"Air Rifle"
Performed by Kenny McCormick
To the tune of "White Christmas"

Kenny walks glumly down the street in the afternoon. The setting grows dimmer and more desolate as soft music begins to play. Kenny, his voice fully muffled, begins to sing.

Kenny: (I'm dreaming of an air rifle
Just like I saw on my TV…
With a long barrel
I have an Aunt Cheryl
And you can't tell what I'm say-ing…)

A spotlight shines over Kenny and he gestures dramatically with his arms.

Kenny: (I'm dreaming of an air rifle
I'm also dreaming of big tits
My dick's so big it ha-ardly fits!
Your vagina's one skinny little bitch…)

[Key change]

Kenny: (I'm dreaming of an air rifle
I wish that I was seventeen!
When I get older
I'll get bolder
And start sleeping with chicks!)

Kenny: (I'm dreaming of Mila Kunis
With every wink I sleep at night!
May your boobs be perky and bright!)

The light instantaneously returns to normal. Kenny is standing in the middle of the street with his arms outstretched. Numerous children and adults are staring at him with expressions of confusion. Kenny lets out a nervous laugh, then finishes, the music joining him.

Kenny: (…And may all your Christmases be white…)

Kenny bows, then hurries away. One man claps awkwardly, but isn't joined, so he stops.