach the Volvo. Edward had his head low, staring into his car. He looked up at his siblings when they talked to him, but I was too far away to hear anything.
At the BMW I saw three girls watching with triumphant grins.
Is this what they wanted? Did they finally get their wish fulfilled?
Rosalie's face was emotionless, but I was guessing that she too loved this.
Maybe Emmett wasn't that trustful as I thought he was after all. I couldn't find any reason why Edward would suddenly get so bitterly angry and why those four girls found it so great that Edward had told me to never show my face at him ever.
The cigarette was my friend for the moment. Then again, it was my foe as well.
I was angry and hurt. Whenever people said things to me like the way Edward just did or if they got angry with no reason, I froze and I became a helpless, useless girl. Just now, I couldn't say a thing to Edward. It hurt to be weak.
My phone buzzed and I saw it was Charlie.
"Hi?" I asked carefully, my voice thick.
"Bella, do you need a ride home? You said this morning-"
"Oh...Okay. Where are you now?"
"On my way home."
My throat was closing up on me and I couldn't say much more to him. I felt like crying. For the first time after a really long time, I felt like crying.
"Are you okay?"
I hung up and pushed the phone in my coat jacket. This coat wasn't waterproof, so after a while, I was shivering hard from the wind escaping inside my coat and clothes. The drizzle had changed into rain. The rain changed to a loud clatter of huge drops falling down. And before I knew it, I saw lightening and heard thunder.
Won't it be ironic, if I get struck by lightning?
I didn't bother being careful. I kept walking next to trees, not caring, not really.
The amount of time it took me reach the house was lost by me. I just knew that the shivers seemed normal after they wouldn't go away and that I was tired from the walk. My body was fighting to stay warm.
I dropped my bag on the ground, pulled of my shoes at the front door and ran up. I turned on the warm water, found a towel and threw of my clothes into my room. By the time I stepped back into the bathroom, I had hot water, and had to turn some of the cold water on. When the temperature was perfect, I stepped in and let the water wash away all my problems.
It was amazing how water could do that. I felt better, even though I had done nothing then to stand solemnly in the stream of hot water.
But when I reached my arm to grab the bottle of shampoo, words replayed back in my mind.
"I cannot stand a stuttering, annoying, lying girl."
I didn't have to keep the tears in anymore. Nobody saw me hear, in this small area. The more I moved out of the stream to take things to wash my hair and body, the more I remembered from what previously happened.
"Get yourself a fucking ride from somebody else. You're right when you think that you're a trouble after all."
Even though I told him, before he offered to take me home for the time being that I didn't need for him to bring me to school, it still hurt to have that offer get ripped out of my grasp so harshly.
Edward's back. Edward Cullen is just as I remember him, only he's a bit worse then I remember.
I was a sensitive girl. Words quickly offended me and the few people who found out about this, tried to tell that I had to toughen up and I did try. But I was sensitive. It was part of me. I couldn't stop it and no matter how hard I tried, when people were rude to me, I'd feel the blow probably much harder then any other person. Because I was a sensitive girl.
People could get angry at me and yell at me for no reason, and I would freeze, but that was not what I was going to apologize for. Not to myself or any other person. It wasn't a good thing to freeze at moments such as those, but there were other things I was capable of doing and I would have to compensate the bad with the good.
"Will you fuck off?"
I dropped a bottle and heard the loud thud as it touched the ground. Then I laughed shakily, but quickly it stopped as the laughing switched to hysterically breathing air in and out.
"I cannot stand ... obviously so screwed up ... even seeing her from a distance ... gives me a headache ... make a guy like me go suicidal."
The bottle remained on the ground, because I didn't want to move anymore. I stood completely still. I didn't know for how long I stood there in the hot water. Or the cold water. Because even when the water was ice cold, I still remained under the stream, because the water brought it all away. The problems and worries. But I was breathing heavily because again my body fought for warmth.
"Bella? Are you okay in there?"
"Go talk to somebody who actually cares... Fucking talk to that fucking face... "
I moved. I had to move. I couldn't stay under the water for any much longer anyway, because the cold was beginning to hurt as it made my skin go numb in a painful way.
"Fucking got it?"
I took a deep, slow breath as I turned the water off.
"Yeah," I called to Charlie.
"You're a fucking screw up... nothing... Nobody ruined you... Anything harmful... Attention seeking bitch..."
I quickly put a towel around me and dried myself, because I had goose bumps everywhere.
Once I stepped into my room, I noticed the time and realized why Charlie had called me. I had been in the shower for over an hour.
I closed my eyes and sighed. But this was even worse. With my eyes closed, I saw Edward behind my eyelids. I saw it happening all again.
"There's nothing special about you."
I snapped my eyes open and tried to feel anger, but there was only some. Mostly I was so, so sad.
Because there were a few words that hurt the most. He had spoken out my doubt, and it was crystal clear to me that Edward didn't want me hear anymore.
I closed my eyes again, just for good measures. Edward's black eyes were watching me again.
"Maybe you should do everybody a favor and leave. Go back where you came from. Don't ever come back. Nobody here likes you. You'll never fit in."
My lips shivered and I went to sit on my bed. Drops fell out of my eyes.
I could only think one thing.
What did I do wrong?
"Don't forget to be cautiousness."
Jasper's warning was worth gold. Maybe it was time for me to use those words to their value and to begin with, I had to stop forget about them in the first place.
I was practically handed gold and now I was going to use that gold.
When I got downstairs in a pair of black sweats and grey hoodie, I looked surprised when after a look through the window, I saw my truck outside.
"AAA brought your car," Charlie called from the living room. "They fixed it."
"That's great," I said. No more walks through the rain!
I glanced at the clock. When did it get a quarter past eight?
"I put the envelope with the bill on the kitchen table... Are you okay, though? You were in the shower for a long time."
I ripped the envelope open and scanned my eyes over the things they needed to replace.
Which meant a $100 bill.
The insurance will pay for the expenses.
But my truck didn't have that kind of insurance, did it?
"I'm fine," I said quickly. "Since when do insurances pay for new batteries?"
"Well, it's odd that the AAA says that my insurance will."
I stepped into the living room where Charlie was watching a game. "That is odd." His eyes stayed on the television.
I got to have my truck back without paying any money for it, so maybe I did have some luck.
Charlie had cooked fish and it actually tasted nice. He had already eaten but I stood there awkwardly with a plate in my hand next to the couch.
"Do you mind if I join this game?" I asked, pointing at the ball game.
"No, course not, Bella," he said, for the first time glancing up. "Our team's winning."
I sat down and watched the game as I took small bites. Each time my mind wanted to wander, I forced myself to watch the movement of the players or the ball as it flew in all directions.
I knew that if I sat alone in my room, I'd just feel miserable. Being here next to Charlie who was very happy that his team was wining gave me some hope that there was still happiness in this tiny town.
"We won," Charlie said.
"Yeah, that's great." I tried to smile. The happiness was shown on the players, and it almost made me feel whole again. My next smile was genuine because the players were ridiculously dancing.
I had laid my head on the arm rest and my legs beside me. The plate was on the table in front of me and Charlie turned off the television.
"Do you want to sleep here? You seem pretty comfortable."
He was right and I was surprised he remembered me well. I had the problem of losing my sleepiness if I moved too much. Chances were big that if I got off the couch and walked to my bed, I wouldn't fall asleep. I sneezed.
"Bless you. What time do you wake? Six thirty?"
"Sure," I mumbled.
"Here, I put the radio alarm on."
Charlie put a thick, warm blanket over me and kissed me on top of my head.
"Sweet dreams, kiddo."
I smiled at the small gesture which meant so much to me. I felt like a child and teenager at the same time.
"Are you fucking serious?"
All seven of them stared.
"You belong in an asylum, each and one of you."
None of them talked. They had done their talking. I watched my two brothers, my two sisters and the three other girls.
"Okay. I'll stay away from her. But I gotta do a little something to keep her away from me, right? Or else she'll keep coming to me."
This part wouldn't bother Rosalie, Tanya, Lauren and Jessica at all. They wouldn't care.
But I knew Jasper, Emmett and Alice. They would hate me for it. And God knew I would hate myself for it. But I had no choice. They were giving me nothing.
"So I'll tell her to stay away from me, because I can't stand to be around her. I'll tell her she's a bitch, a worthless bitch. I'll tell her to go back to where she came from and I'll tell her she'll never fit in. I'll break that girl. It won't be very hard."
And it definitely won't be easy, because I don't want to hurt her.
"She's already fucked up in her head. Telling her just how little value she has to this world, will push her off the edge. I'll break her, you guys. It'll be as easy as snapping a toothpick in two."
I smirked at the shocked faces of my brothers and Alice. Tanya, Lauren and Jessica had raised their eyebrows but wore huge ass smiles as well.
It was Rosalie's face that wasn't quite the way I expected it to be. She was scowling and her eyes held fear and sorrow. This was not the Rosalie that I knew.
I raised one eyebrow as soon as I caught her eyes.
"What?" I snapped when she kept looking at me as if I was about to commit a crime.
"Isn't that a little bit too harsh, brother?"
"I thought that's how you like it, sister."
"There's a limit, Edward. We're asking you to stay away from her, not to break the poor girl's spirit."
"Poor girl's spirit?"
"Shut up, Edward. Don't be cruel. Be fair."
I grabbed my packet of cigarettes. I pulled a cigarette out and pushed it back in my jeans. This classroom was suffocating me.
"The seven of you aren't fair. So why should I?"
"Edward, please," Alice said. "Rebecca is scared. Don't tell her all that stuff. It will break her for sure. That's not what you want, is it? You don't want that."
I watched her impassively.
"Please don't break her, Edward," Alice said, her big eyes pleading with me.
"Watch me, pix," I said as I walked outside to blow out some smoke.