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He has no idea how it happened. Somehow though, after school ended for junior year and before the start of senior year, Rachel and Quinn became friends. What's even scarier is that Santana is not being a bitch about it. Because she's like, right there with them or something. Somehow the Unholy Trinity that was Brittany, Santana and Quinn turned into Rachel, Santana and Quinn and it's like, really scary. It's some complicated story that Puck isn't all that sure about the finer details of. He knows bits of it; like when Santana crawled through his window one night just after summer started, tears drying on her cheeks and just curled up with him in bed. He found out three days later that Artie and Brittany had gotten back together. He felt really bad for Santana but he still couldn't help but be happy for Artie. It was clear that Artie adored Britt, and he's good for her. But Puck knows how much Santana loves her too. He's sort of sorry that Britt needs to deal with that.
It seems to be a good thing though. All around. Because Quinn isn't as much of a bitch with Rachel to balance out Santana's vicious nature and Santana isn't a psycho with people when Rachel and Quinn mellow her out and Rachel, well, shit, Berry's started sticking up for herself and damn if it isn't about time. Puck always knew that Rachel was just on the cusp of crazy town; she's freaky intense about stuff and that just rubs people the wrong way. But the girls are totally balancing that all out with her. Puck's pretty sure they'll rule McKinley next year and shit if that'll cut down on the metric fuck tonne of drama.
But even if they are pretty epic together, and fuck that just makes him think all sorts of nasty things, even if Puck is sort of friends with Rachel and tight with Santana like he used to be, Quinn and him still manage to scream at each other in the middle of some weird festival in the park. It's not like he doesn't notice this shit, but for some reason, Quinn still thinks it's okay to use him to make people talk or jealous or whatever. And it's not cool because, well, it's just not (Rachel gave him this whole long talk after he and Lauren broke up because she was worried he'd go back to his old ways and just bang anything that looked good, so he's sort of working on that because Rachel's sort of saw something in him that no one else has and fuck if he's not pussy for wanting to prove her right). And it's not just because he likes Sam, and it's not because he thinks that maybe Sam deserves a shot with Mercedes without Quinn trying to screw him over the way she did with Finn and Rachel, it's more because she thinks he should be completely fine with her just using him like that, he doesn't exactly mind her pawing at him or even kissing him in front of everyone, but when he knows she's just putting on this show to try and get Sam's attention, it's not cool. And fucking Christ, he's over that shit. So he has a few choice words for her, and she has a few for him and not a single person dares to get in between them.
She calls him a useless slut. He calls her an uptight, twisted bitch.
Somewhere, a bell chimes.
When Puck wakes up in a soft, lavender smelling bed, he wonders if he got drunk last night and blacked out on what he did. He doesn't remember getting drunk (he usually remembers the first half hour of drinking, unless he's really going for it and then it's maybe only the first three drinks). But he wasn't drinking last night, because he went to Finn's for some stress relief in the form of blowing up shit on the XBox and then he crawled his ass home at three in the morning when Carole finally got sick of the noise and kicked him out.
So he crashed, fully clothed, on top of his own bed. He's sure of it. But this isn't his bed and something feels weird.
He's pretty sure that if his heart hadn't stopped when he opened his eyes, he would've screamed -and not yelled, or hollered, no it would've been a fucking scream. Puck recognises Quinn's bedroom, because even though she's in a new house with her mom, she decorated her bedroom the exact same as she'd had it in the big stupid house before. So he's well aware that his heart is hammering in his chest because he's in Quinn's bed, in her room, and it doesn't look like she's there.
But then he sits up, and finds out just what the weird feeling is.
He has breasts. And slim legs and- Holy shit, he's a girl. He's not sure if it's possible to hyperventilate and puke at the same time but Christ he might actually do it. It's impossible to stand; his legs just give out under him while he panics. This can't be happening, it's some warped twisted dream, it's just a crazy nightmare (he's had a few, none as elaborate as this, but when he gets high he gets some really bad trips if he crashes out before it wears off). But he pinches his leg and he's not waking up and it actually hurts because he has stupid nails and softer skin or whatever.
"Quinn, honey," he freaks for a minute, trying to find where Quinn would've gone before he turns and catches sight of himself in the mirror. Only, it's not him, is it. It's her. He's Quinn. "There's someone at the door for you." Christ, he can't talk to someone now, he can't possibly, they'll think he's insane. But then, if he ignores Quinn's mom she might get pissed and Puck cannot deal with that.
He doesn't really think twice about crawling over to the door and pulling himself up, slipping out of Quinn's room in her sleepwear and heading down the stairs. It's a fucking trip when he sees himself standing awkwardly in the doorway. He is not drunk; he needs to be drunk to deal with this. But he just walks in the door, closing it and looking towards what Puck assumes is the kitchen and hissing into Puck's ear, "Tell her we're going upstairs," and this annoyingly strong arm is gripping to his elbow and Puck just frowns. He has to assume (hope) that it's Quinn walking around looking like him, and really, he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. "Tell her we're working on a song for going back to glee." Puck just nods with a jerk.
"Ma- Mom," he needs to remember that it's Quinn's voice and his words and hell, he needs to pay attention and not call Ms Fabray 'Ma' cause that will not go down well. "We're um, we're just going upstairs, glee project." He tries to smile; he thinks he pulls it off, because Ms Fabray just gives a small nod.
"Door open, Quinny." And really, it's not like Puck blames the woman, because she knows that Puck is the one that got Quinn pregnant, and really, his ma is pretty hard on the whole 'no girls in the bedroom' these days too.
"Sure thing." Quinn -in his body, and that's really freaking him out- heads up the stairs first and Puck follows her, cursing Quinn's stupid shorter legs. He doesn't close the door all the way, but he does close it at least half, because Ms Fabray doesn't need to hear the conversation that is about to unfold. "What the hell is going on?" Quinn's voice takes on this panicky pitch and Puck thinks he might be close to a full blown melt down.
"I don't know. I woke up in your room, in your body, with your sister jumping on your bed." Yeah, Sarah did that from time to time when she thought he was hungover, just to be a bitch and see what she could get out of him if she promised to stop and not tell Ma. Thank Moses he wasn't hungover that morning. "What did you do?"
"What? I just woke up." He honestly hasn't done anything to merit that accusatory tone, and that sounds weird coming from his mouth because he's not the accusing sort -not in a serious manner anyway, and Christ this is all sorts of fucked up. "I didn't do anything."
"You must've. Things like this don't just happen." He'd like to point out that things like this shouldn't happen at all. "We need to get it back the other way, school starts in three days." Holy hell, he's hyperventilating again.
"Why is your body so prone to panicking?" He needs to sit down; he needs to stop freaking out. But he's a chick, with chick parts, and it's not as fun as people might assume because it's weird and he'd like his dick back right now thanks. He sits down on the edge of her bed, getting his breathing under control and Quinn sits on the floor, legs stretched out and it's weird to see himself there, but not be him.
"I locked myself in your bathroom for forty minutes and waited for the freak out that never came. It was a little worrying, but this sort of explains that." He is not comforted by the fact that he has to have a break down while she gets to just wait for it. He doesn't think that's fair since he's not the freak out type. "So, what did you do last night? After the festival?"
"I went to Finn's. We played Call of Duty, I went home. Seriously, I didn't do jack." The words sound weird coming from him with her voice and he's totally not going to get used to that. "What about you? You could've done something stupid."
"Rach, San and I went to the little vegan place she likes and got ice cream."
"How does that even work? Non-dairy dairy. It's stupid."
"Don't say that to Rachel."
"I wasn't gonna. I'm not even gonna talk to her." Except he might have to, because Quinn and Rachel are friends and stuff now and she might call or they might bump into each other and -shit. "Okay, I'm putting on clothes and we're going to fix this. I am not being you for longer than I need to."
"Wait, you want to go out like this?" Quinn sort of gestures between them and Puck rolls his eyes.
"No, I want to go hide in a fucking cave until I'm me again, but I don't think that'll work. So we're going out." He's this close to stamping his foot and fucking Christ that'd be embarrassing. "So, shut up and let me get dressed." Only he can't deal with her clothes and he ends up making her pick something for him to wear so that she doesn't hate him for choosing something she hates or that clashes. He should totally get points for closing his eyes when he's putting her clothes on.
Thankfully she picked a pair of pants for a change.
"So, we should start at the festival, and work back, right?" Puck just nods, pulling her hair out of his face and tying it behind his head in a really crap half ponytail, half bun. His ma wears it like that sometimes when she's doing laundry and it keeps it from his face so she can just not bitch at him. "Do you want to drive the truck? I'm not really all that sure of it."
Puck isn't all that sure of it with her shorter legs, and he needs to shift the seat a bit to reach the gas comfortably, but it's so much better than listening to her bitch about it.
The festival is a total bust, they end up just walking around while everyone is clearing things up and eventually they both just stop pretending that something is going to jump out at them with a big red fucking flag. And Puck's totally not okay with this, because she looks totally together and he knows that he should be the one not on the verge of breaking apart because sweet mother, this is stressful okay. They sit down on the edge of the fountain and watch everyone, ignoring the few glances they get. It's not uncomfortable, out of everything that's going on it's the least uncomfortable thing right then. His shoulder is pressed against her arm, and it's weird thinking of her as a her when she's currently a him and he's currently a she and now he's just getting a headache.
"So," she says it the exact same way he'd say it in most situations and it almost makes him laugh, almost. "What're we going to do?"
"It happened right? So, maybe it'll just like, turn back on its own." He really, really hopes that he wakes up tomorrow in his own body again. "Hopefully we'll just go through the day and then be back to normal." Quinn rubs her hand over her knee (his knee, whatever) before nodding.
"Best theory we have." It was the only theory, because this shit shouldn't be possible. "Do you want to hang out? While we're waiting?" It's not like he can go to Finn's, because Finn and Quinn are sort of not friends but polite to each other -Puck's pretty sure that's because of Quinn's hurt at being dumped again but he can't be overly sure. And he can't go hang out with Santana or Rachel, because that'll just be really uncomfortable. So Quinn is his best bet for company and they are sort of in each other's bodies.
"Yeah, okay. What do you wanna do?"
That's how they end up at the arcade in the mall, failing at DDR and wasting their money (his money, because Quinn actually has his wallet and he didn't pick up her purse or any crap like that) on games and those lucky dip things. But Puck can actually appreciate her laugh (his laugh? God, its confusing) when she just lets go about their failure at being coordinated with their bodies. He hasn't laughed like that since, God, forever. She doesn't make comment when he's pretty much staring at himself and wondering if he ever looked that happy himself.
They bail on the arcade after they've pretty much sucked at every song choice there is on DDR and he's shot some zombie while she tries to do it too. They're both kind of hungry, so they head to the little Italian place in the mall and get something to eat. "You know, you're gonna end up giving me a rep." He's half way through some spaghetti and meatballs and he's never going to finish it because Quinn clearly doesn't eat and her stomach has like shrunk or something. Quinn had ordered some stupid salad and she's already finished it so Puck just pushes his half-finished pasta towards her. "Paying for the arcade, nice meal out, people will get ideas about me."
"Maybe you should just learn from this and do it all the time." That's not likely, so Puck just rolls his eyes and steals her diet soda, because his non-diet soda is starting to make his stomach hurt. Quinn demolishes the rest of the pasta and doesn't comment on the soda, even as she pays and they head out. "So, you eat more than me."
"Football, need the calories and carbs." Whereas, apparently, Quinn doesn't eat much and Puck therefore, is full on half a meal. "This is still weird." He drives the truck again, and to most people it would probably just look like some guy letting his girl try to handle the truck, but hell if he doesn't stall it twice because of his stupid short legs.
Habit makes him drive to Quinn's house without realising that it's actually his stop anyway and Quinn's going to have to take the truck back to his place. Quinn stares at the house for a minute before turning to him. "Do you think we should, like, stay together? In case we swap back?"
"If we swap back, our parents will freak out if one of us is in the others bedroom." Why he's the responsible one, thinking that, he has no idea, but he knows she sees his point when she nods. "Um, call, in the morning, yeah?" She just nods and Puck climbs out of the truck, watching Quinn slide over to the driver's seat and shift the seat back a little again. The truck rumbles away and Puck slips back inside Quinn's house, sighing against the door.
"Quinn, sweetie?" Shit, Quinn's mom. Puck doesn't really have much of an option but to head into the sitting room, smiling slightly. It's not all that hard to make Quinn's face work; he just needs to keep his usual sarcasm and lewdness out of it. "Did you have a good time today?"
"Yeah, spent time at the mall. Nothing big." The thing is, Puck doesn't know how to act around Ms Fabray. Quinn probably has a decent handle on his ma and Sarah, because she spent time with them when she lived with them, and Puck's not that close to his ma anyway.
"That's good." He's not sure if this is Ms Fabray's attempt to make up for missing most of Quinn's sophomore year or what, but it just feels a little strained. Maybe it's just him. "Are you all set for school?" He has no idea what Quinn would possibly need to be 'set' for school so he glances upstairs.
"You know, I should probably make sure I am." She smiles tightly at him and Puck just nods before leaving the room. It's still weird sitting on Quinn's bed, but it's only 10:00, he can't possibly go to sleep yet. He fishes around Quinn's room without being too nosy (because today was kind of okay and neither of them shouted at each other and he's not really down with her starting that tomorrow if he rifles through her shit) finding her cell phone and noting that Rachel has sent a text and then there's one from 'PUCK' which means it's from Quinn, to him. Your Mom is still a bitch. What're you doing?
He's very sure that his Ma was complaining about him being gone all day when he'd sort of promised he would be around. But then he hadn't planned on having his body swapped with his ex or whatever. Chillin in ur room. Ur mom was askin bout ur day. He really does hope that this all gets sorted out. He's pretty sure he'll never get the hang of talking to her mom, mostly because he's fairly certain that Judy Fabray hates his guts -and she has a good reason to, since he did impregnate her teenage daughter which may or may not have led to the revelations that her husband was a cheating hypocritical asshole and sort of break down her marriage, but whatever.
She does that. Can I play your video games? It's weird that she'd ask, but he sort of knows that she loves playing Yoshi's Island, so he's not going to be a dick about it or anything. Besides, there's not exactly much else for her to do, kind of like for him really. Only if i can dick around on ur laptop. Because it's sitting there, waiting for him to just give in and use it. Sure. But no porn. Or else.
And that is how he spends three hours playing her little Facebook games -Rachel has sent requests for help on her farm and cafe, and since Quinn's already got them, Puck just messes around with it for a while. It kills the time before he realises and then he figures what the hell and signs out to go to bed. He absolutely goes to bed with his fingers crossed that this is just a one day thing and he'll be back in his own room and his own body in the morning.
When he wakes up, he doesn't even need to open his eyes to know he's still in Quinn's body. Her hair is over his face and her bed is ridiculously comfortable and he's still a little weirded out by the boobs (he likes boobs, boobs are great, even if he is more of an ass guy, but he doesn't necessarily like having boobs himself). There's a text waiting for him from Quinn. I'm coming over. We're going out again. Don't wear the same clothes.
It all means he needs to get up. And he needs to shower this morning, and there's only so much he can do without looking. He's seen Quinn naked, naturally, but not for a while, and even then he didn't exactly get a good look. He's standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, just looking. She's still got the same pert behind that he loves looking at in her Cheerio's uniform, and her tits (although mildly uncomfortable to lie on) are a nice handful and a pretty decent shape. She's complained about her abs before, but Puck doesn't get what she's bitching about, because her stomach is toned and flat and you can't even see the stretch marks. He doesn't get why she's so fucking nuts about her body and her looks because, Christ, she's hot.
And since he's been treated to a nice long look, he doesn't feel in the least bit bothered by pulling on one of her little bra and panty sets (it's a little awkward cause he's used to taking bras off not putting them on) and then fishing out another pair of jeans and a t-shirt to wear that doesn't look like the one she pulled out for him yesterday. He's not really sure what they're doing but they'll need to talk about shit and that's going to suck. Their one hope of this just fixing itself flew out the window and they have fucking school in a few days -two, but he's not counting, shit he is, he totally is.
Instead of coming in this time, Quinn just honks the horn on the truck from outside, so Puck leaves her hair wet and drying on its own, slips on a pair of her surprisingly comfortable shoes and grabs her phone and purse and a little jacket before bolting down the stairs. "Going out Ma- Mom!" He knows that Ms Fabray is up, he's heard her pottering around, but he doesn't offer any more than that when he leaves and pretty much hauls ass over to the truck.
"Seriously? You showered?"
"Do you want to reek like a homeless person?" He knew for a fact she'd get over the fact that he got her body naked to get clean, more so than she would if he'd just let her get all disgusting or whatever. "It's nothing I've not seen before. And seriously, I don't walk around all gross and whatever, so don't even think about it." Frankly, she needs to get over it now if they're going to be like this for any length of time (sweet Lord he hopes they aren't). "What're we doing today?"
"Going shopping. You need to get stuff for school." He's not sure if she means that he needs stuff for him in her body or if he needs stuff for her in his body, and that is starting to really get annoying, but he figures what the hell.
"You have a text from Berry. I didn't read it." He doesn't know if he wants to, because it might be an invitation to do something girly and he can't exactly put it off forever, can he?
"Read it." He was hoping she wouldn't say that. Still on for Monday? :) Rach*
"What's Monday?" Other than their first day back at school. "Hey, are you and Santana and Britt trying out for the Cheerio's again? Cause, like, I really don't know if I'm game for that. I might actually break your face." Puck is athletic, okay. But he is not gymnastic, and some of that shit that he's seen them do, he is not loving the idea of having to fake that come Tuesday when the try-outs would likely start if he's still in her body.
"We're having a girls night at Rachel's on Monday. Is that what the text was?" Quinn is avoiding the Cheerio's question, which means she wants to, but she knows Puck's right.
"Yeah, if you're still good for Monday." Which will probably be him. "I uh, I can probably tough it out, you know. With Rachel and Satan."
"If you do, you're going to need to know some things. Things that we've been keeping to ourselves. As in, girl stuff." Oh God shoot him now. "Let's shop first, text Rach back, and text like me Puck, and we'll figure everything out." He sort of hates how fucking calm she is about everything -is that a guy thing? Not panicking the same? Because Puck never used to freak out about shit like this, but he's pretty sure he's having a total chick moment. It must be the bodies and all her crazy girl hormones or whatever. Still, he texts Rachel back to say yeah, and has to delete three times so that he puts in full words and grammar and that's going to get really old really fast.
"Why do I have a sudden craving for ice cream?" Quinn just laughs a little, and he really sort of hates her a little.