My Fears and Your Lies
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I promise.
Summary: From a prompt on the Angst Meme: Kurt slugs Sebastian after Sebastian grabs his face in the middle of a loud argument while the two of them are alone. Sebastian's just trying to get him to stop talking in an admittedly rude but harmless way, but when two big hands grab his face and hold him still, Kurt flashes back to Karofsky and the locker room a year ago. Kurt might have forgiven Dave, but that moment still remains a fixture in Kurt's nightmares and his fist is slamming into the side of Sebastian's head before he can even consciously think about it.
Kurt is naturally horrified afterwards - he doesn't like Sebastian but he that doesn't mean he wanted to get physically violent with him. And Sebastian himself is stunned and more than a little confused as to what just happened.
I'd prefer nobody else getting involved in this, no Blaine, no other Warblers, no random ND members, not even Karofsky showing up out of nowhere. Just Kurt and Sebastian trying to work this out and deal with each other.
OP, your wish is my command.
AN: Some of you are saying, "But wait Legi, you just updated earlier today." Yes, yes I did. But I wrote this a couple of days back and I have a personal rule of posting one fic at a time. More than that and I get all scattered and unmotivated. This was such an unbelievably fun prompt to deal with, I hope you enjoy!
If you've been keeping up with me, you know that I've been writing a Glee/Doctor Who crossover that I just finished but that nevertheless didn't appeal to you due to a personal hatred of yours truly, lack of knowledge of Doctor Who, or (gasp!) dislike of Doctor Who. This is the first thing I've written since finishing that. So, people who were turned off by Limits, welcome back!
Kurt thinks that he's done pretty well after the past year that he's had. Really.
Dalton's done wonders for him, especially considering the fact that he doesn't have to deal with Karofsky shoving him all over creation anymore. He doesn't jump so much at loud noises (there are a LOT of loud noises) and he doesn't do that thing so much anymore where his body tenses up and prepares for a blow while leaving his brain in the dust every time someone lays a hand on him. It helps, he knows, that he basically trusts Blaine implicitly and he's the one who touches him the most, casually and easily and without malice.
Kurt hasn't forgotten how it feels to feel pain and rage and sadness and fear that burn and freeze from the inside out. He knows helplessness and he goes out of his way to avoid it because it makes him fearful and when Kurt's afraid, he's not exactly himself.
No one saw.
No one saw the shakes or heard the sobs that he might go the entire day holding back because of that fear and refusal to be that helpless.
He's better, now. Mostly.
Sometimes, he'll see something move, usually red, out of the corner of his eye and he flinches away from it because he's been conditioned to pain and even though he doesn't have to deal with it so much anymore, the conditioning's still there. Generally, he just avoids situations like that if he can and life goes on.
And then there's Sebastian.
Infuriating, bold, and arrogant, the guy gets on Kurt's nerves and it's not just because of the way he looks at Blaine like he's a commodity and Kurt's just the cashier. It infuriates him.
Kurt doesn't know quite how it happens but he ends up letting Blaine bring him to one of the Warbler parties and he's thrilled because they treat him just the same, like he's always been the same. It's great because he's missed them and he'd hoped that they wouldn't be angry with him for running back to McKinley after Regionals.
After losing at Regionals.
It's not long before he's caught up and talking to Jeff and Nick who haven't changed much except that Nick's gotten taller. He's been getting more solos recently, for which Kurt's congratulates him heartily on because he deserves them. He and Blaine separate to mingle; contrary to popular belief, they're not one of those couples and they're fully capable of going places together and not being attached to the hip, thank you so very much.
Most of the time.
Looking over and seeing Sebastian lean over into Blaine's personal space, extending a hand to fix his impeccable bowtie and allowing it to twine in his collar is not one of those times. As if he needed another reason as Blaine's boyfriend, the awkward and uncomfortable look on Blaine's face is enough to make him walk forward with purpose, the look on his face like a thundercloud. People scatter and his destination markers look up, Blaine showing relief and Sebastian contempt.
"Can we talk?" he asks, directing his question to Sebastian, who merely raises an eyebrow. "Outside." Kurt reaches out and touches Blaine's hand. He's furious but trying to stay calm. He's always had a temper but he's gotten pretty good at holding it even though he wants to explode and burst into a tirade of the caliber Rachel's in sophomore year.
"Oh?" Sebastian shoots back, "Outside? And what are we going to be doing there?"
"Talking. I know it's hard for you to comprehend because you only think with one thing and it's not your brain, but do try to keep up."
"And if I say no?"
Kurt cocks his head, eyes narrowing.
"You don't want to say no. I'm not very pleasant when I'm forced into indignity."
Kurt rolls his eyes and just starts walking towards the door. There's a chance that he won't be followed but he's played his cards right. He's a drama queen, Rachel's a drama queen, Mercedes is a drama queen. And Sebastian? He's right up there with them too and there're only a few moments of hesitation before footsteps follow him out through the large double doors, down the hallway, and into a courtyard.
"If this is a proposition, I'm going to have to decline. I'm interested in Blaine, not you," the other boy drawls almost boredly and Kurt grits his teeth.
"Look," he growls, "I don't want to cause a scene in front of people I actually like. Step off of my boyfriend. He doesn't like it."
"I think he just doesn't know what to do with a guy who knows what he wants."
"No, he's uncomfortable with what you want. Even if we weren't dating? I'd tell you to back the hell off because anyone with eyes can see that he doesn't want it. So show some respect to him if not to me."
"I think you're just jealous."
Kurt is and he's not. He knows that Blaine loves him and that he's not going to cheat on him. Blaine knows that Kurt loves him and knows that he loves him right back and that Blaine's not going to cheat on him. But yeah, he's jealous in that irrational way that he knows is ridiculous and he's still got some insecurities to deal with, but mostly, he just hates this smarmy guy in front of him who won't take a hint.
"Jealous? Of what?" Kurt snarls, lifting his chin and staring imperiously over at Sebastian. He looks him over, up and down briefly before averting his eyes as if the boy isn't even worth looking at, "Some two bit wannabe Parisian floozy?"
"I've met guys like you. With their first guy and so insecure and clingy and needy and really it's so easy to get what you want when you know how. And you know what?" Sebastian asks, "You're scared because I know how."
Kurt's not scared right now. He's furious.
Sebastian keeps talking though and begins stepping closer, approaching Kurt confidently and without hesitation. Kurt just stares him down, imperious and shamelessly in full-on bitch mode that he hadn't completely utilized in such a way since sophomore year when he was hauling himself out of dumpsters as if he'd simply allowed them to do so out of the goodness of his heart.
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" he asks, knowing full well how irritating he sounds when he does that with his voice, sending it light and airy as if on clouds. Sebastian twitches and Kurt knows that he's finally got him mad, and it feels so good to knock him off of that pedestal of superiority. "You heard me the first time. Stay away from my boyfriend. I don't like you. Maybe he's willing to be friends with you despite that fact that your pawing at him is entirely inappropriate, but I'm not."
"Listen, you little queen—" Sebastian and Kurt are nose to nose with Sebastian leaning down; he's no Finn but he's taller than Kurt. The Warbler's hands lash out and land on Kurt's cheeks, holding him still while he speaks.
His words fuzz out into static and Kurt doesn't even hear them. He sees his lips moving but doesn't register the words, only knowing that there are hands on him that he doesn't want and they're probably pretty strong and he can't move. Ice is crackling up his frame and Kurt's got to get away. He's not outside in the sun anymore, he's in the boy's locker room and there are hands and lips on him and there's nothing he can do to stop it. The fear takes over.
Then his fist is reeling back and slamming Sebastian in the cheek with all the force he has, sending the other boy staggering backwards. Sebastian clutches his face and if Kurt hadn't sunk to the ground, he might see him spit out blood from where his teeth had cut into his mouth.
"Goddamnit, what is your problem—?" Sebastian freezes because Kurt's not paying him a speck of attention.
He's sitting on the grass in his snow-white pants with his knees hiked up his chin. His face is ducked into his legs but he's speaking, lowly and rapidly and almost too quietly to hear. Sebastian leans in to listen.
"Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me," Kurt's repeating, over and over again under his breath and Sebastian's actually kind of worried that he's having an psychotic break or something. It's just like out of those old soaps that his mother used to watch, where the jilted woman would always collapse into a heap and slowly drive herself mad. Only Kurt wasn't an actress in a soap opera and at this point he certainly wasn't jilted and Sebastian was nursing what was going to turn into an epic bruise for his ego.
"Hey," he starts, biting his lip. Goddamn, his face hurts now. "Hey. Snap out of it."
He doesn't reach out and touch him (how terrible of an idea would that be on a scale of one to ten?) but he's still a little freaked out so he just stands and waits, praying that no one would walk by and see this because this really, really just makes him look like a potential rapist.
And then it's as if a switch flips in Kurt and he stills, dragging in ragged breaths before looking up almost dazedly.
He hesitates to say that he's blacked out for the last fifteen seconds but it's all a bit of a blur and he hates that he has to look up and see Sebastian's face. With a rather livid red mark the perfect size and shape of Kurt's fist. He pales.
"Oh my…oh my god." He jolts to his feet. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you, I'm so sorry."
Kurt kind of hates Sebastian, but hit him? Kurt Hummel doesn't resort to hitting; he thinks it's crude and low-class and frankly beneath him. He doesn't hit people, he never has. That he's done it now scares the living hell out of him and it doesn't matter what Sebastian said to him, he didn't hurt him and he didn't deserve to be hit in return even if he had invaded his space. The taller boy's just kind of staring at him, confused like he's just landed on Mars or something.
"What the hell was that?" he asks and Kurt can't quite look him in the eyes right now.
"It's nothing. In the past, I'm over it. It's none of your business anyway."
"Um, first of all? In case you haven't noticed, you just decked me in the face. I seriously think it's my business since my face just paid the price," Sebastian snaps at him. Well. Kurt can't exactly argue with that assessment. That mark on Sebastian's cheek is glaring at him like a neon sign that screams Kurt Hummel hit me! and he can't stand it.
There's a grass stain on his pants.
Kurt sits down again right there on the lawn.
"Okay, look," he starts uncomfortably, "Basically, there was an altercation last year. Long story made as short and painless as possible, a guy who got his kicks out of throwing me around decided to assault my face with his face. Stronger than me, held me still, I was not fond, blah blah blah, moving on. He apologized and I forgave him; I thought I was over it."
"Uh, clearly not." Sebastian sits down too, across from him but not too close. Kurt still kind of hates him. "So, what? You just randomly freak?"
"No," Kurt growls, "I only 'freak' when people I don't know or like come up to me and grab my face," To his credit, Sebastian actually looks a tiny bit chagrined, "Mostly it's just…fast movements that I can't see coming. At least I thought so." He shakes his head. "I don't like you but I really am sorry for hitting you. You didn't deserve it."
Sebastian looks uncomfortable and the words that come out of his mouth next sound like they physically hurt him to say and not because of Kurt's fist. He's a lot of things and nice isn't anywhere on that list, but he's not a total douche.
"I guess I shouldn't have, uh, grabbed you like that. Out of line. Sorry."
Kurt's not sure if he's actually apologetic or if he's scared that he's going to lose his mind and kill him in the night or something like that. Not like he hasn't joked about it enough in his head. Whatever, though, he'll take what he can get in this case.
"Seriously, though? Leave Blaine alone or I'll cut all of your school ties in half. Not even kidding."
"Whatever, like I'm scared of you."
"It's not me you should be scared of. You ever been given a demerit by Clarkson? He's a nazi about the uniform code and he made Trent cry after about ten minutes for not having the bottom button of his blazer fastened."
"…six-foot-six built-like-a-bear Trent?"
"That's the one."
"Yeah, fuck you. I'll take my chances with the ties."
"I'm going to have to pass on the offer, who knows what I'd end up catching? No one wants a gift given to all."
"Are you aware of how close I am to reaching over and strangling you? I'd be doing Blaine a favor."
"I'd like to see you try. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the one too slow to duck."
"Queeny little bitch."
Oh, they'll never be friends because Sebastian doesn't have a verbal filter or respect for boundaries and Kurt's got a bad temper and kind of hates his guts and that's not going to change any time soon.
But if Kurt drags him off to the teacher's lounge to grab some ice for his face and Sebastian actually thanks him with some measure of sincerity? Well, they're the only ones who'll know and neither of them are going to be telling.
They walk back into the room and Kurt gravitates toward Blaine, who's been waiting with his concerned face on. Their fingers lace and Sebastian walks right past them like they don't exist, gunning for the punch bowl. He'll cut them some slack.
This time, anyway.
AN2: As always, please leave a review if you liked this!