Sailor Moon Chronicles R


Stopping another Mad Scientist

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my old nemesis Crash Bandicoot," Cortex said as the heroes entered the cavernous laboratory. "And it looks like you brought friends. What a –"

"I have question," Sailor Moon said, cutting him off.

He was stunned having the flow of his villainous monologue abruptly dammed. "Y…yes?"

"Are you Dr. Cortex?"

"Yes, I am. You must have heard of me and my dastardly accomplishments."

"No. Not really. I was wondering if the intimidating and feared doctor wasn't actually a major fail-fest for once."

Cortex's jaw dropped.

"We just got through dealing with Dr. Nefarious and Dr. Eggman before that. Jesus! Where are your robots? Eggman had robots. Nefarious was a f***ing robot! You know, in our dimension, usually when a villain has 'doctor' in his name, he is a threat or at least seemingly competent. What? Is doctor synonymous with 'loser' in this dimension?"


"Sorry," Sailor Moon said. "I've been having a really bad day."

"A bad day?" Sailor Mars repeated. "I've never seen you rip someone a new one like that. I do that."

"You've kind of rubbed off on me," Sailor Moon said cutely with a blush. "You're really funny too. Being caddy comes so naturally to you."

"That's so sweet," she answered happily. "Did you notice that Cortex has the opposite body structure as Eggman?"

"Oh my gosh! You're right! Look at the size of his head and those arms puny arms. You know, I thought Eggman was pretty freaky with those weirdly long legs and the mustache that looks like a dead squirrel was taped to his face, but this guy takes the cake with that yellow skin, pen-ink dye job hair, ugly as hell goatee, and low-rider chrome N. We should talk about this with the girls over cake."

Crash was laughing, either at their comments or … whatever.

"I'm standing right here, you know!" Cortex whined, shrieking, almost crying. "I am a credible villain! I can experiment circles around that hack Eggman! It's true! I am competent, Mother!"

"What was that last one?" Sailor Moon asked.


"This mission has gone on long enough," announced Sailor Mars. "Surrender or we'll kick your butt."

"Never!" he cried. He pulled out a cartoonish ray gun and fired it, sending out a sparky yellow ray of energy. Sailor Moon leapt out of the way and disarmed him quickly with Moon Tiara Action. Cortex looked at his emptied left hand. "Oh crud…" Just then, Crash fed him a knuckle sandwich. "Uff!" he bellowed as he bounced on his back. "Oh my head…" He rubbed it gently.

"That was unbelievably easy," said Sailor Moon. "I knew it would be."

From the shadows behind Cortex stepped forth Mystique.

"Okay… Nevermind."

Cortex looked back and let out a heave of relief. "Oh, Mystique, I am so happy you're here. I was getting rid of the bandicoot and the cheerleaders when –"

He was cut off again. This time by a backhanded slapped from Mystique that propelled him onto his shoulder.
"Shut up!" she barked, showing her teeth. "I have had it with these s**t villains!"

"You're not the only one," commented Sailor Mars.

"I've researched and watched how you get bested by a retard!" She pointed angrily at Crash. Crash gasped.

Aku Aku appeared right in Mystique's face. "That is a no-no word."

She gave him a civilized answer to his criticism by throwing him against the wall.

"He has a point, you know," Sailor Moon said, nervously at the sight of her rage. "You can't say that on most TV shows nowadays."

This blue vixen, this dark witch, was fuming with hatred. Her fists were clenched and shaking. Quietly, she said, "I have had it… APPEAR, Judgment of the Damned, Executioner Heartless!"

Spreading on the white tile like an ever growing spider's web of shadow, a vortex formed in the dead center of the room, spotlighted by the hazy lamps, which quivered from the dark energy. The shadows congealed into a filthy sludge. A large, sludge-coated hand erupted from the muck, fingers splayed. It slapped onto the tile floor and pushed up against it to left up the rest still in the shadows. Next, a hideous instrument, an enormous axe with a terrible, jagged edge and a huge hammer opposite the blade rose. Dried blood stained both the blade and blunt. What came next was still draped in black, for the head of the beast was covered in a bloodied, black cloth that was held in place by some of the nails that were jammed and still jutting out of his grey skin. A black butcher's smock hung over his fat gut while giving view to the Emblem of the Heartless in the middle of his chest. Blood, both dry and fresh, clung to his smock and elbow-length gloves. Each step he took out of the shadows brought with it the dark sludge clinging to the bottoms of his bare feet.

"Wow… You are pissed." Sailor Moon squeaked.

"Executioner, get rid of them all!"

"Clearly you don't mean me too, right?" Cortex said sheepishly.

Mystique didn't even look at him. "I'll kill the bandicoot and end this idiocy!"

The Executioner Heartless lumbered forth, dragging his monster of a weapon behind him as he walked.

"Do you have any plans?" Sailor Moon asked Sailor Mars nervously.

"Nope," she answered painfully. "We usually need a larger group to stop a Heartless of that caliber. Still, we can try. Burning Mandala!" She fired a round of fire rings.

Quickly, the Executioner took hold of his axe with both hands and brought it high into the air before slamming it down onto the ground, smashing through the fire rings before they struck him, and causing the ground to shake.

"This isn't good," said Mars.

Meanwhile, Mystique's viper strikes sniped Crash. That grin of his was no more. He was out of his league on this one, for he wasn't able to block or maneuver; he was left at her mercy. But, she seemed to be taking it slow, savoring over mark she left, every bruise, every laceration. He tried to punch once, but she caught his fist, gripping it cruelly and making the pain bring Crash to his knees, and then began to deliver repeated punches to his face over and over again, grunting each time with heated rage, "You stupid bitch," until she finally let him go. He stood, barely, on his wobbling legs. With a jab into his gut, Crash released and soundless gasp and a bit of blood. Her other hand came under his armpit. At the time she lifted him up above her head, the Executioner Heartless had raised his axe while the Sailor Soldiers were out of his range. Mystique threw him to the Executioner's feet. Crash just looked at him with a wide, terrified eye; the other eye was swallow from the Mystique's punches.

"Finish him, now!" she snarled.

The hammer came down.

"Crash!" cried Sailor Moon.

Suddenly, the hammer was swung to the left and smashed the floor, missing the target just barely. His right hand was at his face. Something had struck it. A lone rose stood on the ground next the Heartless.

"What?" exclaimed Mystique.

Quickly, Sailor Mars grabbed Crash and pulled him out of the Execution's range. "Look!" She called, pointing up.

Tuxedo Mask stood in the risers, watching over them. "The purity of an innocent mind should never be silence by the shades of hate. Together, virtues of good can repel the corruption. Sailor Moon, Sailor Mars: combine your powers to defeat that monster." He lifted up his cape and cloaked himself. "Until next time." He disappeared.

"Tuxedo Mask," Sailor Moon said dreamily.

"He's right. Sailor Moon, we need to hit him hard, one right after the other," Sailor Mars said quickly. "I'll hit him first with a new move I've been practicing." She faced the Executioner in stance and placed her arms crossed under her chin. "Hit right after this." Flames sprouted around her and bloomed above her head, twisting into a rope. "Mars Snake Fire!" The rope of flames came to life in the form of snake. The snake hissed and darted along the ground slithering speedily. The big and lumbering Heartless was not able to keep the fire snake from slithering up his legs, wrapping around his legs, growing longer as it travelled up and around the Heartless's body. Now, with the flaming snake wrapped around his body, searing his flesh, the snake opened his mouth, showing its fiery fangs, and then sank the fangs into the neck of the Executioner, causing the bite and the rest of the snake's body to explode in a burst of flames. "Now, Sailor Moon!"

"Okay!" Sailor Moon called. Her Cutie Moon Rod appeared in her hand. She waved it around elegantly, charging it up. "Moon Princess Halation!" A gorgeous crescent moon formed from golden light was released from the rod in an eruption of glittering sparkles.

The energy pierced the burning monster. Beams of light shout of other black figure. "Cleansing!" The Heartless cried as his body dissolved and the heart was released.

"We did it!" Sailor cheered, hopping with glee. She quickly switched to concern. "Is Crash okay?"

Sailor Mars was helping him sit up and surveyed his wounds. "He is fine, a little battered, but fine. Where is Mystique?"

Sailor Moon looked. "She's gone. Cortex too."

Aku Aku appeared. "Oh… my aching head… Uh, I'll be fine. Let's get out of here."

Back on N. Sanity Beach, Coco and Crunch were waiting outside of Crash's home for his return. They saw the four figures exiting the jungle: Sailor Moon, Sailor Mars, Aku Aku, and Crash leaning against Sailor Mars for support to walk.

Coco rushed to her big brother. "What happened to you? I've never seen you look like this before. Did that jerk Cortex do this to you?"

"It was Mystique," said Sailor Moon. "Once she got a hold of him, it wasn't pretty."

"However," said Sailor Mars, "he really proved to be quite a strong fighter nonetheless. He overcame Poison Ivy's poison; he outfoxed Hailey Quinn; and he wasn't killed by Mystique." Sailor Mars helped him to a reclined beach chair. Crash looked up at her and smiled sweetly without showing his big, white teeth. "He is a great guy." She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. That big, dumb toothy grin spread across his face and did his eyes roll up into dreamland.

"The villains got away," said Sailor Moon, "but we stopped their plan and have a squad on the way to shut down the facility. Everything should be safe now. Just keep your eyes open, and…" She pulled out a small communication device. "If you're in trouble, you know who to call."

"Thank you, Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars," Coco said with a big smile.

"We should be on our way," said Sailor Mars. "Take care."

As she and Sailor Moon walked to their ship, the two of them shared some laughs.

"That was one hell of a mission," said Sailor Moon joyfully. "I am glad it's over. Gosh, this will be a weird report to read."

"It wasn't so bad," said Sailor Mars. "We got to hang out together, just the two of us." She put her hand on Sailor Moon's shoulder. "You really pulled through a couple of times."

"You were great too," Sailor Moon chimed. "That new attack of yours is really scary and cool."

"You put me in the mood for cake. It would be great to relax after this mission together with some cake."

"You see. I can have good ideas."

The two laughed and returned to their ship, closer than before.