A/N I am working on the final chapter of Dance but here is a one shot for Safe Keeping in the meantime. Note the rating. This is just a bit of fun and fluff not my usual filthiness.
A Very Safe Christmas
"Are you kidding me? All I asked was for a week off." Fiendfyre shot over her head as she leaned against the stone statue in the middle of the Ministry. Hermione was not happy.
"We had it covered!" Draco popped up and fired off two stunners before ducking down again to avoid a slicing hex. The three were pinned down by the new big bad in the magical black market, led by a wizard named Zalo. They had put a few operatives in Ministry Customs and Enforcement and SRP had been hired by Kingsley to flush them out.
"If you had it covered I wouldn't have had Ron calling on Christmas Eve telling me you were in a fire fight in the middle of the Ministry of Freaking Magic. I have just spent eight bloody hours in line at Hamley's and now I am being shot at. You watch those bags I am circling around to flank them."
"What the hell is that thing?"
They could hear a shout from their left, "is that a Hokey Pokey Elmo? Please tell me you got more than one. I have been looking everywhere for them and they are sold out."
They looked over and saw a Harry moving up behind a pillar. She glared at Ron.
"Oh yeah I might have called Harry too. Hey don't look at me like that…there is like fifteen or twenty of them and he is a bloody Auror."
She screamed back to Harry, "I got four of them…Aunty Hermione is the best after all"
"How the hell did you do that?"
"She had home office hack the databases of every toy store in London and then put them on reserve. One of them is mine potter." Severus was up on the stairs of the security office and sent out reducto taking a piece out of the Ministry Nativity scene and sending rubble everywhere.
"Severus, I think you just took out Caspar. Try not to blow up the Ministry tonight. Honestly Ron! Did you call everyone in your contacts? You know we have elite forces of commandos you can just order up."
Severus peeked up shot a stunner out and ducked back down to cover, "No…it was Balthazar."
"Fix that will you."
He did a quick wave of his wand and there were three Wise men again.
"Oi! Excuse me." She could hear a shout from the other side of the lobby. "Do you mind focusing on the task on hand? It is a little disconcerting to be in a battle and having the other side talking about shopping and nativity scenes. Horrible for a blokes ego and all that."
She recognized the voice, "Scabior?"
"Of course luv. Did you miss me?"
She shot a glare at Harry who just shrugged.
"How the fuck did you get out"
"I am like a cat luv. I always land on me feet."
She rolled her eyes. "More like a donkey, always braying and always an ass."
"Well I do have one thing in common…size …my …"
She fired an Aguamenti drenching the wizard and stopping his sentence. Draco raised an eyebrow at her strange choice.
"I don't care how big his wand is and he said he is like a cat…cats hate water."
"Really? That's what you got?"
"I did mention the eight hours in line to get these Elmo dolls"
"Oi! Beautiful…I have to ask…what's an Elmo?"
"Muggle technology…worth a ton of galleons right now. We did a scan for all Elmos in the area and I know there is a truck heading over to Hamley's now stuffed with them. It will be in London in two hours time. You could probably make 10 or 20 thousand galleons selling the contents off tonight."
"Are you suggesting I rob a lorry for Christmas."
"If it will get me out of this fire fight and home to my wife and child absolutely. We can pick this up after Boxing day."
"Seriously…you will let us go."
"Eight hours for these bloody Elmos Scabior…yeah I am willing to deal with you another day."
"Hermione!" Harry looked at her like she was completely mad.
"You want these Elmos Potter….do what I say." She gave him 'the look'
"Fuck…yeah alright…there is a floo over by your men…jump through it and we will let you go."
Scabior accessed the floo and the fifteen odd villains made their way out of the Ministry.
"Hermione, we have spent months trying to flush them out and you just let them walk out the door and to go commit a robbery to boot." A very pissed of Minister of Magic was stalking up to her while wiping rubble off his robes.
"Relax Kings. When I had our techs hack the systems to find me Elmos it turned out half the bloody company was looking for them. We ordered up the truck."
She pulled out her phone and called tech, "Yo! Garcia. You know that truck of Elmos. Make sure two units of special forces have replaced the Elmos before it gets to London. Some rather dubious characters will be robbing it tonight. Make sure anyone called in gets an extra bonus…you included. Yes, yes, you are right as always, you are the goddess of all that is binary. Thank you"
All of the men in the lobby looked at her stunned.
"You hacked the system to steal a truck of Elmos" Draco asked incredulously.
"No. We hacked the system and ordered and paid for a truck of Elmos. It is ridiculous they are holding them back to create such a frenzy. Unfortunately my wife informed me I had to be home before seven to eat and that is well before we could get access to that truck so I had to go to Hamley's. Now if you will excuse me…my wife is now going to kill me for being late to dinner and I would like a proper Christmas shagging after spending that long in line for the red menace. Clean up Draco…you are late too."
She handed Harry two Elmos, gave one to Snape and walked over to the floo Draco in tow.
"Merry Christmas mates….And God bless us, everyone."