A/N: This was largely inspired by the iCarly episode "iStart a Fan War." This was one of the story ideas that was eliminated on the poll way back when. Remember that? I had like seven story ideas, and it was an ongoing elimination poll. Anyways, enough talk. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: This is only for entertainment purposes.
Sink or Swim
The guys of Big Time Rush were at their first ever meet and greet with fans. The boys were excited about this, but they were also a bit nervous. They were nervous because both Kelly and Gustavo mysteriously ditched them when it came time to go to the venue.
"Great news, dogs! Today is your very first fan meet and greet," Gustavo announced in his normal speaking voice which is somewhere between talking very loudly and yelling.
Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan all celebrated amongst themselves giving each other "guy" handshakes and whatnot, smiles on their faces. Meanwhile Kelly and Gustavo traded a knowing look with one another that said, "Poor, naïve boys. If they only knew what they were getting themselves into, they wouldn't be celebrating."
"I personally think it will be cool to finally be able to meet some of our fans," Carlos commented.
"Famous last words," Gustavo mumbled under his breath, causing Kelly to clamp a hand over her mouth to stop herself from cracking up.
The "dogs" exchanged confused glances with each other as they eyed their record producer/manager and his assistant curiously.
"There's no time to waste. Your limo's waiting outside, so move it," Kelly instructed.
She was all but shoving the four boys out of Gustavo's office, which only confused them even further. A thought occurred to Kendall, causing him to stop in his tracks. He turned to face Kelly and Gustavo, eyebrows raised.
"Wait a second. You two aren't coming with us?" the leader asked.
Kelly looked back at Gustavo and he looked at her. The two of them shared a sarcastic laugh before saying an emphatic, "No!"
From left to right, they were seated at a table in the following order: Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan. The four of them looked out at the sea of predominantly fan girls. Although there were some fan boys sprinkled here and there as well. They quickly noticed the BTR shirts they were wearing and the signs; so many signs. Some of the signs didn't even make sense either; they had words on them that they had never seen before in their young lives.
Kendall, Carlos, and Logan gazed out at the audience with looks that ranged from uncertain to nervous to scared. James scoffed.
"They don't look crazy. How bad can it be?" he remarked.
Little did James know that he, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were about to find out precisely how bad fan girls, and not just any fan girls either; Big Time Rush fan girls, can get.
The crew members overseeing the meet and greet had squeezed in as many fans as the room's maximum occupancy would allow without creating a fire hazard or whatever. Other crew members had placed a microphone on the table in front of each Big Time Rush member. A small mic was fastened to each of the boy's shirts as well.
When it was time to start the meet and greet, Kendall picked up the microphone in front of him and held it up to his face. However, there was this deafening, reverberating feedback as the microphone in his hand got so close to the one on his shirt.
"Kendall, you have a microphone on your shirt, you know!" Logan chastised, plugging his ears.
Kendall stared down at the mini mic on his chest.
"Oh. Look at that. I do," Kendall replied.
James and Carlos snickered at their leader's comment while Logan merely rolled his eyes at one of his best friends.
"Good afternoon," Kendall said, addressing their fans.
"I love you, Kendall!" one girl screamed.
Kendall chuckled nervously. He kind of already had a girlfriend. Speaking of which, he was glad that Jo wasn't here right now because she was definitely the jealous type.
"Don't you love me too?" the same girl whined.
"I have a girlfriend," Kendall replied crossly.
"What Jo doesn't know won't kill her."
Another girl stormed to her feet. She was holding an, "I ship Kogan" sign. She glared daggers at the girl who apparently wanted to be Kendall's new girlfriend.
"No way! Kendall is in love with Logan!" she retorted.
"Say what?" Kendall responded.
James and Carlos turned their heads toward Logan, who immediately held his hands innocently in front of him in a "Don't look at me," manner.
"Kogan for the win!" Another fan girl shouted, rising to her feet.
All four boys traded befuddled glances with one another and all mouthed the same thing: "Kogan?"
A different fan girl angrily rose to her feet. She was holding a "Jagan is sexy" sign. She also happened to be sitting next to the girl with the "I ship Kogan" sign. She shoved her forcefully.
"James and Logan have way more chemistry together!" she exclaimed.
"Jagan for the win!" Another female yelled.
James and Logan were both mortified when the girl with the "Jagan is sexy" sign had her best friend hand her an iSlab. She held it in front of her, briefly setting down her sign. Then she started scrolling through pics.
"This is a pic of the two of them jumping up and down while holding hands," she announced.
James and Logan traded horrified looks with one another. Kendall and Carlos started cracking up. James smacked Kendall in the shoulder at the same time that Logan smacked Carlos in the shoulder.
"Aww! They even smack in unison! How adorable is that?" another girl remarked.
Several girls in the audience broke into a chorus of "Aww!"s. James blushed fiercely. Logan ducked his head, wanting nothing more but to crawl under the table and hide.
"And this is a pic of the two of them hugging," the girl with the iSlab said.
"Okay, first of all," Logan rebutted, annoyed. "James and I weren't hugging! I was trying to get a sneaker from him!"
"A 'sneaker', right?" another girl said using air quotes. "If that's what you want to call it."
This caused a bunch of girls to giggle. James blushed even fiercer.
"Secondly, where did you get those pics?" Logan demanded.
"Please, they're all over the internet," the girl answered.
The girl then scrolled to another pic on her iSlab. "And this is a pic of them frolicking on the floor together," she announced.
Carlos snickered. "Frolicking."
"Finally, this is a picture of the two of them dancing together at The Palm Woods prom. Sources say that the two of you even won prom king and queen," the girl stated.
Carlos was doubled over in laughter. He had heard about Logan and "Jamie" winning prom king and queen, but this was the first he had seen any pictures. He had been too busy getting mauled by all three Jennifers. He thought it was downright hilarious that James was dressed in drag. He could hardly contain himself when he saw the tiara on James' head as he was awkwardly holding Logan on the dance floor.
Kendall bit his lip, but nevertheless was still snickering. Except for when James turned to narrow his eyes at him, which at that point, Kendall quickly adapted a serious face. Like Carlos, he also wasn't there to witness Logan and James in all their prom royalty glory. He was busy getting carted off by Jo's dad and his CIA agent buddies.
James slapped his forehead before shaking his head. He muttered, "Kill me. Kill me now," under his breath. His cheeks were beet red and he had never felt more humiliated before in his life.
Logan had slouched so far in his chair that the audience could no longer see him. Strangely, or perhaps maybe not so strangely enough, Logan was perfectly fine with that. He had never been one who liked being the center of attention, and he certainly didn't want to be the center of this kind of attention.
Another fan girl shot up out of her chair. She was holding a "Kames is hot!" sign.
"James belongs with Kendall! Kames for the win!" she screamed.
Several people erupted in loud applause at that. However, equally as many people erupted in a chorus of boos. Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan were in disbelief. Their fans were booing each other now?
"Yeah, just like Logan should be with Carlos!" another girl shouted, holding a "Cargan 4 Life" sign.
"Yeah! Cargan is the cutest!" another fan girl yelled.
Carlos scooted his chair away from Logan's. It was fun when he was listening to their fans argue about how their friends should hook up with one another, but when his name was dragged into the mix, it suddenly wasn't so fun anymore.
Logan had now completely hidden underneath the table. He was starting to think that all of their fans were crazy. Here Logan thought he could handle crazy. After all, Camille was his love interest. However, these fan girls were nuts. They made Camille seem normal and sane.
Of course, Carlos scooting his chair away from Logan happened to bring him closer to James. This didn't go unnoticed either.
"Aww! Look! Carlos is inching closer to James! Jarlos for the win!" another female fan hollered, hoisting a "Team Jarlos" sign in the air.
James turned towards Carlos giving him a warning look.
"Dude, if you scoot your chair any closer…" he started to say menacingly.
Needless to say, Carlos didn't move his chair anymore after that. Logan reached up and snatched his soda from the table, pulling it underneath the table. He started sipping it. He tried to focus solely on that, drowning everything else out.
"Kendall!" another girl scolded. "Don't let James talk to your boyfriend like that!"
From beneath the table, Logan started coughing. Kendall, James, and Carlos could've sworn they heard him say, "Soda just went up my nose."
"Go Kenlos!" another fan shouted.
"I don't even like Carlos!" Kendall countered.
"Hey!" Carlos whined, thinking Kendall meant something entirely different.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. You know I like you, Carlos."
"Ha! He admitted it!" one of the few fan boys said triumphantly.
"Hey, where did Hortense go?" a girl's voice asked.
From underneath the table, Hortense had an incredulous look on his face. How do they know my real name?
"There he is!" a girl screamed, pointing underneath the table.
"No, I'm not!" Logan exclaimed before scurrying out from underneath the table.
He hastily rose to his feet, nearly tripping over his own feet several times in the process. He tried to make a run for it, but Kendall and James got out of their seats, each grabbing one of Logan's arms, and dragged him kicking and screaming back to his own seat, plopping him down in it. As soon as they released their hold on him, Logan folded his arms over his chest and pouted.
"Dude, if we have to suffer through this, then so do you!" James said.
After a couple of hours, though to the guys of Big Time Rush, it seemed like an eternity, the fan war died down. The boys noticed how they had all sorts of fans; of various ages, genders, ethnicities, etc.
A handful of girls sitting together were college students. They also happened to be hammered. Logan noticed this and nudged Carlos in the ribs with his elbow.
"Who has a question?" Kendall asked.
Everyone's hand shot up in the air. Kendall happened to pick one of the drunk college girls. Just from looking at how she was beaming, Logan knew what kind of drunk she was.
"Observe. The overly happy drunk," Logan whispered to Carlos.
"First of all, O-M-G! I can't believe you just picked me! I am your biggest fan!" she said excitedly.
"No, you're not!" echoed throughout the room.
She must not have heard them, or at least she was pretending like she hadn't heard them. She was still smiling as widely as ever.
"Anyways, I love you guys so much! You're all so hot! You're all so talented!" she said.
"Your question?" Kendall said impatiently.
"What is each of your current relationship statuses?" she finally asked.
Before James, Carlos, or Logan could even answer, Kendall cut them off, answering for them.
"Well, I'm the only one with a girlfriend. As for those three," Kendall said, pointing to his left and smirking. "Your suspicions are correct. They're gay."
James punched Kendall hard in the shoulder. "Dude!"
"Just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean anything. You could be in denial…or bi," one girl remarked.
"Ha! Yeah, Kendall, explain your way out of that one!" Logan remarked.
"We are not gay!" Carlos interjected.
"Yeah, I like girls!" James exclaimed.
"We all like girls!" Logan clarified.
A couple of girls in the audience swooned upon hearing that. In their minds, that meant they still had a chance, no matter how slim that chance may be.
"Well then, maybe you're all bi," the same fan that accused Kendall of being bi said.
"Next question!" James exclaimed, desperate to change the subject.
He picked another one of the drunk college girls; the hottest one. James' reasoning was that should erase any doubts of his heterosexuality.
Logan leaned towards Carlos and whispered in his ear, "Observe. The overly sensitive drunk."
"My question is for Carlos," the female fan stated.
Carlos sat up straighter in his chair. He smiled brightly, patting his helmet a couple of times for good measure.
Then the girl tilted her head back and proceeded to bawl her eyes out. It wasn't long before she had raccoon eyes. Her tears ruining her mascara. Her body shook with sobs. Her eyes were now red and puffy. What was only seconds felt more like minutes as Carlos waited to hear her question.
"Why don't you follow me on Scuttlebutter? How come you don't love me? How come you never reply to any of my posts I make about you?" she whined before breaking down and crying again.
Kendall, James, and Logan all turned to face Carlos. The band member in question had an extremely guilty look on his face. He hated that he had made a fan cry. Carlos didn't like making people cry.
"I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry!" Carlos said, apologizing profusely. "It's just we each have so many followers, and we try to follow as many as we can, but we're also all really busy…"
The overly sensitive drunk wailed louder than before. Apparently, Carlos was saying all the wrong things.
"I'll follow you. I'll follow you right now. What's your username?" Carlos asked, whipping out his cell phone.
Typical Carlos. Always trying to please everybody. Always trying to keep everybody happy. Always trying to be on everybody's good side. He couldn't help himself really. He was a people person after all.
"Observe. The I'm-gonna-kick-your-arse drunk," Logan leaned over and whispered in Carlos' ear. He then chose said college girl. "What's your question."
She rose to her feet. It was then that Logan was starting to wonder if that even was a girl. She was a freaking giant! She had to have easily been six foot five or six foot six inches tall. Logan had no idea she was so tall when he picked her. He was starting to think this was a huge mistake, no pun intended.
"You don't update your Scuttlebutter enough!" she fumed.
Logan pointed to himself, silently asking her if he was the one she was talking to. He then looked over at Kendall, James, and Carlos hoping they were the ones she was directing her withering gaze at. Logan wasn't that lucky though.
"Me?" Logan asked timidly, his voice cracking.
"Yeah! You!" she roared.
Logan was afraid she would say that. Kendall, James, and Carlos were thoroughly enjoying watching this fan make Logan squirm. If only they had some popcorn to munch on as they watched.
"I don't think what you said would be considered a question," Logan remarked.
"Don't get smart-alecky with me!" the mammoth fan exclaimed.
"Yes, sir! Ma'am! Yes, ma'am!"
"What did you call me?"
Logan looked at the crew member who was officiating the shindig.
"I think it's time for a recess. Yeah? Great! Sounds like a plan! Be back in five!" Logan commented, before scampering out of his chair and getting the heck out of dodge.
"Where do you think you're going? Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" the goliath fan shouted, as she proceeded to chase Logan down.
Kendall, James, and Carlos watched with huge grins on their faces. Logan had always been so scared of everything, and they would be surprised if the huge female fan hadn't scared the pee out of Logan by now.
"He'll be fine," the three of them said in unison.
"Logan, what happened to you?" Camille asked, as she took in her love interest's sorry state.
Logan was wrapped up in bandages from head to toe. It almost looked like a full body cast. Carlos thought Logan looked like a mummy. The only part of Logan that was visible was his eyes.
"What happened? We had a meet and greet with fans! That is what happened!" Logan exclaimed.
"Yeah, but how come you are the only one hurt?" Camille asked.
"Because he awoke an angry giant," Kendall said, before snickering.
James and Carlos all laughed at Kendall's joke. Camille and Jo traded confused expressions with one another. It must have been some inside joke because neither girl got the punch line.
"Yeah, picking that particular fan was a tall order!" James remarked.
Kendall, James, and Carlos were all in stitches.
"I got one! I got one!" Carlos exclaimed. "He sure barked up the wrong tree."
Everyone was silent save for Carlos who thought his joke was the funniest thing ever. It didn't take him long for him to realize that he was the only one laughing. James shook his head at Carlos. He tried. James gave Carlos that much. But he failed…miserably.
"You know, because Gustavo calls us dogs. And that fan was tall like a tree. You know what? Forget it," Carlos said somewhat moodily. He folded his arms over his chest and pouted. How come no one laughed at his jokes?
Carlos suddenly had an idea. He walked over to Logan and lightly shoved him. Logan wasn't able to move his limbs. The only way he could get around on his own was by waddling like a penguin. It was a very amusing scene to witness. At any rate, Logan couldn't flail his arms about to help steady himself, so he just toppled over like a domino.
"Ow!" Logan wheezed as he lay flat on his back, staring up at the sky.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Jo, and Camille laughed at how funny Logan looked as he slowly fell backwards. Every one of them was doubled over in laughter. Carlos was happy that they found him funny after all.
"This is not funny!" Logan exclaimed.
Kendall draped an arm over James' shoulder, and an arm over Carlos' shoulder.
"I don't know what Gustavo and Kelly were talking about. That was fun! We should do meet and greets with our fans more often," Kendall said.
Logan, on the other hand, had never heard more frightening words.
A/N: Ack, I didn't really like the ending. I just didn't know how to end it really. It's only a one-shot. Sorry about that.